Monday, December 02, 2013


This is to let you all know that Spouse & I are no longer in a civil union.

We're married now!

A few weeks back Spouse got a call from someone in the benefits dept where he works (for the State) who told him that we could get a refund of some additional taxes paid since I am on his insurance if we were married.  

We had a civil union in 2012 when that became available to us, and I went on his insurance then.  This year full marriage became available (on the State level) but we did nothing about it.  We had the option to convert our civil union license to a marriage license, and if we did nothing, it would automatically convert in July 2014, so we felt no rush to convert it until we got the call from the benefits lady.

So we went to the courthouse, showed our civil union license, paid the $50 fee, and got our marriage license, all within 10 minutes.  There were no photos taken, no vows exchanged, no witnesses standing up for us.  It was rather anti-climactic.  Afterward we went to lunch and then Spouse went back to work.

An option given to us was how we were to be identified on the marriage license:  Party A and Party B, or Groom and Groom.  Without consulting Spouse who was sitting right next to me I exclaimed "Groom and Groom!"

Up to this point I always referred to Spouse as my partner.  But now that we are legally married I've decided to refer to him as my husband.  

For years I resisted using the word husband around straight people because I didn't want them to assume that I was the "wife".  You know how some straight people wonder 'which one of you is the man and which is the woman', a ridiculous question never asked of me, but I imagine still present in some people's minds.  But since same sex marriage has been in the news so much in the last few years I'm hoping that my use of the term husband will no longer illicit such thoughts, and whether it does or does not, I no longer care.  I am happy to refer to him as my husband.  

After 17 1/2 years I think I've earned the right.


Bob said...


Husband and Husband sounds mighty nice to me!

When I am asked--and sadly, I have been asked--which one of us is the wife in our relationship, I have no qualms about saying that since neither of us has a vagina ....

Using the v-word automatically shuts folks up!

Robert said...


It took a little bit for me to get used to calling Matt my husband. For the longest time I used partner and it was like breaking a habit. But once you start, it feels soooooo good!

I've never been asked about the "which of you is the man/woman" question. I think I'd just look at the person and say, "well, we're both guys so you figure it out." LOL

anne marie in philly said...

I think husband and husband is a perfect term, as is wife and wife.

congrats on achieving first class status; may your marriage be a long and happy one!

Anonymous said...

Well congratulations! It may have seemed anticlimatic, but still, the benefits are already accruing! Who says "civil partnerships" are equal, and "there is no discrimination now"?!?!?!

I agree with the "husband". And hate the small minded folks who assume one is a wife if one is called husband. I suspect this will lessen as marriage equality marches forward!

Congrats, again!
Peace <3

David Jeffreys said...

Congratulations on your anti-climatic marriage. I think you were wedded 17.5 years ago. You should have been referring to each other as "husband" before it became official!


p.s. Usually it is a big deal, but it doesn't have to be. Gaining state and federal benefits of marriage, though is a BIG DEAL!

the cajun said...

Congrats. You made honest men out of each other. That's a good thing.

All the best.

Ron said...

Congratulations! I use "husband" too. I especially like it when someone asks me "Are you married?" I say "Yes." Then I get the "What is HER name?" I pause for just the slightest second then say "HIS name is Bill." Delicious!

Soul Yaoi said...