3 years ago on this date

...Spouse & I had our civil union ceremony and reception!  Our civil union was converted into a marriage 18 months later when marriage equality came to DE.

However, we do not consider either of those dates as our anniversary.  We consider they day we met (May 26) as our anniversary.  But I did want to recognize the 3rd year of our legally-recognized union in the eyes of the State.

If you've been reading this for less than 3 years and want to read and see more about our ceremony and reception, please click on the following links to previous posts:

• ceremony
• flowers
• food
• cupcakes
• music

It was a wonderfully memorable evening!

Conversion

This is to let you all know that Spouse & I are no longer in a civil union.

We're married now!

A few weeks back Spouse got a call from someone in the benefits dept where he works (for the State) who told him that we could get a refund of some additional taxes paid since I am on his insurance if we were married.  

We had a civil union in 2012 when that became available to us, and I went on his insurance then.  This year full marriage became available (on the State level) but we did nothing about it.  We had the option to convert our civil union license to a marriage license, and if we did nothing, it would automatically convert in July 2014, so we felt no rush to convert it until we got the call from the benefits lady.

So we went to the courthouse, showed our civil union license, paid the $50 fee, and got our marriage license, all within 10 minutes.  There were no photos taken, no vows exchanged, no witnesses standing up for us.  It was rather anti-climactic.  Afterward we went to lunch and then Spouse went back to work.

An option given to us was how we were to be identified on the marriage license:  Party A and Party B, or Groom and Groom.  Without consulting Spouse who was sitting right next to me I exclaimed "Groom and Groom!"

Up to this point I always referred to Spouse as my partner.  But now that we are legally married I've decided to refer to him as my husband.  

For years I resisted using the word husband around straight people because I didn't want them to assume that I was the "wife".  You know how some straight people wonder 'which one of you is the man and which is the woman', a ridiculous question never asked of me, but I imagine still present in some people's minds.  But since same sex marriage has been in the news so much in the last few years I'm hoping that my use of the term husband will no longer illicit such thoughts, and whether it does or does not, I no longer care.  I am happy to refer to him as my husband.  

After 17 1/2 years I think I've earned the right.

Marriage equality in DE???

In 2011 Delaware enacted legislation for civil unions to begin in 2012.  While I believe full marriage equality is better, civil unions do provide the same rights are marriage in the state of DE, and it was thought that if civil unions were adopted, it might pave the way for full marriage equality. DE has a wonderfully supportive Governor in Jack Markell.  Over and over he has voiced his support for equality for all Delawareans.

True to his words, last Wed Gov Markell announced that he would introduce marriage equality legislation (HB75) to the Delaware General Assembly that day.  This is step #2 of the process.

Today, 1 week later, HB75 passed by a vote of 4-1 and is out of committee and goes to the House floor!  My friend and fellow blogger Ron gave testimony to the committee about his 49-year relationship which deserves to be legally recognized as a marriage.  That was step #3.

Ron of "Retired in Delaware" talks to the committee

The House is scheduled to vote on HB75 next Tues, 4/23 and the Senate shortly thereafeter, I think.   This is step #4.  If the bill passes, the only remaining step would be Gov Markell's signature, which will make it law.  This would make Delaware the 11th state to grant marriage equality to its citizens. 

Although Spouse & I have a civil union, I believe it will automatically 'convert' to a marriage in Delaware, as has been the case in many other states that started with civil unions before marriage.  I wonder if we will get a new marriage certificate in place of our civil union license?  

My sincere thanks go out to Equality Delaware for all their hard work and communication on this issue.  Stay tuned for more!

The wedding: music

As earlier posts indicated, while all the other elements of the wedding went very smoothly, the music was a proverbial thorn in my side.  First it was the repair and re-installation of the main control unit for our whole house sound system, which didn't take place until the morning of the wedding day.  Next it was the uploading of songs from our CDs and downloading of songs from the internet into 1 playlist.  

Then on the morning of the wedding the mp3 player would not play the playlist through the music system.  My friend Ted suggested we use my laptop instead, which seemed to work just fine.  But then we noticed that the playlist was skipping certain songs!  Fortunately Jason & Kevin came to our rescue and figured out why.

The final result was that we used my laptop, plugged into the main control unit of the whole house sound system, to pipe our playlist throughout the house for both the pre-ceremony time, the ceremony itself, and the entire reception.  It all worked out and sounded beautiful. 

Here's our playlist:

**Pre-ceremony while guests arrive

June in January                                           Julie London

I’ve Got a Crush on You                             Linda Ronstadt

Til There Was You                                      Sherry Petta

It Might As Well Be Spring                       Ella Fitzgerald

My Romance                                                Carly Simon

The Nearness of You                                  Accoustix

**Ceremony begins - music stops

We’ve Only Just Begun                              sung live by Christy

Time After Time                                          sung live by Ted

**Ceremony ends - music resumes

Finally!                                                          Ce Ce Peniston

Time After Time                                          Margaret Whiting

At Last                                                           Etta James

Misty                                                              Johnny Mathis

What Are You Doing Rest of Your Life?  The Real Group

Dancing Queen                                            Abba

Come Rain or Come Shine                        Bette Midler

You’d Be So Nice to Come Home To       Julie London

We've Only Just Begun                              Carpenters

Happiness is Just a Thing Called Joe     Judy Garland

Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square    Manhattan Transfer

Express Yourself                                         Madonna

Chances Are                                                 Johnny Mathis

Firework                                                       Katy Perry

Embraceable You                                       Sarah Vaughn

Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered       Laura Fygi

Day By Day                                                 Accoustix

All The Things You Are                            Ella Fitzgerald

Candy                                                           Manhattan Transfer

For Sentimental Reasons                         Linda Ronstadt

For Once In My Life                                  Stevie Wonder

Body and Soul                                            The Real Group

Moves Like Jagger                                    Adam Levine

I’ve Got the World on a String               Ella Fitzgerald

Can You Feel The Love Tonight            Elton John

I Got a Feeling/Tonight’s the Night     Black Eyed Peas

Skylark                                                       The Real Group

Love Shack                                                B-52s

It Had To Be You                                     Harry Connick, Jr

Macarena                                                   Los Dos Rio

Unfortgettable                                          Nat King Cole

Wind Beneath My Wings                       Bette Midler

Love Boat                                                   Dominic Hauser

I Won’t Last a Day Without You           Carpenters

Caught Up In The Rapture of Love      Anita Baker

You Are The Sunshine Of My Life        Stevie Wonder

Our Love is Here to Stay                        Julie London

Can’t Get Enough of Your Love            Barry White

Glory of Love                                            Bette Midler

How Sweet It Is                                        James Taylor

Holiday                                                      Madonna

When I Fall In Love                                Linda Ronstadt

L-O-V-E                                                     Nat King Cole

Truly, Madly, Deeply                              Savage Garden

Body and Soul                                          The Real Group

True Colors                                               Cyndi Lauper

Fever                                                          Peggy Lee

Oo-La-La-La                                             Teena Marie

Tuxedo Junction                                      Manhattan Transfer

Shake Your Groove Thing                      Peaches & Herb

Shadow of your Smile                             Astrid Gilberto

Crazy Little Thing Called Love              Queen

Out On a Limb                                          Teena Marie

I’m Coming Out                                        Diana Ross

I Have Nothing                                         Whitney Houston

Get Into The Groove                                Madonna

I Knew I Loved You                                 Savage Garden

If I Were A Bell                                         Teena Marie

Lucky Star                                                  Madonna

When Sunny Gets Blue                            Johnny Mathis

Livin’ La Vida Loca                                   Ricky Martin

Heart’s Desire                                            Manhattan Transfer

Yellow Diamonds                                      Rihanna

Sweet Love                                                 Anita Baker

This Time The Dream’s On Me              Ella Fitzgerald

Take A Chance On Me                             Abba

Girl From Ipanema                                  Astrid Gilberto

You’re The Top                                         Ethel Merman

Vogue                                                         Madonna

Someone To Watch Over Me                 Sarah Vaughn

DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love                       Usher

Stairway to the Stars                               Ella Fitzgerald

For All We Know                                      Bette Midler

Its De-Lovely                                             Ethel Merman

Until I Met You                                         Manhattan Transfer

Borderline                                                  Madonna

As you can see there was a mixture of older and current songs, ballads and up-tempo songs.  Obviously the running theme of the playlist was love and romance.  I was really happy with the way it turned out.  

As I heard the songs playing in the background the entire night I kept thinking "Oh, I love this song!", and then I'd remember that I created the playlist!

The wedding: cupcakes

When 1st discussing the details of our reception we thought we wanted a traditional tiered wedding cake.  Not too embellished, not to plain.  It was suggested that we look at photos of cakes to get an idea of what can be done, what we liked, and what we didn't like.  As usual, Spouse's taste went a little too far to the gawdy, and my taste was a little too traditional for him.

Then Spouse suggested decorated cupcakes.  Some could be traditional while others were more decorated.  Maybe we could get different flavors so guests would have a choice, or better yet - have more than 1.  I loved the idea!

So I gave a call to a local bakery called Cake Break and got some options and general pricing.  The owners Phil & Debbie invited us to come into the bakery for a private tasting 1 evening after they closed to the public, so we set it up.  We had lots of bites of different cupcake flavors and different frosting flavors.  Then we talked about set-up and other logistical details.  It was a great experience!

This is what we chose:

• yellow cake with ivory butter cream frosting, piped to look like hydrangea with tiny edible pale green pearls 
• devils food cake with chocolate sour cream frosting, topped with white chocolate starfish and tiny edible white pearls
• carrot cake with swirled cream cheese frosting, topped with milk chocolate seashells

Debbie delivered the cupcakes, set up the tower, and arranged everything in record time.  Spouse offered to help her carry things inside and she quickly said "NO - thank you.  If anything gets dropped its gonna be ME, not you dropping it", which made us both laugh.

On the top of the tower was an 8" chocolate cake topped with a 6" chocolate cake with butter cream frosting, piped to look like hydrangea with tiny pale green pearls.  Not only were all the cupcakes and cake topper absolutely gorgeous, they were absolutely delicious too!! 

Tomorrow:  the music.

The wedding: food

Although Spouse was convinced he could make the food for the reception, I convinced him not to do it.  "We're going to have enough things to do.  We don't need to add making the food and cleaning up afterward to our list.  Let's have the food made elsewhere.  I'm sure you'll thank me for this later" I told him.

So we ordered the food from a favorite lunch spot near Spouse's office simply named Patty's.  I'd never eaten there but Spouse has eaten there many times and was confident our food would be great. 

We had a trio of meatballs: Greek, Italian, and Thai.  Each came with its own dipping sauce.  The Greek meatballs had chunks of feta in them and were delicious alone, but when dipped in the basil sauce they were my favorite.  The Italian meatballs had a marinara sauce, and the Thai meatballs had a green curry sauce.  Incredible!  We also had marinated chicken skewers which again were terrific on their own, but when dipped in the peanut sauce or the chipotle sauce were out of this world!

We also had a quinoa and french lentil salad (left) with diced onion, tomato, and yellow and zucchini squash with a light vinaigrette, and pasta primavera (right).  Both were amazing.

The 1 element of the reception food Spouse did make (or assemble, if you will) was a Mediterranean platter consisting of hummus with olive oil and pistachios, baby carrots, pita triangles (not in photo), garlic stuffed green olives, and kalamata olives.

Then there was the bar, which consisted of Proseco (Italian champagne or sparkling wine), white and red wines, iced tea, regular and diet sodas, and bottled water.

Spouse had recommended Proseco over champagne because its a little sweeter than dry champagne and has an easy drinkability.  I checked this out with 2 liquor store employees and both recommended the same brand of Proseco which turned out to be delicious.  I can't believe there were no photos taken of me with a champagne flute in my hand because I feel like I had a glass of Proseco in my hand the entire night.  

An Italian's worst fear is that they'll run out of something when hosting a party and Spouse is no exception.  But we had more than enough food and drinks for our guests.

Tomorrow:  the cupcakes.

The wedding: flowers

Since I've ordered floral arrangements for Spouse's birthday many times I'm familiar with the cost.  The least expensive, smallest arrangement with 'ordinary' flowers will start at $25. and medium size arrangements with prettier flowers are $40. and up.  Since we wanted lots of flowers for the wedding we decided to order the flowers from the floral dept of a local grocery store and make our own arrangements.  Believe it or not, we got enough flowers to make 7 arrangements for $100.

I tend to favor arrangements with a simple (2 or 3-color scheme) and monochromatic arrangements so we ordered white hydrangeas, white alstroemeria with speckles of color, ivory roses, white, green, and lavender spider mums, and purple status.  That gave us a 3-color scheme to work with.  We had plenty of clear glass vases from previous arrangements I'd sent Spouse.  Our friend Bob agreed to help me put the arrangements together while Spouse ran a couple errands.

You can click on all the photos that follow to enlarge them.

This arrangement sat on the sideboard in the dining room and is passed by everyone going into the kitchen.  We used hydrangea, lavender spider mums, purple status, and ivory roses.  (The soup tureen on the left belonged to my grandmother.)

This arrangement sat on the left side of the piano and was made of hydrangea, green spider mums, and ivory roses.

This is the 'matching' arrangement which sat on the right side of the piano.

Here are both arrangements with the envelope from the bureau of marriage in the middle, flanked by wedding cards from Anne Marie in Philly and Dawn from work.

This arrangement sat on a side table next to the sofa and is made simply of 2 hydrangea and 2 ivory roses in a 'fish bowl' shaped vase.

This arrangement sat on the left side of the mantle and was made of hydrangea, alstroemeria, white spider mums, and ivory roses.  The photo on the left is Spouse's (deceased) father holding his grandson.  The photo on the right is me at approximately 6 years old.

This 'matching' arrangement sat on the right side of the mantle.  The photo on the left is Spouse at approximately 5 years old.  The photo on the right is Jordan and Pouncer staying warm in front of a heat register.

Here are both arrangements on the mantle.

This arrangement sat on a side table between 2 upholstered chairs and contains hydrangea, lavender spider mums, alstroemeria, purple status, and ivory roses.

We ended up with 4 left over ivory roses so I cut them at various heights and placed them in a bud vase which sits on an English tea cart (my grandmother's) next to the front door.  The photo in the red frame is Spouse & me on vacation in 2003, the one in the navy frame is the famous 'lone cypress' I took while on vacation in CA in 2000, the one in the gold frame is my cousin Nez and me in 2001, and one in the dark wood frame is Jordan taken in 2011.

 

When we returned from running errands Sat morning we were surprised to find this arrangement sitting on our front porch!  The card indicated it was from my colleagues at work.  I don't know all of the flowers in it but there are white lilies, white tulips, white alstroemeria, white hydrangea, and some flowers that look like orchids.  Can you believe how perfectly the colors fit in with the flowers Spouse & I had ordered?  These were placed on the coffee table in front of the sofa.

Later as we were setting up the chairs for the ceremony came a knock at the door.  A deliveryman handed me this lovely arrangement from our friends Kim and Bob, which got the most compliments from guests.

The gorgeous scent of the flowers filled the living room where the ceremony took place and gave our home a cheerful, spring look.  We couldn't have been happier with the flowers even if we had paid hundreds of dollars for a florist to create them.

Tomorrow:  the food.

The wedding: ceremony

For the ceremony Spouse & I chose to wear suits we already owned, with new matching green shirts and similar but not matching ties.

Our friend Chris officiated the ceremony, delivering the following which Spouse & I wrote:

Joe, Mark, Friends… this day has been a long time coming, but I’m sure I speak for us all by saying we’re all very happy to be here with you this evening to celebrate your civil union.

Joe, I know that the idea of having this ceremony seemed a little odd to you at first, since you and Mark have been together for nearly 16 years.  You’ve been through a lot with each other, and having a civil union, which is the legal equivalent to marriage in Delaware, seemed unnecessary to you at first.  But with the passing of some time and the spirit of compromise, you are standing here beside him and before your friends this evening.

In fact, it seems to me that compromise over the passing of time has been a real theme in your relationship. I’d like to spend a few moments and take your friends on a little journey back in time, starting with the night you met.

As I understand it, you two met at a night club in DC.  You were introduced by acquaintances you’d just met that night. When Mark met you he thought “This is the most handsome man I’ve ever seen!”  And when it was time to say goodnight, Joe offered his phone number to Mark and asked him to call the next morning.  Just a few hours later, Mark called, the two of you talked for a while, and set up your first date for just a few hours later.  You two worked fast!

Joe had been casually dating for a while and was looking to meet someone special. Mark had very recently become single and was just looking to date.  The timing didn’t appear to be correct for the two of them, but they decided to see where it might lead. 

After talking on the phone the following morning, Joe and Mark met for coffee in the afternoon, which turned into dinner that evening. Two days later they had their 2^nd date, and 2 days after that they had their 3^rd date.  Three dates in five days!  And then you two hung out together the entire weekend.  It was clear that something new and good had just begun.

Christy sings “We’ve Only Just Begun”

After spending most of your free time together that summer, you two moved into together in October.  Your first home together was a small 50-year old Cap Cod, a foreclosure in need of a lot of TLC.  Joe, you thought “this is the greatest place ever!” while Mark, you had other thoughts.  You had recently lived in a much newer 3-story townhome.  And the day after you moved in together, Joe’s best friend, her girlfriend, and their two dogs moved in with you!!  Clearly the situation required more compromise for both of you.

A year or so later when the friends moved out, Joe wanted a dog of his own.  But Mark is allergic to dogs, so there was another opportunity to find a way to compromise, and Jordan the dog and Pouncer the Wonder Cat joined your happy family.

Then after visiting Rehoboth & Lewes for several years, you two decided you wanted to live here.  Mark was able to bring his job with him and work from home, but Joe had to find a new job, and took one in a somewhat unfamiliar area:  the Children’s Mental Health department.  This was another time when compromise was needed.

Then when Mark was laid off and decided to become a realtor, his working on weekends was yet another opportunity to compromise, since you both were used to spending weekends together.

Mark likes HGTV, while Joe prefers QVC.

It seems that time after time, you two have risen to the challenges that Life has thrown your way, and although you may think or feel differently about things at times, you’ve always found a way to compromise and make it work.

Ted sings “Time After Time”

As long as I’ve know you two, you’ve always worn matching gold bands on the wedding ring finger of your left hand.  I understand you placed these rings on each other’s fingers on the first anniversary of the night you met.  But at this time I’d like to ask that you remove your rings and place them in my hand.

Wedding rings are the shape of a circle and are a symbol of eternity, having no beginning and no end, just like Time.  They are an instantly recognizable sign to strangers and friends that the wearers are married.

Joe, will you please place Mark’s ring on his wedding ring finger.

Do you, Joseph choose Mark to be your partner, Spouse, and husband in the eyes of the State of Delaware and these witnesses today, as you did in your heart years ago?

Joe says “I do.”

Now Mark, will you place Joe’s ring on his wedding ring finger.

Do you, Mark choose Joseph to be your partner, Spouse, and husband in the eyes of the State of Delaware and these witnesses today, as you did in your heart years ago?

Mark says “I do.”

By the authority vested upon me by the State of Delaware and the internet, it is now my honor to pronounce you Partners in Civil Union, or… MARRIED.  You may now kiss your husband.

Tonight’s celebration continues with refreshments and drinks.  Food is on the kitchen peninsula and  drinks are on the kitchen table.  Joe & Mark invite you to grab a plate and a drink and sit or stand where ever you like.  And later we’ll have cupcakes!  Enjoy.

Tomorrow: the flowers.

Friday fragments

Welcome to Friday fragments, my weekly recap of topics too big to forget, yet too small to be their own post.

I saw this on facebook and it cracked me up!

Spouse & I were both off today.  We ran a bunch of errands and then met up with our buddies Steven, Bob, and Joe P for lunch at Saketumi.  We actually ordered desert after lunch and this is what we got:

Our waiter, Anthony, overheard us talking about tomorrow's wedding and surprised us with this.

Its hard to believe that our "big day" is tomorrow night!  I feel pretty confident about everything so I'm not nervous... except for that darned main control unit.  The electrician didn't get it back until nearly 7pm, so he's coming tomorrow morning - as in the day of the wedding - to reinstall it.

Tonight we met up with Steven & Thad and Joe P for our 'bachelor party' dinner.  Actually, they treated us to dinner at the local diner which was a perfect way to relax with our buddies the night before the big day.

Flowers

Tomorrow Spouse & I will pick up the flowers we ordered.  Our friend Bob is coming over to help me turn them into arrangements.  Without giving away too much, here is a little peek into some of what we'll be working with:

Stay tuned!!!

More music mayhem

As if the situation with the main control unit of our whole house sound system weren't enough to keep my nerves on edge, this week I learned that the friend who agreed to sing at the wedding can't make it and the person who was going to create my music playlist on my mp3 player can't do it.  Its more music mayhem!

It seems so odd to me that everything else has gone smoothly, the food, the cupcakes, the flowers, the RSVPs, but the music element keeps trying my patience.

The singer was accidentally double-booked and felt obligated to the 1st commitment which obviously wasn't our wedding.  The playlist creator suddenly became super-busy and didn't have time to upload songs from our CDs and download songs from the internet to put together the playlist.

But we were determined to succeed.

I called my friends Christy & Todd, explained the situation, and asked if they would consider singing at the wedding despite the short notice.  In the spirit of true friendship, they agreed.

Then I decided to tackle the playlist myself.  I uploaded all the songs from the CDs we own, then created an iTunes account so I could download the songs I didn't already have.  Since the iTunes songs are in a different format I drew on a friend's knowledge and figured out how to change the file format to match the uploaded songs.  Then I arranged the songs into the desired order and VOILA!

With new singers and a new playlist ready, I'm just waiting on the darned control unit to arrive.

Weekend highlights

I don't have much to say about this weekend.  I worked both Sat & Sun and we went out to dinner both nights.  How thrilling, right?

My blog content has been suffering lately because I've been preoccupied with this wedding business.  Not so much the wedding itself, but related stuff, like the music system in our house.  

There are 6 rooms with doorbell/intercom/speaker units in them, with 1 of them being the master control unit, and 2 other rooms that just have speakers but no intercoms.  This allows us to speak through the intercom to people who ring the bell and to people in other rooms of the house.  It also allows us to play the radio or CDs on the main control unit and pipe the music throughout the entire house.  

I plan to plug in my mp3 player into the main control unit to have music throughout the house for the wedding and reception immediately afterward.

But the master control unit quit working so we had an electrician come out a few weeks ago to fix it.  He ordered some part and then came back a week later and replaced it but the unit still did not operate correctly.  He decided the only thing he could do was pull the unit out of the wall and send it back to the manufacturer to diagnose and repair it.

A week ago I contacted the electrician's office and let the receptionist know that it was extremely important that the unit be fixed and reinstalled prior to Sat the 28th because we were hosting a reception in our home.  She promised to contact the manufacturer to inquire about the status of the unit.  The next day she said they agreed to move it to the top of the queue.  Today I contacted her again to say I was really getting nervous since we are about 5 days out.  She said it was due back on Fri. 

Hmmm... nothing like cutting it close.

Friday fragments

Welcome to Friday fragments, my weekly recap of topics too big to forget yet too small to be their own post.

We're 1 week out from our civil union/wedding and reception, and I must admit to being both excited and nervous at the same time.  Despite farming out as much of the 'work' as possible (food, cake, cleaning) we still have a lot of little things to do.  But I'm sure it will all work out and be beautiful.

I saw this on facebook and busted into laughter!

My friend Bob sent me this because he knew I'd love it.

This is so true!!  I'm surprised how many of my old high school friends who were no angels in high school have become ultra 'Christians'.

A little political humor with a lot of truth.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!