Send off

Sat was the memorial service for Spouse's brother Frank, who passed away a few weeks ago after a long battle with cancer.

Frank's longtime friend Liz offered to arrange for the service, burial of Frank's ashes, and luncheon at a small historic church the two of them occasionally attended out in 'the country' in southern MD.  She ran the details by the family for approval.

The GPS said it should take us 2 hours and 53 minutes to get there, so I rounded it up to 3 hours and then added an additional 1/2 hour so we wouldn't be rushed, and could stop for a bathroom break if necessary.  We left on time and it was a beautiful, sunny autumn day; perfect for a road trip.

But just a few miles before we were to exit the highway, we came upon a sea of brake lights.  In the distance we saw the flashing lights of a tow truck.  Accidents on the highways are commonplace for the metro DC area.  But it soon became apparent that the traffic back-up extended beyond the accident.  As we inched along we began to see orange traffic cones and a variable message sign ahead.

Great... road work.  The 3-lane highway was being squeezed into 1 lane.  I looked at the estimated arrival time on the GPS as it kept getting later and later.  "Good think I added that extra 1/2 hour" I thought to myself.  Unfortunately, the traffic inched along for nearly 3 miles before we could get off the highway and we'd used up nearly all of our extra time.  The service was to start at 1:00 and the GPS estimated our arrival at 12:56.

I was really afraid we were going to be late, but we finally got there and got seated before the service began.  It lasted about 20 minutes, with readings, songs, and remembrances.  Afterward we walked outside to the cemetery for a prayer before the urn was to be interred, then we walked around back to the parish hall for the luncheon.

Frank's 3 brothers and 1 sister were there, along with their spouses and children, and Frank's mother.  Several friends from the neighborhood in which Frank grew up were also there, some of whom had known him for 40 years.  Our dear friends Kerry & Hugh came too, which was very sweet of them, and my aunt Mary who spends all the holidays with us also came.  We all agreed that Frank would have been pleased with this 'send off'.

The only photo I took was of this photo collage which was set up in the parish hall during the luncheon.

I wish I'd thought to take other photos since the family was all there together. 

Afterward the family all collected at Spouse's sister Mary's house and visited for a few hours.  Spouse & I got home at 12:30am.

VA visit

Yesterday Spouse & I packed up the dogs and drove back to VA to spend some time with the family.

Prior to cremation a family member must 'identify' the body and sign an authorization.  The hospital suggested that any family members who wished to see Frank for the last time could do so during this visitation time.

I chose to stay behind with our nephew (home from college for the weekend) and our neice's 11-month old baby while the rest of the family went to say goodbye.  I felt no need to see Frank's ravaged body 1 last time, and I knew there'd be a fair amount of crying from their mother, so I spared myself from joining in.  

After the brief visitation, everyone returned to Spouse's sister's house and we ordered Chinese food and pizza.  The mood was considerably lighter than I'm sure it was during the visitation, and we discussed plans and dates for the memorial service.  

We left in the early afternoon so as not to get caught in the football stadium traffic.  Shortly after returning home we met up with Steven & Thad for an easy dinner.  It felt like a long day.

Frank

Last night about 10:30 Spouse's eldest brother Frank passed away after a 3-year bout with cancer.

Spouse, his siblings, and his mother were all able to spend time with Frank earlier this week, although no one is sure if he was actually aware of this or not.  There was nothing more that could be done to manage his pain, so to be 'kind' to him Frank was heavily sedated.  He would awaken now and then, look at his family in the room, and attempt to speak but it made no sense and he drifted back to sleep.

During my 20+ year relationship with Spouse we were never what you'd call "close" with Frank.  His lifestyle was very different from ours (heavy smoker, heavy drinker, recreational drug user, etc.) so we didn't have much in common with him.  Yet, the death of a sibling is still difficult, even if you aren't close.  It reminds one of their own mortality, and sometimes makes one question if there were something they could have/should have done differently.

Despite our differences, Frank shared our feeling that Family was very important.  He always made an effort to be with his family for all the holidays, birthday parties, baptisms, first communions, and any other special event. 

Frank was divorced for many years and had no children so the family made the decision to have his body cremated.  A memorial service will be held in the near future.

Frank's visit

Fri night Spouse's eldest brother Frank arrived with his girlfriend-du-jour, Anya.

I've mentioned Frank many times here, and usually not in a flattering way.  (Click on the 'Frank' tag at the bottom of this post to see some of the posts.)  I don't dislike Frank as a person; I just dislike the results of his lifetime of bad choices.  Years of chain-smoking, abuse of alcohol, lying, borrowing money without repaying, just to name a few.  To my knowledge Frank has never had a checking account.  For the last 10+ years he's not been able to keep a job for more than a few months at a time.  He would have been homeless on several occasions if not for his mother allowing him to move back in.  Everyone in the family has tried on multiple occasions to reason with him and try to get him to behave differently, but in 60 years none have been successful.

You may be wondering why on earth we invited him to stay at our home.  Well, we didn't.  He invited himself, and his current girlfriend.  But we agreed to the visit because we feel bad for him.  Frank is dying of cancer.

His symptoms began a few years ago but because he's Frank, he didn't go to the doctor.  Instead he would drink the pain away.  Eventually that no longer worked, and thanks to the Affordable Care Act, Frank finally had insurance and went to the doctor.  Over the last year he's had chemotherapy and radiation and surprisingly didn't loose his beautiful, wavy, salt and pepper hair.  But he's lost a lot of weight and can't escape the pain, despite all known measures. 

He's already outlived his original prognosis but no one is foolish enough to think he's okay.  When pressed he told Spouse he's "on borrowed time", yet he still smokes cigarettes and still drinks alcohol even though his doctors directed him to discontinue both.

So when Frank and Anya arrived at 9pm (their original ETA was 6pm but Spouse & I knew better than to wait for him for dinner) we accompanied them to a cute little pub where they both really enjoyed their meals and we had polite conversation.  Sat they visited an arts and crafts show nearby, had brunch, and went to the beach for a few hours on their own.  That night Spouse brought them to see me perform as Elton John in the LEGENDS show, which they both really seemed to enjoy.  They picked up a pizza to enjoy at home for a late night snack.  Sun morning we all had coffee and said our goodbyes.  I had to go to work and they wanted to head back home before the traffic got too heavy.

Their visit was actually more pleasant and less dramatic than I expected.  We had lots of short, topical but not controversial conversations here and there, and of course memories of funny family situations are always good for a few laughs.  But I feel bad mostly for Spouse because I know he is conflicted.  He's mad at Frank for causing so much grief and emotional pain for himself and his family for so many years, including their 85-year old mother.  But Frank is also his brother, his family, and he's dying.  Its a tough spot to be in.

Weekend highlights

Wow, what a weekend!

We arrived at Spouse's mom's house in VA about 9:00 Fri night. Shortly thereafter 2 of Spouse's (deadbeat) brothers arrived and stirred up a bunch of family drama. There was plenty I wanted to say but decided to keep my mouth shut since none of the drama directly involved me or Spouse. Sat morning Spouse & I took his mom with us to our favorite store Home Goods, and then we had lunch. Spouse's sister and daughter came over for a brief visit, and then Spouse & I got ready for my cousin's daughter Sarah's wedding.

It was close to 90 degrees and the wedding was outdoor (in my cousin's beautiful back yard) so we were thankful that the ceremony was very short. The reception was in a community center that used to be an old schoolhouse. It was simple but elegant and beautiful. Spouse & I really had a wonderful time, and enjoyed meeting some new people like Eric & Suzanna:

who are friends of my cousin Inez, the mother of the bride, and Steve her husband. What a surprise to find that Eric was raised in a small town in DE! Here is me and my cousin Inez:

Spouse thinks she and I look a lot alike but I don't see it. It was especially nice for me to be able to reconnect with several of my family I haven't seen in many years. Here's me and my cousin April, Inez's sister:

and me with April's daughters Micah and Chelsea:

The last time I saw these young women was 14 years ago when Micah (left) was 9 and Chelsea (right) was 11. And below are my cousin Inez (mother of bride), my aunt Rosie (grandmother of the bride), me & Spouse.

Scattered around the reception room were many framed photos of the bride and groom, which I thought was a nice touch. Also, on the wall near the entrance/exit there were bulletin boards with several copies of a dozen or so photos of the couple, with a sign indicating guests were to take home which ever photos they wanted. And speaking of photos, in the foyer there was a treasure chest full of funky hats, leis, sun glasses and props. A photographer encouraged everyone to put on something crazy and pose for a wacky photo. Spouse put on a shiny red patent leather floppy brim hat and I put on a bright pink fur hat, we posed with our backs to each, giving the photographer our best 'pimp' look! The photographer will place all the photos into a special album for the couple. I loved this idea!!

Here are Sarah and Bryan being toasted, just before cutting the wedding cake:

Since the wedding colors were black and white, I wore off-white pants with a black shirt with white polka dots and Spouse wore the opposite: black pants and a white shirt with black polka dots. It sounds super-gay, I know, but I think we looked really nice. Click to enlarge this photo to get a better look at our polka dots.

Sarah's new husband Bryan got 'welcomed' into the family with a hilarious skit performed by Sarah's parents and siblings to the song "Welcome to the Family".

The lyrics are almost as funny as the skit!

Sun after breakfast we took Spouse's mom to Target and then relaxed for a while. At 3:00 we met up with Spouse's sister and her family, Spouse's brother (not a deadbeat) and his wife, and 1 of Spouse's deadbeat brothers at Taco House for an early Mother's Day dinner. (We will not be with his mom on Mother's Day.) Our food was wonderful as always, but it was very warm and humid on Sun and the a/c at Taco House was broken! They had the door open to allow a breeze to come in and set up a fan while someone worked on the a/c unit. We had a nice time despite the heat. We all returned to Spouse's mother's house and visited for a while, then Spouse & I left at 6:00, arriving home at 8:30.

Crush du Jour: Burack Ozcivit

Mother's Day madness

Spouse decided to minimize the potential frustration of having to interact with this deadbeat brothers by spending just Mother's Day, instead of the entire weekend, at his mom's. This made me happy, and allowed us to enjoy a great Sat together at home.

We left Sun morning about 9:30 and arrived at Spouse's mom's shortly after noon. Moments after we got there, Spouse's sister Mary and her husband and 3 kids walked in the door, having just come from church. We sat around and talked for awhile, then Spouse, Mary, her daughter Anna, and I went shopping for last minute Mother's Day gifts. We were successful at the first store, then dropped Mary and Anna off at their house.

We met at the restaurant at 3:00. When we told the hostess we had a 3:00 reservation for 11, she was unable to find any record of it. I was still not feeling well (sinus trouble) and could feel myself getting irritated much sooner than I normally would. Fortunately the hostess was able to a push together the necessary tables in a relatively short amount of time, and we were all seated.

Just my luck, I wound up at the end of the table, next to the wall, with Spouse's chain-smoking alcoholic brother directly across from me, and his soft-spoken sister-in-law next to me. I began to dread the entire event and tried to think of escape methods that wouldn't seem rude. Coming up with none, I resolved to keep my seat and just 'get through it'.

About 10 minutes later a waiter appeared and introduced himself as Carlos and said he's be taking care of us today. He took for our drink requests, then said we could help ourselves to the brunch buffet. This struck me as odd since the sign out front indicated the buffet ended at 2:30 and it was now after 3:00. Spouse's sister Mary told Carlos the waiter that we weren't getting the buffet, but would be ordering off the menu. Carlos said that since it was Mother's Day, they were only serving the buffet, and that we could not order from the menu. I reminded him the sign out front indicated the buffet was over at 2:30, but he insisted that was our only choice. This kind of inconsistency ticks me off even when I'm feeling well, so you can imagine how I felt that day.

Mary had called on Fri and was told we could order from the menu if we came after 2:30 when the buffet closed. In fact, she specifically did not want to pay the $28. per person (for her family of 5) for the buffet; hence the reason for her being so specific when she called and made the reservation, which was apparently in vain.

As the kids and a few adults headed toward the buffet, Mary caught the attention of the manager and explained the situation. A few waiters/waitresses apparently stopped to find out what was going on, and by the time I got there Spouse's mother and a few others stopped to listen and lend support. Other diners barely had room to squeeze by so I decided to return to the table.

A few minutes later Mary and the others returned to the table and said that the manager confirmed that the buffet was over and that we should be ordering from the menu. He said he would straighten it out with Carlos the waiter. Meanwhile, the kids and a few of the adults returned to the table with their plates of food from the buffet! (The manager had said there would be no charge for the buffet food, since the waiter had incorrectly sent them there.)

So 5 out of 11 people at our table had plates full of food and began eating it so as not to waste it. I was not one of them, but wished I was, since it was well after 3:00 and I had nothing to eat all day and was starving. Fortunately, a few minutes later a young woman came with several baskets of bread, but no bread plates! Grrrr... Doesn't everyone who works in a restaurant know you shouldn't serve bread without a bread plate? I was trying to hold my bread and open the little pat of butter without dropping either of them. I finally laid the bread on my napkin while I opened the pat of butter.

After a few nibbles of bread to calm my barren stomach I wanted a sip of that water I'd ordered nearly a 1/2 hour ago. We still didn't have our drinks yet! It was exactly then that I decided I was never returning to this stupid restaurant ever again in my entire life, even if it was the last restaurant on earth. Maybe I was a little cranky from being sick and/or hungry. We'd been in the restaurant for 3o minutes when our drinks finally arrived and Carlos the waiter finally took our orders. Then Spouse's mother opened her gifts.

After the bread was gone Carlos the waiter returned with olive oil and small saucers. At a nearby table he filled the saucers up with olive oil, presumably for us to dunk our bread, which we had already eaten. But he filled the saucers so full that he began dribbling oil on the floor as he tried to transport the overflowing saucers to our table. I just rolled my eyes and wondered what ELSE could make this meal an even greater fiasco. I didn't have to wonder for long.

A large party that included an infant and a toddler was seated at tables very close to ours. Before long the infant started crying. Then the crying turned into screaming. It was hard to believe a child that small could make so much noise. We could barely hear each other speak above the noise. But do you think the parents took the infant out of the dining area until the infant could be quieted? No. They just added to the noise by making "ssshhhh" sounds.

Our food finally arrived and I found it ironic that those who had already eaten a plate of buffet food were the first ones to get their entrees. But the rest of the food soon followed and we began to eat. My food was barely room temperature so I checked with a few others who also said their food was not hot either. I decided against reporting this to Carlos the waiter since he wasn't nearby, it would likely take forever to get the food back, and I was starving.

Then the toddler from the table behind us starting getting restless. She wanted to get down and run about the restaurant, despite her parents' stern requests that she behave. As little children often do, the girl threw a temper tantrum and began screaming/shrieking, so much so that I involuntarily turned around to see if something terrible had happened to the child. Do you think the parents took the toddler out of the dining area until she could be subdued? No. Instead, one of the parents proceeded to spank the child while seated at the table! Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for spanking children. But take that child outside to spank her, so as not to disturb everyone else's meal! The spanking caused the toddler's temper tantrum to turn into waves and waves of desperate sobbing. I was just inches from scolding the parents for ruining my meal, but decided against it. That day I simply didn't have the fight in me.

After we'd finished eating, Carlos the waiter came back to see if we were interested in coffee and/or dessert. I almost couldn't believe my ears when I heard my own voice say "No, thank you. Just the check" without even consulting the others at our table. But I was so 'over' it all that I made an 'executive decision' and everyone agreed.

We returned to Spouse's mom's house and talked for about 1/2 hour before saying our goodbyes and getting back on the highway to head home. Spouse & I agreed that we would be in charge of selecting the Mother's Day restaurant next year. Fortunately the drive home was uneventful and went by quickly.

Crush du Jour: Bryan Cid

Mother-in-law

Well, if you thought I was whiny, spoiled, or ungrateful for complaining about all the noise, dirt, and inconvenience of getting our street paved, you'll really think I'm whiny, spoiled, and ungrateful with this post.

Let me start by saying I love Mother-in-law. Really, I love her dearly. Although 79 years old, she is far from being a typical 'old lady'. She doesn't crochet doilies or knit afghans. She's very active with lots of senior social groups and rarely misses an opportunity to go somewhere. She has a great sense of humor and we have a good time together.

For nearly 13 years now she has loved and accepted me, which is more than I can say for my actual mother (and father and siblings) who disowned me when I came out and informed them I was leaving their conservative religion.

But despite how much I truly do love Mother-in-law, sometimes the woman can get on my nerves.

Every time we see her she offers us something to eat and/or drink, which is very thoughtful and hospitable. Since I am trying to lose weight I try not to eat between meals, so I usually tell her 'No, thank you'. She always responds by asking me if I'm sure, and then proceeds to list for me all the food and drinks she has to offer. I politely respond by telling her 'I am sure' and that 'I don't care for anything'. She'll leave it alone for a few minutes, but will invariably ask me several more times if I'm sure I don't want anything to eat or drink. Sometimes she will go through the list again. I want to say "Read my lips: I do not care for anything to eat or drink. Thank you" but of course, I'd never do that.

Every time we see her she tells us how much money she has recently given to her 2 deadbeat sons, both of whom are in their 50s. Spouse has spoken for both of us numerous times, letting her know we do not care to hear about that anymore. We came to the conclusion long ago that she will continue to give them money as often as she wants to. What she does with her money is her own business. Nobody has a gun pointed to her head. We've reminded her that if she doesn't want to give them the money they request, she can say no. But she doesn't say no, which is her prerogative. But then she insists on telling us how much she 'had' to give them. Sometimes I'm tempted to scream "You didn't 'have' to give them the money!!! You are the one in control!!!", but of course I'd never do that either. She always ends with "Listen, I have enough money for myself, but I don't have enough money to carry those two." If I weren't afraid she'd see me, I swear I could lip-sync that exact phrase as she says it. And I could. I've heard it enough times.

Every time we see her she gives us a recap of what is going on with her friends, whom Spouse & I privately refer to as 'the hag brigade'. "Maryann's daughter is moving to North Carolina...", "Gloria went to the doctor this week for her knee", and "Loretta is thinking about a reverse mortgage..." etc, etc, etc. We've never met these people, so getting an update on what's going on in their lives means very little (if anything) to us. But the worse part about it? She tells us the same things over and over again! At first I thought she couldn't remember whether or not she'd told us, so once I said "Oh yeah, you mentioned this to me last time we were here". But without missing a beat she responded "Well I'm gonna tell you again", and proceeded to ramble on and on about the happenings of these people we don't know or care about.

Two weeks ago her neighbor had a ceramic tile floor installed in her kitchen. Upon hearing this from Mother-in-law, one of the hag brigade snarled "Ceramic tile floors are cold and slippery!" So Mother-in-law asked me what our kitchen floor was made of, and I answered that it was ceramic tile. She asked if it was cold and slippery, to which I replied "Ours is cold because its on a concrete slab, but your neighbor's kitchen has a crawl space under it so it may not be as cold. Its only slippery if its wet." Since her neighbor got a new kitchen floor she decided she needed (read: wanted) a new kitchen floor too, so we took her to the flooring store to order the same laminate floor she loved in our previous house. Just 2 weeks later (this past weekend) she asked me the same question again about ceramic tile floors being cold and slippery. First, I already answered the question 2 weeks ago. Second, what difference does it make now? She'd already ordered the laminate floor! She called last night to tell us the new floor had been installed, and how much she loved it. I bit my lip and said nothing when she told me "I'm glad I didn't get a ceramic tile floor because people say they're cold and slippery".

She likes to keep abreast of what's happening, so she watches political TV shows and reads tabloids. Those are her information sources. She'll read or hear something sensational and then repeat it to us as if she's reporting the news. "They say Barack Bahama is a Muslim" she announced. And yes, she really did call him Barack Bahama. Spouse replied "No he's not! Where did you hear that?" The tabloid. Last weekend she reported "That guy can't be in the president's cabinet 'cuz he didn't pay his taxes. Why didn't he pay his taxes? He couldn't afford it?" Spouse recommended that if she is going to read tabloids, she should consider them to be for entertainment purposes only, but she responded "But sometimes they get it right! They said Edwards had an affair on his wife - the one with cancer - and he did!" Spouse also suggested she watch CNN for politics instead of Fox News, but she said she likes to watch Bill O'Reilly because "he's so good-looking". Hard to argue with that kind of logic.

I know I should sound more grateful to have such a loving and accepting Mother-in-law, and I really am grateful for her. And as I said, I love this woman dearly, really I do! But sometimes she can get on my nerves.

Crush du Jour: Matthew "Jett" Schaefer

Thanksgiving drama

Last week I reminded you of past Thanksgiving drama and alluded to drama brewing for this Thanksgiving.

Spouse's sister Mary, their mother, Spouse and I all agreed we were not putting up with Liz again this holiday season. I recommended that Spouse or his sister have a frank conversation with Frank, letting him know that Liz was not invited or welcomed to Thanksgiving at our house or Christmas at Mary's. This happened, and Frank told Mary he thought Liz was "spending Thanksgiving with friends", which sounded suspicious. To our knowledge Liz doesn't have any friends.

Mary didn't trust that Frank would actually tell Liz that she wasn't spending the holidays with us and was afraid the two of them would simply show up here for Thanksgiving, so Mary called and left a message on Liz's answering machine. Mary's message indicated that Frank had told her that Liz was spending Thanksgiving with some friends, which she thought was a great idea, since it was obvious that she and Frank weren't getting married, it was probably for the best that she not spend the holidays with us anymore.

Mary got a call back from Liz sometime later, and it wasn't pretty. Liz said she had no plans to spend Thanksgiving with friends, that she was planning to come with Frank to our house! She went on to say that she and Frank would eventually get married, but that she wasn't the kind of person to pressure Frank into it. She could wait until he was ready. Meanwhile, they haven't dated each other in 20 years, and Frank dates other women! Liz must be very patient.

Liz said she was very offended and didn't want to see Mary ever again! I'm sure Liz meant this as an insult, but it was actually music to Mary's ears! 

Of course the person whom Liz should have been mad at was Frank! He's the one who made up the lie to Mary about Liz telling him she had plans with friends for Thanksgiving. Liz should have given Frank an earful, but instead she called Mary.

Mary called us and explained what had transpired, and said she felt guilty about offending Liz. Although she didn't want Liz to come, she had been careful in her answering machine message to be very nice and polite, and had not meant to hurt Liz's feelings.

So then for a few days we didn't know what was going to happen on Thanksgiving. We certainly wouldn't put it past Liz to show up with Frank, unannounced and uninvited. After all, she's done that in the past, too.

One Thanksgiving when we had the tables set for the 19 people we were expecting, Liz showed up on our doorstep with Frank and some woman Liz worked with! Suddenly we had two more people to seat and no more chairs. Spouse & I pretended to be busy with the food so that everyone would sit down and begin eating. When all the chairs were filled by our expected guests and the 2 unexpected ones, we got out 2 extra dishes and flat wear, fixed ourselves plates of food, and ate our Thanksgiving dinner standing up in the kitchen. Of course we wouldn't have minded if we had expected them, or if we even liked them.

Fortunately, yesterday Mary called us back to say that Liz and Frank had decided to host Thanksgiving at Liz's place. Frank told Spouse's mother he and Liz had invited some people over, so it appeared we are 'out of the woods'. Hopefully, this will mean the end of the Thanksgiving drama for this year.

What a relief! Now we can have a nice Thanksgiving without the nonsense and drama of Liz and Frank. Honestly, I am so sick of them I don't even want to waste any more energy thinking about them. 

All I want is to have a fantastic dinner on Thurs, spend a few days with some family, and then send them on their way back home so I can relax, fart at will, and read some blogs. To me, that is the definition of a great Thanksgiving.

Crush du Jour: Jeffrey Beck

Holiday highlights

Sun evening we loaded the car with gifts during the short intervals in which the pouring rain stopped. However, when it was time to put Jordan and ourselves in the car to leave, we all got wet. It was a nasty, cold, rainy night but we were excited by the approach of the holiday.

Mon morning the sun shined brightly as Evelyn, Spouse & I met up with Kerry, Hugh, George, and Kelly for breakfast at IHOP. I gave them each a bag of home baked cookies and Kerry gave us home made ornaments with our names on them. We had a great time catching up on each others lives and talking about our plans for the holidays and the new year.

After dropping Evelyn off at her house, Spouse & I went to Borders bookstore to meet up with my old friend Lisa, who was back in the DC area for Christmas with her family. Lisa & I lived in the same neighborhood and went all the way through school together, from elementary to high school. We were very good friends and shared an appreciation for the offbeat and unusual. While in high school we co-wrote and performed a song entitled "The Sleazy Barroom Blues" in the variety show. After college she taught high school English and drama for 15 years, then quit her job and moved to NY where she became a text book editor for a large publishing house. She and Spouse got along swimmingly right away, which I knew would happen. We had a lovely visit and promised to come visit her in NY in 2008.

Later that evening the family convened at Spouse's sister Mary's house for Evelyn's birthday. After dinner we all sang 'Happy Birthday' and Ev blew out the '7' and the '8' candles on her cake. I was too full from all the baked goodies I'd been eating to eat birthday cake. Then Ev opened her birthday gifts. Spouse & I gave her a handmade glass pendant we'd bought months ago from a local jewelry artist. Then we exchanged gifts with those who would not be present with us on Christmas day.

Tues morning after coffee and conversations in our pajamas, Evelyn and Spouse's brother Frank and the 2 of us went to the Hilton for Christmas brunch. Literally it was the only place open on Christmas day. The food was good and they had a guy playing a keyboard and singing a mixture of Christmas songs and hits from the 80s like 'Lady in Red'. We had a nice time.

At 2:30 Spouse & I picked up my aunt Mary and brought her back to Evelyn's house. We had a little gift exchange with Mary, and then went over to Spouse's sister Mary's house at 4:00.

We had gnocchi and stuffed shells with home made meatballs and Italian sausage for dinner. It was dee-lish! We nibbled on more home baked goodies, which seemed to keep multiplying, and then exchanged gifts. We had a really nice Christmas. Since Mary's kids are older now and less rambunctious and loud, I am really enjoying being around them more. Their individual personalities and senses of humor are developing, albeit prematurely, and they are much more fun to be around.

Thank god, we didn't receive any sheets, shirts, or sweaters this year! Instead we received gift cards, which are always handy.

Wed morning we left shortly before 10:00 and got home shortly after noon. Spouse took a nap and I curled up on the sofa and watch HGTV for a couple hours, then checked my email. At 4:30 Spouse & I went to the gym for our personal trainer appointments. Rather than have them back to back as scheduled, our trainer Rick had us work out at the same time, having us alternate on the same equipment. It went by quickly.

Spouse & I both went back to work on Thurs, then decided to catch some of the after Christmas sales Thurs night. Using our gift cards we bought a Wolfgang Puck counter top Convection Oven Spouse had been eyeing for months. Happily it was $30. less expensive after Christmas. We also got a stainless steel trashcan with a foot pedal that opens the lid, and 10 boxes of Christmas cards that were 1/2 off.

We both worked on Fri and then met up with 'the usual suspects' for dinner. But rather than eating at the Miltonian as we usually do on Fri evening, we decided to try the new Shanghai Buffet that just opened. The food was pretty good and everyone agreed that it was a nice change from our regular Fri night fare.

Sat morning we drove back to VA. We had a sandwich with Evelyn, talked, watched a little TV, then got ready for the 1st of 2 parties that day.

On the way to Marty & John's, we drove through the neighborhood where I grew up. I showed Spouse my elementary and middle schools, the house I lived in from age 18 months to 22 years, and noted all the changes that had taken place in the 20 years since I'd lived there.

We didn't know anyone but Marty & John at their party, but the guys were all friendly and we had nice conversations with several of them. It was really nice to see Marty & John again and show Spouse their unusual contemporary home. We stayed from 5:00-7:45.

Then we slipped up the highway to Ron & James' party where we knew everyone except 1 couple. It was really nice to see these old friends again, and many wanted to know how we liked our 'new life' in Lewes. We stayed from 8:30-11:00, then snuggled into bed shortly before midnight at Evelyn's.

This morning Spouse's sister Mary came over and we sat in the kitchen and talked over coffee for a while, then decided to have breakfast at the Silver Diner. Mary told us about her anniversary 'night out' in DC with her husband, where they celebrated 16 years of marriage. Then we returned to Evelyn's, packed our things and headed home.

Its been a busy but terrific holiday so far. Its not quite over yet though; tonight we're having dinner and celebrating New Years Eve with some friends.

Drag Queen name of the day: Brianna Cracker

A difficult night

Spouse decided to cook the turkey on Wed night, keep it in the fridge overnight, then warm it up in our roaster oven on Thanksgiving day in order to keep the oven available for baking the side dishes and biscuits, so I helped him prepare the 22.5 lb. turkey and we had it in the oven at 8:00.
Wed night Spouse's oldest brother Frank and his friend Liz arrived around 8:30. After seeing the house for the 1st time, they walked a few blocks to have a bite to eat and a few drinks. Frank is a functioning alcoholic so after having been at work all day and then driving here, I'm sure he was "ready" to get his buzz on.

Liz is quite a piece of work. Frank and Liz dated about 20 years ago. She wanted to marry Frank so badly that she bought her own diamond engagement ring and showed it to everyone (including the family) and told them she & Frank were engaged! This was news to Frank. Sometime later they stopped dating and Frank moved on to other women. Despite this, Liz still feels like she's Frank's wife so she invites herself to our family holiday celebrations. One year she showed up on Christmas eve without Frank and then asked if she could take a shower before joining the rest of the family, since it had "been a few days" since she'd bathed. Now that's class.

When Frank & Liz returned from dinner and drinking we sat in the TV room and talked for a while. Frank decided that whiskey before dinner, red wine with dinner, and a beer after dinner just wasn't enough so he fixed himself a martini while we talked. Both Frank & Liz consider themselves more intelligent than most people, despite the fact that both are over 50 years old and neither of them owns a home. Frank doesn't even have a checking account. He pays his rent in cash. Frank reads a lot, which is likely what makes him feel more intelligent, and Liz was once an attorney. Unfortunately she stopped working for more than 10 years and squandered her inheritance on cars, jewelry, a fur coat, and multiple trips to the farthest corners of the world. I'm guessing that's what makes her feel more intelligent. But since the state finally seized the waterfront home she inherited and now she rents a room in the basement of a house in a crappy neighborhood, you can imagine the stimulating conversations we had while waiting for the other family members to arrive.

At 11:45 Spouse's sister Mary arrived with her husband Eric and their 3 kids, ages 15, 12, and 10. The 2 youngest are boys, and like many others that age, they are very loud. So from the time they got here until the time we all went to bed at 1:30 am it sounded like a 3-ring circus was going on. Do parents just get used to this kind of noise? I can't imagine any other explanation.

Meanwhile Frank continued to fix himself martinis, only he decided to leave out the vermouth and olives, preferring to sip straight vodka from his martini glass. I wasn't paying attention to how many he had, but when it was time to hit the sack he didn't bother to put sheets on the bed or even undress. He just passed out on the bed, fully clothed.

About an hour later (I was still awake, unfortunately) we heard a significant thud that awakened Liz who was sleeping in the room next to Frank. She got up to check on Frank and found him on the floor. He'd fallen out of the bed, so she helped him back in. This happened again later.

I had a terrible time getting to sleep Wed night. My mind just wouldn't stop. I wasn't worried or nervous about anything, so even my inability to get to sleep became fodder for my racing brain. Spouse kept snoring, mostly due to his cold, so I tossed and turned. At 3:10 am I woke Spouse and told him he had to try harder not to snore, as he was keeping me awake. His snoring improved but it did not help me sleep. At 4:15 am I went to the bathroom and took a generic form of Tylenol PM, hoping it would help me get some sleep. Shortly after returning to bed Spouse asked me why I wasn't sleeping, for which I had no answer.

Then around 4:30 am Spouse snuggled up to me, and his hands slowly caressed me. 'Is he serious?' I thought to myself? Not that I was opposed to his advances; just surprised by the timing. Maybe somehow he knew what I needed, for not long after we finished I was finally asleep. Then again, it could have been the Tylenol PM.
We were awakened Thurs morning by the stirrings of family members at 8:30 so we got up. I figure I probably had about 3 or 3.5 hours of sleep.

Drag Queen name of the day: Penny Tration