Acceptance

I saw this on a friend's facebook page and thought it was worth sharing. 

Its about time

This month, IN THE LIFE explores what it means to grow old as a gay person in America – how a generation once at the frontlines of establishing the modern LGBT movement finds, in what should be their golden years, new challenges living life openly gay. IT’S ABOUT TIME highlights the leaders spearheading a national effort to protect the rights of LGBT senior citizens and care for our elders.

AGING IN A SAFE ENVIRONMENT
According to The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, over 3 million LBGT people are over age 65. While seniors are protected against age-based discrimination by “The Older Americans’ Act,” the lack of LGBT specific protections can drive our pioneers back into the closet when entering long-term care facilities. Disturbed by this trend, some activists and visionaries have taken matters into their own hands by creating safe spaces for our elders.

A CONVERSATION WITH… Jennie Chin Hansen and Michael Adams
AARP President Jennie Chin Hansen and SAGE (Services & Advocacy for GLBT Elders) Executive Director Michael Adams discuss the unique needs of LGBT seniors, and how their organizations build constituencies and communities dedicated to advocating for elders’ rights and quality of life.

REEL TO REEL: Edie and Thea; A Very Long Engagement
After a 42-year courtship, Edie and Thea are finally getting married. This tender documentary memorializes a life-long romance set against a backdrop of cultural change. Directed by Gréta Olafsdóttir and Susan Muska (The Brandon Teena Story), the film draws on a wealth of photographs, creating a touching mosaic of these two women’s lives—a tribute to the enduring power of love.

It’s About Time will begin airing May 1st. To watch a video preview click here. To find out when it airs in your local area, to stream or download it, go to the IN THE LIFE website.

Crush du Jour: Charlie Vargas

Dismantling hate

This month on...


The Nature of Hate
As has been the case for many social and political minorities in our country, the LGBT community confronts a media landscape effective in spreading misinformation about it.

The most radical voices claim that gay and lesbian people are a threat to children, our country, even our way of life. But what many don’t realize is that these messages, crafted by a well-resourced media machine, not only inspire bias, but intense hate against LGBT people—hate often leading to violence. In this month's segment on IN THE LIFE, we look at hate-speech and whether, in a nation lacking legal protections for LGBT people, it incites violence against the LGBT community.

For a video preview, click here. To watch the entire episode online, click here. Or to find out when it airs on TV in your local area, go to the IN THE LIFE website.

Crush du Jour: Scott Foley

Color me shocked

You've probably heard by now (I've received emails from 1/2 a dozen friends already) that Ricky Martin finally came out. Here's the story from CNN.

Color me shocked. Rumors to this effect have circulated for years and Martin would never confirm nor deny them. Even Barbara Walters couldn't get him to give it up. I've said it before and I'll say it again, when a straight guy is questioned about being gay, he says no. But when someone won't confirm nor deny it, he's gay.

Hmmm... kinda sounds familiar.

Now, I totally 'get it' that most gay people do not feel the need to announce their sexuality to the world. But nobody's asking them to. To my knowledge, no one threatened to out 'Sex and the City' star Cynthia Nixon, and I never heard any rumors or speculation that she might be gay. But she decided to come out on her own free will. Good for her.

In a stark contrast, rumors and speculation that Ricky Martin and Sean Hayes were gay have been around for years, and both have been asked directly to confirm or deny the rumors, yet neither of them did until much later... perhaps when they felt they had nothing to lose.

In 2005 Martin told Barbara Walters "I think that sexuality is something that each individual should deal with in their own way, and that's all I have to say about that." At least it appears he has now seen the error of his way and is taking responsibility.

"Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage," Martin wrote in his forth-coming book. "Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions."

Now, I can respect a man who doesn't try and rewrite history.

Hayes on the other hand said in an Advocate interview "I never have had a problem saying who I am... I am who I am. I was never in, as they say. Never."

Um, excuse me?

Hayes went on to say "Nobody owes anything to anybody. You are your authentic self to whom and when you choose to be, and if you don't know somebody, then why would you explain to them how you live your life?" "I feel like I've contributed monumentally to the success of the gay movement in America, and if anyone wants to argue that, I'm open to it. You're welcome."

Really? By refusing for years to confirm or deny your sexuality, despite being asked about it repeatedly, you feel that you've "contributed monumentally" to the gay movement? I beg to differ with that opinion.

I understand if gay celebrities do not want to wave the rainbow flag from their front porches. But for god's sakes, please don't refuse to answer the question, come out years later, and then pretend you were never 'in the closet'. We no likee.

Crush du Jour: Manu Bennett

Surreal

sur-re-al –adjective
having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic

'Surreal' is the perfect word to describe the experience of attending my cousin's wedding on Sat.

Spouse & I picked up my aunt Mary on our way to the wedding, which was held at a country club. The itinerary called for a 30-minute ceremony, followed by cocktail hour on the veranda, followed by the dinner/reception.

As we entered the foyer Spouse whispered "I see your parents". I could feel my heart rate increase immediately. As aunt Mary finished signing the guest book my mother greeted her with a hug and they began to chat a bit. In the meantime I quickly wrote mine and Spouse's names in the guestbook and then busied myself with asking the young woman handing out programs where the ceremony was being held. She pointed to the area and Spouse & I walked that way immediately.

We ran into a couple named Fran & Dolph who were old family friends and stopped to chat with them for several minutes. Before we could get to the safety of our seats, I saw 3 of my cousins (brothers of the bride) and we greeted each other and chatted for a few minutes. Next thing I knew, an usher was asking us to take our seats as the wedding was to begin shortly. We caught up with aunt Mary at the entrance to the ceremony room and the 3 of us took seats on the bride's side, 2 rows behind my parents and my middle sister and her husband.

Fear of rejection kept me from daring to make eye contact with them, so I pretended to adjust my camera for several minutes, then read the entire wedding program twice over. Finally the music changed and the procession began.

My cousin was stunningly beautiful and radiant. As she and her fiance repeated their vows I secretly wished it were me and Spouse taking wedding vows. The traditional "You may kiss your bride" moment, which has always puzzled me.

After the ceremony ended everyone was escorted to the veranda while the club employees moved the chairs from the ceremony room to the tables in the dining/reception room. Mary, Spouse & I had lovely passed hors d'oeuvres as we waited for the bar line to subside. My cousin Ashley's mother-in-law agreed to take a picture of us.

Mary was talking with some people I didn't know so Spouse suggested I get in the bar line and bring us back drinks, so I did. After introducing myself to two young women in front me in line, I was caught off-guard when my parents appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, drinks in hand. I had not seen them at the bar ahead of me.

Silently reminding myself to relax and be myself, I smiled slightly as they approached. My father smiled and called me by a childhood nickname, which caused my smile to widen. We shook hands and he told me I was looking good. Then in his characteristically quirky way, he gestured toward my mother and said "You remember your mother..." to which I responded evenly "Of course". I kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. I'd forgotten how short they were.

My father shocked me with his next question: "Is that Joe (Spouse) over there?" I turned to confirm it was him, then replied "Yes, that's him." It was amazing enough that my parents were speaking to me and being so friendly, but to then inquire about Spouse? It was almost too much to believe!

"Do you think he'd mind if I said hello to him?" my father asked. Okay, seriously. Who ARE these nice people parading around in my estranged parents' bodies? Describing the situation as 'unbelievable' hardly seems adequate. "No, he wouldn't mind at all" I responded. "Would you like me to call him over?" I offered. "No," my father said nonchalantly, "I know which one he is now". My head was spinning.

Just then, Fran happened to be passing by as my father asked for Spouse. Without missing a beat Fran told Spouse that my father had asked about him, so Spouse walked over and joined our conversation. (I still can hardly believe we were having a "conversation". After 16 years.) My parents shook hands with him and greeted him sincerely. My head was about to explode, or I was having a stroke. There had to be an explanation.

Then my father said "So you moved to Delaware. What prompted that? Were you following a job?" Grateful for the shift to a less emotionally charged subject, I explained our years of visiting the Delaware shore on weekends which lead to our desire to live there. "So, do you still like it?" he asked, to which we both replied affirmatively.

My parents' attention was then stolen by someone else who stopped to chat with them, obviously unaware of the landmark moment they were interrupting. I told Spouse "I'm getting back into the bar line" with added gusto.

A moment later I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to find my middle sister. We smiled at each other in that way a parent does when they send their child off to school for the first time, both happy and sad at the same time. We hugged each other longer than normal, and when we pulled apart she said "Man, its good to see you!"

I just knew that any second the alarm clock would sound and I would be woken from this crazy but pleasant dream. My sister and I talked for a few minutes, but I can not remember what about. It was just so surreal. Spouse saw the reunion and came over to meet my sister, who greeted him sincerely.

It seemed I'd never get to that bar, but eventually I did and I didn't even have time to finish my cocktail before the ushers swooshed us off the veranda and into the dining/reception room. The time just seemed to be flashing by at an abnormally fast pace.

Dinner began with a spicy Thai peanut soup that was so good I could have been happy with a gallon or 2 of it. Next came our entrees. We'd been given a choice when we RSVP'd of beef or crab cakes and Spouse & I had both chose the crab cakes. They were delicious and the presentation of them with the mashed potatoes and autumn veggies was so pretty I took a picture.
After dinner, as the traditional father/daughter dance and bouquet toss occurred, my sister found her way over to our table to hug me again and tell me how much she'd missed me. And while I was happy with such a warm reception from her and my parents, a tiny voice inside me wanted to banish all the happiness and shout at them in anger. I knew their religious beliefs forbid associating with me and others who leave or are kicked out of the religion, and their strict adherence to that was never a surprise to me. But as the hugs and smiles kept coming, part of me wanted to shake them by the shoulders and say "This is how things could be for us all the time!!!"

But I knew they couldn't. I knew that when the festivities were over they would return home and return to the shunning behavior they'd been forced into for the last 16 years. I could scream and I could shake them by the shoulders but it wouldn't help. I knew the night would end and so would this fantasy. There really was no point in ruining it for anyone, including myself.

The wedding cake, in the shape of the Eiffel Tower where the happy couple became engaged, was cut and served.

Everyone danced to the DJ's terrific song selections until he encouraged everyone to surround the newlyweds as they danced their last dance of the night.

Spouse & I made our rounds to all the friends and relatives to say goodnight and bid everyone a safe drive home. As I shook my father's hand and kissed my mother's cheek, there were no invitations to come and visit, just as I had predicted to myself. The night was almost over and my carriage was about to turn back into a pumpkin.

Spouse & I had a very nice time at the wedding and reception. I felt grateful to my cousin for inviting us. It was nice to reconnect with my cousins and other non-JW family members. My uncle came all the way from CA. It was even nice to spend that time with my parents and sister. Had they not been so friendly it could have been a long, uncomfortable night of trying to avoid one another.

But as it was, everyone enjoyed themselves and I felt as if I'd been in a fairy tale for 6 hours.

Crush du Jour: Aurelio Marks

A family affair

Several weeks ago I got an email from my cousin and her fiance, asking me to 'save the date' of their upcoming wedding, and letting me know that formal invitations would be sent shortly.

To clarify, this is my cousin on my mother's side of the family; the non-JWs who associate with me. She has been to our house before and we've been out together socially a few times. She knows the deal with me and Spouse.

I spoke to my aunt Mary (my mother's sister) and learned that my cousin requested email addresses from her for my parents and my siblings. This told me that they must have gotten the 'save the date' email too, and were being invited to the wedding.

My initial reaction was that I wouldn't go. My parents and siblings have not spoken to me in over 16 years because I 'came out' and left their judgemental religion. I certainly have no desire to be in the same room with them for several hours at what should be a happy family occasion.

A few weeks later the invitation arrived, addressed to me and Spouse. Not Mark in DE and Guest. No, both of our full names were on the envelope. Props to my cous! I spoke to Mary again and asked if she knew whether or not my parents were going and she said my mother told her she "guessed" they would go. One of my sisters left a comment on the wedding website indicating she and her husband and daughters would be there.

Mary asked me if I was going and I told her the truth: I really didn't know. I shared with her my concerns over the possibility of my parents and siblings being there and the potential for drama and/or discomfort that would create. She reminded me that I have as much a right to attend this family affair as my parents and siblings, and that if I didn't go, I am letting them 'win'.

Her words made sense to me. All these years I have followed the JW rules for disfellowshipped (ex-communicated) people: Do not try to associate with your former friends or family. You are dead to them. Even if you do try, they will not associate with you.

Why? That is their rule, not mine. Why should I worry that my presence at my cousin's wedding might be a problem for my parents and siblings? They are the ones that have to worry about following the JW rules, not me.

My dad's side of the family (mostly JWs) has 3 family get-togethers every year and I have been UNinvited to all of them for the last 16 years because they are JWs and I am not. But since this cousin is on my mom's side, I was invited to her wedding. Maybe I should RSVP 'yes' and see if my parents and siblings would decline!

I talked to Spouse about the situation and the conversation with Mary. He was very understanding and supportive. He basically said 'Do whatever you feel is right. If you want to go, go. If you want me to come with you, I will. If you'd prefer me not to come, I'll stay home'. Hard to argue with that kind of logic.

So I decided we would go. I entered my RSVP on the wedding website, but found it didn't allow you to see who else was invited, so I'm still not sure if my parents are going or not. Regardless, I refuse to let it stop me from being an active part of this family affair.

Mary suggested I contact my cousin and ask if Spouse & I and Mary could be seated at a table together, away from my parents and siblings, in light of 'the situation'. My cousin replied that it was fine, but that she was sorry 'the situation' had not gotten better over the years.

Spouse asked me if I will speak to my parents and/or siblings if they attend, and after sufficient thought, I have decided no. I don't believe they will approach me, and I am not going to approach them. I'm going to enjoy myself and the love I'm sure will be present at this joyous occasion, and my parents/siblings can do whatever they want.

I imagine they will be a bit surprised. People tend to look different after 16 years. I imagine they may also try to remember how long I've been with Spouse, but will then reprimand themselves for even wondering such about 'sinners'. I also imagine that if they are honest and look with unbiased eyes (not likely), they will see an authentic, well-adjusted, happy, loved, gay man and his partner. The son they gave birth to, but abandoned 29 years later. I imagine they might just feel a wee bit guilty.

But that is NOT AT ALL why we're going to this wedding. I don't even know for sure if they'll be there. Truly, we're going because we are invited and because I care about my cousin.

And if my parents/sibling do attend and do, by chance, approach me and say hello?

I will be cordial and polite. Nothing more, nothing less.

Crush du Jour: Chris Campanioni

Grey

The sky is very grey and overcast this morning, and I feel just like it. Grey: the opposite of vibrant and exciting.

I'm not depressed or upset or anything like that. I just woke up this morning feeling exactly like the sky. Grey.

A few minutes ago I heard the low, ominous rumblings of thunder. Now its raining. I guess a different weather front is moving in. I wish it would bring sunshine to the sky and to my mood. But the forecast for this entire week does not look promising.

Sometimes I worry that one day I will wake up and look at my life and feel regrets.

Regret that I never took that month-long 'Explore Europe' vacation. Regret that I never wrote that novel that's been revised several times in my head. Regret that I never created that piece of art that I can see with my mind's eye. Regret that I never smoked pot, not even once. Regret that I didn't attempt to fix broken friendships. Regret that I never saw myself as 'attractive' or worthy of turning some one's head. Regret that I didn't live up to my full potential. Regret that perhaps I did more existing than living.

Did you ever see that film "Living Out Loud"? I loved that film. Although she thinks her divorce is devastating, it actually winds up being the thing that forces her to stop existing and begin living. Out loud. Sometimes I wonder if I'm waiting for some 'big thing' to be the catalyst for me to start living out loud.

'Why wait for a catalyst', you may ask. 'Why not just start doing the things you want to do, and living the life you want to live?'

If only it were that easy. There are plenty of challenges and obstacles: money, time, confidence, talent, fear, work, responsibilities, expectations.

I'm not saying all or any of these are insurmountable, but they do require a significant amount of energy and courage.

Think about the affect of deciding to finally write that novel. Outlining the plot, developing the characters, deciding on a writing style, and lots and lots of editing all take hundreds if not thousands of hours. Since I must work full time, my writing would have to take place in the evenings and on weekends, when I'm normally working out at the gym, doing housework, doing laundry, keeping in touch with friends/family, socializing, and spending time with Spouse. So I'd have to replace many of these activities with writing, which would leave the activities to Spouse to handle, which could cause friction and/or resentment, or we'd have to discontinue doing some of them altogether.

So, maybe its not really about worrying that one day I will wake up and regret never having written that novel. Maybe its really about accepting the choices we all make.

I could choose to quit my job in order to write, but that would mean drastically changing our lifestyle. We'd have to move to a smaller, less-expensive house in a less-desirable area in order to live on only Spouse's salary. We'd likely have to give up many non-essential expenses like our gym membership, eating out, and perhaps even Big Ella.

I guess I have chosen not to do that, at least so far. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, I have chosen this life in this house in this neighborhood over writing my novel. In order not to regret it, I need to either accept this choice or choose differently.

And don't think you can be Scarlett O'Hara and decide not to think about it. Deciding not to choose is a choice.

Other choices I've made do not involve money or lots of time, but they are no less difficult to accept or change. Take, for instance, mending broken friendships.

My high school friend Patrick was instrumental in my coming out, and for years we stayed in touch even after he moved to FL. Patrick developed pretty severe bipolar disorder and I tried to remain as supportive and helpful as I could from VA. But things got bad for him, and the day before he attempted suicide he shipped me a box with photos and personal items, along with a letter than began "By the time this arrives I will be gone..." Unfortunately for me, the box and letter arrived the day of Spouse's father's funeral.

When I read the letter I completely fell apart. After Spouse's father's funeral that morning, the gravity of the letter and box was just too much, and reduced me to a sobbing heap on the floor.

Later on I pulled myself together enough to make a few phone calls to the county police where Patrick lived. Fortunately for him, I learned that Patrick's suicide attempt had been thwarted. He was alive and recuperating in the hospital.

That was 10 years and 2 months ago. I guess I was mad at him for attempting suicide, even though I completely understood it. Perhaps I was also mad that it occurred when I was already emotionally spent. When he got out of the hospital he called and left a message on our answering machine, but I never called him back. I still have the box of photos, personal items, and the letter, but have never opened them again.

Thanks to the internet it is quite possible I might be able to locate him. I could apologize for not calling, and explain the circumstances. Whether or not he forgave me for ending the friendship would be in his court, and I would accept his decision either way. At least I would have tried.

But in all honesty, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that my search for him may eventually reveal another suicide attempt, this one successful. I'm afraid if I do find him alive, his condition will be even worse than before, and that I will be emotionally sucked dry by my involvement. I'm afraid I will once again be connected to something that has the ability to devastate me, again. I'm afraid of the unknown, yet somehow prefer it over knowing.

So again, it appears I have made a choice. I have chosen my calm, safe life over the potential of mending a broken friendship. In order not to regret it, I need to either accept this choice or choose differently.

Existing vs. living. Regrets, choices, acceptance. Kinda heavy for a Monday, but worthy topics for thought.

Crush du Jour: John Paul Lavoisier

Mother-in-law

Well, if you thought I was whiny, spoiled, or ungrateful for complaining about all the noise, dirt, and inconvenience of getting our street paved, you'll really think I'm whiny, spoiled, and ungrateful with this post.

Let me start by saying I love Mother-in-law. Really, I love her dearly. Although 79 years old, she is far from being a typical 'old lady'. She doesn't crochet doilies or knit afghans. She's very active with lots of senior social groups and rarely misses an opportunity to go somewhere. She has a great sense of humor and we have a good time together.

For nearly 13 years now she has loved and accepted me, which is more than I can say for my actual mother (and father and siblings) who disowned me when I came out and informed them I was leaving their conservative religion.

But despite how much I truly do love Mother-in-law, sometimes the woman can get on my nerves.

Every time we see her she offers us something to eat and/or drink, which is very thoughtful and hospitable. Since I am trying to lose weight I try not to eat between meals, so I usually tell her 'No, thank you'. She always responds by asking me if I'm sure, and then proceeds to list for me all the food and drinks she has to offer. I politely respond by telling her 'I am sure' and that 'I don't care for anything'. She'll leave it alone for a few minutes, but will invariably ask me several more times if I'm sure I don't want anything to eat or drink. Sometimes she will go through the list again. I want to say "Read my lips: I do not care for anything to eat or drink. Thank you" but of course, I'd never do that.

Every time we see her she tells us how much money she has recently given to her 2 deadbeat sons, both of whom are in their 50s. Spouse has spoken for both of us numerous times, letting her know we do not care to hear about that anymore. We came to the conclusion long ago that she will continue to give them money as often as she wants to. What she does with her money is her own business. Nobody has a gun pointed to her head. We've reminded her that if she doesn't want to give them the money they request, she can say no. But she doesn't say no, which is her prerogative. But then she insists on telling us how much she 'had' to give them. Sometimes I'm tempted to scream "You didn't 'have' to give them the money!!! You are the one in control!!!", but of course I'd never do that either. She always ends with "Listen, I have enough money for myself, but I don't have enough money to carry those two." If I weren't afraid she'd see me, I swear I could lip-sync that exact phrase as she says it. And I could. I've heard it enough times.

Every time we see her she gives us a recap of what is going on with her friends, whom Spouse & I privately refer to as 'the hag brigade'. "Maryann's daughter is moving to North Carolina...", "Gloria went to the doctor this week for her knee", and "Loretta is thinking about a reverse mortgage..." etc, etc, etc. We've never met these people, so getting an update on what's going on in their lives means very little (if anything) to us. But the worse part about it? She tells us the same things over and over again! At first I thought she couldn't remember whether or not she'd told us, so once I said "Oh yeah, you mentioned this to me last time we were here". But without missing a beat she responded "Well I'm gonna tell you again", and proceeded to ramble on and on about the happenings of these people we don't know or care about.

Two weeks ago her neighbor had a ceramic tile floor installed in her kitchen. Upon hearing this from Mother-in-law, one of the hag brigade snarled "Ceramic tile floors are cold and slippery!" So Mother-in-law asked me what our kitchen floor was made of, and I answered that it was ceramic tile. She asked if it was cold and slippery, to which I replied "Ours is cold because its on a concrete slab, but your neighbor's kitchen has a crawl space under it so it may not be as cold. Its only slippery if its wet." Since her neighbor got a new kitchen floor she decided she needed (read: wanted) a new kitchen floor too, so we took her to the flooring store to order the same laminate floor she loved in our previous house. Just 2 weeks later (this past weekend) she asked me the same question again about ceramic tile floors being cold and slippery. First, I already answered the question 2 weeks ago. Second, what difference does it make now? She'd already ordered the laminate floor! She called last night to tell us the new floor had been installed, and how much she loved it. I bit my lip and said nothing when she told me "I'm glad I didn't get a ceramic tile floor because people say they're cold and slippery".

She likes to keep abreast of what's happening, so she watches political TV shows and reads tabloids. Those are her information sources. She'll read or hear something sensational and then repeat it to us as if she's reporting the news. "They say Barack Bahama is a Muslim" she announced. And yes, she really did call him Barack Bahama. Spouse replied "No he's not! Where did you hear that?" The tabloid. Last weekend she reported "That guy can't be in the president's cabinet 'cuz he didn't pay his taxes. Why didn't he pay his taxes? He couldn't afford it?" Spouse recommended that if she is going to read tabloids, she should consider them to be for entertainment purposes only, but she responded "But sometimes they get it right! They said Edwards had an affair on his wife - the one with cancer - and he did!" Spouse also suggested she watch CNN for politics instead of Fox News, but she said she likes to watch Bill O'Reilly because "he's so good-looking". Hard to argue with that kind of logic.

I know I should sound more grateful to have such a loving and accepting Mother-in-law, and I really am grateful for her. And as I said, I love this woman dearly, really I do! But sometimes she can get on my nerves.

Crush du Jour: Matthew "Jett" Schaefer

Tuesday tidbits

Yesterday I had my weekly weigh-in. As expected, this week's results were not nearly as dramatic as last week's 9 lb loss. In fact, I was a little surprised that I only lost 2 lbs this past week.
For being week 2, I expected more like 4 or 5 lbs. Oh well. I can't let myself get discouraged. However, this week is probably not going to be a great one for weight loss either. Yesterday Spouse & I had lunch out and I ate french fries. Plus tonight we're going to a potluck where I will want to taste everything. I guess that is the key: taste. I don't need to eat an entire helping of everything as long as I just have a taste. I am determined to continue loosing weight for a few more weeks!!!

Yesterday we had intermittent snow throughout the day. Oddly though the temperature seemed to fluctuate, causing the snow to stick on the ground for awhile, then melt, then stick again, then melt again. It was really just enough to cover most of the grass and street and make the trees look pretty. Although enough snow to sled ride and close schools is fun, I prefer this type of snow where you get the beauty of it without the shoveling and treacherous traffic conditions.

This evening we're going to an Inauguration potluck at our friends' Paul & Steve's. They are liberal Democrats like us, and last year during the presidential campaign they promised to have an Inauguration party if a Democratic president were elected. To add to our already happy spirits over Obama's election, Paul & Steve suggested that we give our potluck dishes political names. Steve is making hot 'left' wings. I'm bringing pork 'barrel' barbecue. Get it??? Obama's swearing in happens at noon ET, but I'm quite sure there will still be Inauguration coverage on TV this evening while we eat and talk. I think Inauguration day should be a national holiday so that all Americans can attend in person or watch it on TV.

A friend sent me this video which made me smile. What the duck???

While poking around on other people's blogs I came across this great idea. I'm not sure I have the balls to do it, but I think it could be a useful way of helping those who've never experienced non-recognition of their relationship to feel what GLBT people experience everyday. Please let me know if any of you are doing/have done this!

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr day, and happy Inauguration day!

Crush du Jour: Victor Banda

Religion and gays

IN THE LIFE DEBUTS ITS JANUARY SHOW “TIES THAT BIND”A LOOK AT THE INTERSECTIONS OF RELIGION AND SEXUALITY IN THE LGBT COMMUNITY

NEW YORK—IN THE LIFE, the only three-time Emmy nominated public television series documenting the gay experience, explores religious devotion and discord in the LGBT community.

The power of religion to shape our lives, our worldview and our political convictions transcends all cultures, faiths, and sexual orientations. The Bible, the Koran, and the Torah are tools for spiritual guidance, comfort, and direction, but many gay and lesbian people endure a sense of alienation from religious communities that fail to see a place for them in their congregations. In the wake of many defeats sustained by the LGBT community on Election Day, with the historic passage of Proposition 8 in California and similar amendments in other states, the entire country has been witness to how religion is used as a wedge in the larger community.

Believing that homosexuals have no place in the Christian Church, ex-gay ministries like EXODUS International promise gay and lesbian people struggling to live within the margins of religious fundamentalism "freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ.”

In its lead-story, “In God We Trusted,” this episode of IN THE LIFE examines evangelical ex-gay ministries that have been established around the country to “re-program” LGBT people into heterosexuals -- often with tragic consequences endured by its members: guilt, desperation, even suicide.

In “A Conversation With…” Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay Bishop ordained by the Episcopal Church, and Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum, spiritual leader of New York City’s largest LGBT synagogue, map their spiritual journeys, noting parallels and pivotal moments that lead them to call for a more inclusive theology that celebrates people of all faiths and sexual orientations. “I wanted to be a part of a Judaism that could ask questions in a sophisticated way about the meaning of life, interfaith relations, sexuality, feminism, gender issues," says Kleinbaum, "and I believed that Judaism was actually big enough and strong enough, and that God was sophisticated enough to handle those kinds of questions.”

The episode concludes with a “Real to Reel” highlighting Parvez Sharma’s groundbreaking film, “A Jihad for Love.” This rare portrait of a different kind of “Jihad,” meaning: an inner struggle or to strive in the path of God, brings the stories of gay and lesbian Muslims across twelve countries to the forefront of the debate on Muslim scripture and homosexuality.

"Ties That Bind" has begun airing on American Public Television stations, and is available for free video streaming and downloadable podcasting from the IN THE LIFE website. To find out when it will be airing in their local areas, to stream or download it, viewers should go to here.

About In The Life Media

In The Life Media provides information about the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities, documents the ongoing LGBT civil rights movement, and produces diverse images of the LGBT community to create better understanding and acceptance.

About IN THE LIFE

Produced by In The Life Media, IN THE LIFE is the longest running television show documenting the gay experience. IN THE LIFE is a three-time Emmy Award nominee, a Lambda Legal Liberty Award honoree, and the recipient of the Courage Award from the New York City Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project. In 2004, GLAAD honored our organization with the prestigious Barbara Gittings Award "for contributions to LGBT media." In 2006, it won the Seigenthaler Award from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for "excellence in network television."

Crush du Jour: Scott Caan