The affect of your words

Many fellow bloggers will relate when I say that sometimes it is difficult to know what to write.  From time to time I 2nd guess myself and my topics.  Many times I write about the goings on in my life (visitors, weekend plans, haircuts, home projects, etc) and later wonder if it is interesting at all to anyone.  Sometimes people leave comments on those posts which is a bit of an indicator, but my blog stats always show that there are far more visitors than commentors, so again I sometimes wonder about the level of interest.  When one is unsure of this, it makes one wonder if they should continue blogging.

Two things happened recently that really made me re-examine my blog motivation and re-affirmed my desire to continue:

1. While looking for something within my blog I reread a post where I described a time in my life before I was 'out' or really knew gay people.  I witnessed what I believed to be 4 gay couples having Sun brunch at a diner.  Although I didn't speak to them and they likely never saw me, their very presence there eating, talking, laughing, and just living their (gay) lives had an affect on me.  It made me happy and a little excited.  This was several years before the internet, but I now think that blogging can have a similar affect.  A closeted person might stumble upon my blog and read about me, Spouse, and our friends eating, talking, laughing, and just living our (gay) lives and that may have a positive affect on them.  They may read this and think "I want to have that some day."  Not that my life is enviable by any means - but a life lived openly and authentically.
2. I recently received an email from a reader I'll refer to as "B".  His email in part said "I wanted to thank you for mentioning you were planning to get an undercut hairstyle. I asked my hairstylist if an undercut would work for me. Personally, I think of if as a kind of modified "high and tight" like Marines get. It was a success! My partner loves it, got lots of compliments on it when I visited my family for Mothers' Day and went to church with them (ugh), compliments at the doctors' offices, and compliments at the pharmacy! Thanks again for talking about your life on your blog, because otherwise it would never have occurred to me to try something new."  As you can imagine, this email made my day!  But more than that, it made me see the affect that my blogging can have on others.  The world is a prettier place thanks to my blog!  Kidding aside, B read/implemented an idea found on my blog and has had great results.

Literally as I was typing this post, I remembered another occasion where my blog resulted in good for someone else.  The editor of a small/local newspaper printed one of my blog posts word-for-word in the paper to drum up business for the restaurant I wrote about.  The owners were so happy they framed the article and it hangs on the wall to this day.

So the point of this entire post is:  blog about your life!  Be it glamorous or mundane, you just never know the affect your words might have on others.

This blog and my future

For a while now I've been feeling sort of bad for not giving my blog enough attention. Sometimes I feel like the posts are little more than a recounting of what I've been doing, when the real purpose of this blog is to have an outlet for expressing my thoughts and feelings.

This is strange to me because I thought that once I stopped working full-time that I'd have so much more time to devote to my blog. I figured the posts would be better and more meaningful than before. But in reality I've had to 'catch up' by writing 2 or 3 day's posts in 1 day (and back-dating them) in order to not miss a day.

So if you've been a fan/follower/reader of this blog for a while but have disappointed with the content recently, I understand, and I promise to make it better. I can't change the past but I can try to affect the future, starting now.

By way of an update, I have decided to discontinue looking for a traditional job. Spouse & I have talked about it at great length. Instead I'm going to enroll in real estate school (starting in Jan) and become a real estate agent. Why?

There are several reasons.

One is that there are very few professional jobs here in our area. Most of them revolve around the large medical center, and I have no experience or interest in working in the medical industry. I applied for a position with the State that was well below my abilities and former salary, but was not considered for the position because I had no experience in that specific field, despite the fact that I had transferable skills.

Spouse suggested I look for positions back in the DC area where I could stay for free with his mother (temporarily) and work Mon-Fri and we would see each other on the weekends either at home or at his mom's. I was not fond of the idea because I remember how difficult it was when we did that 4 years ago. Spouse had to start his new job in DE but I had to stay in DC until our house got rented. It was very difficult to be apart so much. Plus life in DE is very different than life in DC and I am not eager to return to the life I chose to leave 4 years ago. I want to keep the life I have in DE. I applied for a few positions in DC anyway, but none of them have turned out, which is fine with me.

But the most important reason for not pursuing another traditional job is that I'm tired of that. I want to do something new and fun. Confucius said "If you do what you love, you'll never work another day in your life." When I thought about this, I asked myself what do I love and came up with "real estate". It quickly became clear to me that this was the direction in which I wanted to focus.

I am a self-identifying real estate junkie. I love looking at real estate. Spouse & I have been investing in real estate for years. I watch all of the real estate shows on cable TV and even peruse the public MLS site as a hobby. Spouse & I always keep up on what's for sale and what's sold in our area. It just makes sense that I work in an area that I find so much fun!

I was hoping to take the pre-licensing course (pre-requisite for getting a real estate license) right away, but found that none of the venues were offering it in Nov & Dec, presumably because enrollment is low during those holiday months. So the earliest I can enroll is in Jan, which is not so bad in that I get to really enjoy the holiday months. Its Dec 8 and I am already finished with writing, addressing, stamping, and sealing all 142 holiday cards! I've never been done this early.

I figured the best thing I could do while waiting to go to real estate school is to ask questions and listen to successful realtors. So I've had conversations/interviews with 5 friends who are realtors. All of them have said that real estate is hard work, but if you enjoy it then you probably won't mind working hard. Each conversation has brought me more and new information. The slogan "You don't know what you don't know" certainly holds true for me here!

After identifying my next career I had to figure out how to pay the bills until I could actually start working in it. My last severance check is on Dec 24th (Merry Christmas!) so I will be applying for unemployment benefits the following Mon. We have some savings we can use and I plan to cash in an asset to help bridge the gap between the unemployment income and our expenses. The real estate school costs money too, but it is a necessary investment in my new career and is probably deductible. So we should be okay financially for a while as I get licensed and select a brokerage for which to begin working.

But even once I'm working I won't get a paycheck for a while, since realtors are paid commission from real estate transactions. That's probably the biggest adjustment for me, both mentally and financially, since I've always been employed in an industry where I got paid every 2 weeks.

But I'm not going to allow fear to stop me.

Happy hour with Hadley

You may recall that back in Jan I related the story of Hadley, who wanted to convert her list of local restaurant specials into a blog, with other content as well. She asked me and a few other locals to write for the blog with her. I wrote a few pieces for her and will do more if my crazy schedule will just calm down.

Hadley and I have been wanting to meet her in person ever since Jan, but we just couldn't seem to get our schedules to match up. But finally last night the planets were in perfect alignment and we met in person for happy hour. From our emails and one 15-minute phone call I knew we'd get along great, and we did.

I invited her to happy hour at Saketumi because they have a terrific 1/2 price sushi menu at the bar between 4:00-6:00. My friend/manager Kim was there so I knew he'd treat us like royalty. We met at 5:30, ordered our 1/2 price sushi, she had Pinot Grigio and I had my current favorite cocktail: a Cosmo made with Absolut Berri Acai. (If you haven't tried this yet, what are you waiting for? Its delish!)

I invited Spouse to come along, thinking we'd only be there an hour (90 minutes tops) since I didn't really know Hadley. He passed on the invitation, which was probably good in the long run because Hadley and I sat at the bar talking, eating, talking, drinking, and talking for 4 hours! I couldn't believe it.

We discovered some crazy coincidences in our lives and really related to each other's work and personal life situations. Although very different on the outside (she's straight, female, is a mom, etc) we're surprisingly alike on the inside. We had a really good time.

While telling her about last Saturday's Summer Bash, we were overheard by a couple seated next to her at the bar. Turns out the guy (Chris) is a food broker who donated the meat for the Summer Bash. I quickly told him the barbecue brisket was my favorite item this year, which was the truth. Then we discovered Chris and Hadley grew up in the same neighborhood outside of Atlanta! Chris' girlfriend lived for many years in the DC area, as did I, and we compared notes on each other's work and home towns. It was a truly wacky!

So Hadley and I decided we will definitely hook up for happy hours and dinners again in the near future, and we may even let our spouses come along! It might just be too much fun for 2 people.

Crush du Jour: Jake Mitchell

I am a writer

A few months ago I was contacted by Hadley, a straight woman who said she "loved" my blog. I'm guessing she searched Blogger for blogs in our small town and found mine.

Hadley said she was going to launch a website designed for 'Locals Only'. See, we live in a small seaside resort area that has a rather small year-round population (called 'locals'), but a large influx of out-of-state visitors during the summer months (called 'weekenders'). Being approximately 2 hours from Washington DC, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Wilmington, there are a lot of people for whom our little seaside area provides a very attractive 'beach weekend'.

To encourage 'locals' to patronize the many restaurants during the non-summer months, many restaurants feature off-season specials. Hadley used to compile a list of the restaurants and their nightly specials, which used to get copied and passed around. Last fall she decided it would be better to put the list on a website/blog, and include reviews and comments from patrons. Thus, the 'Locals Only' blog was born. In an email she asked if I'd like to write for the blog.

Initially I was flattered that she liked my blog enough to invite me to participate, so I told her 'Sure'. We emailed back and forth a few times, trying to figure out when we were both available to talk on the phone. We both have busy schedules so it was harder than you'd think. The holidays came and went and since I didn't hear from her for a while, I wondered if perhaps I seemed too 'high maintenance' or something. You never know, right?

But today, out of the blue, with no prior coordination, I got a call from Hadley. She asked if I had a minute to talk and although I was working, I took a break to talk to her. I was glad she was still interested in me.

From our 10-15 minute chat I could tell we could become friends easily. I liked her right away. She loves to eat out, she loves to drink cocktails, she loves meeting friends for happy hour, and she loves men... all the things I love, too! And if that wasn't enough, she loves my blog, thinks I'm funny, and referred to me as a writer.

"I'm not a good writer at all. I just write like I talk" she said with a giggle. "But you're a great writer! You're funny, and your blog is always interesting. I just love it."

After all of that I probably would have agreed to almost anything she asked.

Hadley: "You're a great writer, now paint my house."

Mark: "OK. What color?"

She also explained that she wants the blog to be about more than just off-season restaurant specials and reviews, so we discussed some of the other types of content that would be appropriate. She was open to my ideas and was very easy to work with, so I agreed to become a contributor. A writer.

When our conversation was over I thought to myself "I am a writer. I AM a writer!"

I've always hesitated to call myself a writer because I don't have much formal training for it. I've written some training materials in a few previous jobs and I've been writing this blog for 5 years now, but its not like I've written a novel or anything like that. But I do have experience, if you consider a 5-year old blog to be experience.

And then I remembered that 2 1/2 years ago a small newspaper found my blog and requested to reprint an entry in the newspaper where I described a favorite restaurant. They actually published the blog entry, word for word, and listed me as the article's author. There was no mention in the newspaper of finding the article on my blog. No, they simply printed it and listed me as the author.

Yes, I am a writer.

So in the next few weeks I'll be putting together some short articles for publication on Hadley's 'Locals Only' blog. I'll provide you with the link when the 1st article is published, in case you want to check it out.

Crush du Jour: John Dore

I'm an author!

As I posted last week, the editor of the Sun newspaper requested permission to print an entry from my blog in the Del Ray Sun newspaper. He wanted to feature one of his new advertisers, and found my blog entry from a Google search. I happily gave him permission to print it, so my blog entry was printed in the Del Ray Sun yesterday. Here's a link to the online version.

The Del Ray Sun is a small, local paper but I found it exciting to think that my blog was 'picked up' by an editor. Quite validating.

Work out update: Last evening Spouse & I went for a walk on the boardwalk since it was such a gorgeous evening, then had 1/2 price nachos and tacos at Arena's. Today I can barely walk down the stairs! I think I may have over-exercised my legs. But in a weird kind of way, its sort of a good discomfort because it reminds me I'm doing something good for myself.

Tomorrow is DE Pride day. The festivities will take place at Gordon's Pond from 12-6pm. Spouse & I are hosting a Pride cocktail party for our friends from 7-10pm. Should be fun!

Drag Queen name of the day: Brooke Linbridge

This 'n that

Quick trip to HQ
Tues morning I drove to my company's headquarters in Richmond, VA. I set some meetings and a training session in the afternoon, stayed overnight, and had more meetings and more training Wed morning. I left at 1:00 and drove home. It was a lot of time on the road (9 hours) in 2 days, but I accomplished a lot in a short time.

Gays marry in IA
Did you hear that Iowa is now permitting gay marriage? According to a story at http://www.gfn.com/channelArticle.cfm?channelDesRecordID=492:
Gay College Students Legally Wed in Des Moines
One day after an Iowa judge ruled that a state law stipulating the only legal marriages in Iowa were between a man and a woman was unconstitutional, two male college students were married in the front yard of a Des Moines residence.

The couple — Tim McQuillan and Sean Fritz, both 24 and Iowa State University students — were married this morning, after they obtained a marriage license at the Polk County recorder’s office and got a judge to sign a waiver allowing them to marry today rather than wait three days, as is required by law, according to a report in the Des Moines Register.

They were married by the Rev. Mark Stringer of First Unitarian Church in Des Moines at 10:32 a.m.

Fritz proposed to McQuillan last night when he heard Polk County Judge Robert Hanson had ruled Iowa's law forbidding gay marriage was unconstitutional. As reported by RadioIowa, Fritz went to the store and bought wedding rings last night, then got on the Internet to find the paperwork for a Polk County marriage license.

"There was a lot of double-checking everything on the Internet to make sure that we got all the paperwork filled out correctly the first time," Fritz said. "We didn't want to get refused because we messed up a 't' somewhere."

Fritz says he called McQuillan's mother in California to ask permission to marry her son. McQuillan says Fritz then got in touch with him. "He instant messaged me over the Internet that this was going on," McQuillan said. "When he picked me up around nine o'clock he proposed to me on the spot. Besides the obvious shock, I still haven't recovered. Maybe it'll set in later this week."

Iowa Family Policy Center president Chuck Hurley called the state of affairs this morning in Iowa "devastating" and "outrageous."

Blog excerpt to be printed
Last Fri I received an email request from the editor of the DelRay Sun newspaper to print one of my blog entries. It seems that my favorite Mexican restaurant Cantina Mexicana (aka: The Taco House) has resumed advertising in that paper, and the editor wants to help steer more business there. He said he found a blog entry where I wrote about the restaurant and staff and thought it would be helpful to print it in his paper.

So if you're in the Alexandria/Arlington area be on the look-out for my excerpt in the Sept 12 edition of the DelRay Sun.

Drag Queen name of the day: Maureen Core