Coo coo Cunanan

I just finished watching "American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace".  Please assume this post will contain "spoilers".

Overall I liked it very much.  Episode 4 or 5 (I forget which) got very dark when the sailor was being beaten on the submarine, but I forged my way through it.  I didn't really care for the way the events were told in reverse order.  I would have preferred if they were in chronological order which would have helped build up to Versace's murder.  I think its interesting that Versace's name is in the title when the series was really more about his killer, Andrew Cunanan, who is believed to have murdered at least 5 men, all documented in this series.  Maybe they should have called it "American Crime Story: The Andrew Cunanan Story".

There's a disclaimer that says the series is based on facts and evidence but that details and conversations are imagined to be consistent with what may have happened.  In reality there's no way to know for sure about the "conversation" between Cunanan and his victims because all parties are dead. But the dialog seemed realistic to me and the acting wasn't over the top. Darren Criss showed a great range of emotions.

Cunanan is portrayed as a young man groomed by his con-artist father to be "someone special".  He graduates from a prestigious private school but doesn't want to "work".  He is obssessed with the trappings of success, so he tries being an escort and then targets older, wealthy men as possible sugar daddies.  Aside from all that, there was something terribly wrong with Cunanan who allegedly killed his boyfriend for breaking up with him after killing the boyfriend's new boyfriend in front of him.  Most of the killings weren't as "nice" as Versace's being shot.  One was blugeoned with a hammer, and another was stabbed multiple times before having bags of cement dropped on his chest.  Cunanan was coo coo!

The series indicates that information about Cunanan and the killings was culled from police records, news reports, interviews with family and friends, and a book called "Vulgar Favors: The Hunt for Andrew Cunanan, the man who killed Gianni Versace". The series was intriguing enough that I ordered the book on Amazon and am eagerly awaiting its arrival.

The series shed light on another sad reality related to these events.  Versace's partner of 13+ years (played by Ricky Martin) was not liked by Versace's family and just before the funeral he was told that all of Versace's homes were owned by the business, not by him personally, thus leaving the partner homeless.  Obviously they weren't married so the partner had absolutely no rights.  I believe I read that Versace left him money in his will but that was not shown in the series.  The partner's grief was completely disregarded by the family and the public, and he was treated rudely by the priest at the funeral.

If you haven't watched it, you can find the 8 part series on demand.  I recommend it.

Mourning after

Last Thurs Spouse & I packed up the dogs and several days' worth of clothes and left for VA.  We arrived at Spouse's sister's house just before lunch time so we took her and her older son (nicknamed Baby David) to lunch.  Afterward we stopped at a few stores because Spouse wanted some new pants for the viewings/funeral, and Spouse's sister needed a few things too.  That night we ordered food in and looked through a bunch of old photos collected from Spouse's mom's apartment.  We pulled out about 100 of them to use on the memory boards and in a slide show.  Here are some of my favorites:

Evelyn loved sitting in her back yard

Evelyn was a member of lunch AND dinner Red Hat groups

Glamour Girl in her kitchen

That adorable little boy in the grey suit is Spouse

Memory board #1

Memory board #2

It was fun and somewhat therapeutic to go through all the old photos.  And yes, that's Evelyn riding a camel in Egypt in the center of memory board #2.  The woman got around!

On Fri the family arrived at the funeral home at 1:15 for the private family viewing, then set up the memory boards and slide show.  Next was a viewing for friends at 2:00.  According to the guest book about 75 people came, including many of the residents and staff of the retirement home where Evelyn had lived.  Spouse's boss came from DE with her husband, and several friends of ours came too.  We had a break from 4:00-6:00 during which time the family had a light meal and I picked up my aunt Mary.  Then came the 2nd viewing from 6:00-8:00.  Approximately 125 people attended that one, including our dear friends Mike & Clark, Ron & James, Kerry & Hugh, Kelly, Justine & Liz, and the retired pastor and associate pastor of the church we attended in VA, who are still dear friends. While it was obviously a sad time, I can say that it wasn't overly sad.  Friends shared cherished and often humorous stories about Evelyn and I imagine there were likely as many laughs as there were tears.

The funeral mass was at 11:00 in the Catholic church Evelyn attended for many, many years.  There were likely 150+ people there including our good friends Steven & Thad.  For me, this was sort of the 'finale' and I anticipated having trouble keeping my emotions in check, so I planned my coping mechanism.  When I felt like I may ugly-cry, I would think about a hilarious situation involving Evelyn at a restaurant.  Spouse & I were out to dinner with Evelyn when a familiar looking woman was seated a few tables away.  Evelyn thought it was her old neighbor Pauline who had moved away 20 years prior.  Spouse suggested to his mother than Pauline would now be much older than this woman so it likely wasn't her.  Spouse's mother persisted that the woman was wearing a ring just like Pauline, so she decided to approach the woman at her table.  The brief conversation went like this:
Evelyn:  Excuse me, are you Pauline?
Woman:  No.
Evelyn:  Are you sure??  You look just like her!
Questioning whether the woman was sure of her identity still makes me laugh to this day, so I knew it would help me shift my mood when it became too heavy.  Fortunately it worked.  Immediately after the funeral mass there was a lovely luncheon in the parish hall.  In addition to eating lunch, it was a great opportunity for us to thank our friends for coming and chit-chat.

Afterward Spouse & me, aunt Mary, and Steven & Thad all went to Spouse's sister's house and hung out for a while and visited.  Then I took the dogs and my luggage and rode back to DE with Steven & Thad.  I needed to get back and Spouse was going to stay for the internment on Mon morning.  After feeding/walking the dogs and getting them settled at home, I joined Steven & Thad for a quick dinner and then headed to the Blue Moon to perform in the Legends show.

Sun morning I was up early to hold a moving sale for my clients.  They'd intended to include the furniture/furnishings with the sale of their beach home, but the buyer is going to live there full-time and already had her own stuff, so I offered to hold a moving sale for them on Sat.  Due to the funeral I pushed it to Sun.  I advertised it on several buy/sell facebook groups and had a GREAT turn-out.  I sold nearly everything in the house, including an old ironing board!  After the sale I went into the office to catch up on emails and administrative tasks.

Blank

...since we are at the viewings for Evelyn.

Light

Late Fri night we got a call from Spouse's sister, notifying us that his mom Evelyn was in the hospital.  She was taken there after a fall in her apartment, due to extremely low blood pressure.  She's banged up her face but had not broken any bones.

Sat we got a pretty positive update on Evelyn's condition.  She was talking and laughing and seemed to be doing pretty well.  This news made Spouse & I feel much better.  Evelyn's blood pressure was still very low but they were treating it with medication.  

Late Sun night we got another call from Spouse's sister who was in tears.  Evelyn had taken a turn for the worse and was move to ICU and put on a ventilator.  Despite multiple medications to try and raise her blood pressure they doctors were unsuccessful.  Spouse wondered if he should get in the car immediately and drive to see her, but it was after 11pm and since she was on the ventilator he decided to wait until the morning.

So this morning he drove back to the DC area and met his siblings in the hospital and spoke with the doctors.  Evelyn was not conscious.  The medications were having no effect on her blood pressure.  It seemed the cardiomyopathy she'd been trying to outrun for 6 years had finally caught up with her.  Her weakened heart just couldn't pump enough to keep her blood pressure up.

Evelyn signed a medical directive years ago stating her wishes for the time when this inevitable situation would occur.  After 12 hours on life support the 4 siblings honored her wishes and allowed the doctors to turn off the machinery keeping her alive.  Within just a few minutes, surrounded by family, Evelyn's light went out.  She was 87.

Send off

Sat was the memorial service for Spouse's brother Frank, who passed away a few weeks ago after a long battle with cancer.

Frank's longtime friend Liz offered to arrange for the service, burial of Frank's ashes, and luncheon at a small historic church the two of them occasionally attended out in 'the country' in southern MD.  She ran the details by the family for approval.

The GPS said it should take us 2 hours and 53 minutes to get there, so I rounded it up to 3 hours and then added an additional 1/2 hour so we wouldn't be rushed, and could stop for a bathroom break if necessary.  We left on time and it was a beautiful, sunny autumn day; perfect for a road trip.

But just a few miles before we were to exit the highway, we came upon a sea of brake lights.  In the distance we saw the flashing lights of a tow truck.  Accidents on the highways are commonplace for the metro DC area.  But it soon became apparent that the traffic back-up extended beyond the accident.  As we inched along we began to see orange traffic cones and a variable message sign ahead.

Great... road work.  The 3-lane highway was being squeezed into 1 lane.  I looked at the estimated arrival time on the GPS as it kept getting later and later.  "Good think I added that extra 1/2 hour" I thought to myself.  Unfortunately, the traffic inched along for nearly 3 miles before we could get off the highway and we'd used up nearly all of our extra time.  The service was to start at 1:00 and the GPS estimated our arrival at 12:56.

I was really afraid we were going to be late, but we finally got there and got seated before the service began.  It lasted about 20 minutes, with readings, songs, and remembrances.  Afterward we walked outside to the cemetery for a prayer before the urn was to be interred, then we walked around back to the parish hall for the luncheon.

Frank's 3 brothers and 1 sister were there, along with their spouses and children, and Frank's mother.  Several friends from the neighborhood in which Frank grew up were also there, some of whom had known him for 40 years.  Our dear friends Kerry & Hugh came too, which was very sweet of them, and my aunt Mary who spends all the holidays with us also came.  We all agreed that Frank would have been pleased with this 'send off'.

The only photo I took was of this photo collage which was set up in the parish hall during the luncheon.

I wish I'd thought to take other photos since the family was all there together. 

Afterward the family all collected at Spouse's sister Mary's house and visited for a few hours.  Spouse & I got home at 12:30am.

Frank

Last night about 10:30 Spouse's eldest brother Frank passed away after a 3-year bout with cancer.

Spouse, his siblings, and his mother were all able to spend time with Frank earlier this week, although no one is sure if he was actually aware of this or not.  There was nothing more that could be done to manage his pain, so to be 'kind' to him Frank was heavily sedated.  He would awaken now and then, look at his family in the room, and attempt to speak but it made no sense and he drifted back to sleep.

During my 20+ year relationship with Spouse we were never what you'd call "close" with Frank.  His lifestyle was very different from ours (heavy smoker, heavy drinker, recreational drug user, etc.) so we didn't have much in common with him.  Yet, the death of a sibling is still difficult, even if you aren't close.  It reminds one of their own mortality, and sometimes makes one question if there were something they could have/should have done differently.

Despite our differences, Frank shared our feeling that Family was very important.  He always made an effort to be with his family for all the holidays, birthday parties, baptisms, first communions, and any other special event. 

Frank was divorced for many years and had no children so the family made the decision to have his body cremated.  A memorial service will be held in the near future.

Goodbye

If you've commented on my blog posts in the past you may have seen comments from Wayne Da'Cajun.  He and I have read and commented on each other's blogs for a couple years now.  I learned that he passed away very early yesterday morning, after a long and valiant fight with cancer.  How fitting that Da'Cajun (originally from New Orleans) would choose Fat Tuesday to depart this world.

I'm not going to pretend that we were close friends.  In reality, we 'knew' each other mostly from reading each others blogs.  He worked at a restaurant I frequent, so we've met in person several times but had no time for substantive conversation there.  We also met at the blogger meet-up here in DE back in 2013, where we had more opportunity to spend time together.

I can say with confidence that Wayne was a lovely person.  His thoughtful and intelligent blog posts were very different from my style of writing, but they were completely him.

He was known for his smile, which everyone who knew him will sorely miss.

Photo lifted from Wayne's facebook page

To be filed under "WTF???"

NJ Man Pleads Guilty to 15th DUI

MORRISTOWN, N.J. (July 1) – A New Jersey man whose driver's license has been suspended 78 times has pleaded guilty to his 15th drunken-driving offense.

Shaun Campbell of East Rutherford told a judge Tuesday that he had been drinking "quite a bit" of beer when he crashed his SUV head-on into a pickup in April. The truck's occupants, a man and his 4-year-old daughter, were not seriously hurt.

The 40-year-old Campbell's blood-alcohol level was .288 percent, more than triple the state's legal limit.

Authorities say Campbell's license has been suspended 78 times in 22 years. He still faces drunken-driving charges in two other New Jersey cities.

Prosecutors are seeking a maximum prison term of nearly three years at Campbell's sentencing in August. He will lose his license for at least 10 more years.

-----------

Now, I know we've all been out drinking and then have driven home when we shouldn't have once or twice when we were young and foolish. Although serious, that is different.

This guy is 40 years old and his license has been suspended 78 times. That's not a typo. 78 times!! That is not being 'young and foolish', that is being a wreckless and dangerous alcoholic. He needs to go to detox first, jail second, and then be forced to work in a rehab center for people who have lost arms and legs in car crashes so he can be reminded every day how lucky he is not to be one of them.

Here's the part I don't understand: after is 20th, 30th, or even 40th license suspension, why did a judge even bother to reinstate his license? Shouldn't he have been put into one of those programs where your car is rigged up with a breathalyzer so it won't turn on if you're drunk?

Let's say this guy was responsible for a fatal car accident, after 78 license suspensions. Shouldn't the judges who reinstated his license the 77th time be held partly responsible?

Drunk drivers account for about 16,000 deaths each year in the US. Maybe 16,000 doesn't sound like a lot when you factor in the entire US, but imagine if your parents, siblings, other relatives, or friends were among the 16,000. Loosing someone you love to a senseless drunk driving crash is unacceptable because its 100% preventable.

Maybe 78 license suspensions doesn't mean enough. But what about the 15 DUI convictions? I mean, WTF??? Shouldn't the judge at the 4th or 5th DUI trial have noticed this guy had a problem?

I tell you, I just can't wrap my head around this...

Crush du Jour: Adrian Bellani