Glimpses of Gay, part 6

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 6:

I think it was 1992, only about a year before I left the JWs to be an out gay man, and I was working in the customer service department for the local phone company.  I received a call from a man (we'll call him John because I don't remember his actual name) who requested we change the name on the phone bill.  John said the service/bill was in the name of Roger (not his real name either) but that Roger had passed away.  He said he lived with Roger and wanted to keep the same phone number and service as is, but change the name on the account.

Not because I'm nosey but because it was a requirement of the job, I asked John if he and Roger were roommates or related in some way.  There was an elongated pause and then John said something like "Well, we weren't related legally."  There was another long pause and then he said "We were a couple."

Keep in mind that in 1992 people were just starting to hear the term "partner" used to describe a gay person's spouse, and recognized domestic partnerships and marriage equality were still a distant fantasy.  Same sex couples had little-to-no legal connection or rights.

"I'm very sorry for your loss" I said sincerely.  Then I explained the phone company's policy and what I would do for him.  I bent the rules a bit to allow him to assume the account despite John an Roger not being related, since it wasn't his fault they were unable to be legally married.  He was very appreciative and thanked me for my kindness and sensitivity.

Coincidentally I saw that the address was very close to where I lived, so I wrote down the address on a Post-it note and slid it into my pocket.  After work I stopped and purchased a sympathy card, wrote a short note inside, and delivered it to John's house.  I didn't ring the doorbell or attempt to meet him in person, but wanted to show my support for his relationship and my sympathy over his loss.

Glimpses of Gay, part 5

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part5:

In the spring of either 1990 or 1991 I planned a week's vacation in CA where I'd drive the scenic Pacific Coast Hwy.  I had several family friends and relatives who lived in different places so I'd contacted them and set up a schedule to meet up with them during my visit.  I flew into San Francisco and rented a red convertible to take advantage of the beautiful weather as I drove south along the scenic Pacific Coast Hwy, stopping for my family and friends visits along the way.

At one point stopped in some southern CA town to eat and saw a 1950s diner with cool, vintage cars parked in front.  This seemed like a fun place, so I parked the red LeBaron convertible, looked at the beautiful vintage cars, then went inside to eat.

Not long after being seated I became aware of a large, crescent-shaped banquet where 8 men were eating.  They weren't making a scene or anything but I noticed they were laughing and talking and seemed to know each other well.  Then it dawned on me:  they were 4 gay couples.  I watched them as I waited for and then ate my dinner.  Aside from this glimpse into their shared meal, I wondered what their lives were like.  

I imagined that they lived in cute CA ranch-style homes with red Spanish tile roofs, and that they hosted dinner parties where they served cocktails and played Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday music.  I pictured them going grocery shopping together, one of them searching for a coupon and the other rolling his eyes. I pictured them cuddled up on their sofa at night watching TV together. 

Those thoughts comforted me and made me feel sad at the same time.  I imagined a life for them that I wanted for myself.  Little did I know then that I would create such a life for myself, minus the CA ranch-style homes with red Spanish tile roof.

Glimpses of Gay, part 4

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 4:

Between 1986 - 1989 (I was 22-25 years old) I lived in a terrific 2-bedroom apartment.  It had big rooms, lots of closet space, a shaded terrace, and a convenient location.  I had 3 different roommates during those 3 years but I can easily say that my favorite was David.  I met David through a mutual acquaintance and immediately thought he was very handsome.  He had broad shoulders, nicely muscular arms, and later I would find he had a hairy chest.  

But what made David even more irresistible was that he was so incredibly nice!  He had a brother about 2 years younger, and a 1/2 sister from his mom's 2nd marriage who was considerably younger.  He was kind and respectful to his brother and sweet and helpful to his little sister.  David's mother had a chronic health condition and he was always mindful to try to ease her daily chores if possible.  Understandably, I fell in love with him. While I wondered if David might possibly be gay, I knew it was ridiculous to speculate about it.  He and I were both Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs), and as such you are not allowed to be gay.  

We got along well and shared many interests.  I assisted him when he'd agreed to help a friend move to a different home, and he'd come with me for dinner at my folks' house.  I tried to think of as many things as possible I could do to spend time with him.  

I eventually invited him to move into my apartment.  The only problem was that it was a 2-bedroom place and I already had a roommate, at least on paper.  My current roommate was rarely there.  Sometimes weeks would go by without me seeing him.  He was behind on his rent so sometimes he would come and get clothes etc when he knew I was at work so he wouldn't have to face me.  I knew it was just a matter of time before he would have to give up his room, so I convinced David to move into my room until that happened.  My room was huge so there was plenty of room for both our beds and I cleared some space for his stuff in my walk-in closet.  

I remember a night that seemed magical.  He liked to read in bed before going to sleep, and one night he asked if I'd like him to read out loud.  I said sure, so he quickly told me the jist of the story so far, then read aloud to me.  I'll never forget that.

Another memory that is clear in my mind after all these years is when we had a crazy heat wave.  In the DC metro area where we lived our hot summers were often accompanied by extreme humidity.  At that time I worked in a non-air conditioned warehouse and David did construction work.  One day we both came home from work hot and exhausted and joked that we should hang our clothes up to dry before tossing them into the clothes hamper.  As we both stripped down to our underwear David suggested we have a cold beer.  He left the bedroom in his underwear so I followed suit.  We sat on the dining room chairs (not fabric) in our underwear, drank our beers, and talked.

In hindsight, I'm surprised no one ever questioned our friendship.  I was so in love with David I'm surprised it wasn't noticeable to others.  Or, maybe it was noticeable but since JWs can't be gay they simply didn't understand.  I eventually moved out when I bought my 1-bedroom condo and David kept the apartment for awhile.  Years later I heard he was married, and just recently I heard he was divorced; his wife left him for another guy.

Glimpses of Gay, part 3

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 3:

It was the fall of 1980 (I think).  I was almost 17, a junior in high school, and had gotten a part in the community theatre's production of Li'l Abner.  (My part had just a couple lines but I sang in all the chorus scenes).  Because I didn't have a driver's license yet, my mother or sister would drop me off for evening rehearsals and then I'd bum a ride home with some other cast member.  

One night I'd secured a ride home with 2 guys, one of whom had the lead and the other a supporting role, whom I knew lived near me.  I assume they were at least 5 years older than me based on their facial hair and maturity.  It was probably close to 10pm and it was dark out.  As we left the rehearsal location the 1st guy asked me if I had a girlfriend, to which I replied no.  He said that they didn't have girlfriends either, and the 2nd guy snickered.  The 2nd guy asked if I had a boyfriend, to which I also replied no.  The 1st guy asked if I'd ever smoked pot, to which I replied no again.  Then he said that with no girlfriend, no boyfriend, and no pot, what did I do for fun?  I told them that I played the piano and tried out for community theatre parts like this.  The 2nd guy asked if this was my 1st production and I replied yes.  He said congratulations and said I must be excited.

As we neared my neighborhood the 1st guy said that they were going to smoke some pot and that I could join them instead of going directly home.  I told them no, and that my parents would be expecting me.  They asked if I was sure, that it would be fun, and that they'd make sure I was OK since I'd never had pot before.  I said I was sure, so they dropped me off at my house.

Oddly enough, I do not remember being scared or feeling unsafe by this questioning or the offer to smoke pot with them.  I kind of figured out they were gay, but that didn't make me uncomfortable either.

Glimpses of Gay, part 2

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 2:

It was July 3rd (I'm sure) of 1988 (I think).  I was 24 and lived in a 2-bedroom apartment with a roommate.  I was grocery shopping and noticed an attractive young man (probably a little older than me) reaching for something off the shelf.  He looked at me as I was looking at him.  I smiled innocently and wondered if he was gay.  I pushed my cart down the isle, around the corner, and up the next isle.  I stopped and picked an item off the shelf, pretending to examine its ingredients while I waited to see if the guy would follow me.  Sure enough he stopped near me and also pretended to look at products.  From my peripheral vision I saw that he looked over at me, but I didn't look back at him.  Instead I placed the item back on the shelf and pushed my cart away.

A few isles over I stopped to look for laundry detergent which I actually needed.  I was not brand loyal so I looked to see what was least expensive and/or on sale.  I momentarily forgot about the guy as I narrowed down my detergent choices.  As I reached for my final selection, out of my peripheral vision again I saw the guy approaching me.  This time I couldn't help but to look at him and he smiled and said hi.  I said hi back and left the isle with my heart beating at least in double-time.

Later as I got into the check-out line I quickly scanned the other registers to see if the guy was in line.  I didn't see him, so my heart rate returned to normal as I loaded my groceries into my car and drove home to my apartment.  I took the 1st armload inside and as I returned to the car for the remaining bags, the guy from the grocery store walked over to my car!

He said he didn't mean to scare me, but that I'd left the store before he'd had a chance to introduce himself, so he followed me home.  Looking back on this now a big red "STALKER" flag goes up, but at the time his explanation sounded reasonable.  Or maybe I was just flattered.  

He offerred to help me carry the remaining bags inside and I allowed him to do so.  We talked for a couple minutes (where do you work, where do you live, etc) and then he invited me to go see the July 4th fireworks with him the next day.  I thanked him for the invitation but told him I'd be out of town.  (I really was going to spend the entire July 4th at my relatives' home in MD.)  He asked if we could exchange numbers and perhaps get together another time.  I said OK even though I knew full well it would never happen.  As he was leaving my roommate was coming in the door.  My roommate was a Jehovah's Witness too so we knew each others' friends.  He asked me who that guy was.  I casually brushed it off by saying it was an old acquaintance from high school I'd run into at the grocery store.

The guy did call me a couple times and left messages on my answering machine (remember those?), but I never returned his calls.  I wasn't ready yet.

Glimpses of Gay, part 1

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my
blog.  In years past I have posted links to my coming out story.  I really don't want to do that again, as the story is easily accessible using the 'coming out' tag.  I also thought about posting Pride photos found on the web, but this seemed a little lame.  Then I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 1:

It was late afternoon in the spring of 1983.  I was 19 years old and working part-time in a men's clothing store.  I was offered a temporary full-time position shuttling specific merchandise between store locations while the usual driver was out with back surgery.

One day as I was driving on a multi-lane highway I looked over to my left and noticed an attractive man driving the car next to me.  He looked over and caught me looking at him.  Embarrassed, I pressed a little harder on the gas pedal to move away from his car.  He excellerated too and caught up with me.  I quickly glanced over at him again and saw him looking at me.  I may have smiled or just waved in that friendly kind of 'I acknowledge you' kind of way; I'm not sure.  But as I could feel my heart beating faster I decided to lift my foot off the gas pedal a little so the guy in the other car would pass me.  Sure enough, he slowed down too and once again we were window to window.

It was now obvious to me that my initial looking at him had started some sort of flirtation.  He was intentionally reacting to my changes in speed and trying to respond.  I started to freak out a little because I didn't know what I was doing!  But since we were both rolling down the highway at 55mpg or so, I was more excited than scared.

Until he began gesturing to me to pull over.

Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygood - what am I going to do?!?!?!  Nothing like this had ever happened to me before.  I literally didn't know what to expect.  Should I stop?  Should I just keep driving?  I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.

I decided to pull over onto the shoulder and so did he.  We both got out of our vehicles and introduced ourselves.  He then asked if I would join him for a drink somewhere closeby.  Rather than tell him the truth (that I was a Jehovah's Witness who could NOT be gay) I told him I was working and still had several stops to make.  He seemed a little disappointed, and asked when I'd be in the area again.  I didn't really know how to respond since telling him the truth (that I'd be back there in 2 days) would likely lead to some kind of planned meeting, so I just said I didn't know when my deliveries would bring me back to this area.  

Perhaps he understood this was all very new to me, and maybe he decided it would be too much 'work' to try and be with someone like me.  Fortunately he was very gracious and smiled as he shook my hand and we said goodbye.  More than 30 years later I still remember the excitement mixed with fear I felt that day.

Its Pride Month!

Happy Pride Month!!!

June is generally considered 'Pride month' because the Stonewall riots occurred in June and June is the most popular month for city and state Pride celebrations. However our Pride celebration takes place in Sept here in DE, after the tourist season ends.

I just realized I haven't really 'celebrated' Pride here on my blog in a few years.  Not sure why; maybe its because the Pride Festival which used to be local to us is now held about 90 minutes away so we haven't been to it since it moved.  We used to go to Pride every year when we lived in the DC area.

My friend and fellow blogger Kelly at Rambling Along in Life is doing his annual Pride month photo challenge: 

Kelly's original photo

Post the photo above on your blog and let Kelly know. He will link to you on his month-long Pride post. Each year he hopes to exceed the previous year's number of participants in this photo challenge, so why not play along? Its fun!  

Whether you celebrate Pride in June or some other month, I hope you'll look back on the enormous progress made towards equal rights with appreciation to those who paved the way.

Historic day

Well, needless to say I was very pleased with last Friday's Supreme Court ruling that State same sex marriage bans are unconstitutional, effectively creating marriage equality in all 50 states.  Immediately following the announcement couples began streaming to local court houses requesting marriage licenses.  June 26, 2015 became a historical date:  the date love won.

I was at work when the announcement was made but my aunt (who is straight) called me to share the good news.  A couple of my straight colleagues in the office and 2 of my neighbors also shared their concurrence with the Court's decision, which was a nice surprise to me.  I decided to take those congratulatory conversations just a step forward by saying the following (paraphrased):

"I hope the general public really understands how important this is.  You know, its not just about the right to walk down the isle and have a fabulous wedding.  There are so many legal rights and benefits that come along with the right to be married... visiting a spouse in the hospital, making medical decisions for a spouse, inheritance of jointly owned property, receipt of pensions, the ability to be covered by a spouse's medical insurance.  These and many more are things that were not legally available to same sex couples in states where same sex marriage bans were in place.  This ruling eliminates different treatment based on the gender of your spouse and creates real marriage equality, something all Americans deserve."

Some understood this already and simply agreed, while others' eyes widened and they said "Oh wow, I never thought of it that way."

It was a happy day for nearly everyone except the conservatives and right-wingers.  They of course began predicting the end of civilization as we know it due to these new unions which have absolutely no real affect on them.  

The White House celebrated the decision by projecting lights in the rainbow colors across its facade.  Facebook responded by providing a rainbow filter under which users' profile picture could be displayed.

I also liked that the timing of this decision occurred in June, the unofficial GLBT Pride month, and just 2 days prior to the 46th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, the unofficial beginning of the gay rights movement.

On my facebook page I posted this photo and caption:

Married in all 50 states now.  Thanks SCOTUS!

Weekend highlights

Since I had an appointment for a 2nd showing of a house at noon on Sat, Spouse & I went to the car show when it started at 10am. The weather was very chilly and overcast. Unlike past years when everyone was in shorts and t-shirts, this day they had on jeans and jackets. We walked around and admired the lovely cars and chatted with a few friends we met along the way. This year's theme was "In the lap of luxury" so many of the club members with multiple cars brought their most luxurious models. There must have been a dozen Cadillacs which delighted me immensely, a few Lincolns, and even a 1960 Rolls Royce. We left at 11:30 as it began to rain, so I could drop Spouse off at home and then meet my client at the house. I felt bad for the guys at the car show.

My client brought her architect brother along for the 2nd showing to give her ideas. She liked the home's size and location a lot, but its style was a bit too modern. Her brother and I both had some great ideas to make the home feel more cottagy. She promised to call me later that afternoon with her decision. I had a good feeling!

My plan was to pick up Spouse after the house showing and go to DE Pride, but it was raining pretty steadily by then. Since the entire event is outdoors, we thought that if we waited for a while the rain might pass on and we could go to Pride later when the entertainment was scheduled. So we met up with Steven and Alisha & Jack for lunch, then hung out at home for a while. I played a few turns of WWF and tidied up the house a bit while Spouse took a nap. My client called to say they wanted to write an offer on the house I'd shown her twice so I met them at the office to prepare the offer. By the time we finished it was 5:00 and it was still raining so we gave up on attending DE Pride and seeing Taylor Dayne perform. That night we went to our friend Doug's surprise birthday party at their friend's house. They had great food and we had a good time.

I was supposed to work on Sun but my colleague asked me to switch Sundays with him so he could be off next Sun. This gave me an entire weekend off (with the exception of the showing and the offer writing). Our friends Koset & Jim were in town and texted me so we met them for breakfast. Afterward they invited us to their house since we'd not been there before and we talked until noon. I hoped the weather would clear up so we could go to the beach in the afternoon but it was cool and overcast instead. Again we relaxed at home for a while until it was time to have dinner at Steven & Thad's. Thad's mother was visiting so they invited us and Robin and Joe P over for dinner. Spouse was helping to set the table for dinner in the sunroom and looked into the kitchen window and made a comment about being the 'zany next door neighbor' from a 1950s sitcom stopping by to gossip, and we all cracked up! Joe P took this photo.We had a delicious meal and a fun evening!

Friday fragments

Welcome to Friday fragments, my weekly recap of topics too big to forget, yet too small to be their own post.

My friend Jared sent me this:I love how its done in 'traditional' needlepoint!

Earlier this week Spouse & I went to dinner with our friends Deb & Greer and Bob & Michael. We met Bob & Michael at Greer's birthday party a few weeks ago and we seemed to click with them. This week we had dinner at Planet X, one of my favorite local restaurants. The weather was pleasant so we had a table on the porch, but for some reason there was no breeze and we all became uncomfortably warm. So after dinner we walked to the boardwalk to 'cool off' with the ocean breezes and an ice cream cone! It was a very nice evening.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend! Its the car club's annual Beach Ball car show on Sat. I didn't renew my membership in the club this year or pay to participate in Beach Ball (car show, banquet, parties, etc.) due to funds, but I am definitely planning to attend the car show as a spectator. Click here for photos of last year's Beach Ball. I even requested off work to enjoy the car club, although I will take an hour or so at noon to show a house to a client for the 2nd time. Hopefully it will be worth it.

Also on Sat is DE Pride! This year talent is pretty amazing, especially for this relatively small Pride event. The headliner is Taylor Dayne!! I loved her back in the late 80s/early 90s and even saw her in concert. Also performing are Jonny McGovern, Calpernia Addams, and Pepper MaShay. In addition to the talent I always find it nice to wonder around the festival and see lots of friends.

Sat night Spouse & I are going to our friend Doug's surprise birthday dinner so that should be fun too.

My current pet peeve is when people say "navy blue" because its redundant. Navy is only a shade of blue so there's no need to distinguish which color is a shade of. There's no navy red, navy green, or navy brown, so don't say "navy blue". Just say navy.

Here's wishing everyone a great weekend!

Friday fragments

Welcome to Friday fragments, my weekly recap of topics too big to forget, yet too small to be their own post.

Like most of you, I was shocked and VERY unhappy about the Netflix subscription changes to go into effect Sept 1. Netflix is discontinuing the subscription we have where you can stream films and get DVDs by mail for $9.99 per month. In Sept you have to choose streamed films OR DVDs by mail for $7.99 per month. If you still want to stream and get DVDs by mail you must pay for both subscriptions at $15.99 per month. To clarify, in order to keep what I'm currently getting for $9.99 per month I will have to pay $15.99 per month. I guess they are banking on subscribers opting to keep what they have and pay the extra $6. per month. Sure they'll be pissed for a month but will soon forget about it. Afterall, Americans have extremely short memories. But I think I will just select the DVDs by mail subscription for $7.99 per month since their streaming library is minuscule compared to their DVD library.

My friend Joe P sent me this cute video from the tv show Australia's Got Talent. He's not a bad singer. Enjoy!

While most of you have already enjoyed your Pride celebrations in June, Pride is celebrated in Sept here in DE. I'm SUPER EXCITED that this year's Pride celebration headliner is Taylor Dayne!! I've been a big fan for years and saw her in concert in the early 90s. I hope she performs all her hits because that's what I'll be expecting. She was a guest judge on 1 season of RuPaul's Drag Race but didn't perform.

Spouse's family is still here. They were originally going to leave tomorrow but they're having such a good time they decided to stay 2 extra days so now they're leaving on Mon. Spouse & I have had plans to go to Ikea with Steven & Thad on Sun and basically be gone all day. The family doesn't care. They'll go to the beach and we'll go with Steven & Thad. The visit has been pretty good, with the exception of 1 night when everyone except me stayed up late watching a movie. I had to get up for work the next day but was kept awake until almost 1am by their noise. But other than that its been fine.

I have a busy day planned tomorrow at work. I'm showing a property to a couple at 9:30, then showing 4 properties to a different couple at 10:30. This is our prime season and its been as busy as I've expected.

Here's hoping everyone has a great weekend!

Weekend highlights

We spent the weekend in Philly!

One of the Bobs road with us and the other Bob road with Steven & Thad. We arrived at Bobby Flay's Burger Palace downtown where we met up with Bugs & Roger, Thad's sister Robin, and Thad's friend Alan. We had a delicious and surprisingly affordable lunch at Bobby Flay's. I had the Napa Burger (topped with goat cheese, water cress, and honey mustard) and beer-battered onion rings. Yum!

Then we drove just outside Philly to Merion PA to the Barnes Foundation. Albert Barnes amassed one of the most impressive and valuable art collections in the world with more than 800 paintings by masters including Renoir, Picasso, Matisse, Modigliani, and Cezanne. I don't know anything about art, but it was really cool to be able to view all of those masterpieces in one building. The collection is estimated to be worth about $25 billion.

Then we headed back to downtown Philly where we checked in at the Marriot Residence, across the street from the gorgeous City Hall building. Our room was on the 7th floor with a fantastic view of City Hall. I took this photo while laying on the bed.

Then we walked to Reading Terminal Market with Bugs & Roger for a snack. I got a dark chocolate 'wheel' filled with macadamia nuts from Termini Brothers bakery. Then Roger and I split a piece of Pumple cake from Flying Monkey. Pumple gets its name by combining pumpkin and apple: pumple. Pumple cake consists of pumpkin pie encased in chocolate cake (layer 1) and apple pie encased in yellow cake (layer 2), then frosted with buttercream icing. It sounded so intriguing we had to split a piece.

We both liked it, but it didn't have the 'OMG' factor I was expecting. Next we went to the Macy's that now occupies the old John Wannamaker's building. It is incredible! The grand court is open to the 4 floors above it and you can watch/hear an organist playing the largest organ in the world. Learn more about the organ here. In addition to providing music for daily shopping, the organ and grand court are also used for concerts and extensive holiday light shows. Its truly a spectacle everyone should see when in Philly. Then we went back to the hotel room and relaxed for a while before changing clothes for dinner.

Steven & Thad, The Bobs, Bug & Roger, and Spouse & I met up with Alan and Joe P at Knock. I had a delicious dark rum marinated pork loin with grilled mango and rice. The food and service were excellent and we all enjoyed our meal together. Afterward we walked to the Bike Stop bar, Tavern on Camac bar, and the famous Woody's bar.

Sun morning we enjoyed a free breakfast at the hotel and hung around talking for a while. Then we packed up, checked out, loaded our luggage into the cars, said goodbye to Bugs & Roger, and headed to Moriarty's for brunch with some local area guys who will be going on the cruise next month. We met several nice, friendly guys and enjoyed the brunch. Then we strolled through Outfest Pride festival before heading to the cars and leaving for home. We arrived home at 4:30 and just hung out the rest of the evening, and watched some shows on the DVR.

The weather was fantastic - sunny and in the mid/upper 70s during the day and a little cooler at night, which was ideal for all the walking we did. We had a great time and I can definitely see more day and weekend trips to Philly in our future.

Crush du Jour: Drew Pare

Friday fragments

Welcome to Friday fragments, my weekly recap of topics too big to forget, yet too small to be their own post.


After last week's .5 lb weight gain, Spouse was back to following Weight Watchers with a vengeance and lost 7.5 lbs this week! In 14 weeks he's now lost a total of 57 lbs. As you can imagine, many of his clothes are just too big now. Fortunately he had some smaller size clothes that he is now able to fit into again. But to treat himself for doing so well he went on a little shopping trip this week and got 5 new shirts and 3 new pairs of pants in his current size.


My friend Jared sent me this:
with the subject line: "You don't have to be Jewish to enjoy a tasty bagel".

My friend Lisa in NY posted this piece about fall decorating with gourds on Facebook and I found it to be hilarious!! Enjoy. (Note: contains profanity.)

Jared also sent me this in reference to that wacky conservative DE senate candidate who is against everything, including masturbation:
We are spending this coming weekend in Philadelphia. Steven & Thad, the Bobs, and Spouse & I are meeting up with Bugs & Roger, Thad's sister Robin, and Thad's friend Alan and going to the Barnes Foundation to view the magnificent art collection and gardens. We also plan to attend a brunch for fellow passengers on our Nov cruise and attend the Outfest street fair. Should be a fun weekend!

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!

Crush du Jour: Derrek Diamond

Weekend highlights

Sat morning started out as most of our's do, and if you don't know what that means then just click on any recent post entitled "Weekend highlights". Then Spouse & I went to a community yard sale where I bought 8 purple dinner plates for $3. I think they will match (or at least coordinate with) Steven & Thad's dishes. After a light lunch on the screened porch we headed over to the DE Pride Festival. The weather was perfect: 78 degrees, clear blue skies, and undetectable humidity. We had a good time but finished seeing all the booths and talking with the many friends we saw there within 2 hours, so we left before Kimberley Locke performed. I would have stayed but Spouse was 'ret to go'. Later that evening we met up with Doug & Jim and their neighbors Charlie & John for dinner to celebrate Doug's birthday. We ate at the Rusty Rudder all-you-can-eat buffet since Doug loves their crab legs. It had a very nice time! Afterward I met up with my buddies at Mandance.

We slept in Sun morning, then had coffee and chatted on the screened porch. Jason & Kevin texted to see if we would join them for a late breakfast. Spouse declined due to the previous night's buffet but I met up with the guys at 11:00. Afterward Spouse & I met up with Jason & Kevin, Steven & Thad, The Bobs, Chris, Edwin and Matthew at the beach. It was another postcard perfect day: 82 degrees, clear skies and a lovely breeze off the water. The waves were rather wild, due to Hurricane Igor's affect on the ocean. It was beautiful to watch them churn and crash onto shore. Spouse & I visited with our friends and went for a nice walk on the beach. It was such a beautiful day we didn't want to go home, but eventually we did. I enjoyed a cocktail on the screened porch while Spouse showered, and then we had dinner on the screened porch too. Truly delightful!

Although it is inevitably coming to an end soon, we have really had a terrific summer for spending time on the beach, and I have tried to take maximum advantage of it. I'm definitely NOT ready for long pants, socks and shoes, or shorter days. Not yet.

Crush du Jour: Jonathan Bardzik

Friday fragments

Welcome to Friday fragments, my weekly recap of topics too big to forget, yet too small to be their own post.

This was sent to me by my friend and frequent blog contributor Jared:

Love it!!

I forgot to mention last Fri that it was week 11 for Spouse on Weight Watchers. He lost another 2 1/2 lbs last week for a total of 45.8 lbs. This week is week 12 and he lost another 1.2 lbs (despite us eating out several times) for a total for 46.10 lbs. He's doing so great and I am so impressed by his determination.


Jared also sent me this gem which made me laugh out loud!
Tomorrow is the DE Pride Festival. Although most cities have their Pride celebrations in June, here in DE we do it in Sept, after the official summer tourist season is over. We don't have a parade (due to some uncooperative city council members) but we have a Pride Festival with lots of entertainment and food and vendor/information booths. This year's headliner is Kimberley Locke of American Idol fame. It should be a fun day.

Here's wishing all of you a FAB weekend!

Crush du Jour: Carolos Freire

Pride 2009

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

June is generally considered 'Pride month' because the Stonewall riots occurred in June and June is the most popular month for city and state Pride celebrations. (Here in DE our Pride celebration takes place in Sept, after the tourist season ends.)

This year marks the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, which sparked the birth of the gay rights movement, so this year's Pride is extra important!

My fellow blogger Kelly at Rambling Along in Life is doing his annual Pride month photo challenge: post the photo above on your blog and let Kelly know. He will link to you on his month-long Pride post. He is hoping to exceed last year's number of participants in this photo challenge, so why not play along? Its fun!

Check out Kelly's blog! You never quite know what you'll find.

Crush du Jour: Reynaldo Gianecchini

Friday fragments

Last night Spouse & I watched a great special on PBS called "Anyone and Everyone". It contained portions of interviews with a dozen or so families who explained how they dealt with their gay child's coming out to them. All of the families had a difficult time initially, most due to their religion's strong stand against homosexuality, and others due to cultural pressures. What I found most interesting was:

1. All the families in the film reported a real need to become educated about homosexuality by reading books and the internet, going to therapy, and attending PFLAG meetings in order to find a way to reconcile their faith with their gay child. It was very encouraging to see families taking positive action to improve their relationship with their gay child.
2. Many of the parents described a particular type of grief they felt, that their gay child's life was not going to turn out as they had always planned (ie: marriage, kids, house in the suburbs), even though that's exactly the life some of them do have now.

Check your local PBS listing and watch this documentary. You may be moved as I was to email PBS and thank them for the timely program.

My friend Michael is visiting this weekend, with his friend Maurice. Michael visited last summer but we did not wind up going to the beach on Sat, and then he left right after breakfast on Sun. Since Michael and Maurice are both single I have suggested to them that they plan to do what they want this weekend (bars, etc.), and use our place as a base camp. That way they won't feel obligated to do what Spouse & I want to do, and vice versa. I'm sure the 4 of us will have sufficient time to hang out together, whether its out and about, or at home.

I'm really looking forward to the summer Olympics! This might seem odd since I usually do not play or watch any sports, in person or on TV. But there's something about watching 'the best of the best' competing against one another, for personal excellence as well as the medals, that's exciting to me.

I also enjoy the winter Olympics a great deal, but the upcoming summer Olympics will feature mens diving and gymnastics. Can you say 'gorgeous bodies'??? Mmmmm...

For those going to Pride this weekend, have a blast! I hope everyone has a terrific weekend.

Crush du Jour: David Durante

Coming out - Part V (the finale)

When we arrived in front of his townhouse he said he worried about me driving all the way back home at such a late hour. He feared I might fall asleep while driving, so he invited me to stay in one of his guest rooms and promised to be a gentleman, remembering my speech earlier that night. I thanked him for the offer but said I wasn’t sleepy at all, and was sure I would make it home okay.

He’d told me earlier that night that he’d just bought and moved into his townhouse a few months ago, so I asked if he would give me a tour of his new home. He agreed.

The tour ended in the family room so we sat on the sofa and talked awhile longer. We began kissing, touching, and one thing led to another. Without saying a word to Wolf about it, I decided I was ready to move on with my new life. Perhaps he figured it out from the look in my eyes, the passion in my kisses, or maybe the bulge in my pants.

He held my hand as he led me upstairs to his bedroom, where we kissed and touched some more and I finally decided to let go. Still kissing, we began undressing each other, and I started to shake with nervousness. He found that endearing and hugged me tightly.

We didn't leave his house for the next two days, until Monday, the 4th of July. It was glorious, it was magical. It was everything I'd hoped it would be.

I immediately stopped going to all of the Kingdom Hall meetings and did not return phone messages from any JWs except my parents. I told them I was going to visit a friend out of state so they wouldn't expect to see me for at least a week.

After about 2 weeks of driving to Wolf's house immediately after work, staying the night, then stopping at my place in the morning to shower and change clothes on my way to work, I couldn’t put it off any longer. I had to tell my family I was gay and that I wasn’t going to be a JW anymore, even though I knew there would be serious consequences.

Timing worked in my favor. My sister, her husband, and 2 sons were due for a visit from Florida and we had an appointment to have a family portrait taken. After the photo session we all went to my parents’ house for dessert. After finishing our desserts and coffee, with a serious look on my face I told my parents I had something important to tell them and my sisters. My mother asked my brothers-in-law to take the children to the family room so we could talk privately in the living room.

I took a deep breath and told them I was gay. I repeated much of what I’d told my father, about having known and fought it for years, having prayed for a cure, etc. Then I dropped the bomb: “I’ve begun a relationship with a man. I’m not sorry about it, and I’m not going to stop it. This is not a negotiable topic, and I expect that I will be disfellowshipped.”

'Disfellowshipped' is the term used by JWs to describe the status of former members who either choose to leave the religion, as I did, or are kicked out for not being repentant of some 'sin'. JWs are instructed to completely cut off all association and contact with disfellowshipped people, even relatives. JWs are taught that disfellowshipped people are 'dead to God', so they should be regarded that way by members.

My revelation to my family was followed by stunned looks on everyone’s faces, and then tears. They tried to talk me out of it, suggesting therapy and other useless exercises, which I politely refused, reminding them my decision was not up for negotiation. It got pretty emotional for all of us as the reality set in. I did break down somewhat, but I did not back down at all.

When I left them that night, I knew it would be the last time I’d see my family. I wasn't sure how I'd manage such a devastating loss, but I knew I had to try. I just had to.

The next week I wrote a letter to the Elders informing them that I had “committed fornication” (their term for sex outside of marriage), that I was not repentant, and that I knew the result would be disfellowshipping. For clarity I told them I no longer considered myself a JW, so I would decline any suggestion to meet with them, seeing no point in discussing this non-negotiable personal matter.

I've met other gay former JWs who chose a less decisive break from the religion. Some simply moved away and kept their sexuality a secret from their family and former congregation, feeling this would preserve their relationship with their family. For me it was important to be clear and proud about taking control of my life. I did not want to have to constantly edit my speech around my family or make up lies about the congregation in the new area to which I'd moved. I told the truth because I was ready to be done with that chapter of my life. Even my relationship with my family wasn't worth sacrificing my authenticity or integrity.

I began living at Wolf’s house practically from the night we met. I left my condo furnished for several months until I was sure our living arrangement would work out, and then rented the condo to a friend from work. With a little rearranging at Wolf’s, we fit most of my furniture in, and what was duplicated I sold at a moving sale.

I had just officially 'come out' and began living with my boyfriend. Life was good!

But this was a time for enormous growth and change for me. Finally out from under the control of the JW religion I was beginning to think for myself, and there was plenty to think about! There was so much I wanted to learn and know and experience.

I volunteered weekly at Food & Friends, an organization that prepares and delivers three meals a day to home bound people with AIDS at no cost to them. I formed and directed an a cappella jazz group that sang charts I arranged. I saw a play that featured gay people. I met a transgender woman. I celebrated my first birthday and Christmas. I was like a sponge, soaking up much as possible of what Life had to offer.

But all of this changed me. No longer was I that same naïve young man, content to fill in a place in my closeted boyfriend’s life. Every day I was creating a new page in my own life, as an openly gay man. I hadn’t forgotten about those 4 happy couples in the diner who live in their smartly decorated California ranch style houses with the red Spanish tile roof, who host dinner parties and serve cocktails and play Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday, and who roll their eyes at the other who is searching for a coupon while grocery shopping together, and who will end their day cuddled up on their sofa watching TV together. I still wanted all that.

It became unhappily evident that our goals in life were too different. I didn’t want to pretend to be Wolf's roommate every time his parents came to visit, and he didn’t want to roll his eyes as I searched for a coupon while grocery shopping together. So after 3 years together and several discussions on this topic, we parted as friends and I moved out. Several gay friends helped me load the U-haul and take my stuff back to my condo, which had just become vacant.

Although disappointed that my relationship with Wolf had not turned out as I’d hoped, I was at the same time excited to be following my heart, trying my best to live an authentic life, on my terms.

I felt like more learning and growth were just ahead for me.

And the next day, I met Spouse.

Here's how we met, our 1st date, 2nd date, and 3rd date - all in the same week. Yeah, I work kinda fast.

Crush du Jour: Konrad Bolt

Coming out - Part IV

I was nervous but also excited when we first got to Badlands. The music was loud and fun. Patrick and I ordered drinks and hung out for a while, and I was amazed at how quickly I began to relax. Everything seemed so 'natural' to me there. Guys talking, dancing together, kissing each other; guys who looked just like me – not just the stereotypes.

Patrick and I both loved to dance, so we danced together the rest of the night. The music was great and we had so much fun! When it was time to go home we decided right then to do it again the next weekend.

And the following weekend.

And the following weekend.

We went to Badlands every weekend for about 2 months. We’d always dance together and ignore the glances and ‘cruises’ from other men. This was our way of 'safely testing out the waters', and my way of ensuring I wouldn't get involved. It was so liberating to be there with my friend and with other guys like us.

Eventually we began to chat with others we saw there regularly. Most of the time it was general small talk, but I remember meeting this guy named Mark who drug me onto the dance floor when his favorite song came on: “Supermodel”, by the new artist RuPaul. Mark seemed to free and happy as he strut his stuff! The place had really grown on me. I felt comfortable at Badlands. But I couldn’t believe what I was doing – leading a double life. I was still going to all the meetings at the Kingdom Hall but I was having a blast at the dance club every weekend.

My good friend Debbie tried to help me to anticipate what might happen.

“Sooner or later you’re going to meet someone nice, Beach, who thinks you’re really nice too” she warned. “He’s going to want to date you. What are you going to do then?” I dismissed such a notion because my self-esteem was still on the mend, and I really didn’t believe yet that anyone would actually want to date me.

But she was right. Another night I danced with a guy (also named Mark) who invited me to come home with him. I turned him down graciously, telling him that I was “old-fashioned” and believed that “sex and love should go together”. I wasn’t ready to cross the line yet. I was still adhering to the JW morals with which I'd been raised. Mark smiled and suggested a date, so we exchanged phone numbers.

I'd never been on a date before, but a few days later I was so eager I couldn’t wait any longer so I called him and invited him to dinner.

I picked him up at his place in DC, and we rode together in my car to the restaurant he recommended: The Straits of Malaya. It was a balmy June evening so we sat at a table on the second story terrace, overlooking the street. I’m sure we talked until our food arrived, although I can’t imagine what about, since I was so naïve and hadn’t a clue about politics or current events back then.

No sooner had our food arrived and we begun eating when the sky suddenly darkened, the wind picked up, and it began to storm! Many other diners picked up their plates and hurried inside the restaurant. Figuring they had already gotten all the vacant tables inside the tiny restaurant, we huddled under the table umbrella, as close to the center of the table as possible, and tried to continue our dinner. A few minutes later the storm ended, and we were alone on the terrace. Looking back on it now, it seems quite comical. At the time it seemed utterly romantic.

Upon returning to his place he invited me in for coffee, we looked through his CD collection, and began to kiss. I wasn't ready to go to the next level physically, so I looked at my watch and remarked that it was late and that I’d better get going. We both said we’d had a good time, and he said he’d call me later. We kissed goodbye, which was pretty amazing for me, and I left.

He never called me back.

Another weekend at Badlands I noticed this very handsome man who entered the dance floor with a female. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt from the Boston bar called “Cheers”, which inspired the sitcom. We made eye contact a few times while dancing and he smiled at me. I smiled back and became instantly embarrassed. Not long afterward he and his female dance partner left the dance floor and I didn’t see them anymore the rest of the night. But I couldn’t forget the handsome guy in the “Cheers” T-shirt, with whom I’d made eye contact and exchanged smiles. Was I actually learning how to meet guys? I think so.

I still don't sure how I justified this at the time, since I was still pretending to be a JW, but I put an ad in the local gay paper, under the ‘Glances’ category. It read something like:

Me: blond in green button up shirt
You: brunette in “Cheers” T-shirt
Both: made eye contact and smiled. I hope that female is only a friend.

Just my luck, the guy saw my ad and called the number and punched in my mailbox number to leave a message. I couldn’t believe it! His name was Mark and he said the female was indeed just a friend. (It seemed every gay man I met that summer was named Mark.) He left his phone number and said I could call him, which I did. We talked briefly and then agreed to meet at Badlands on Saturday.

Patrick was amazed that despite my not being officially ‘out’, I had already been out on a date with a guy and now had another date scheduled with a different guy. Debbie reminded me of the conversation we’d had before when she asked me what I was going to do. This time my response was “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.” I believe I knew what I was going to do, but wasn't ready to admit it yet, to Debbie or to myself.

It was just after 9pm on Saturday when I met up with Mark again at Badlands. I was taking medication for sinusitis and knew that alcohol would make me even more congested so I just ordered Diet Coke. Mark arrived, not wearing the “Cheers” t-shirt this time, and we sat at the upstairs bar, which wasn’t crowded or loud yet because the place had just opened. He seemed nice and we chatted for a little while. The conversation went rather smoothly until he asked about my previous relationship, at which point I basically told him I was 'just coming out' and hadn't had any relationships yet.

A little while later he said he needed to get going. He was leaving on vacation the next morning and needed to finish packing. I took this to be the way a NICE guy says he’s not interested, but as he stood up to leave he said “I don’t live far from here, so if I finish packing quickly, I’ll come back.” I said okay and wished him a good trip. I felt a little disappointed as he left. I knew he wouldn’t be back. We just didn’t seem to click the way I’d hoped. I stayed at the upstairs bar long enough for him to exit the building, and then I went downstairs where more people were starting to arrive.

Patrick couldn’t come out to the dance club that night (I don’t remember why). But I had gotten so comfortable there that I decided to stay, rather than leave just after Mark left. I had some casual conversations with a few guys, danced a little, and was approached a handsome man who told me his name was Wolfgang, or Wolf for short.

Feeling a little let down from my date with Mark, it seemed I had nothing to lose so I risked sounding silly and asked Wolf "What kind of a middle name goes with Wolfgang?" To my delight he picked up on my attempt at humor and replied "With a first name like Wolfgang, I don't need a middle name." We both laughed and he offered to buy me a drink ("another Diet Coke, thank you"). We talked, danced, and before I knew it my mood had lifted and I'd practically forgotten all about Mark and his "Cheers" T-shirt.

Then Wolf invited me to go outside where we could talk without having to shout over the loud music. But before we left the club, I needed to give him my “I’m old-fashioned/sex and love should go together” speech. I did, and to my surprise, he thought my convictions were completely admirable and said he didn’t think he’d ever meet someone like that. I was happy to be ‘off the hook’ just in case he had something else besides talking in mind, but was also impressed by his politeness.

Just as we were about to leave, who walks in the door? Of course - Mark!

I couldn't believe my eyes. He'd come back, just like he said he would. I felt terrible for having dismissed his offer to come back after finishing packing for his trip! I really thought he was just being nice. I really wanted to spend some more time with him but I was about go outside to talk with Wolf. What was I to do?

So I pretended I didn't see Mark come in the door. Wolf and I walked out, and I never saw or heard from Mark again.

Wolf and I walked up the block to a Greek café to have a bite to eat. It was warm but not hot so we sat at a table on the sidewalk and ate, talked some more, and then went for a short walk in the neighborhood. It was a beautiful night, especially for DC in July.

Wolf noticed it was after midnight and that he had missed the last train back to the northern suburbs where he lived. I considered giving him a ride home, but I lived in the southern suburbs and it would be completely out of my way, so I didn’t offer him a ride right away. He said he’d catch a cab. But somewhere between the Greek salad at the sidewalk café and the stroll through the city that warm July night, I decided it was time.

I offered him a ride home.

Crush du Jour: Kevin Youkilis