Organized

I am really attracted to and drawn to organization.  I always have been, for as long as I can remember.  As a kid I always kept my room neat and my closet organized.  As an adult I've always kept my clothes organized, which also saves time in addition to looking nice.  My pants are hung together, my long-sleeve button up shirts are hung together, my short-sleeve shirts are hung together, my pull-overs are hung together, you get the point.  I always know where to look when I go to put on something specific.

Living with Spouse for the past 20+ years has presented challenges to my love of living in an organized home.  He is the opposite of organized.  He never knows where anything is because he never puts things away in an organized way.  Its not so bad when it comes to our shared closet, which is very large.  I have my organized side and he has his disorganized side.

The kitchen is a different story.  We both use the kitchen and its contents so I'm often frustrated when I look in the cabinet where something is supposed to be (ie: vegetable oil in the baking cabinet) and its not there.  Another frustration is the spice/herb storage.  To the left of the microwave is a tall, narrow cabinet with 2 shelves.  The spices and dried herbs are in 2 baskets, 1 on each shelf.  Spouse will grab what he needs at the time, then just randomly toss them back into 1 of the 2 baskets.  This means when we need something, we have to look through all of the items in both baskets until we find it, which wastes time, and also makes it impossible to know if you're running out of something.  

Thus, every Thanksgiving Spouse doesn't know how much poultry seasoning we have at home because it would take too long to look through the disorganized bottles to find it/them, so he just buys another one at the store.

And we end up with this -->

Yes, 5 opened containers of poultry seasoning.  And, poultry seasoning was not the only duplicated spice/herb, but it was most duplicated.  Several others had opened duplicates as well.

So yesterday, on my day off, I added "organize spice/herb baskets" to my to-do list.  1st I lined them up in alphabetical order on the counter.  Next I consolidated the duplicated seasonings to reduce the total number of containers.  I was able to consolidate the 5 poultry seasonings down to 3, and did the same with others.  Then I placed them back in the baskets in alphabetical order.

When Spouse got home I explained what I'd done and told him I was holding him accountable for keeping them alphabetized and organized.  I threatened physical violence against his person should he revert to his old habit of randomly tossing the containers into the baskets, although we both knew that to be an empty threat.  Hopefully he got the point though.

Say 'Yes' night

The apartment in which we stayed in Montreal had Netflix.  Each night before going to bed we wanted to watch a little TV and ended up watching episodes of "Grace & Frankie" on Netflix.  It wasn't great but it was cute and often funny.

In an episode Lily Tomlin's character Frankie suggests to Jane Fonda's character Grace that they have a "say 'yes' night".  On such night the answers to all questions is 'yes', regardless of who is asking and what they're asking.  Frankie thinks this is the cure to Grace's boredom in her newly single life.  As you can imagine, Grace is simultaneously frightened and excited by the idea of going out in public and having to answer 'yes' to every question.  Imagine the possibilities!

This got me thinking about the feasibility of a "say 'yes' night".  After 19+ years together, mine & Spouse's life is rather predictable.  Most days are pretty much the same.  We go to work, come home and take the dogs out, eat dinner, watch TV, and go to bed.  On Fri & Sat nights we eat out with our friends.  But imagine what could happen if we committed to a "say 'yes' night"!

We might start by going to dinner where the server would ask "Would you like to start with a cocktail or glass of wine?"  We'd have to answer 'yes'.  After dinner he might ask "Did you save room for dessert?"  Whether we did or not would be irrelevant - we'd have to answer 'yes'. 

While Spouse would likely be ready to go home after dinner and watch TV until bedtime, I would instead ask him "Would you like to go for a ride and look at Christmas lights and decorations?"  He'd be obliged to say 'yes'.  But after being 'tricked' like that, he may realize that 2 can play that game, and ask me "When we get home would you like to watch the home shopping channels with me?" to which I'd regrettably have to answer 'yes'.

I think for it to REALLY get exciting you have to agree to stay out of the house and around other people for several hours who would potentially ask you questions.

"Do you want another cocktail sir?"

"Would you like to dance?"

"Let's go skinny dipping!"

"How about some shots?"

"Wanna touch my monkey?"

Imagine the possibilities!

Mood indigo

My weekend was kind of backwards.  Typically I work on Saturdays and am off (most) Sundays, but this weekend I was inexplicably scheduled off on Sat and scheduled to be in the office on Sun.

Although off Sat I did actually meet with a client and showed her 2 townhomes between 10-11:30, then headed home.  I was hoping Spouse & I could take advantage of this oddity of my schedule and do something fun or different, but didn't care for any of my ideas for things to do during the day.

I suggested that we might check out a comedy show that night that my clients had earnestly recommended.  "They said it was hilarious" I told him.  He countered back by asking if they were old, white, straight people.  I confirmed they were indeed all of the above, to which he said "no thanks".

That's when it started.

I said "You know, days like this make me frustrated.  I'm off on a Sat and I suggest we do something fun or different but you don't want to.  I suggest a comedy show that comes highly recommended, but you don't want to.  In fact, nearly every time I suggest things to do, you don't want to.  You never want to do anything other than eat out and watch TV."

"We went to the movies Fri night!" he countered.  "Yes, because I told you I wanted to see that movie about 2 dozen times before it even came out.  And when was the last time we went to the movies prior to that?"

Silence.

"I've suggested trying out Furst Friday, happy hour, karaoke night, concerts, plays, and you reject them all.  You bailed on me for Deb's birthday party and for Tim & Randy's holiday party, so I ended up going alone.  Staying home and watching TV is fine sometimes, but I don't want to forgo all social activities to do that."

"Fine.  I don't care anymore" he responded.

"What does that mean?  You don't care about what?"

Silence.  He was finished listening and talking.  The discussion was over.  He shut down.

While 'opposites' may 'attract', they don't necessarily cooperate or compromise.  I guess I have been feeling lately that I am the only one doing any cooperating or compromising.  

So we left each other alone for the rest of the day to languish in our mood indigo.  Around 6pm Steve texted to see if we wanted to go out to dinner, so we did.  

I knew Spouse would get over his anger with me, and I would get over my frustration with him.  But those things needed to be said.  I needed him to know how I am feeling, that I'm not satisfied to sit at home every night.  I want to try new things.  Maybe they'll be great fun and maybe they'll be duds, but at least we got out there and tried them.

Bravo Bravia

About a month ago our expensive, 52" Toshiba Regza LCD HDTV developed a wide multi-color bar down the middle of the screen.  It wasn't some phantom change in one of the settings.  It was just plain "broke".

This really pissed me off because the TV is only 5 years old and was their top-of-the-line model.  I really expected this TV to become obsolete before it broke.  So much for paying extra for the name brand that will last forever.  Conversations with multiple 'techy' friends confirmed there was no fixing the TV.

For the past month we've had to compromise and watch the same shows (gasp!) while we looked at different models, compared prices, and decided which features we thought we'd use and which we wouldn't.  For instance, the rage now is internet-enabled TVs or 'smart' TVs.  Our friend Joe P has one.  He's a super 'techy' guy and loves all kinds of gadgets.  But Spouse & I decided we did not want to pay the considerably higher price for an internet-enabled TV.  We find it very easy to stream movies from my laptop by popping the TV's USB cable into my laptop.  We really just want a good, clear picture and decent sound.

So after an exhaustive online search we ended up buying at 50" Sony Bravia LCD HDTV.  

Although the screen is 2" smaller than our previous TV, the total size of the TV is about 6" smaller because the new TV has a much smaller bezel/frame.  The new TV is also thinner, about 1/2 the weight of the previous TV, and less than 1/2 the cost.

Swapping out the previous TV for the new one as very easy, especially when compared to the ordeal we went through when we got rid of our old behemoth box TV 5 years ago.

So domestic bliss has returned to our household since I can once again watch all my HGTV shows and Spouse can once again watch all 3 home shopping channels and reruns of The Sopranos.

Life is as it should be.

14 and counting

Yes, its true, boys and girls. Today is mine & Spouse's 14th anniversary.

Straight couples count their anniversary from their wedding day. Some gay couples count their anniversary from when they moved in together. We count our anniversary from the day we met, which is very close to when we moved in with each other. Either way, today we mark the completion of our 14th year of domestic bliss.

We don't have any special plans today. In the early years we used to buy each other gifts and plan special activities, but over the years our anniversaries have become simpler, more quiet celebrations. So both of us went to work today, as usual. He has his weekly personal trainer appointment after work but will be back home by 7:30. Maybe we'll go out to eat and for a walk on the boardwalk, 2 of our favorite pastimes.

Just in case you're a sentimental sap like me, you may enjoy reading about how we met.

I thought it might be kind of fun to share with you a few photos of us over the years. (But don't look too closely or you'll see all of our weight fluctuations.)

This one was taken in 1997, about a year after we met. Look how dark Spouse's hair and goatee are!! I look like Sears catalog model in this one.

This one was taken in Dec 2002, at my company holiday party. Note the Cosmo in my hand!

This was taken on my 40th birthday in Dec 2003. Spouse surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas and we flew out to the Grand Canyon one day while we were there.


This one was taken in June of 2005 (I think) at a friend's wedding. I like this photo because I think it looks the most like 'us'.

This was taken in 2008, near our house.

This was taken last summer, 2009, at an outdoor restaurant nearby.

Has every day been a picnic? No, but that's the thing about relationships: you're not supposed to measure them by the fights or disagreements, but rather, by the love.

Crush du Jour: Joel Smith

New toy

I've mentioned before that Spouse loves him some kitchen gadgets!

Over the years we have had a bread maker, an ice cream maker, an iced tea maker, an immersion blender, a food processor, a KitchenAid stand mixer, a Nesco roaster oven, a countertop convection oven, a belgian waffle maker, an electric skillet, an electric griddle, a George Foreman electric grill, an electric knife, a stand blender, a toaster oven, a Turbo Cooker, a pizelle maker, a hand-held electric mixer, and an electric pressure cooker. To his credit, he has used every one of these gadgets, at least once. When we moved I convinced him to pair down his collection since our new house does not have a pantry, and he acquiesced.

But for quite some time now I could tell he's been jonesin' for the GT Xpress 101. He's made me watch the infomercial with Kathy Mitchell (I didn't even have to look up her name) 101 times at least, and hinted that he'd really like to have one. I, of course, gave him my famous look that, without words, says to him "Really? You really want another one-use gadget?"

But after the purchase of Big Ella I have a much harder time giving him that 'look'. I mean, why should I deny him a $30. occasional use kitchen gadget after I spent thousands on an occasional use vehicle? Mmmyeah.

So, this past weekend when he brought up his desire for the GT Xpress 101 (which he calls the XP-90), I kept my 'look' to myself and simply said "If you want it, dear..."

That was all he needed to hear. Suddenly the housecleaning, dogwalking, and everything else could wait; we were going to the kitchen gadget store, presumably before I changed my mind!
As soon as we got it home, he excitedly tried out the 'XP-90' by making us lunch. It worked fine, but only makes enough for one person to eat at a time. So we both ate a 1/2 while the 2nd batch was cooking.

Spouse was so happy with the purchase, and I believe, even happier that I didn't give him my 'look'. In an uncharacteristic moment he said "Thank you for letting me buy this", to which I replied "Letting you? You sound like I'm the evil step parent". But I knew what he meant, which was 'Thank you for not making an issue out of this, even if I only use it 3 times'.

Later that night he made part of our dinner in the 'XP-90', as well as our breakfast on Sun, and part of our dinner last night. He's already broken his typical usage pattern, so that's good.

In a way I feel like I 'let go' of something I didn't need to hold onto. My nature is to purchase and use things that have more than one purpose and that I am certain I will use regularly. But that is not Spouse's nature. He enjoys the unique purpose of individual gadgets, and that's fine. So although it is me who will need to find a place to store all the rarely used gadgets, is that really so important that I have to give him the 'look'?

No, not anymore.

So I 'let go' and let Spouse get his 'XP-90'. He's happy, and so am I.

Crush du Jour: Victor Luca

The heat is (not) on!

It had been going on for a few weeks. We'd hinted at it several times in our daily banter. But eventually, it had to come out. And I was the one to finally bring it up.

"It is too damn cold in this house!"

Perhaps I should start at the beginning.

When we moved to his house in Jan 07 it was the 1st time we had a house with a buried tank of (propane) gas to fuel the furnace. Our previous homes had metered gas, for which you'd pay monthly according to your usage. With a buried tank, the gas company fills the tank (which should last the entire winter) and sends you a bill for your entire winter's heating cost at once.

In our case, the 1st bill was $860. WTF??? Apparently, the builder of our home had only put enough gas in the tank to minimally run the heat, so it was near empty when the gas company came to fill it.

Of course, we'd just bought the house and had paid $4,000. to have all our stuff moved here, and really hadn't planned on a bill of $860. It couldn't have come at a worse time, financially.

Then 6 weeks later the gas company returned to refill the tank, and sent us a bill for $580. WTF??? I believe this is the root cause of the situation in which I find myself now.

So, Spouse remembers those 2 ferocious gas bills, only 6 weeks apart, at a time when we could afford them the least, and has decided that this year we should not run the furnace. Instead, he wants us to run electric space heaters.

He's like one of those people who grew up during the Depression who now saves every little scrap of aluminum foil.

Now, I'm not opposed to using an electric space heater for supplemental heat. After all, during the day I am working in just one room, my office, for 8 hours. Why heat the entire house to a comfortable temperature when I'm only going to be in that one room? So I have been using an electric space heater in my office during the day, and its been fine.

But Spouse keeps turning the thermostat on the furnace down to 60 degrees - 60 degrees! - and turning on electric space heaters in the TV room and living room. The electric space heaters generate enough heat and are close enough to the thermostat to 'trick it' and keep it from turning on the furnace. In other words, he wants to use the electric space heaters - not as supplementary heat, but - to heat the entire house!

This wouldn't seem so astonishing if we lived in a 1,700 or even 2,000 square foot house, all on 1 level. But we live in a 3,770 square foot house on 3 levels.

I'm relatively comfortable in my office with the electric space heater on high, but when I walk out of the room to use the bathroom, eat lunch, get the mail, etc. its like I just walked into a meat locker. Its too damn cold in here! He's driving me crazy!

He claims its "more efficient" to heat with electricity than with gas. I countered that its also more efficient to wash the dishes by hand than use the dishwasher, or to light the house with candles than with electricity, but I didn't seem him doing any of that! And ironically, after the sale of our previous house in Sept. we are more able to afford the gas bill now than we were before.

Currently I have on jeans, shoes and socks, a thermal pull-over, and a flannel button-up shirt and my nose and hands are still cold. Remember, I'm wearing all this indoors!

At night when we're watching TV we both have on flannel pajama pants, t-shirts, and socks and then we both cover ourselves from head to toe with blankets. It just gotten ridiculous.

This morning after he left for work I turned the thermostat back up to a reasonable temperature. But I'll have to make sure I remember to turn it back down before he comes home in order to avoid an altercation.

See what my life has been reduced to? Reminding myself to turn the thermostat back down before 'Frosty' gets home from work. Sigh.

Fortunately for me, his family will be arriving tomorrow night for the Thanksgiving holiday, and I know he won't make his family live in such frigid temperatures. His mother, god bless her, is a very active 79 year old, but she's always cold. She keeps her thermostat even higher than I like it. So I know Spouse will have to raise the thermostat during his mom's visit.

I may actually thaw out.

Oh, and to add insult to injury? Our fireplace is gas, too.

Crush du Jour: Lee Pappas

Friday fragments

Last Sat it was 70 degrees during the 'Join the Impact' rally. 4 days later it was 33 degrees and we had snow flurries. We are getting snow flurries again today. I suppose it is that time of the year.

Work has been super-busy this week. One of my colleagues is "no longer with the company", and when our manager and other colleagues tried to transition her work, they found all kinds of 1/2 done stuff and stuff that should have been done but wasn't. They found all kinds of hand written notes on her desk with various bits of client information. Yeah, a real mess. So I have been trying best I can to help out with the clean-up.

Since work has kept me busy non-stop during work hours, I've not been able to visit and comment on many blogs. I was going to do it last night, but Spouse got a little irritated so I didn't. "You're on the computer all day long. How can you be on there at night too?" I'm sure this seems like a logical argument to him, but not to me. Using a computer for work and using a computer to visit and comment on blogs are 2 entirely different things to me. Anybody else's spouse give them a hard time about evening/night computing?

This weekend weekend we'll be preparing for having company over the Thanksgiving weekend. We need to do a super duper housecleaning, go grocery shopping, make the guest room beds up, and be sure that guest baths have towels, TP, soap, etc. Real exciting stuff!

On Sat we're going to glass art show and sale. Our friend and glass artist Deb Appleby is having her annual holiday open house. Last year be bought this as our Christmas gift to each other.
I doubt we'll buy anything this year, but it is always great to look at all her beautiful glass work.

The garage called today regarding my baby's check-up. I gave them the go-ahead to proceed with the work. It'll be at least a week before she's ready, because the new exhaust has to be special ordered and then shipped to the garage. But I can be patient because I know when she comes home she'll be purrin' like a kitten.

Crush du Jour: Bryan Thomas

Sitcom or Reality?

Let's play a fun little game called "Sitcom or Reality?" Here's how it works: I'll describe a situation and you tell me whether its a plot from a sitcom or the reality of my life.

Ready? Here we go.

'Mike' and 'John (not their real names) finally decide to enter the 21st century by replacing their 20-year old, boxy 19" TV with a big, sleek hi-def flat screen.

Actually, the boxy 19" is being replaced with their existing boxy, extremely heavy 32", which is currently in their 3rd floor family room. The sleek, new flat screen will replace the 32" extremely heavy TV in their 3rd floor family room.

Being the 'organizer' that he is, Mike tells John they must first move the 19" boxy TV from the TV stand onto the floor of their main level TV room so they'll have a place to put the boxy, extremely heavy 32" that's coming downstairs from the 3rd floor.

With me so far?

So they move the 19" onto the floor, then go up the 2 flights of stairs to the 3rd floor to get the boxy, extremely heavy 32". Okay, here's where the funny part begins. When they go to move the boxy, extremely heavy 32" they realize it is WAY too heavy pick up!!! (Insert uproarious laughter here.)
As John begins cursing, Mike tries to think of a solution. Too bad they didn't buy those shoulder strap thingies as seen on TV when they saw them. But Mike had figured they'd never use them. When would he or John ever need to haul a refrigerator or a heavy TV? Oh, that's right. They've done BOTH within the last 2 years!
John suggests it would be easier to remove the window screen and shove the boxy, extremely heavy 32" out the 3rd floor window and buy another TV for that room.

But then, Mike thinks he's got the solution! He remembers that when they had to move those 2 (yes, 2) refrigerators they'd bought a hand truck, which really helped a lot. Since Mike had worked in a warehouse a thousand years ago he as all too familiar with how to use a hand truck. So Mike and John go down both flights of stairs to the storage closet to get the hand truck.

Okay, here's where its about to get really hilarious again... When Mike finally wrestles the hand truck out of the storage closet, he finds one of the tires is flat!!! (Insert gut-wrenching laughter here.)

John becomes just as deflated as the tire, while Mike scratches his chin (not really, but that phrase conveys a thoughtful attitude) while trying to think of a 'Plan C'.

"We can still use the hand truck, even though one of the tires is flat and the other is very low." Once again drawing on his past hand truck experience, Mike continues "It will be harder to roll, but it will be easier than trying to carry that monster." Just like the Hardy Boys, they nod in agreement and carry the hand truck back up the two flights of stairs.

They slide the behemoth off the TV stand and onto the hand truck, then pad it with a blanket to protect the screen. Mike pushes down on the hand truck while John lifts from the underside to get the weight onto the (flat) tires.

Okay, here comes another crazy-funny part... Before they can even start to move the awkward TV, the hand truck's (flat) tires get caught up in a scatter rug!!! (Insert boisterous belly laughs now!)

This time it is Mike that begins cursing, since it was John's idea to buy that stupid little scatter rug (that Mike felt didn't match) in the first place. They struggle for what feels like hours to free the (flat) hand truck tire from the rug. "Finally!" Mike exclaims.

The duo gets the unstable TV across the room to the top of the stairs. Mike says that he'll continue 'driving' the hand truck, what with all his hand truck experience and what not, and suggests that John go down the stairs backwards in front of the TV to stabilize it. John looks at Mike with a 'hello, NO!' look on his face, but realizes he is sorely lacking in hand truck experience, so he silently concedes.

They begin the decent down the stairs, slowly, one at a time, and are a little relieved that it is going well so far. Mike decides to bolster John's confidence by making occasional encouraging remarks, such as "That's it... you're doin' great."

John responds with a not-so-encouraging "Shut up." They continue their decent, slowly, one stair at a time. When they get to the bottom Mike can't help himself, and exclaims "That was great! We're half way there!" John groans.

Another throw rug is kicked from the hallway into a bedroom to prevent the hand truck from becoming ensnared again. They glide down the hallway, turn the corner, and stop at the top of the second stair case they must navigate.

"Its not going to fit", John says in his ever-so-charming 'glass-is-half-empty' way.

"Its got to fit", Mike responds. "This stair case is the same size as the one above it that we just came down." But as they began their decent onto the top stair, it becomes evident that somehow John was right, and they are going to have to pull the hand truck back up onto the landing.

"We're gonna have to put it on a blanket and slide it down the stairs", John laments.

"WHAT??? Slide it down the stairs???", Mike asks incredulously. "Don't you think that would be kind of like sliding a gigantic boulder down the stairs?" There's silence for a few seconds until Mike comes up with 'Plan D'.

"Let's turn it around a quarter turn, so its longer than it is wide. It will fit down the stairs if we do that" he says confidently. "But you're going to have to hold the side so it doesn't tip over, because its going to be much heavier on one side than the other." John grumbles but agrees to try it.

Okay, prepare for another hysterical part here... After turning the TV a quarter turn on the hand truck, Mike is unable to push the handle down because he's backed up against a bookcase - the very bookcase that John never wanted put in the landing to begin with!!! (Insert wild guffaws here.)

So, after sliding the bookcase out of his way, Mike gets the weight of the TV back onto the hand truck and he and John begin their decent down the second stair case, slowly, one step at a time. This time Mike resists the urge to utter encouraging comments until they get to the last step.

"Only one more step and then we swing 'er around to the left" he says. And just as the hand truck drops from the last step onto the floor, the TV starts twisting. Mike's eyes become as big as saucers as he realizes there's nothing he can do. He can't reach the TV because he's still up on the stairs, behind the hand truck.

Fortunately, John scrambles and practically slaps the TV to keep it from tumbling off the hand truck, onto the floor.

"We're done with the stairs. Now let's slide this thing into the TV room on the blanket", John recommends. So they roll the hideously heavy TV onto the blanket and scoot it across the wood floors, careful not to scratch them. Once in the TV room, they muster up super-human strength, just like the Incredible Hulk, to hoist the TV up onto the TV stand.

By this time both mens' clothes were several shades darker and practically dripping with sweat. But they weren't done yet! They still had the sleek, new 52" flat screen to haul up two flights of stairs. Fortunately, it was a mere fraction of the weight of the boxy, extremely heavy 32" foe that had them glistening, and not in a good way. The documentation says the flat screen weighed 79 lbs, but it felt as light as a feather after their previous ordeal.

Without incident they climbed both stair cases and placed the sleek, new, 52", hi-def temptress onto its stand. Thank god the cable guy was coming the next morning to switch out the cable box for a hi-def one. He would have to connect the TV to ensure everything worked properly.

So there you have it! Now its time to play the fun little game. Leave a comment and tell me if you think this is a sitcom or reality.

Crush du Jour: Damon Danilo

Weekend miracle

Well, this weekend sure was a LOT better than last weekend!

For a change, we had no real plans or obligations. It as a 'free' weekend to do what we wanted.

Sat morning as I was making the coffee I heard Spouse yell my name from the TV room where he was watching ShopNBC, a home shopping channel similar to QVC and HSN (Home Shopping Network).

"Come here and see this TV!" he suggested. Now, this was the same kind of thing that got us into trouble the previous weekend; him making me watch a detailed presentation of a big HD TV, getting me excited about it, and then saying its 'too expensive', and 'everything on TV is crap so why do we need a big TV to watch crap'. But I cautiously watched the presentation with him and decided I was not going to act interested unless he seemed interested.

I'm not sure if this miracle was from the heavenly baby Jesus or what, but Spouse actually began to talk about the features of the TV he liked, which by the way was bigger and more expensive than the one we'd seen last weekend. Then he suggested we go to some retail stores and compare prices.

I thought I was having a delightful dream. I mean, this couldn't be the same Spouse! But rather than wake myself from this lovely illusion, I agreed to see if Wal-Mart or K-Mart could beat the price. It took less than 30 minutes to review the offerings at both stores, and our conclusion was that the one we'd seen on ShopNBC was the best TV at the best price.

So we came home and ordered it: A 52" Toshiba Regza HD TV.

Can you believe that? He went from the Grinch who stole Christmas to Santa Claus himself, in the span of one week!

In typical Spouse style, he immediately had buyer's remorse and began saying things like "I hope we didn't make a big mistake by ordering that TV", and "I wonder if its going to be too big". In typical Mark style, I reassured him that the TV seemed wonderful to me, and that if, by some wicked twist of fate, we didn't like it, we could ship it back within 30 days for a refund. As the day went on he seemed less concerned about it, which after 12 years together, I knew would happen.

Later that day we bought some brackets at Lowes and put them up in our storage closet so we could hang our beach chairs and gardening tools on the wall. That night we had pizza for dinner and talked about the myriad of possible ways we could invest some of the proceeds from the sale of our house in VA. Spouse said he found it romantic, the 2 of us sharing a pizza in the dimly lit pizzeria, talking about our financial future.

But what I found romantic was when he woke me up in the middle of the night for some quick, hot man-love! I realize that not everyone (cb) likes this, but I sure do! Maybe because its unexpected. Maybe because you're in that 1/2 asleep, 1/2 awake state. I don't know, and I don't have to know. Okay, so maybe it wasn't particularly romantic, but it was good. And then, back to sleep again.

Sun we went to the craft store to buy some paints. I have 3 framed paintings but do not like them, so I'm going to reuse them by painting over top of them. I've made art before. Here is a series of geometrics I did a few years ago for my office.

Here is a series of landscapes I did several years ago for the office/library in our former house in VA.
When I finish my new geometric art for 1 of our guest bedrooms, I'll post a picture of it.

Then Sun afternoon we met Rick & Nick at the beach. It was pure heaven. The sun was shining brightly, there was a gentle breeze, the humidity was low, the water temperature was warm, and the waves were rough. We had a fantastic time!

Maybe weekends like last weekend help me better appreciate weekends like this one.

Crush du Jour: Matt Hughes

Frustrating

As I think back on this past weekend, the words frustrating and tense come to mind. It wasn't a 'bad' weekend per se, but it certainly wasn't one of our better ones.

I felt all weekend like Spouse & I were "out of sync", "on different wave lengths", not "on the same page", and this was frustrating.

We've done really well about living frugally since we moved here, knowing that we had not planned to keep our house in VA and therefore remain financially exposed if, for some reason, it didn't stay rented or needed some expensive repairs. So we postponed several purchases that we knew could wait until things were financially different for us. But with the settlement on the VA house this coming Fri, we've been talking about some of the postponed purchases and decided to do some shopping.

We went to 3 mattress stores and tried out a number of beds, as well as got helpful info from the salespeople. I am more sure than ever that what I really want is a TempurPedic memory foam bed, even though it is the most expensive brand. We sleep for about 8 hours every night, so there's no question about whether or not it would get used regularly. Yet Spouse remained unconvinced it is worth the considerable expense. Its not that he doesn't like the bed; he just doesn't want to "spend that much" for it. I don't understand this. You spend more time on your mattress than you do in your car, yet you'll spend 10 times more money on a car than you would your mattress?
And its not that he's waiting for the mattress to go on sale, because they don't. 2 different retailers both told us that TempurPedic does not allow stores to price the mattresses less than what they sell for on TempurPedic's website. They never go on sale, and they are exactly the same price regardless of where you buy them. Spouse's indecision was frustrating to me since I am not undecided at all.

Another purchase we've been putting off is a large, flat screen hi-def TV. To give you an idea of our TV viewing habits, we typically watch TV every night from 7pm until 10:30 or 11pm. We have a 20-year old 19" TV (free) in our TV room, and a 7-year old 32" TV for which we paid $350. in our family room. Spouse has no desire for a larger, hi-def TV. He says "everything on TV is crap, so why do we need a big, hi-def TV to watch crap?" I remind him that although it may be crap, that certainly doesn't stop us from watching it for 4 hours every night. I'm not asking for a huge, 60" TV. I simply want a 37" or 42" hi-def TV. I believe it will make TV watching better and more enjoyable, especially the nature programs we enjoy and the design shows I enjoy.

This weekend we saw a deal on a 46" hi-def 1080p LCD TV on sale 1 day only for $1,299. It was actually larger than what I had been looking for, but thought the price was very good. It would return to its normal price of $1,499. the next day, so a decision needed to be made. But once again Spouse would not agree. He felt that it was still too much money to spend on a TV. The conversation eventually was reduced to his complaint that the HDMI cable was not included, and so I found myself frustrated yet again.

Another possible purchase we've been discussing ever since we moved here 18 months ago is the small vacant not adjacent to our property. The lot is the same depth as our lot, but very narrow. We've discussed the possibility of purchasing it and building a garage (for our use) with an attached living space that would be rented by the week during the summer. There are many non-year-round homes in our seaside town. We are both interested in this possible venture, but the mood became quite tense as we discussed the price for a potential offer as well as the possible circumstances of the sellers. It absolutely escapes me why he would concoct all these various possible circumstances the sellers might be under when he has absolutely no knowledge of them.

Spouse thinks that if we are to make an offer, it should be for the price we feel the lot is worth, regardless of the list price, even if its only 50% of what the lot is listed for. I asked him why he thought the sellers might accept an offer of 1/2 the listing price. Rather than answer that question, he rambled on and on trying to justify his price. I told him there was no reason to convince me of the lot's value, and repeated my question about why he thought the sellers would even entertain an offer of 1/2 the listing price. The conversation did not end well, and I felt so frustrated I said calmly "Fine, let's do nothing. We won't decide on a bed, or a new TV, or the lot. Let's just decide to do nothing!"

Spouse left the house and I sat on the sofa watching the 19" low-def TV. An hour later Spouse returned (from K-Mart) and we decided to go out to eat and then go grocery shopping. Though not quite back to normal, we'd both calmed down and were pleasant to each other. Eating out and grocery shopping are 2 activities we always do together, and really seem to strengthen our relationship. Eating out gives us a chance to talk about whatever is on our minds, and grocery shopping is like a team-building exercise for us; the goal being to shop for the week in an economical manner.

(This isn't us - photo snagged from Google.)

As we drove home from the grocery store Spouse asked "Do you still wanted a divorce?" I never said that I wanted a divorce this weekend or at any other time. That question is Spouse's way of acknowledging the unpleasant conversation that might have led others to shout "I want a divorce!", and checking to see if I am okay now.

In the past I've occasionally answered the question by saying "I'm not sure yet. Let me see if your life insurance is paid up first." This insinuates that, rather than a divorce where our assets would likely be divided in half, I might prefer that he have an "accident" that would result in his untimely death, whereby I would get everything. We both know the steps in this 'dance'.

But this time I decided to say something a little sweeter: "No, I love you too much to give up over something like this." After a short pause he responded in kind: "Good, because I don't want a divorce either."

We will certainly talk about a new bed, a hi-def TV, and the adjacent lot many more times. I believe we both know its not a matter of if, but when. For some reason he's not ready yet, and I can live without those things until he's ready. Its certainly not worth fighting over. As anyone in a long-term relationship can tell you, being in a couple involves compromise. You've got to pick the important battles and not sweat the small stuff.

When your love is deep and your commitment to each other is sure, you know you'll recover from unpleasant conversations and return to being "in sync", "on the same wave length", and "on the same page" again.

Crush du Jour: Tom Everett Scott

Long-term relationship

Recently Spouse & I watched "Long-Term Relationship". Here's the Netflix synopsis:
"Tired of the unsatisfying singles scene, Glenn (Matthew Montgomery) answers a personal ad and meets Adam (Windham Beacham), a handsome Southern man seeking a long-term relationship. The two hit it off immediately, but their initial attraction is soon put to the test. Glenn's gay friends say he'd be happier playing the field again, but his straight pals encourage him to work at the budding relationship in director Rob Williams's romantic comedy."

We liked it. Its not simply one of those "boy meets boy and falls in love" stories. As Glenn and Adam get to know each other better they discover they do not share some of the same values. For instance, Glenn is a self-identified liberal Democrat while Adam describes himself as a fiscally conservative, socially liberal Republican. You know that can't be good.

But another thing that's not good is their sex life. Despite their growing love and attraction to each other, their attempts at hot, steamy sex end up more like limp, steamed broccoli. Obviously this is a concern for the pair. I won't tell you how or if this is resolved, in case you decide to watch the film, which I recommend.

But the film got me to thinking.

What if all the 'important things' in a relationship are good (or great), but the sex isn't so great. Should mediocre sex be a deal-breaker?

Glenn's single gay pals try to convince him that if the sex isn't rockin', he should abandon the ship. Glenn's response is that after 5 or so years they'll rarely have sex anyway, so why make it such a big deal now. Glenn's married straight friends tell him not to be naive; that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Hot sex with someone you can't really talk to outside of the bed isn't worth it.

I presented the theme of the movie to my friends Rick & Nick and waited for their responses. Rick immediately said he definitely would not pursue the relationship if the sex wasn't good. Nick said he would pursue the relationship if the sex wasn't good as long as the 2 were compatible in all other areas. I found this quite interesting, considering Rick & Nick are in a relationship with each other.

A talented blogger posted on a similar subject here. He believes that any serious contender for a relationship with him absolutely must meet his 5 requirements. And yes, great sex is 1 of them. He feels that he would be compromising if a man only met 4 out of 5.

But this lead me to wonder if there are lots of guys out there who are turning down '4 out of 5's in order not to feel as though they've settled, yet they are rapidly approaching 40 and are still single? Not that there's anything wrong with being single, unless you are single and don't want to be.

Is there a point or an age at which you will think that '4 out of 5' is acceptable?

And this is not limited to just gay men. My aunt is 64 years old and has never been married. She's not a lesbian (I know that's what you're thinking) and she has had several relationships with men that lasted 6-12 months. But none of them ever resulted in marriage or even living together.

Is it wise to 'hold out' for someone who meets all 5 or your 5 requirements?

She says she's always had high standards, and that none of the men she dated were quite right. This sounds to me like 'they were all 4 out of 5s'. But while I certainly acknowledge her prerogative not to settle, now she's 64 years old, retired, and doesn't date at all. I wonder if she wishes now that she'd been willing to compromise a little back then? If so, maybe she wouldn't be alone.

Alone. That brings up another dangerous question.

Should fear of being alone cause someone to relax their standards? Initially I think we would all answer 'no' to that question. But think about it for a minute. If you get to a point or an age where '4 out of 5' seems better than '0 out of 5', is that fear of being alone? Or is that making a decision to be happy with someone most of the time rather than happy with no one all the time?

I do not believe there are universal answers to these questions. Each person must examine their own needs and situation and decide what they believe is best for them.

But hopefully these questions will prompt us all to think below the surface of this topic. Whether one is in a relationship or single, they should be there because they want to be - not because they never thought deeply about it.

Crush du Jour: Ricky Paull Goldin