Homophobia

National Coming Out Day

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day.

The foundational belief is that homophobia thrives in an atmosphere of silence and ignorance, and that once people know that they have loved ones, colleagues, or neighbors who are lesbian or gay, they are far less likely to maintain homophobic or oppressive views.  For more on the history of National Coming Out Day click here.

I remember well the first few years after I began to come out.  Initially I told my family and just a couple close friends.  But when I heard about National Coming Out Day and considered the good it could accomplish, I made it a goal to come out to at least 1 person every year on Oct 11.  

Rather than a formal announcement of "I'm gay" which I felt had the potential to make people feel as if they had to respond in some way, I chose a more informal approach.  I would simply allow this information to find its way into a conversation.  If I were talking with someone at work and they asked if I'd been to a new restaurant, I might respond "Yes, my boyfriend and I went last week and really liked it."  To me, this did not put the other person 'on the spot'.  They could acknowledge my coming out to them or not.  That didn't matter to me.  What mattered is that someone now realized that they had a gay friend, and hopefully wouldn't participate in hurtful language or discriminatory behavior toward the GLBT community.

Nowadays I really have no one to whom I can come out.  Everyone already knows I'm gay because I don't hide it.  Its a part of who I am and organically comes out in everyday conversation with people.  And I do believe that this behavior and the National Coming Out Day movement has helped move the GLBT community into the mainstream.  Just this week I called to purchase an insurance policy and after giving my name and details, the salesperson asked if there was anyone else who should be on the policy.  I responded, "Yes, my husband."  The salesperson didn't miss a beat and then asked for his name and details.  While there is still work to be done in achieving true equality, I believe National Coming Out Day has helped.

How have you participated in National Coming Out Day?

In the wake of tragedy

By now everyone is painfully aware of the horrible massacre that took place early yesterday morning at the nightclub in Orlando.  With similar terror attacks in movie theatres, restaurants, shopping malls, concert venues, airplanes, and Federal buildings, it is understandable that some people don't feel safe going anywhere now.

But I urge everyone to not become a victim of fear.  Rather than becoming paralyzed by the fear of a potential terror attack, I urge everyone to ACT, as fellow blogger Fearsome Beard has done.  You can easily send an email to President Obama and Vice-President Biden using THIS LINK.

Here is my letter, nearly identical to Fearsome Beard's well-worded letter:

Dear President Obama/Vice-President Biden,

Please do not delay in pushing forward responsible, sensible gun control. Assault weapons have no place outside of law enforcement and military use. Handguns need only be in the hands of thoroughly vetted responsible citizens and in limited numbers….if at all. The tragedies we endure can and must STOP.

Freedoms are actually limited in a free society. They are limited by the freedom's infringement on the safety and security of fellow citizens. Of this I am sure you are quite aware. I believe in you and implore you to do the right thing by pushing forward and holding those controlled by the gun lobby responsible for our recent tragedies.

Thank you for your years of service. You are an inspiration. You have accomplished many great things and your legacy improves not only the United States, but the world as a whole. May sensible gun control become part of your legacy to the absolute best of your ability.

Sincerely,


In addition to writing the White House, also consider writing your other elected officials. How can we complain if we have done nothing to demand change?  We need more than tears and prayers for the victims; we need action.

Appreciation

We're fortunate to live in an area that is rather progressive, open, and accepting.  For many years our little beach area has been the place where GLBT folks have spent their beach vacations and invested in 2nd homes.  While there are still conservative, narrow-minded people in the state, DE was ahead of the curve in implementing domestic partnerships which mirrored the benefits and rights of marriage (not every state's DP laws are that thorough), and in granting full marriage equality.  This is not something to take for granted, given the recent hateful legislation passed in NC under the guise of "religious freedom".

In addition to my appreciation for living in a state that treats me and Spouse as equal citizens, I also have appreciation for working for a company that treats me the same way.  Many of my colleagues within the company and a few on my team are GLBT.  Our franchise has made the decision to show all kinds of people in their national ads.

In "The Call" a gay male couple is among those who receive the happy news that their home has sold:

In "Moving" a lesbian couple shares a bite of their wedding cake:

While not the focus of the ads, I think its important to acknowledge the intentional presence of GLBT folks in advertising.  I really think it helps 'normalize' us to the general public, showing the milestones in life shared by everyone.  

I don't take for granted that my community and employer contribute to the sense of safety and peace of mind I experience.

Choice

I love this because its true and makes so much sense!  Many of us have spent a lot of time and energy arguing that being gay isn't a choice.  

This expresses my feelings perfectly.

Historic day

Well, needless to say I was very pleased with last Friday's Supreme Court ruling that State same sex marriage bans are unconstitutional, effectively creating marriage equality in all 50 states.  Immediately following the announcement couples began streaming to local court houses requesting marriage licenses.  June 26, 2015 became a historical date:  the date love won.

I was at work when the announcement was made but my aunt (who is straight) called me to share the good news.  A couple of my straight colleagues in the office and 2 of my neighbors also shared their concurrence with the Court's decision, which was a nice surprise to me.  I decided to take those congratulatory conversations just a step forward by saying the following (paraphrased):

"I hope the general public really understands how important this is.  You know, its not just about the right to walk down the isle and have a fabulous wedding.  There are so many legal rights and benefits that come along with the right to be married... visiting a spouse in the hospital, making medical decisions for a spouse, inheritance of jointly owned property, receipt of pensions, the ability to be covered by a spouse's medical insurance.  These and many more are things that were not legally available to same sex couples in states where same sex marriage bans were in place.  This ruling eliminates different treatment based on the gender of your spouse and creates real marriage equality, something all Americans deserve."

Some understood this already and simply agreed, while others' eyes widened and they said "Oh wow, I never thought of it that way."

It was a happy day for nearly everyone except the conservatives and right-wingers.  They of course began predicting the end of civilization as we know it due to these new unions which have absolutely no real affect on them.  

The White House celebrated the decision by projecting lights in the rainbow colors across its facade.  Facebook responded by providing a rainbow filter under which users' profile picture could be displayed.

I also liked that the timing of this decision occurred in June, the unofficial GLBT Pride month, and just 2 days prior to the 46th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, the unofficial beginning of the gay rights movement.

On my facebook page I posted this photo and caption:

Married in all 50 states now.  Thanks SCOTUS!

Cucumber & Banana

A few months ago I began watching "Cucumber" and "Banana", 2 new series on the Logo network, written by Russell T Davies who wrote the original/UK version of "Queer As Folk".  I was happy to see some actual GLBT programming on Logo, the alleged GLBT cable network.

Cucumber is a serial program which follows a UK couple Henry Best and his 9-year partner Lance Sullivan as they deal with relationship issues, aging, and other life situations.  I would describe it as a dramedy, part drama and part comedy.  I thought the 1st couple episodes were 'okay' but am really glad I stuck with it because the longer I watched, the more I liked it.  In particular I thought the final 3 episodes of the 1st season were especially well written and acted.  

Banana is NOT a serial program, so each episode has its own 'self-contained' storyline and characters.  However, most of the characters are lightly intertwined with Henry and the Cucumber regulars.  Banana does a great job of including women and trans folks in leading roles, which is rare for GLBT programming.

Watch the trailer to see where the names Cucumber and Banana come from.

I would encourage everyone to check out both of these programs.  While the 1st season has wrapped up and is no longer airing on Logo, you can watch the episodes online. 

If you've watched Cucumber and Banana, what did you think?

Harvey Milk Day

Today is Harvey Milk Day!  In my opinion Harvey Milk was a brave and intelligent man who used logic and humor to further equality for the GLBT community.  Many of this words are just as true and inspirational now as they were when he uttered them nearly 40 years ago.

12 memorable Harvey Milk quotes:

1. "Gay brothers and sisters, you must come out!  Destroy the lies and distortions.  For your sake; for their sake."
2. "I have never considered myself a candidate.  I have always considered myself part of a movement."
3. "I would like to see every gay doctor come out, every gay lawyer, every gay architect come out.  Stand up and let the world know!  That would do more to end prejudice overnight than anyone could imagine."
4. "You have to give them hope."
5. "If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door in the country."
6. "Without hope, not only gays but the blacks, the seniors, the handicapped, the us'es - the us'es will give up... Because if a gay person makes it, the doors are open to everyone."
7. "Hope will never be silent."
8. "My name is Harvey Milk and I'm here to recruit you."
9. "Coming out is the most political thing you can do."
10. "Burst down those closet doors once and for all and stand up and start to fight."
11. "All young people, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, deserve a safe and supportive environment in which to achieve their full potential."
12. "All men are created equal.  No matter how hard they try they can never erase those words.  That is what America is about."

Source

Church

The 1st time I heard this song it was performed on "The Sing Off" as a judge's choice.  Its not as 'melodic' as lots of other songs in my opinion that have a 'catchy' hook or chorus, so it really didn't stick in my mind.

However, I recently saw the video for this song and I must say its message is powerful.

 
It reminds me of what has been going on in Russia.  The HBO documentary "Hunted: The War Against Gays in Russia" exposed the horrible way gays and lesbians are treated, both by private citizens and by the police and government. 

While the lyrics don't suggest the song is about a gay couple, the video is quite clear.

Watch the video and see if you're not moved.

Film Festival - day 3

Here are the films I saw on Sat:
Life Partners
Sasha is a single lesbian and Paige is her straight best friend.  They do everything together, including binge-watching reality TV shows.  However, Sasha feels left out when Paige has less time for her when her relationship with Tim gets serious.  This film explores friendships, codependency, introspection, and loyalty in an honest and comedic way.  3 out of 5 stars.

10% Shorts
This was a collection of these short films:
Alone With People - A teenage lesbian comes out to her family.  5 out of 5 stars.  (No trailer found.)
Cruisin' Electric (1980) - A spoof commercial for a children's toy based on the iconic 1980 film "Cruisin'".  4 out of 5 stars.

Dinner at 40 - A gay man's insecurities peak at his birthday 40th dinner.  3 out of 5 stars.  (No trailer found.)
Jellyfish - A transvestite is befriended and then abandoned by a local fisherwoman.  3 out of 5 stars.  (No trailer found.)
Safe Word - A comical look at a couple's experiment with BDSM.  4 out of 5 stars.
See trailer here.
Secrets & Toys - Tension fills the studio apartment of a lesbian couple when one woman's mother comes to visit.  3 out of 5 stars.  (No trailer found.)
Tom in America - While rummaging for items to sell at a flea market, an older man finds a Tom of Finland doll takes him on a strange journey.  4 out of 5 stars.

Film Festival - day 2

Here are the films I saw today:

Lilting

This film artfully shows the struggle and lengths an English man is willing to go in order to care for his deceased boyfriend's Chinese mother who doesn't doesn't like him and doesn't speak English.  The details of the story are cleverly told via real-time interactions and flashbacks.  There are enough comedic elements to keep it from being too sad, but if you're like me you will need a tissue or two.  5 out of 5 stars.

Gerontophilia
20-something Lake gets a job at a nursing home and becomes aware that he is less interested in his young girlfriend than he is in the senior citizen men at the home.  When he perceives that a favorite male patient with whom he's become involved is being mistreated by the apathetic workers, he takes matters into his own hands.  While I found this film's subject to be interesting, I felt the main character Lake seemed detached and not at all passionate as most 20-somethings would be.  3 out of 5 stars.

Love Is Strange
When George is fired from his job at a Catholic school for getting married to his partner of many years, the couple has to sell their Manhattan apartment.  They are unable to find a new place to live before they must move out, so each man must stay with a relative or friend.  Not having a true home, disrupting their routines, and getting in the way of their graceous hosts causes a lot of stress for everyone.  Alfred Molina and John Lithgow offer stellar performances.  4 out of 5 stars.

I encourage you to look for these 3 films on Netflix, watch them in their entirety online, and/or find them at your local art house theatre.

Film Festival - day 1

I'm excited because today is the 1st day of the Rehoboth Beach Independent Film Festival!  If you've read my blog for awhile you'll know this is an annual favorite event in which I've participated for 15 years.  I take off work in order to fit in as many films as possible into the 4-day festival.

What exactly is an independent film?  Why do I like them so much?  While Hollywood films are created to make money, indie films are created to tell stories. While Hollywood films typically have big budgets and must fit into the MPAA's rating system (G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17, X), indie films usually have little-to-no budget and are unrated. While Hollywood films usually fit into comedy, drama, or action categories, indie films are typically difficult to fit into a specific genre because their stories often tackle unusual and taboo subjects.  While Hollywood film endings are almost always predictable, indie films often have unexpected endings or leave the ending up to the viewer.  I just love them!

So here are the films I saw today:
52 Tuesdays 
16 year old Billie learns that her mother is transitioning to become a male and that she must live with her father for a year in order to give her mother space to reinvent herself.  Mother and daughter agree to spend time together every Tuesday. Billie undergoes a bit of transformation herself as she explores her independence and sexuality.  The film consists of slices of life that were actually filmed on each Tuesday of the year, so physical appearances and emotional developments are authentic.  4 out of 5 stars.

Appropriate Behavior
Shirin is a bisexual Iranian-American who is not 'out' to her family.  Her recent break-up from her girlfriend Maxine throws Shirin into a series of wild but comical escapades.  Living up to her families expectations and her own desire for acceptance are not easily joined, but I laughed along with Shirin through her ups and downs.  4 out of 5 stars.

The Way He Looks
Giovana has a crush on her best friend Leonardo who is blind, but he doesn't seem to notice so she helps him navigate in order to spend time with him.  Then Gabriel enters the picture, and an awakening takes place between the 2 young men. While Leonardo struggles for some independence from his overly-protective parents, he feels no struggle regarding his feelings for Gabriel.  This was a beautifully acted and well-paced film.  5 out of 5 stars.

I recommend adding all 3 of these films to your Netflix queue and/or seeing them at your local art house cinema.

Spirit day

Today is Spirit Day where everyone is encouraged to wear purple to show we are against teen bullying.

Not that familiar with Spirit Day??  Find out more about it on GLAAD's website HERE.

Because I'm always down for a good cause, I snapped this selfie at my office for use both here and on my facebook page.

I need to go on a diet.

Progress

Marriage equality made great progress this week!

On Mon the Supreme Court (yes, I typed it out... I have the acronym SCOTUS) decided not to take up any of the pending cases in 5 states, which meant the lower court rulings declaring anti-gay marriage laws to be unconstitutional were upheld.  This meant marriage equality became a reality in Wisconsin, Indiana, Oklahoma, Utah, and Virginia.

Yes, Virginia!

I am the most surprised about Virginia because when Spouse & I lived there a terribly-written law went into effect that not only blocked same-sex marriage, but basically also said 2 people of the same sex couldn't do anything that might try to imply the same rights and benefits as marriage!  In other words, a guy couldn't leave his cabin in the woods to his male childhood friend in his will because this might be seen as trying to imply a right or benefit of marriage.  Both the content and the wording of the law were so reprehensible and offensive it was actually 1 of the main reasons Spouse & I decided to move out of Virginia.  Thankfully that is all behind us now and we look forward to receiving wedding invitations from many of our friends still living there.

With days, more states like Colorado, Nevada, Idaho, Kansas, and West Virginia joined the bandwagon, and its not over.  Keep your ears open for announcements in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Wyoming.

My blogger buddy Bob & his fiance Carlos are getting married soon in Washington (near Bob's dad) and hope that their marriage will be recognized in their home state of South Carolina by the time they return home!  How great would that be?!?!  For continuing, up-to-date info on Bob & Carlos' wedding AND states joining the equality march, be sure to visit Bob's blog HERE. 

Marriage equality

Well, it was a big week for marriage equality and I am really excited about it!

On Mon Oregon judge McShane ruled that the ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional, making OR the 18th state to advance marriage equality.

The next day Pennsylvania advanced marriage equality, and although there was a concern the Governor would try to block it, he wisely decided not to appeal the decision.  PA is now the 19th state to embrace marriage equality.

Positive movement is also happening in Idaho and Utah, as seen in the graphic below.

If you want to keep up-to-date on the states' status', I suggest following Freedom to Marry on facebook or periodically checking their website.

This is Wholesome, part 2

In this post I shared with you my favorite of the "This is Wholesome" videos made by the Honey Maid graham cracker company, and I predicted there would be some backlash from the conservative and unenlightened.  Unfortunately I was right.

However, those clever folks at Honey Maid took that backlash and turned it into something beautiful!  How could they do that??  Watch and see.

"Only one thing matters when it comes to family... Love."

Now, please excuse me while I go buy a few boxes of Honey Maid graham crackers.

This is Wholesome

"No matter how things change, what makes us wholesome never will."  - Honey Maid website.

With that in mind Honey Maid, makers of the graham crackers I grew up eating, decided to make a series of videos called "This is Wholesome". My favorite is this one which features a 'wholesome' gay couple enjoying s'mores with their son, and talking about what it means to be a family.

Although the conservative and unenlightened would portray gay people defective and mentally unstable, this video presents a very different story, one that I personally believe to be much more common.  You can view all the "This is Wholesome" videos here.

Although I expect there will be some backlash from the "christian" "right" (quotations used to imply sarcasm, since the Christian right is neither), I applaud Honey Maid for including this family in their "This is Wholesome" video series.

Oh, and have you ever tried a Honey Maid graham cracker with cream cheese on it?  Fabulous!!

GLBT love at the Grammys

I tend not to watch awards shows much anymore. 

I rarely see Broadway shows so I have no idea who/what the nominees are for the Tony awards. The Screen Actor's Guild, People's Choice, and Gold Globes awards often get boring with the rambling acceptance speeches.  Why do the winners feel the need to publicly thank dozens of people we don't know?  That's something they should do on their own time!

And then, of course, there is often the dreadful scripted dialog for the presenters to deliver, which most of the time includes insincere self-deprication and 'jokes' that fall flatter than a pancake.

So I really wasn't planning on watching the Grammy awards this year.  Spouse was flipping the channel and nothing interesting came on, so when he paused at the Grammy show we began to watch it.  It was actually much better than I remember from past years.

I was somewhat surprised but very happy to see a 3 distinct occasions where GLBT rights and love were shown or spoken of in a very favorable light.

I'll start with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.  They 1st got my attention a year ago with their debut song "Thrift Shop".  But last night they performed their 2nd hit song "Same Love" which ended with Queen Latifah marrying 33 couples (same-sex and opposite-sex), saying "by the power invested in my by the state of California, I now pronounce you a married couple!".

Many observers (including country singer Keith Urban) were brought to tears.  I've never seen anything quite like it! 

Next came a performance by Kacey Musgrove whose name I'd never heard of, but that's not surprising since I don't listen to country music.  Kacy performed her song "Follow Your Arrow" which contains the lyrics "Make lots of noise, kiss lots of boys, or kiss lots of girls if that's somethin' you're into.  If the straight and narrow is a little too straight..."

Its a catchy tune with a terrific message.  And how can you not love a woman who wears a Mexican Christmas tree skirt?

And finally in Paul Williams' acceptance speech for Daft Punk he said they wanted him to say that "As elegant and classy as the Grammy has ever been, is the moment when we saw those wonder marriages, and that "Same Love" is fantastic and the height of fairness and love, and the power of love for all people, at any time, in any combination." 

What made me stay up late on a school night until the Grammy awards was over?  I wanted to make sure I didn't miss any other support messages during the show.  And then as I climbed in bed it occured to me that I had just witnessed history:  the 1st time a marriage (or 33 marriages to be exact) were conducted during an awards show.  And some of those couples were gay and lesbian.

The times they are a-changin'.

Letter to my clients

The team leader of my real estate group has a tradition of mailing clients a beautiful, glossy calendar with photos taken by a local photographer, and includes an end-of-the-year letter with it.  When I joined the team she encouraged me to write a letter of my own to be inserted with her letter and calendar that were mailed to my clients.

Despite having written this blog for 6 years at that point, my 1st letter to my clients was rather short and plain.  I had been an agent for less than a year and was truly grateful for the business that had come my way, so my letter was basically a big 'thank you' to my clients.

My 2nd letter (the following year) evolved a bit.  In addition to thanking my clients for their business, I also offered to assist them with referrals to service professionals they may need, such as a good painter, electrician, and handyman.  I also shared with them 3 local places I love to eat.

While both letters were perfectly adequate, none resulted in any feedback other than "thanks for the calendar - its beautiful".

So this year when it came time to write my end-of-the-year letter I wanted it to be different.  And better.  So I asked myself "Besides thanking them for their business, what do I really want to accomplish with this letter?"  The answer was referrals.  I want them to refer their friends, neighbors, and family to me.  And I want the letter to me more personal and less business-like.

In my 1st draft I wrote "Should you need real estate services again in the future, I hope you’ll feel confident calling on me again, and referring your friends to me.  As you might imagine, referrals are a very important element of my business, as well as being a sign for me that I’m doing a good job for my clients."  But after re-reading it the sentence sounded too passive and almost apologetic.  

Hey, I work really hard and deliver the best service you can get from a real estate agent.  The people receiving the letter experienced this, so why should I be passive or apologetic?  

So I re-wrote that section to say "Please pass my name on to your friends and neighbors who mention real estate.  As you might imagine, referrals are very important to my business, and I consider referrals to be the ‘ultimate compliment’.  I promise to give your friends and neighbors the same personal attention that made your transaction successful."

Asking for referrals:  check.  Now onto the personal part...

I decided to take a bit of a risk and share 3 of my highlights of 2013, one of which was getting married.  I'm not so delusional to think that my clients assume I'm straight, nor do I want them to assume that.  But with some of them our conversations stayed more on the business at hand and didn't spill over into the personal, so for some this may indeed be news.  

So the last paragraph read: "On a personal note, in 2013 I finally enjoyed the experience of going somewhere warm and sunny when it was cold and snowy here.  In February I spent a week in Puerto Vallarta Mexico, which I found to be beautiful and relaxing.  Believe it or not, I saw a woman there wearing a “Rehoboth Beach” t-shirt!  After Delaware implemented marriage equality legislation this year, in October I married my partner of 17 years.  In December I was treated to a surprise trip to Paris for my 50^th birthday, which was even more beautiful and charming than I imagined.  Thanks to my clients Jim & Dawn for the excellent Paris travel tips!"

The feedback I received was truly heartwarming.  No one mentioned the beautiful calendar; instead I received email after email after email of congratulations on my marriage!  Even my macho client who wears the big cross around his neck said "Hey, I want to say congratulations on your marriage.  That's awesome." and shook my hand.

Maybe the world has changed more than I give it credit.  Maybe people think its amazing when 2 people stay together for 17 years, be they straight or gay.  Maybe the Universe gave me a virtual pat on the back for taking a risk and 'owning' my experiences.  

It seems there's nothing to regret when you live your life authentically.

Ben Cohen

Ben Cohen.  (Big sigh)

What more can I say besides 'that man is so damn sexy!'??  

Well, maybe I could say that in addition to looking sexy with a serious face (when modeling), he's also absolutely adorable when he smiles, too.  

Or maybe I could say that although he is straight, he created the StandUp Foundation whose mission is to raise awareness of the long-term, damaging effects of bullying and to raise funds to support those doing real-world work to stop it.

Really, what's not to love about this guy???

As if all of that weren't enough, I saw a video of the making of Ben's 2014 calendar.  (Huge sigh.)


Missed the making of Ben's 2013 calendar?  Watch it here: