Wednesday, January 17, 2018

I need your help!

We recently purchased one of those talking scales.  When I stepped on it the scale said "One person at a time, please".


But I'm at a loss right now and could really use some help from my friends here in the blogosphere.

I'm looking for rapid weight loss suggestions which do NOT include exercise or dramatically changing my diet. 

That's right... I want to lose 10 lbs (plus or minus) in a very short amount of time (like yesterday), and do not want to exercise or dramatically change my diet. 

I've read that exercise alone doesn't make you lose weight, so that's all I need to know about exercise.  Plus I know from past experience it can make you sweat.  I'm not really 'into' sweating. 

Now, I am willing to change my diet a little bit, but not dramatically.  So no Atkins, Weight Watchers, or NutriSystems.  That's just too much!

I'm considering a few options, but since I have no experience with them, I'm not sure which is best:
  • wiring my jaw shut.  This is probably the least invasive, but knowing me, I'd probably find a delicious, highly caloric milkshake to which I'd become addicted and end up losing no weight at all.  Plus, cosmos can also be sucked threw a straw.  Not daintily, but it can be done.
  • medically induced coma.  This one is tricky in that, by virtue of being in a coma, it precludes me from working for the length of the coma.  Since I'm a realtor, there's no paid medical leave or vacation.  When I don't work, I don't get paid.  And for it to do me any good, I'm thinking the coma would need to be at least a solid 2 weeks.  Maybe 3.
  • stomach stapling surgery.  This one is pretty invasive too, being that it requires surgery and recovery.  Plus I know there is the potential to stretch your stomach back out after the surgery, so this is probably my least favorite option at this time.  Oh, and I hate hospitals too.
  • Weight loss pills (both FDA and non-FDA approved).  I'm not sure of the efficasy of weight loss pills or appetite suppressants since I really don't over-eat out of hunger.  I over-eat out of loving the taste of delicious food, so suppressing my hunger may not work.
  • cleanses.  I had a colleague years ago who would do various cleanses to detoxify his body and lose weight.  But he was like 26 years old, and when you're that young, almost anything you do to lose weight works.  I'm not sure I can drink gallons liquids unless they taste like a cosmo, OR unless there's an iron-clad guarantee.
So, if any of you dear readers has any insight on these options, or any other options I have considered, please DO speak up.  I'm all ears!


anne marie in philly said...

I cannot recommend a thing.

I DO know that I have been dropping 1-2 pounds a month by limiting portions and drastically cutting back sweets. and a gym visit 2x/week.

from summer 2016 to the end of 2017 I lost 30 pounds; my MD was very happy with me!

wcs said...

Amputation. An arm. A leg. LOL.

Breenlantern said...

Take down and discard all mirrors. Throw away your scale. Remove all the labels from your clothes. Never leave the house. Then tell yourself your as skinny as you want to be.

(Drops chocolate covered mike and walks off stage.)

Anonymous said...

In middle age the male body both both thickens and puts on much more weight from food consumed. Dealing with the change requires: (a) accepting the challenge (b) much more exercise (I walked an hour a day) and (c) drastic change in the nature and amount of food consumed. If you want a happy and healthy old age, DO THIS. There is no royal road to weight loss which will take up to six months. What about walking to your office every day? Feasible? Roderick

Anonymous said...

Just cut out sugar. First stop drinking soft drinks, reduce alcohol no cookies in the house.

Ur-spo said...

If you goal is to have rapid weight loss - but not necessarily keep it off - don't bother with exercise (which is a long term solution). Rather change your diet - radical. When the body gets a radical diet it goes into shock and loses water and lean muscle mass - so weight goes down. This doesn't last but it is a quick short term solution. ketogenic diet does this best viz. sudden quick weight loss.