Long-term relationship

Recently Spouse & I watched "Long-Term Relationship". Here's the Netflix synopsis:
"Tired of the unsatisfying singles scene, Glenn (Matthew Montgomery) answers a personal ad and meets Adam (Windham Beacham), a handsome Southern man seeking a long-term relationship. The two hit it off immediately, but their initial attraction is soon put to the test. Glenn's gay friends say he'd be happier playing the field again, but his straight pals encourage him to work at the budding relationship in director Rob Williams's romantic comedy."

We liked it. Its not simply one of those "boy meets boy and falls in love" stories. As Glenn and Adam get to know each other better they discover they do not share some of the same values. For instance, Glenn is a self-identified liberal Democrat while Adam describes himself as a fiscally conservative, socially liberal Republican. You know that can't be good.

But another thing that's not good is their sex life. Despite their growing love and attraction to each other, their attempts at hot, steamy sex end up more like limp, steamed broccoli. Obviously this is a concern for the pair. I won't tell you how or if this is resolved, in case you decide to watch the film, which I recommend.

But the film got me to thinking.

What if all the 'important things' in a relationship are good (or great), but the sex isn't so great. Should mediocre sex be a deal-breaker?

Glenn's single gay pals try to convince him that if the sex isn't rockin', he should abandon the ship. Glenn's response is that after 5 or so years they'll rarely have sex anyway, so why make it such a big deal now. Glenn's married straight friends tell him not to be naive; that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Hot sex with someone you can't really talk to outside of the bed isn't worth it.

I presented the theme of the movie to my friends Rick & Nick and waited for their responses. Rick immediately said he definitely would not pursue the relationship if the sex wasn't good. Nick said he would pursue the relationship if the sex wasn't good as long as the 2 were compatible in all other areas. I found this quite interesting, considering Rick & Nick are in a relationship with each other.

A talented blogger posted on a similar subject here. He believes that any serious contender for a relationship with him absolutely must meet his 5 requirements. And yes, great sex is 1 of them. He feels that he would be compromising if a man only met 4 out of 5.

But this lead me to wonder if there are lots of guys out there who are turning down '4 out of 5's in order not to feel as though they've settled, yet they are rapidly approaching 40 and are still single? Not that there's anything wrong with being single, unless you are single and don't want to be.

Is there a point or an age at which you will think that '4 out of 5' is acceptable?

And this is not limited to just gay men. My aunt is 64 years old and has never been married. She's not a lesbian (I know that's what you're thinking) and she has had several relationships with men that lasted 6-12 months. But none of them ever resulted in marriage or even living together.

Is it wise to 'hold out' for someone who meets all 5 or your 5 requirements?

She says she's always had high standards, and that none of the men she dated were quite right. This sounds to me like 'they were all 4 out of 5s'. But while I certainly acknowledge her prerogative not to settle, now she's 64 years old, retired, and doesn't date at all. I wonder if she wishes now that she'd been willing to compromise a little back then? If so, maybe she wouldn't be alone.

Alone. That brings up another dangerous question.

Should fear of being alone cause someone to relax their standards? Initially I think we would all answer 'no' to that question. But think about it for a minute. If you get to a point or an age where '4 out of 5' seems better than '0 out of 5', is that fear of being alone? Or is that making a decision to be happy with someone most of the time rather than happy with no one all the time?

I do not believe there are universal answers to these questions. Each person must examine their own needs and situation and decide what they believe is best for them.

But hopefully these questions will prompt us all to think below the surface of this topic. Whether one is in a relationship or single, they should be there because they want to be - not because they never thought deeply about it.

Crush du Jour: Ricky Paull Goldin

Hitchhiker

Yesterday my friend and fellow blogger Bugsy wrote about his recent experience giving a lift to a hitchhiker. This reminded me of the one and only time I did the same thing, but with a drastically different outcome.

Let me preface this story by saying that I realize it can be unsafe to pick up hitchhikers. It is not a routine practice of mine, but as the story will show, I felt badly for the person because it was beginning to rain. The optimist in me does not like to view the world of mankind as potential criminals, but the realist in me understands the need for extreme caution when dealing with people who could take advantage.

Now, on with my hitchhiker story.

About 16 years ago I was driving home from work and passed a commuter parking lot.

Federal government employees who lived in my suburb commonly parked there and rode the buses into the city. It had just begun to drizzle when I saw a man in a black suit, white shirt, and black tie walking along the road in front of the commuter parking lot, carrying a briefcase.

My 1st thought was: "Uh oh. I bet this guy got off the bus to find he'd left his lights on this morning and now his battery is dead."

My 2nd thought was: "Or, this guy's ride home hasn't shown up yet, and now its starting to rain."

Both thoughts caused me to pity the hard working guy whose suit would likely be ruined if he had to walk all the way home (wherever that was) in the rain.

My 3rd thought was: "I should offer him a ride. Its the kind thing to do." He was wearing a suit and carrying a brief case. He was likely a federal government employee who rides the bus to work. How scary or harmful could he be? So I pulled onto the shoulder and put down the passenger window as he approached the car.

"Would you like a lift?" I asked.

"Yes, thanks!" he replied as he got in and put the seat belt on.

"I didn't know it was going to rain today" I said, to put him at ease about being caught without an umbrella.

"Me neither" he replied.

"Where can I drop you?" I inquired.

"Over near the Hechinger store" he responded.

"Great" I replied. "I'm headed that way myself."

Now that he was in the car I was able to see him more clearly and noticed he wasn't actually wearing a black suit. He had on black denim jeans and a black, slightly tattered sports jacket. The 2 blacks didn't exactly match. Then I noticed that he wasn't wearing dress shoes, but rather, black suede lace-up sneakers. Although slightly odd, I reasoned that perhaps he was a lower grade federal employee who didn't need to wear an actual suit or dress shoes to work.

Then I noticed his brief case was badly nicked and scraped, as if only it had survived a plane crash. All these little oddities made me begin to wonder whether or not he was actually a federal employee at all, so I decided to ask him in a casual way, as if I was just making conversation.

"So, you work for the government?" I asked.

"No" was his succinct reply.

"Do you work downtown?" I asked again.

"No" he replied again. I felt my heartbeat quicken a little as I realized that all my initial assumptions about him were wrong.

"I'm just asking because I saw you in front of the commuter parking lot and I figured you must have gotten off the bus a few minutes ago. Since it was beginning to rain, I thought I'd see if I could give you a lift" I offered.

No response.

We drove on for a couple minutes in silence and discomfort. I considered turning on the radio to ease the tension, but thought that might make me appear a little rude so I didn't. Then he finally began to speak.

"Do you live near the Hechinger?" he asked.

"Yes" I responded. I hoped that maybe he was warming up and was now ready for a little casual conversation.

"Where abouts?" he inquired.

"Off Occoquan Rd" I replied, wondering why he all the sudden wanted to know so much about me. Since Occoquan Rd was long, it had many single family homes, townhomes, and condos off of it, so I hadn't really told him much. There was silence again for a moment, as he gathered his courage.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to... to be with another guy. You know, to feel what another guy feels like. Do you ever wonder about that?"

I should probably point out that I was not 'out' at this time, although I knew inside that I was gay. I'd never been spoken to in this way before, much less from a complete stranger I had literally picked up off the street, and it made me very uncomfortable. Not only was he not a federal employee, he apparently was not abreast of the etiquette one should observe when talking to strangers. Call me old fashioned, but I was not expecting to hear this guy's sexual fantasies while rescuing him and his 'suit' from the rain.

So I decided to lie.

"Um, no, I've never wondered about that" I said back to him.

Silence again. I felt relieved. Then he tried again.

"Would you mind if I put my hand on your leg? Just to see what it would feel like to touch another guy's leg" he asked.

Not taking my eyes off the road ahead of me I said "Yes I would mind." By this time we were nearly at the Hechinger, so I changed the subject and said "We're almost at the Hechinger. Where would you like me to drop you off?"

I expected him to give me directions to turn right or left and would indicate the neighborhood where he was going. But instead, he simply answered "The parking lot." After the awkward conversation we'd just had I was not about to question why he'd want to be dropped off in the parking lot of a closed store in the rain. Maybe I was afraid he'd actually have an answer. So I just put on my turn signal, turned into the parking lot, and stopped the car.

As he undid his seat belt he said "I hope I didn't freak you out by asking you those questions." Since he paused I felt obliged to respond.

"That's okay."

"Thanks for the ride" he said as he got out of the car.

"No problem. Stay dry." I suggested, which immediately seemed like a ridiculous thing to say, since I had just dropped him off in the parking lot of a vacant store in the rain.

As I drove the few blocks to my home I felt both scared and excited at the same time.

I was scared at just how wrong I'd been when sizing him up as a federal employee whose battery was dead or whose ride had not shown up. Obviously he was nothing of the sort. I had no idea what he was or what he did.

But I was also excited that there were indeed others out there like me who 'wondered what it would be like to be with another man'. I didn't feel quite so alone.

Whether he sensed I was gay or would have asked the same questions of a straight guy - I don't know. But he had the courage to talk about his feelings (all be they inappropriate for the situation), which was something I had not yet done. I couldn't tell if he was mentally unbalanced or not, but I admired his courage.

I never saw him again, but I'll never forget him.

Crush du Jour: Jason Lezak

I do not understand

I'm thoroughly disgusted by the recent admission that John Edwards had an affair, but the reasons I'm disgusted are probably very different than what you'd think.

First, why is this "news"? In my opinion an affair is a private thing between a couple; it is NOT news. So why was it on every single local and cable news network, newspaper, internet news website, and Larry King-style talk show? I do not understand this.

Second, as long as the affair was not with someone who could undermine our national security, why does anyone care? Why do Americans have such a fascination with the private lives of celebrities? I do not understand this.

Third, some have said Edwards' affair was particularly terrible because his wife was suffering with cancer. Really? Does that mean that an affair is less hurtful to a healthy woman? I do not understand this.

Fourth, Howard Wolfson claimed that if Edwards' affair had been made public before the Iowa primary, Obama (who was endorsed by Edwards) might not have won the primary. (This suggestion has been denounced by every leading politician and pundit.) But what does Edwards' affair have to do with the general public? What does it have to do with his ability to do his job? Why would it cause someone to vote for an opponent? I do not understand this.

The fifth and probably the most important reason I'm disgusted is because John Edwards does not support marriage equality for gays, yet he allowed himself to violate the 'sanctity' of his own marriage. So, according to him and every other unfaithful politician, gays and lesbians should only be granted civil unions (most rights but with a second class label), while real, sanctified marriage is reserved for straight people, who may then defile that marriage with affairs. I do not understand this.

James Dobson, the founder and leader of Focus on the Family, wrote “...marriage between homosexuals will destroy traditional marriage [because] this is the ultimate goal of activists.” Yet, the Census Bureau and many other sources report the national divorce rate in America at between 40%-50%. Since gays and lesbians are not able to marry (except in MA and CA, and not at all prior to 2004), this means that almost 1/2 of all marriages are destroyed by divorce by STRAIGHT people, not gays. In fact, MA has the lowest divorce rate, despite it being the only state where gay marriage was legal and available from 2004-2008. Why would anyone think that gay marriages could have any affect at all on straight marriages? I do not understand this.

Crush du Jour: Scott Bailey

Pink dollars don't spend like green dollars

I'm unclear why a "proud Democrat" would be supporting McCain, but this story makes perfectly clear McCain's feelings about gays.

John McCain sure would like to be the candidate of every man and woman, but his online store isn’t helping that objective.

Although $25 will get you “Jewish Americans for McCain” or “Business Leaders for McCain” (or most any other variation) T-shirts on McCain’s campaign Web site, if you give 10 times that amount — $250 — you’ll have much less, not more, luck getting a personalized sign.

We learned this from Craig Brownstein of Edelman PR here in Washington, who is a Democrat, gay and a supporter of McCain’s campaign for president.

So he headed to McCain’s presidential Web site to make a contribution and noticed that, for $250, the McCain campaign’s store would create a customized 3-by-6-foot outdoor banner for Brownstein — “25 character limit,” the site says. The store does offer a disclaimer, however: “Demeaning or derogatory names or phrases are not acceptable” and lastly, “All personalized banners are subject to content approval by the John McCain 2008 campaign.” No other limitations are mentioned.

“No problem, I don’t work blue,” Brownstein says. “I ordered the banner, went to check out and entered my desired personalized text: ‘A Proud Gay Democrat for John McCain.’ The purchase went through like any other online transaction.”

A few hours later, however, Brownstein received a call from a woman fulfilling the McCain store’s orders, and she informed Brownstein that the text was not approved. “I was told it could only be personalized with names,” said Brownstein (they would, for instance, accept “Craig and Doug for John McCain”).

Steve Swallow, chief executive officer of Tigereye Design, the official fulfillment house for Obama’s presidential campaign, told Yeas & Nays, “If I came across ‘Gay Democrats for Obama’ on our site, that’s something that we would print,” although he made sure to print that the Obama Web site provides no such personalization options.

The McCain campaign did not respond to requests for comment.

Crush du Jour: Michael Phelps

Unbelievably beautiful

When I walked out the front door this morning to walk Jordan the dog, I was amazed at how unbelievably beautiful it was. Despite it being August, traditionally the hottest and most humid month for the Mid-Atlantic region, it was a delightfully cool 76 degrees without the slightest hint of humidity. The sun was shining brilliantly.

As Jordan and I began our slow walk (she's about 15 years old), we felt lovely, gentle breezes caressing our bodies.

"This is an unbelievably beautiful day, isn't it Jordan?" I asked her. She gave me a small yip of agreement.

Just as we passed our neighbor Brenda's house, she and her dog Molly came outside so Jordan and I stopped to chat for a moment. Brenda commented on the unbelievably beautiful day. Then Brenda's next door neighbors Ann & Barbara walked out to where we were talking and joined our little informal meeting. Ann & Barbara asked if we could believe this beautiful weather, and I chuckled silently as I imagined everyone would be saying such things today.

As we passed by house after house I noticed that every one had its windows open. Indeed, there was no need for air conditioning.
So upon returning to our house I rewarded Jordan with 2 milk bones (this is standard procedure after her walk) and then opened all the windows. As I sat down at my desk and began to work I delighted in the gentle breezes that caused the light-weight curtain panels in the windows to dance about.

A little later, the vacationers renting the house across the street brought their jump ropes out into the street. The moms turned the jump ropes and encouraged the kids who squealed with delight as they jumped and hopped. Even 1 of the dads, barefoot and still in his pajamas, joined in the jumping fun.

I believe I've seen more people bicycling passed our house today than any other day. I'm sure downtown Lewes and Rehoboth are absolutely teaming with day trippers.

It seems no one can resist an unbelievably beautiful day.

Crush du Jour: Chace Crawford

Things on TV I like

I've never been a fan of Paris Hilton. She's not really an actor, although she did appear with Nicole Ritchie in the short-lived Fox reality show 'The Simple Life'. But I must admit that I found her new political TV ad to be genius! I don't know if she came up with the idea, wrote the script, or just delivered it, but I think its great.

I'm also enjoying Del Shores' 'Sorted Lives: The Series'. I loved the film and have watched it several times with different friends over the years. There's something about southerners I find endearing. My two favorite characters are Brother Boy played by Leslie Jordan and Sissy played by Beth Grant.

But all the characters in the film and TV series truly are characters.

And speaking of characters, this season of 'Project Runway' has a few interesting characters, although none compare with the fierce, hot tranny mess that is Christian Siriano.

I've been pretty impressed with several of the designers' outfits, and am surprised that I find myself agreeing with the judges a lot more this season.

I was enjoying HGTV's 'Design Star', but it ended last Sun when Jennifer won. I must say that I was surprised because I thought Matt was going to win.

But I thought both of them were good designers so I'm not disappointed with the outcome. However, I was disappointed that Mikey V was not invited to be in the season finale with all the other designer-contestants. Apparently word spread to HGVT that Mikey V had been in a porn video years ago, so HGTV un-invited him to participate in the finale, with no explanation to the audience.

However, Bravo has their version of 'Design Star' called 'Top Design', and season 2 starts Sept 3. I liked the 1st season so hopefully season 2 won't disappoint. How can you go wrong with queens/designers like Todd Oldham and Johnathon Adler as judges?And, of course, like all good gays, I watch Kathy Griffin's 'My Life on the D List'. I do think Kathy is funny, and I like that she always allows her jokes to get raunchy. Although a 'reality' show, hers seems to keep the momentum going and never gets boring for me.
This makes it sound like I watch TV all the time. I do watch TV every night, usually for about 3 hours. But I am NOT one of those people who DVRs every episode of 57 different shows so that they never miss a single thing. I try not to miss the shows above, but if I do, I know I can catch them later in the week or when everything is a re-run.

Crush du Jour: Daniel Marvin

No offshore drilling

I've written many times in this space about my strong desire to reduce America's dependence on foreign and domestic oil. The technology already exists to build fully electric vehicles that require no oil and create no pollution!
But, this technology has been successfully squelched by the big oil companies and the auto manufacturers. You see, reducing our need for oil will simultaneously reduce their vulgar profits. As long as they continue getting rich they have little to no regard for our environment.

But instead of supporting cleaner, non-polluting, renewable sources of energy like solar, wind, and electricity, some would have us believe we need to open up oil drilling on our coastlines and wildlife refuges.

We all know this is not the answer.

Even if you take away the fact that these new wells won't produce oil for 15 or more years, having more oil will not reduce the cost of gasoline. A lack of oil supply is NOT causing gasoline prices to be sky high; corporate greed is.

With President Bush promising lower gas prices if we sacrifice our coasts to Big Oil, members of both parties are clamoring to lift the ban on offshore drilling. Congress could cave under the enormous and growing pressure.

If that happens, thousands of miles of our most spectacular coasts, including California's Big Sur, Maine's Acadia National Park, North Carolina's Outer Banks, Florida's Everglades and coral reefs, and eventually the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge will all be at risk of catastrophic oil spills.

The raping of our beautiful coastlines is unacceptable and completely unnecessary.

Its high time we all take some responsibility for what happens to our coastlines and educate ourselves. That's why I'm telling you about the Natural Resources Defense Council, or NRDC. Check out how this non-profit organization is trying to defend our natural resources and how you can support such efforts. Also, take a look at this NRDC ad that recently ran in the Washington Post.

Alternative energy sources are out there! We don't need to destroy our coastlines and wildlife refuges for oil.

I urge everyone: Educate yourself, and then speak out. Tell them "No offshore drilling."

Crush du Jour: William Levy

Something else

I really wanted to write about something else other than the house offers. I figured no one really wants to hear all the sordid details of the buyer's counter offer to our counter offer, followed by yet another counter offer. Let's face it: unless its happening to you, its just not that interesting.

So I'll just condense it all by saying that this afternoon the buyers signed off on our 2nd counter offer, which means the house is officially 'under contract'. But I use that term with extreme caution and will wait to celebrate. As anyone whose bought or sold real estate knows, the next step is the home inspection and many-a-deal has fallen apart as a result of the home inspection.

The purpose of a home inspection is to diagnose any faulty, dangerous, or non-working systems and appliances. Stoves, dishwashers, refrigerators, heaters, and a/c units must be in working condition or the seller must repair them or compensate the buyer at settlement so the buyer can coordinate the repair. But some buyers use the home inspection to note and request compensation for other items that are related to personal taste, not faulty, dangerous, or non-working things. (ie: remove old caulk and replace with new caulk around bath tub.) A seller is not required to address personal taste items, but the buyer can void the contract and walk away from the deal over such things if they want to.

So we will remain cautiously optimistic over the next week until the home inspection is completed, and hope that the buyers do not ask for us to accommodate their personal taste.

So I wanted to write about something else, but not much else has come to mind. I guess I'm a bit pre-occupied.

Oh wait, there is this. Today is National Underwear Day. Enjoy this video of guys in underwear, and note that today's Crush du Jour is also in underwear.

Crush du Jour: Rafael Branciforti

All over the place weekend

Fri evening we met 'the usual suspects' for dinner at El Dorado. I had their special Cozumel burrito, which was chocked full of shrimp and scallops and was quite tasty. But I am really getting tired of chewing on just 1 side of my mouth. I hope my gum heals soon.

Afterward we tossed some stuff in an overnight bag and loaded it and Jordan into the car and headed to Spouse's mother's house in Springfield, VA. We arrived at 11:45 pm and sat up chatting with her until 12:30 am.

Sat morning we visited with Spouse's mom over coffee and Stella D'oros.
Then his sister Mary came over and we talked with her for a while. She told us all about their recent vacation in Myrtle Beach, SC. Her brother-in-law and his family were visiting so she couldn't go out to lunch with us. Spouse, his mother, and I picked up my aunt Mary and visited with her over lunch at Cafe Deluxe in Tyson's Corner. I had the roasted lamb and goat cheese sandwich on sourdough with a side of Gruyere Mac 'n Cheese and enjoyed them both. Aunt Mary treated us, which was a delightful surprise.

Around 5:00 sister Mary came back over with her 3 kids, sister-in-law, and niece for a short visit. They left at 5:30 and Spouse & I left at 6:00. Once back at home in Lewes, DE Spouse & I fed and walked the dog, then spent the rest of the night watching TV and on the computer.

Sun we slept in, fed and walked the dog, then drove to Salisbury, MD to go shopping. Spouse had received 3 gift cards from his family for his recent birthday and they were burning a hole in his pocket. Salisbury has all the chain stores in 1 area, which is convenient for us. Unfortunately, the digital camera Spouse wanted was not in stock at Target, and although we found it at Best Buy, we had such a terrible time getting someone to help us, we left without purchasing anything. This unfortunate retail shopping experience only further cemented Spouse's resolve to only purchase electronics from HSN.

Upon returning home Spouse took a brief nap while I read some blogs. Then as we were walking the dog, my mobile phone rang and I could see from the caller ID that it was our realtor. I felt like one of those couples on HGTV's House Hunters who always gets the call from the realtor while walking the dog. The good news: after only 2 days on the market, we'd received 2 offers. The not-so-good news: neither offer was for the full asking price. Betsy talked us through both offers and we made the decision to respond to the better-qualified buyer's offer with a counter offer. Betsy said she'd prepare the counter and email it to us.

It was a beautiful evening so we drove into Rehoboth Beach with the top down (of course) and had dinner at Shag. I had bouyardi, which is baked feta with sun dried tomatoes and kalamata olives, served in a crock with pita (YUM!) and langostino mac 'n cheese. Oh, and an Atomic Age cocktail, thank you very much! Spouse had a Greek flatbread pizza with spinach, artichokes, sun dried tomatoes and goat cheese. The food, music, and atmosphere were terrific so we didn't really mind that the service was rather slow. After dinner we went for a walk on the boardwalk.

When we returned I printed the counter offer Betsy had sent, we signed and initialled it in 1,001 places, and faxed it to Betsy's office before going to bed. She'll contact the buyer's agent today to present it, and hopefully we'll hear some good news this evening.

Crush du Jour: Jeremiah Hughes

Update

Six different agents showed the house yesterday, and today there was a very well attended open house. We have 2 offers...
...so far! We're crossing our fingers.

Crush du Jour: Sebastian Rulli

For sale

Well, today its official: our house in VA is on the market.Okay, I can already hear you saying "But the real estate market is in a slump. Why would you put your house on the market now?", and that's a very good question, for which I have a very good answer.

About a month ago our VA realtor Betsy sent me an email indicating there was a temporary market condition that could very well work in our favor. As it turns out, there is a shortage of remodeled homes for sale in the desirable neighborhoods like ours. In fact, Betsy has had several qualified clients who want to buy, but have been unable to find a home they like in the neighborhood they like.

Our VA home is in a very desirable neighborhood due to its solid, character-rich older homes, trees and parks, and school district. We've even received letters in the past from strangers who wanted to move into our neighborhood, asking if we'd consider selling our house.

Betsy sent us the fact sheets from other homes in our general area that have gone under contract within 2 weeks of going onto the market. Not just 1 or 2 houses, but nearly all of the houses that were comparable to ours in size, location, and level of remodeling. We found that these home sold for about the asking price, give or take a little.

This really made us stop and think. Although the national real estate national is in a slump, the local markets can be different, and sometimes the conditions can be quite a bit different.

So we decided this is the right time to sell our house. The tenants currently renting our house have a lease through Sept 30, and under the provisions of the lease we are allowed to market the house for rent or sale 60 days prior to the tenants' move out date. Today the listing will become active in the MLS and the 'For Sale' sign will go in the yard. There will be an open house on Sun.

It was never our intention to keep the VA house when we moved to DE. We'd originally contracted with Betsy to sell the house around this time 2 years ago, but the market was very unstable then. It definitely wasn't the right time. So Betsy suggested we rent the house for a year or 2 while the market stabilized. Fortunately, the suggested sales price from Aug 2006 is still what Betsy recommends for Aug 2008. In other words, we won't be selling for less, despite the overall slump in the general real estate market. Instead, someone else paid our mortgage for 19 months, and now we'll sell our house when the local market conditions are very good.

I'm trying not to count our chickens before they've hatched. I'm certainly prepared for the possibility that the house may not sell within 2 weeks, like the others. But since we have 60 days before the tenants move out, we're allowing more than 2 weeks for a buyer to be found. But I doubt it will take that long.

When the VA house sells, we will be able to pay down our DE mortgage significantly, and will also remove the vulnerability we had from owning 2 major properties.

There have been several times when I couldn't get to sleep at night that I'd begin to wonder if we'd get a call from the property management company notifying us the furnace had gone out, the roof needed to be replaced, or some other major expense was necessary on the VA house. Although the rent covers the mortgage and property management fees, I began to feel like that house was an albatross sitting on our shoulders. When it sells, I will be able to breathe a big sigh of relief.

But we'll really miss that house. Its my favorite style: Cape Cod, and it has a wonderful, homey feel to it. The floor plan was great for parties and holiday entertaining. The gorgeous wood floors, the gracious stairway rising from the foyer, the 2 stone fireplaces, the arched doorways, and the generous room sizes gave the house a feeling of grandeur. While house hunting in DE Spouse & I said many times: "If only we could move our VA house to DE..."

But rather than have a feeling of giving up something I love, I choose to remember the wonderful times we enjoyed there and know that it was a terrific chapter in our lives. Now, we're living a new and different chapter of our lives in a different but beautiful house at the beach in DE.
(Photos may be clicked to enlarge.)

Crush du Jour: Alexandre Carniero

Dental drama: the recovery

Thanks to everyone for their well wishes! My tooth extraction went relatively well, although the recovery was not what I expected. Perhaps I should start from the beginning.

As I suspected, I had to fill out 5 pages of forms (several requiring duplicate info from each other) before being called to the back. My 1st stop was in the xray room for a quick xray of my mouth. Within seconds the xray appeared on a computer screen mounted on the wall. No more developing of xray films. Pretty cool!

Then I was taken back to the room where the procedure would take place. An assistant swabbed my gum with a topical anesthetic so I wouldn't feel the needle when the novacaine was administered. I swear they gave me 6 shots of novacaine, but I didn't mind. I really didn't want to feel anything, if you know what I mean.

Within 10 seconds of receiving the novacaine I suddenly became very hot and dizzy. I started fanning myself with a piece of paper, which clued the assistant that something odd was happening. She looked at me, noted the sweat beads on my forehead, and asked "Are you alright, hon?" I told her yes, but that I was hot. I could feel myself sweating like crazy.

The assistant tilted the chair back so my head and legs were at the same height, while another assistant placed an oxygen mask over my nose. She instructed me to take deep breaths in, and then to exhale through my mouth, which I did. The dizziness subsided and the 2nd assistant began patting my forehead, face, and neck with cool, damp paper towels.

Again I was asked if I was okay and I responded that I was. They assured me there was no reason to worry, and that it wasn't uncommon for people to have a similar reaction to novacaine. The oral surgeon came in and asked if I was ready for him to begin. I said yes.

One of the assistants kept my mouth pulled wide open while the doctor worked at removing the tooth and sewing up the gum. I swear you could have driven an 18-wheeler in my mouth, it was stretched open so wide. It probably took less than 5 minutes, although the tooth did give him a little trouble. The procedure was shorter than I'd imagined, and I felt no pain or discomfort before or during.

The oral surgeon instructed me to bite down on a wad of gauze until I got home, and the assistant gave me an instruction sheet of post-op instructions. I drove directly to the pharmacy (in my sweat-dampened clothes) to have the antibiotic and vicodine prescriptions filled. I almost didn't get the vicodine filled, as I assumed 3 ibuprofen would probably be as good. But since the prescription was so inexpensive with my insurance, I decided to get it filled.

When I got home I read the post-op instructions and removed the gauze. I could tell my gum was still bleeding so I put more gauze in and bit down hard like the instructions said. I had to repeat this 3 more times over approximately 2 hours before the bleeding stopped. I took the antibiotic and watched some TV. I didn't take any pain reliever since I had no pain. Yet.

After watching TV for a while I felt like the novacaine had worn off all the sudden. It was weird how all the sudden I started feeling pain in my mouth, so I took a vicodine and expected to 'get high'. About an hour later I was disappointed that I had not yet felt any pain relief, and I wondered how prescription drug abusers could possibly abuse vicodine. I considered taking another, but decided to follow the instructions on the bottle that indicated 1 pill within 4 hours. Finally the pain began to subside. I ate a small cup of pomegranate apple sauce for dinner.

Before bed I took my 2nd antibiotic and vicodine, and placed a glass of water and another vicodine on my nightstand in case I needed it during the night. At 5:00 am I woke up in pain so I took the vicodine and went back to sleep.

Wed morning I got up at 8:00 and took my 3rd antibiotic, then went downstairs to eat something, figuring drugs on an empty stomach probably wasn't a good idea. I had 2 more cups of pomegranate apple sauce but suddenly became very hot and nauseous. I really felt like I was going to hurl, so I quickly lied down on the sofa in the family room and closed my eyes. I was hot and clammy so I opened my robe to allow the ceiling fan to cool me. I felt wave and wave of nausea. Each time I tried to sit up I felt like I was going to blow chunks.

After an hour and a 1/2 of that, I couldn't hold back the inevitable any longer. I jumped up and ran to the closest bathroom, covering my mouth tightly with my hand. The 1st heave came up but I kept it in my mouth until I got to the toilet, then opened my mouth as the 2nd heave came. I puked a few more times, then cautiously rinsed my mouth out. (My post-op instructions called for "no rinsing or spitting within 24 hours to prevent the clot from being dislodged" and cause bleeding again.)

For a few minutes after puking I felt okay. I fed the dog and let her out in the front lawn to pee. I tried to figure out if I'd lost the antibiotic with the apple sauce or not, and decided I should try and eat something else to prevent my stomach from being empty.

I slowly ate 1/2 a dinner role and tried to drink some water, since the antibiotic label encouraged drinking "plenty of water". But the extreme nausea and dizziness returned, so I returned to the sofa in the TV room for relief. Again I lied there sweating through waves and waves of nausea for another hour, until I could no longer postpone the inevitable.

Since I'd not planned to call in sick, I didn't have my phone handy. It was upstairs in my office. I decided I'd make a 'run for it' up the stairs so I could toss my cookies again and get my phone. It was a much longer distance this time, and I was not completely successful.

The 1st heave came after I'd gotten up the stairs but was still running down the hallway. Again I pressed my hand tightly over my mouth to hold it in until I could get to the toilet. I was just entering the bathroom when the 2nd heave came, and there was no more room in my mouth. I sprayed vomit onto my hand, arm, robe, floor, and wall, then leaned my head into the sink and let 'er rip a few more times.

Again, after hurling I felt better for a few minutes so I rinsed my mouth, quickly wiped up the floor and wall, put on a different robe, and grabbed my phone before returning to the sofa in the TV room downstairs. I called a colleague who's number I had memorized and asked her to notify my boss I'd be out sick today.

This time the nausea and dizziness didn't return. But instead of sweating, I kept alternating between being hot and chilly. I'd open my robe to cool off, then cover myself back up because I was chilly. After a few hours my body temperature seemed to stabilize and I just watched TV the rest of the day and night.

Spouse came home early, and after I recounted to him my morning's activities, he offered to go to the store to get me whatever I wanted/needed. I asked for some chocolate pudding, as I thought it would be easy to eat. He also brought me some chocolate covered wafers that were easy to chew. Although I wasn't having pain in my mouth, I'd been instructed not to chew anything on the side where the sutures were, and my jaw was still sore from being pried open by the assistant.

Bravo was running a Project Runway marathon, showing the complete season I'd missed, with Santino, Daniel, and Chloe so I enjoyed watching that for many hours back-to-back.

Before going to bed I took my 4th antibiotic with a big glass of water. Fortunately this morning I woke up feeling pretty close to 'normal', with the exception of some swelling, which the post-op instructions indicated was normal. I had a cup of apple sauce and took my 5th antibiotic, then got to work. Fortunately yesterday was a rather slow day so I didn't get too behind in my work.

The sutures will disintegrate in 5-7 days and the swelling should go down before then. I'm looking forward to being able to chew on both sides of my mouth again one day soon. I've lost 5 lbs so far.

Crush du Jour: Steve Jones

Hot off the press

So, today is the day I get my tooth extracted. Although I have an irrational fear of all dentistry, I'm sort of relieved this is finally happening today. For the last 9 days I've had to chew all my food on 1 side of my mouth, for fear of breaking off the remains of the fragile shell of a tooth. I've been very fortunate not to have any pain, so that is definitely worth acknowledging.

My appointment is at 2:45, where I will 1st have to fill out countless forms promising to pay any and all charges not covered by my dental insurance. I may get in to see the oral surgeon around 3:00. But I've been told the procedure is pretty fast. They'll numb me with a few shots of Novocaine, extract the offending tooth, and voila - I'm done! Wish me luck.

A friend sent me these headlines from actual press outlets that made me laugh! Enjoy.

Crush du Jour: Ryan LeBar

Greg & Gerry

Our friends Greg & Gerry arrived at about 5:30 on Fri, and we sat and talked with them for an hour until it was time to meet 'the usual suspects' for dinner. Greg & Gerry enjoyed meeting and talking with our local friends, and we all had a good time. Unfortunately dinner was slightly less enjoyable for me since I am still having to chew everything on 1 side of my mouth, thanks to that damn shell of a tooth. It also takes me twice as long to eat. Fortunately tomorrow afternoon I will have it taken care of.

Since the weather was absolutely gorgeous Fri night the 4 of us decided to go for a walk once we'd returned from dinner. We walked into town, then across the canal bridge and down to the bay, stopping at the Dairy Queen for dessert. I didn't order anything, since I am trying not to expose my tooth to cold foods. My tooth doesn't hurt, but I'm afraid that ice cream might make it hurt, so I've been abstaining since last Mon. We sat on a bench overlooking the bay, dug our feet into the cool sand, and the 3 of them ate their ice cream before we headed back home. It was an incredibly beautiful night!

Sat we had breakfast and then caught up on each others lives. Greg & Gerry told us all about the 12 day Mediterranean cruise they went on in May, which reminded me yet again that Spouse & I really haven't traveled together much at all. Both of us have wanted to, but our money always seems to be tied up in real estate.

1996-2000 we spent fixing and painting our 1st house and updating our condo that was a rental. 2000-2004 we spent fixing and painting our 2nd house, selling the condo, buying another condo, and remodeling it before renting it, and furnishing our vintage mobile home at the beach. In 2005 we sold the mobile home at the beach and bought the townhouse at the beach. In 2006 we remodeled the kitchen and bath and and refinished the wood floors in our house. In 2007 we moved to the beach and made our former house a rental. There never seemed to be any money for travelling. Hopefully that will change in a few months!

After lunch the 4 of us went to the beach where we were joined by Rick & Nick. It was a beautiful day! There was a great breeze and the humidity was very low. I couldn't believe how quickly the time passed.

We all took showers and then drove into Rehoboth Beach for dinner at Shag. Shag just opened Memorial Day weekend and none of the 4 of us had been there before. Their tag line reads "Hip Food, Groovy Cocktails". The inside dining area is extremely small but is decorated with wonderfully funky 70s decor. Think Austin Powers meets Saturday Night Fever. The courtyard dining area is likely 4 times the size of the inside dining area, and since it was a beautiful evening we chose to dine outside. They play all the great 70s songs you remember, and some you'd forgotten you knew. Someone at nearly every table was bobbing their head or shimmy-shaking to the infectious disco beats. Being lovers of the disco age, the 4 of us were in hog heaven! Shag's menu contains mostly 1/2 portions so you can order 2 or 3 different things and not be stuffed. The lagostino macaroni and cheese was far out! So were the 'Atomic Age' cocktails I had. (Yes, that was plural, as in cocktails.) The prices were surprisingly reasonable for downtown Rehoboth standards, and we really liked it a lot. I can definitely see Spouse & I returning there.

After dinner we went for a great stroll along the boardwalk, then met up with Rick & Nick at the Purple Parrot for karaoke. However, it was already 10:30 (karaoke starts at 9:00) and the place was jam-packed. Spouse really didn't want to go in since he hates being squished in crowds, so we waited outside while Greg checked to see if there were a lot of people waiting to sing. There were, so we decided not to go in. I was rather disappointed, since I'd been eager to sing all week.

Rick suggested we try the new dance club Ovations, which also opened very recently, since there is no cover charge. (That will likely change once the club is open a while.) Its in the basement of a huge old church, but you'd never know it once inside. Some of the guys ordered drinks, we all danced at some point or another, but mostly watched others dance. It was way too loud to have any kind of conversation. We stayed about an hour, until Greg & Gerry appeared ready to go.

Sun Spouse made a big breakfast and, again, we sat around most of the morning talking. About 1:30 Greg & Gerry left for the beach and Spouse & I got ready to go to a cookout. The sky looked threatening, but it didn't begin to rain until nearly 5:00. We got a brief shower as we drove back home to meet Greg & Gerry. Then at 6:30 after Spouse had taken the dog outside, he informed them they had '2 minutes until the rain was gonna hit'. But instead of heeding his warming, they stood at the door talking to us for several more minutes. Just as they were about to walk out the door to load their junk into their car, the sky opened up and it poured. They left, and it rained rather hard for about 2 hours while I watched TV and Spouse surfed the internet.

Here's the weird thing about Greg & Gerry: They're really nice guys and we like them, but they kind of drive us crazy! Often their 'stories' are full of details that no one cares about, and if 1 of them thinks the other has made a mistake recounting a detail, the other will correct him. Here's an example:

Greg: "...and then my aunt Jean got offended and hit my cousin over the head with her crocodile purse!"

Gerry: "Not over the head, she hit him on the shoulder."

Greg: "I thought she hit him on the head. She swung that big old crocodile purse and hit him on the head."

Gerry: "No, she hit him on the shoulder. Remember? He had stood up by then and aunt Jean was still sitting down. There's no way she could have hit him on the head if he was standing up and she was sitting down. She hit him on the shoulder. And it wasn't her crocodile purse, it was that god-ugly lime green bag."

Greg: "But she always carries that crocodile purse..."

Gerry: "Not this time. She had that god-ugly lime green bag that looks like a beach bag."

Honestly, we really don't care. It was mildly funny to hear that his aunt hit his cousin with a purse. It became less and less funny as they debated where she hit him and what color the purse was. It doesn't matter. But they seem intent on representing the facts (as they respectively recall them) as accurately as possible.

Here's another thing they do that drives me nuts: they start a 2nd conversation while the primary conversation is still in progress. Just the 4 of us were together and Gerry was telling some hideously long story. He looked at both Spouse & me at some point, but then looked at Spouse as he continued. While Gerry is still talking, Greg starts talking and looking at me! He seems completely unaware that Gerry is still talking and that I was listening to him. So although there are only 4 people in the room, there are 2 simultaneous conversations going on, and I can't pay attention to either one of them. I can't imagine why neither of them thinks this is rude or annoying. This happened a few times, and finally I put my hands up in the air and said "Whoa, whoa, whoa - I can't listen to both of you at the same time. You (pointing at Gerry) go ahead." Gerry edited the rest of his story down to just 2 more sentences, and then I pointed to Greg and said "Okay, now you."

Another weird thing Greg did was ask me on Sun if Jordan and Pouncer (our dog and cat) got along. I wanted to say "You've been to our house for birthday parties, holiday parties, and dinner parties many times over the last 10 years, and have interacted with both Jordan and Pouncer nearly every time. You've commented about how much you like the photo on the mantel of Jordan and Pouncer sharing a pet bed. You've seen them both in the same room at the same time and pet them both within the last two days. Why on earth would you ask me now if they get along?" But instead I simply said "Oh yes, they've been buddies for years."

When Spouse & I talked about them we decided that we really like them, but in smaller doses. Ideally we would meet them for dinner on 1 of our weekends back in VA rather than having them stay with us for an entire weekend. But they wanted to go to the beach so it made sense to have them stay with us.

Crush du Jour: Drew Fuller