Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Spouse is an 'old school' internet user. He doesn't read blogs, have a MySpace or Facebook page, or belong to any listservs. He occasionally likes to chat (platonically) with gay bodybuilders in AOL chat rooms.

Yes, I wrote 'AOL chat rooms'. I told you he's old school.

I'm pretty much the opposite. I read lots of blogs, have a MySpace page, and get hundreds of email updates, jokes and stories a week from friends and family. (I only forward the ones I've never seen before.)

When we see each using the computer, we occasionally like to tease each other by saying with a straight face "I'm starting to get concerned about your addiction to online porn" when we see the other using the computer. Its not an accusation at all, its just a little joke we like to say, which usually results in a chuckle or two.

The other day he saw me in front of the computer reading David Dust's blog, which always has photos of lots of hot guys, in addition to David's hilarious reality show recaps. Spouse saw David's selection of hotties and said "I'm starting to get concerned about your addiction to online porn".

I replied "Its not porn, its David's blog." Spouse & I met David in NYC last Oct, so he knows David. "Oh, is that what you kids are calling it these days? David's blog?" he joked further, and I got a little chuckle out of it.

A few minutes later he walked by and saw me reading another blog. His curiosity piqued, he asked "Who's blog is that?" I told him it was cb's blog, and then excitedly added that cb had just gotten a new cat!

Trying a variation on our 'addiction to online porn' joke, Spouse declared "I'm starting to get concerned about your growing list of cyber pals". I replied "These people are NOT cyber pals, they're my friends. And while it may be true that I've never met most of them, I probably know more about their lives, and they about ours, than most of our real-life friends."

Spouse didn't say anything back, and just left me to my blog reading. As soon as I said those words, I wondered if they were really true. Do I know more intimate details of my blogger friends' lives than I do my real-life friends' lives? If so, is that a bad thing?

Everyone would surely agree that bloggers are more apt to share personal and intimate details on their blogs because most of their readers have never met them, and likely never will. Its easier to be honest and candid when typing to strangers than when speaking face-to-face with friends. This makes sense.

But I began to wonder why most of our real-life relationships weren't deep enough for us to feel comfortable sharing personal or intimate details with them. Are we 'shallow' because we don't discuss intimate things with our real-life friends? Do we not try hard enough to have intimate real-life friendships? Do people actually want to share that much with their friends, face-to-face?

Now I believe I have figured out a key to this. We do have some real-life friends with whom we share personal details about our life, but they are people we spend a lot of time with. We spend time with them 2-3 times a week, or 3-4 days in a row. Now it makes more sense to me. We're not shallow because we don't have intimate friendships with all our friends. We simply don't spend enough time with most of them for that kind of comfort level to develop. And there's nothing wrong with having 'close' friends and 'casual' friends.

So, to all of you blogger friends out there, I ask that you keep on sharing! And I will, too.

Crush du Jour: Jason Powell


Bob said...

Carlos has taken to calling me Mr. Blogger when I'm on the computer. And he, too, saw me reading David's blog and asked about the Hot Guy Website!

And as for theƁOL chatroom'old school line?
Carlos and I met in an AOL chatroom almost nine years ago.

So, is old school good school?
For us, yes!

David Dust said...

It's funny you posted this today - because I just got word from Google AdSense that I have been REJECTED from their advertising program because of "adult content"!!!

I'm a dirty pornographer!!! Maybe you should stop being my friend...


Anonymous said...

Yes some of the blogs have men on the mind all the time. Polt is one of those.

Hell, I know Keyron's been on xtube. I just do blogs because some of the more interesting material is on blogs. And I'm not talking about porn.

Rick said...

Time and place is a real issue when it comes to sharing. I don't think the office is a place to go and start telling all your business but I work with some that seem anxious to spill their gutts. On social outtings it often seems the time is spent talking of current events and personal things just in passing. I'm not very talkative. I don't have that gift of gab or charm like so many.
That's why I like blogs:it a bit easier to communicate. Plus, I love learning about others day to day routine in other places. I also LOVE the guy with the awesome abs. :)

Joy said...

I'm more personal with my close friends than on my blog. What I write on my blog is what I am comfortable letting all the different people who read mine know about since there are family members (close and not so close), friends, former co-workers and students, and my blog friends.

I feel very close to the friends I've made in Blogland and love sharing what's going on in our livevs. I missed you when I was without my computer last weekend and will again when I'm on vacation, etc. It's a wonderful way to get to know others and have contacts and real friends all over the world.

Joy said...

David, that surprises me about the ads. I think your blog is discreet and doesn't cross the "adult content" line since you have said you are careful about that because of Mama Bunny, the Queen Mother. Odd.

cb said...

AOL still exists???

And y'all know me well enough that you could come visit Minneapolis any time.

Mistress Maddie said...

You and spouse must be alot like the Boy-Toy and myself. I hear the same thing on this end. A very nice post and it has been fun getting to know each other on our blogs. And as always a nice Crush!

RAD said...

oh my---sounds so familiar.....Hubby and I go back and forth about this.....Keep sharing and I will do the same...You are a blogger buddy and I am proud and very happy you about it! xoxoxox E

Anonymous said...

I haven't really had anyone to compare to regarding my internet usage, but based on what I know about most of my friends, I am probably the only one who blogs. And there are times when I feel I may share more info than necessary, particularly when I re-read an entry I mat have posted the day before. And being a public official doesn't help. :-)

Jeff said...

Your addition to online porn just doesn't add up! ;)

Eddie said...

Wow. AOL chatting. Holy shiznit. That definitely takes me back.

Your male friend getting a bit jealous by saying he's concerned about your porn addiction just means that he really likes you. LOL

That was my Dear Abby.