Glimpses of Gay, part 6

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 6:

I think it was 1992, only about a year before I left the JWs to be an out gay man, and I was working in the customer service department for the local phone company.  I received a call from a man (we'll call him John because I don't remember his actual name) who requested we change the name on the phone bill.  John said the service/bill was in the name of Roger (not his real name either) but that Roger had passed away.  He said he lived with Roger and wanted to keep the same phone number and service as is, but change the name on the account.

Not because I'm nosey but because it was a requirement of the job, I asked John if he and Roger were roommates or related in some way.  There was an elongated pause and then John said something like "Well, we weren't related legally."  There was another long pause and then he said "We were a couple."

Keep in mind that in 1992 people were just starting to hear the term "partner" used to describe a gay person's spouse, and recognized domestic partnerships and marriage equality were still a distant fantasy.  Same sex couples had little-to-no legal connection or rights.

"I'm very sorry for your loss" I said sincerely.  Then I explained the phone company's policy and what I would do for him.  I bent the rules a bit to allow him to assume the account despite John an Roger not being related, since it wasn't his fault they were unable to be legally married.  He was very appreciative and thanked me for my kindness and sensitivity.

Coincidentally I saw that the address was very close to where I lived, so I wrote down the address on a Post-it note and slid it into my pocket.  After work I stopped and purchased a sympathy card, wrote a short note inside, and delivered it to John's house.  I didn't ring the doorbell or attempt to meet him in person, but wanted to show my support for his relationship and my sympathy over his loss.

Glimpses of Gay, part 5

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part5:

In the spring of either 1990 or 1991 I planned a week's vacation in CA where I'd drive the scenic Pacific Coast Hwy.  I had several family friends and relatives who lived in different places so I'd contacted them and set up a schedule to meet up with them during my visit.  I flew into San Francisco and rented a red convertible to take advantage of the beautiful weather as I drove south along the scenic Pacific Coast Hwy, stopping for my family and friends visits along the way.

At one point stopped in some southern CA town to eat and saw a 1950s diner with cool, vintage cars parked in front.  This seemed like a fun place, so I parked the red LeBaron convertible, looked at the beautiful vintage cars, then went inside to eat.

Not long after being seated I became aware of a large, crescent-shaped banquet where 8 men were eating.  They weren't making a scene or anything but I noticed they were laughing and talking and seemed to know each other well.  Then it dawned on me:  they were 4 gay couples.  I watched them as I waited for and then ate my dinner.  Aside from this glimpse into their shared meal, I wondered what their lives were like.  

I imagined that they lived in cute CA ranch-style homes with red Spanish tile roofs, and that they hosted dinner parties where they served cocktails and played Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday music.  I pictured them going grocery shopping together, one of them searching for a coupon and the other rolling his eyes. I pictured them cuddled up on their sofa at night watching TV together. 

Those thoughts comforted me and made me feel sad at the same time.  I imagined a life for them that I wanted for myself.  Little did I know then that I would create such a life for myself, minus the CA ranch-style homes with red Spanish tile roof.

Glimpses of Gay, part 4

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 4:

Between 1986 - 1989 (I was 22-25 years old) I lived in a terrific 2-bedroom apartment.  It had big rooms, lots of closet space, a shaded terrace, and a convenient location.  I had 3 different roommates during those 3 years but I can easily say that my favorite was David.  I met David through a mutual acquaintance and immediately thought he was very handsome.  He had broad shoulders, nicely muscular arms, and later I would find he had a hairy chest.  

But what made David even more irresistible was that he was so incredibly nice!  He had a brother about 2 years younger, and a 1/2 sister from his mom's 2nd marriage who was considerably younger.  He was kind and respectful to his brother and sweet and helpful to his little sister.  David's mother had a chronic health condition and he was always mindful to try to ease her daily chores if possible.  Understandably, I fell in love with him. While I wondered if David might possibly be gay, I knew it was ridiculous to speculate about it.  He and I were both Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs), and as such you are not allowed to be gay.  

We got along well and shared many interests.  I assisted him when he'd agreed to help a friend move to a different home, and he'd come with me for dinner at my folks' house.  I tried to think of as many things as possible I could do to spend time with him.  

I eventually invited him to move into my apartment.  The only problem was that it was a 2-bedroom place and I already had a roommate, at least on paper.  My current roommate was rarely there.  Sometimes weeks would go by without me seeing him.  He was behind on his rent so sometimes he would come and get clothes etc when he knew I was at work so he wouldn't have to face me.  I knew it was just a matter of time before he would have to give up his room, so I convinced David to move into my room until that happened.  My room was huge so there was plenty of room for both our beds and I cleared some space for his stuff in my walk-in closet.  

I remember a night that seemed magical.  He liked to read in bed before going to sleep, and one night he asked if I'd like him to read out loud.  I said sure, so he quickly told me the jist of the story so far, then read aloud to me.  I'll never forget that.

Another memory that is clear in my mind after all these years is when we had a crazy heat wave.  In the DC metro area where we lived our hot summers were often accompanied by extreme humidity.  At that time I worked in a non-air conditioned warehouse and David did construction work.  One day we both came home from work hot and exhausted and joked that we should hang our clothes up to dry before tossing them into the clothes hamper.  As we both stripped down to our underwear David suggested we have a cold beer.  He left the bedroom in his underwear so I followed suit.  We sat on the dining room chairs (not fabric) in our underwear, drank our beers, and talked.

In hindsight, I'm surprised no one ever questioned our friendship.  I was so in love with David I'm surprised it wasn't noticeable to others.  Or, maybe it was noticeable but since JWs can't be gay they simply didn't understand.  I eventually moved out when I bought my 1-bedroom condo and David kept the apartment for awhile.  Years later I heard he was married, and just recently I heard he was divorced; his wife left him for another guy.

Glimpses of Gay, part 3

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 3:

It was the fall of 1980 (I think).  I was almost 17, a junior in high school, and had gotten a part in the community theatre's production of Li'l Abner.  (My part had just a couple lines but I sang in all the chorus scenes).  Because I didn't have a driver's license yet, my mother or sister would drop me off for evening rehearsals and then I'd bum a ride home with some other cast member.  

One night I'd secured a ride home with 2 guys, one of whom had the lead and the other a supporting role, whom I knew lived near me.  I assume they were at least 5 years older than me based on their facial hair and maturity.  It was probably close to 10pm and it was dark out.  As we left the rehearsal location the 1st guy asked me if I had a girlfriend, to which I replied no.  He said that they didn't have girlfriends either, and the 2nd guy snickered.  The 2nd guy asked if I had a boyfriend, to which I also replied no.  The 1st guy asked if I'd ever smoked pot, to which I replied no again.  Then he said that with no girlfriend, no boyfriend, and no pot, what did I do for fun?  I told them that I played the piano and tried out for community theatre parts like this.  The 2nd guy asked if this was my 1st production and I replied yes.  He said congratulations and said I must be excited.

As we neared my neighborhood the 1st guy said that they were going to smoke some pot and that I could join them instead of going directly home.  I told them no, and that my parents would be expecting me.  They asked if I was sure, that it would be fun, and that they'd make sure I was OK since I'd never had pot before.  I said I was sure, so they dropped me off at my house.

Oddly enough, I do not remember being scared or feeling unsafe by this questioning or the offer to smoke pot with them.  I kind of figured out they were gay, but that didn't make me uncomfortable either.

Glimpses of Gay, part 2

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 2:

It was July 3rd (I'm sure) of 1988 (I think).  I was 24 and lived in a 2-bedroom apartment with a roommate.  I was grocery shopping and noticed an attractive young man (probably a little older than me) reaching for something off the shelf.  He looked at me as I was looking at him.  I smiled innocently and wondered if he was gay.  I pushed my cart down the isle, around the corner, and up the next isle.  I stopped and picked an item off the shelf, pretending to examine its ingredients while I waited to see if the guy would follow me.  Sure enough he stopped near me and also pretended to look at products.  From my peripheral vision I saw that he looked over at me, but I didn't look back at him.  Instead I placed the item back on the shelf and pushed my cart away.

A few isles over I stopped to look for laundry detergent which I actually needed.  I was not brand loyal so I looked to see what was least expensive and/or on sale.  I momentarily forgot about the guy as I narrowed down my detergent choices.  As I reached for my final selection, out of my peripheral vision again I saw the guy approaching me.  This time I couldn't help but to look at him and he smiled and said hi.  I said hi back and left the isle with my heart beating at least in double-time.

Later as I got into the check-out line I quickly scanned the other registers to see if the guy was in line.  I didn't see him, so my heart rate returned to normal as I loaded my groceries into my car and drove home to my apartment.  I took the 1st armload inside and as I returned to the car for the remaining bags, the guy from the grocery store walked over to my car!

He said he didn't mean to scare me, but that I'd left the store before he'd had a chance to introduce himself, so he followed me home.  Looking back on this now a big red "STALKER" flag goes up, but at the time his explanation sounded reasonable.  Or maybe I was just flattered.  

He offerred to help me carry the remaining bags inside and I allowed him to do so.  We talked for a couple minutes (where do you work, where do you live, etc) and then he invited me to go see the July 4th fireworks with him the next day.  I thanked him for the invitation but told him I'd be out of town.  (I really was going to spend the entire July 4th at my relatives' home in MD.)  He asked if we could exchange numbers and perhaps get together another time.  I said OK even though I knew full well it would never happen.  As he was leaving my roommate was coming in the door.  My roommate was a Jehovah's Witness too so we knew each others' friends.  He asked me who that guy was.  I casually brushed it off by saying it was an old acquaintance from high school I'd run into at the grocery store.

The guy did call me a couple times and left messages on my answering machine (remember those?), but I never returned his calls.  I wasn't ready yet.

Glimpses of Gay, part 1

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my
blog.  In years past I have posted links to my coming out story.  I really don't want to do that again, as the story is easily accessible using the 'coming out' tag.  I also thought about posting Pride photos found on the web, but this seemed a little lame.  Then I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 1:

It was late afternoon in the spring of 1983.  I was 19 years old and working part-time in a men's clothing store.  I was offered a temporary full-time position shuttling specific merchandise between store locations while the usual driver was out with back surgery.

One day as I was driving on a multi-lane highway I looked over to my left and noticed an attractive man driving the car next to me.  He looked over and caught me looking at him.  Embarrassed, I pressed a little harder on the gas pedal to move away from his car.  He excellerated too and caught up with me.  I quickly glanced over at him again and saw him looking at me.  I may have smiled or just waved in that friendly kind of 'I acknowledge you' kind of way; I'm not sure.  But as I could feel my heart beating faster I decided to lift my foot off the gas pedal a little so the guy in the other car would pass me.  Sure enough, he slowed down too and once again we were window to window.

It was now obvious to me that my initial looking at him had started some sort of flirtation.  He was intentionally reacting to my changes in speed and trying to respond.  I started to freak out a little because I didn't know what I was doing!  But since we were both rolling down the highway at 55mpg or so, I was more excited than scared.

Until he began gesturing to me to pull over.

Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygood - what am I going to do?!?!?!  Nothing like this had ever happened to me before.  I literally didn't know what to expect.  Should I stop?  Should I just keep driving?  I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.

I decided to pull over onto the shoulder and so did he.  We both got out of our vehicles and introduced ourselves.  He then asked if I would join him for a drink somewhere closeby.  Rather than tell him the truth (that I was a Jehovah's Witness who could NOT be gay) I told him I was working and still had several stops to make.  He seemed a little disappointed, and asked when I'd be in the area again.  I didn't really know how to respond since telling him the truth (that I'd be back there in 2 days) would likely lead to some kind of planned meeting, so I just said I didn't know when my deliveries would bring me back to this area.  

Perhaps he understood this was all very new to me, and maybe he decided it would be too much 'work' to try and be with someone like me.  Fortunately he was very gracious and smiled as he shook my hand and we said goodbye.  More than 30 years later I still remember the excitement mixed with fear I felt that day.