As it should be

National Coming Out Day

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day.

The foundational belief is that homophobia thrives in an atmosphere of silence and ignorance, and that once people know that they have loved ones, colleagues, or neighbors who are lesbian or gay, they are far less likely to maintain homophobic or oppressive views.  For more on the history of National Coming Out Day click here.

I remember well the first few years after I began to come out.  Initially I told my family and just a couple close friends.  But when I heard about National Coming Out Day and considered the good it could accomplish, I made it a goal to come out to at least 1 person every year on Oct 11.  

Rather than a formal announcement of "I'm gay" which I felt had the potential to make people feel as if they had to respond in some way, I chose a more informal approach.  I would simply allow this information to find its way into a conversation.  If I were talking with someone at work and they asked if I'd been to a new restaurant, I might respond "Yes, my boyfriend and I went last week and really liked it."  To me, this did not put the other person 'on the spot'.  They could acknowledge my coming out to them or not.  That didn't matter to me.  What mattered is that someone now realized that they had a gay friend, and hopefully wouldn't participate in hurtful language or discriminatory behavior toward the GLBT community.

Nowadays I really have no one to whom I can come out.  Everyone already knows I'm gay because I don't hide it.  Its a part of who I am and organically comes out in everyday conversation with people.  And I do believe that this behavior and the National Coming Out Day movement has helped move the GLBT community into the mainstream.  Just this week I called to purchase an insurance policy and after giving my name and details, the salesperson asked if there was anyone else who should be on the policy.  I responded, "Yes, my husband."  The salesperson didn't miss a beat and then asked for his name and details.  While there is still work to be done in achieving true equality, I believe National Coming Out Day has helped.

How have you participated in National Coming Out Day?

Appreciation

We're fortunate to live in an area that is rather progressive, open, and accepting.  For many years our little beach area has been the place where GLBT folks have spent their beach vacations and invested in 2nd homes.  While there are still conservative, narrow-minded people in the state, DE was ahead of the curve in implementing domestic partnerships which mirrored the benefits and rights of marriage (not every state's DP laws are that thorough), and in granting full marriage equality.  This is not something to take for granted, given the recent hateful legislation passed in NC under the guise of "religious freedom".

In addition to my appreciation for living in a state that treats me and Spouse as equal citizens, I also have appreciation for working for a company that treats me the same way.  Many of my colleagues within the company and a few on my team are GLBT.  Our franchise has made the decision to show all kinds of people in their national ads.

In "The Call" a gay male couple is among those who receive the happy news that their home has sold:

In "Moving" a lesbian couple shares a bite of their wedding cake:

While not the focus of the ads, I think its important to acknowledge the intentional presence of GLBT folks in advertising.  I really think it helps 'normalize' us to the general public, showing the milestones in life shared by everyone.  

I don't take for granted that my community and employer contribute to the sense of safety and peace of mind I experience.

Patrick's visit

My old friend Patrick came to visit!  He arrived yesterday afternoon and will stay until mid-day tomorrow.  He visited back in early May and we had a great time!  However, the ocean water was too cold to go swimming so I suggested he come back in Sept when its more comfortable, and he did.

Yesterday we sat on the porch with Spouse and the dogs and talked until it was time for dinner.  The 3 of us met up with Steven & Thad at Purple Parrot.  Patrick had the prime rib special and I had 1/2 price buffalo wings and 1/2 price nachos which I shared with the table.  This is not on my Fit for Life plan, but I enjoyed it anyway.  It was a beautiful evening so there were lots of folks out and about, and we saw several friends.  It was a fun evening.

Today Spouse went to work and Patrick and I sat on the screened porch with Marvin & Walter for hours, drinking coffee and talking about politics, equality, the glory days when we were in the Concert Choir and Dominants vocal jazz and show choir group, family dynamics, work, and all sorts of other stuff.  We never run out of interesting things to discuss.  Finally we got our beach stuff together and had lunch at Panera before going to the beach.  

Beach selfie

It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed the sun and went swimming in the ocean.  It was great!

Once back home and showered, I picked up some subs, drinks, chips, and cookies for our dinner on board the water taxi.  The 3 of us met up with Steven & Thad and Joe P and took the same sunset cruise that I went on last week with my colleagues.  

Photo credit: Joe P

It was fun and we all enjoyed it very much!

Unfortunately tomorrow he'll head back home around noon.  But I know he'll be back again before too long.  That's how old friends are.

Historic day

Well, needless to say I was very pleased with last Friday's Supreme Court ruling that State same sex marriage bans are unconstitutional, effectively creating marriage equality in all 50 states.  Immediately following the announcement couples began streaming to local court houses requesting marriage licenses.  June 26, 2015 became a historical date:  the date love won.

I was at work when the announcement was made but my aunt (who is straight) called me to share the good news.  A couple of my straight colleagues in the office and 2 of my neighbors also shared their concurrence with the Court's decision, which was a nice surprise to me.  I decided to take those congratulatory conversations just a step forward by saying the following (paraphrased):

"I hope the general public really understands how important this is.  You know, its not just about the right to walk down the isle and have a fabulous wedding.  There are so many legal rights and benefits that come along with the right to be married... visiting a spouse in the hospital, making medical decisions for a spouse, inheritance of jointly owned property, receipt of pensions, the ability to be covered by a spouse's medical insurance.  These and many more are things that were not legally available to same sex couples in states where same sex marriage bans were in place.  This ruling eliminates different treatment based on the gender of your spouse and creates real marriage equality, something all Americans deserve."

Some understood this already and simply agreed, while others' eyes widened and they said "Oh wow, I never thought of it that way."

It was a happy day for nearly everyone except the conservatives and right-wingers.  They of course began predicting the end of civilization as we know it due to these new unions which have absolutely no real affect on them.  

The White House celebrated the decision by projecting lights in the rainbow colors across its facade.  Facebook responded by providing a rainbow filter under which users' profile picture could be displayed.

I also liked that the timing of this decision occurred in June, the unofficial GLBT Pride month, and just 2 days prior to the 46th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, the unofficial beginning of the gay rights movement.

On my facebook page I posted this photo and caption:

Married in all 50 states now.  Thanks SCOTUS!

Harvey Milk Day

Today is Harvey Milk Day!  In my opinion Harvey Milk was a brave and intelligent man who used logic and humor to further equality for the GLBT community.  Many of this words are just as true and inspirational now as they were when he uttered them nearly 40 years ago.

12 memorable Harvey Milk quotes:

1. "Gay brothers and sisters, you must come out!  Destroy the lies and distortions.  For your sake; for their sake."
2. "I have never considered myself a candidate.  I have always considered myself part of a movement."
3. "I would like to see every gay doctor come out, every gay lawyer, every gay architect come out.  Stand up and let the world know!  That would do more to end prejudice overnight than anyone could imagine."
4. "You have to give them hope."
5. "If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door in the country."
6. "Without hope, not only gays but the blacks, the seniors, the handicapped, the us'es - the us'es will give up... Because if a gay person makes it, the doors are open to everyone."
7. "Hope will never be silent."
8. "My name is Harvey Milk and I'm here to recruit you."
9. "Coming out is the most political thing you can do."
10. "Burst down those closet doors once and for all and stand up and start to fight."
11. "All young people, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, deserve a safe and supportive environment in which to achieve their full potential."
12. "All men are created equal.  No matter how hard they try they can never erase those words.  That is what America is about."

Source

Progress

Marriage equality made great progress this week!

On Mon the Supreme Court (yes, I typed it out... I have the acronym SCOTUS) decided not to take up any of the pending cases in 5 states, which meant the lower court rulings declaring anti-gay marriage laws to be unconstitutional were upheld.  This meant marriage equality became a reality in Wisconsin, Indiana, Oklahoma, Utah, and Virginia.

Yes, Virginia!

I am the most surprised about Virginia because when Spouse & I lived there a terribly-written law went into effect that not only blocked same-sex marriage, but basically also said 2 people of the same sex couldn't do anything that might try to imply the same rights and benefits as marriage!  In other words, a guy couldn't leave his cabin in the woods to his male childhood friend in his will because this might be seen as trying to imply a right or benefit of marriage.  Both the content and the wording of the law were so reprehensible and offensive it was actually 1 of the main reasons Spouse & I decided to move out of Virginia.  Thankfully that is all behind us now and we look forward to receiving wedding invitations from many of our friends still living there.

With days, more states like Colorado, Nevada, Idaho, Kansas, and West Virginia joined the bandwagon, and its not over.  Keep your ears open for announcements in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Wyoming.

My blogger buddy Bob & his fiance Carlos are getting married soon in Washington (near Bob's dad) and hope that their marriage will be recognized in their home state of South Carolina by the time they return home!  How great would that be?!?!  For continuing, up-to-date info on Bob & Carlos' wedding AND states joining the equality march, be sure to visit Bob's blog HERE. 

Marriage equality

Well, it was a big week for marriage equality and I am really excited about it!

On Mon Oregon judge McShane ruled that the ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional, making OR the 18th state to advance marriage equality.

The next day Pennsylvania advanced marriage equality, and although there was a concern the Governor would try to block it, he wisely decided not to appeal the decision.  PA is now the 19th state to embrace marriage equality.

Positive movement is also happening in Idaho and Utah, as seen in the graphic below.

If you want to keep up-to-date on the states' status', I suggest following Freedom to Marry on facebook or periodically checking their website.

GLBT love at the Grammys

I tend not to watch awards shows much anymore. 

I rarely see Broadway shows so I have no idea who/what the nominees are for the Tony awards. The Screen Actor's Guild, People's Choice, and Gold Globes awards often get boring with the rambling acceptance speeches.  Why do the winners feel the need to publicly thank dozens of people we don't know?  That's something they should do on their own time!

And then, of course, there is often the dreadful scripted dialog for the presenters to deliver, which most of the time includes insincere self-deprication and 'jokes' that fall flatter than a pancake.

So I really wasn't planning on watching the Grammy awards this year.  Spouse was flipping the channel and nothing interesting came on, so when he paused at the Grammy show we began to watch it.  It was actually much better than I remember from past years.

I was somewhat surprised but very happy to see a 3 distinct occasions where GLBT rights and love were shown or spoken of in a very favorable light.

I'll start with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.  They 1st got my attention a year ago with their debut song "Thrift Shop".  But last night they performed their 2nd hit song "Same Love" which ended with Queen Latifah marrying 33 couples (same-sex and opposite-sex), saying "by the power invested in my by the state of California, I now pronounce you a married couple!".

Many observers (including country singer Keith Urban) were brought to tears.  I've never seen anything quite like it! 

Next came a performance by Kacey Musgrove whose name I'd never heard of, but that's not surprising since I don't listen to country music.  Kacy performed her song "Follow Your Arrow" which contains the lyrics "Make lots of noise, kiss lots of boys, or kiss lots of girls if that's somethin' you're into.  If the straight and narrow is a little too straight..."

Its a catchy tune with a terrific message.  And how can you not love a woman who wears a Mexican Christmas tree skirt?

And finally in Paul Williams' acceptance speech for Daft Punk he said they wanted him to say that "As elegant and classy as the Grammy has ever been, is the moment when we saw those wonder marriages, and that "Same Love" is fantastic and the height of fairness and love, and the power of love for all people, at any time, in any combination." 

What made me stay up late on a school night until the Grammy awards was over?  I wanted to make sure I didn't miss any other support messages during the show.  And then as I climbed in bed it occured to me that I had just witnessed history:  the 1st time a marriage (or 33 marriages to be exact) were conducted during an awards show.  And some of those couples were gay and lesbian.

The times they are a-changin'.

Conversion

This is to let you all know that Spouse & I are no longer in a civil union.

We're married now!

A few weeks back Spouse got a call from someone in the benefits dept where he works (for the State) who told him that we could get a refund of some additional taxes paid since I am on his insurance if we were married.  

We had a civil union in 2012 when that became available to us, and I went on his insurance then.  This year full marriage became available (on the State level) but we did nothing about it.  We had the option to convert our civil union license to a marriage license, and if we did nothing, it would automatically convert in July 2014, so we felt no rush to convert it until we got the call from the benefits lady.

So we went to the courthouse, showed our civil union license, paid the $50 fee, and got our marriage license, all within 10 minutes.  There were no photos taken, no vows exchanged, no witnesses standing up for us.  It was rather anti-climactic.  Afterward we went to lunch and then Spouse went back to work.

An option given to us was how we were to be identified on the marriage license:  Party A and Party B, or Groom and Groom.  Without consulting Spouse who was sitting right next to me I exclaimed "Groom and Groom!"

Up to this point I always referred to Spouse as my partner.  But now that we are legally married I've decided to refer to him as my husband.  

For years I resisted using the word husband around straight people because I didn't want them to assume that I was the "wife".  You know how some straight people wonder 'which one of you is the man and which is the woman', a ridiculous question never asked of me, but I imagine still present in some people's minds.  But since same sex marriage has been in the news so much in the last few years I'm hoping that my use of the term husband will no longer illicit such thoughts, and whether it does or does not, I no longer care.  I am happy to refer to him as my husband.  

After 17 1/2 years I think I've earned the right.

Congratulations NJ!!

Last year the NJ Legislature passed a bill to grant marriage equality to GLBT citizens of NJ, but Gov Chris Christie refused to sign the bill.  Supporters pushed the case to the state supreme court and last Fri a judge ruled that the state could not deny marriage equality.  Christie said he would appeal, but today withdrew that decision.

Same-sex marriages began at 12:01 AM today in NJ!!

 
NJ became the 14th state (plus DC) to pass marriage equality.  Nearly 1/3 of the states now have marriage equality, and several more appear to be getting closer.

The times they are a-changin'...

Remembering Stonewall

Today is the 44th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, considered by many to be the single most important event leading to the gay liberation movement and the modern fight for gay and lesbian rights in the United States.

That chain of events should be remembered by GLBT people, for I believe the recent overturning of DOMA and Prop 8 wouldn't have happened, or wouldn't have happened for many more years without the Stonewall riots.

Today we remember and honor those who got things started.

Another step

On Wed the Delaware legislature took another positive step toward equality for all Delawareans by passing SB 97, adding protections for gender identity to Delaware’s nondiscrimination and hate crimes laws. Governor Jack Markell swiftly signed the legislation into law. With this historic move, Delaware joins 16 other states in providing basic fairness for our transgender citizens.

More equality

As if getting same sex marriage in DE earlier this year wasn't enough, there is now an effort to pass a gender identity nondiscrimination act too.  Even more equality!!

It is looking very good that this legislation will pass, and our fabulous Governor Jack Markell has always been committed to equality for all Delawareans.  Very exciting!

IDAHO

No, not the state, but rather the effort.  IDAHO stands for Internation Day Against HOmophobia, and includes Transphobia.

Spouse's brother-in-law sent me the following article.  It was pasted into an email so I don't know the source, but thought I'd share it anyway.  I was a bit surprised I'd not seen anything about this on the blogs I read, but then again, my blog reading has been very light recently.  Enjoy!


On May 17, human rights activists and concerned individuals from around the world will once again mark the International Day against Homophobia and Transphobia. However, as awareness of and support for the human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex (LGBTI) people expands globally, advocacy groups and individuals have faced pushback in the form of increased violence and stigmatization in many areas—often with dire consequences. Last Friday in the Russian city of Volgograd, 23-year-old Vladislav Tornovoi was tortured and killed, with initial reports indicating that he was attacked after coming out as gay to several companions.

Discrimination and violence against LGBTI people is a worldwide phenomenon. The Trans Murder Monitoring Project’s 2012 global figures show that 265 transgender people were victims of violent killings in the previous 12 months, an increase of almost 20 percent from the preceding year. The intensity and brutality of the violence inflicted on gay men in Iraq is arguably the worst in the world, and the Kuwaiti authorities recently trumpeted the arrest of 215 gay men and lesbians, following a similar operation last year that affected 149 people identified by police as gay or transgender. But these problems are not limited to authoritarian states in Eurasia and the Middle East. Democratic Brazil, home to very public annual gay pride parades, has the highest rate of LGBTI murders in the world. And in the United States, federal government statistics show that the share of hate crimes targeting LGBTI people ranks second only to those motivated by race.

In many countries these sorts of crimes regularly go unpunished or unrecorded, and are rarely classified as hate crimes. Some governments, like Russia’s, not only callously disregard such abuses, but actively encourage prejudice, stigmatization, and adverse stereotyping of LGBTI people.

The old “deviance” arguments still cited by many states to justify the criminalization and persecution of LGBTI individuals or their behavior have been thoroughly discredited in light of scientific information about the nature of sexual orientation and gender identity. Many in the international community have responded accordingly, invoking universal principles of human rights to check ongoing discrimination and violence against LGBTI people around the world. In June 2011, the UN Human Rights Council passed a resolution sponsored by South Africa, along with 38 other countries, that condemned human rights violations based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Nevertheless, criminalization and attempts at criminalization have continued, and new homophobic and transphobic tactics have emerged. Some government leaders join intolerant nonstate actors—including certain religious figures—in advancing absurd claims that their young people are being “recruited” into homosexual or transgender “lifestyles.” In Russia, at least 10 regional legislatures have already imposed fines for promoting homosexuality among minors, and a federal bill that would ban “homosexual propaganda” has easily passed its first reading in the lower house of parliament. Uganda’s notorious Bahati Bill, which has teetered on the verge of passage in Uganda’s parliament since 2009, has now been reframed to outlaw the “promotion” of homosexuality and the “inducement of children.” Such efforts should be seen for what they are—brazen attempts to stigmatize and fuel fear and hatred against LGBTI people, often for political reasons.

LGBTI individuals do not seek special rights or privileges. They are simply entitled to the same freedoms and protections that everyone should enjoy under international human rights norms and laws. The most prevalent demands are the rights to free association, free expression, privacy, and authenticity (in other words, the right to be oneself).

A robust concept of human rights extends beyond legal systems to encompass the social practices by which these rights are realized on a daily basis. There is an important distinction between possession of a right, the legal enforceability of that right, and the respect a right receives in practice. Many governments have accepted their obligation to uphold human rights for LGBTI people in law and policy, only to struggle with implementation due to a lack of political will or capacity, or in the face of ongoing societal discrimination. Far worse are the states that have not only denied LGBTI people their basic human rights, but also legitimized and encouraged societal hostility through their laws, policies, and actions.

Freedom House works closely with human rights defenders in a range of political environments around the world to raise awareness, improve recognition of and respect for the human rights of LGBTI people, and address any lack of political will when it comes to enforcement. On May 17 we stand in solidarity with all human rights defenders, including those who identify as LGBTI, as we commit ourselves to the pursuit of a world in which human diversity is honored and valued, and human rights are enjoyed equally by everyone.
gainst Homophobia and Transphobia. However, as awareness of and support for the human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex (LGBTI) people expands globally, advocacy groups and individuals have faced pushback in the form of increased violence and stigmatization in many areas—often with dire consequences. Last Friday in the Russian city of Volgograd, 23-year-old Vladislav Tornovoi was tortured and killed, with initial reports indicating that he was attacked after coming out as gay to several companions.

We did it!!

Just after 5pm today, the Senate PASSED HB75 granting marriage equality to same-sex couples in Delaware!  Gov Jack Markell wasted no time and signed the legislation immediately.

Delaware is now the 11th state (plus the District of Columbia) to offer marriage equality.  Let's hope there are even more to come!

Just 1 more step

Today the Senate Executive Committee voted HB75 (the marriage equality bill) out of committee and onto the Senate floor!  

This means there is just 1 more step to go: a vote by the Senate which is expected next week.  If you are a Delaware resident, please click here to urge your Senator to vote 'Yes' next week.  As you might imagine, I have sent numerous emails to my Senator and have encouraged my friends to do the same.

Many thanks to Equality Delaware for doing such a great job of energizing the public, urging contact with Senators, and keeping everyone informed.

Marriage equality in DE???

In 2011 Delaware enacted legislation for civil unions to begin in 2012.  While I believe full marriage equality is better, civil unions do provide the same rights are marriage in the state of DE, and it was thought that if civil unions were adopted, it might pave the way for full marriage equality. DE has a wonderfully supportive Governor in Jack Markell.  Over and over he has voiced his support for equality for all Delawareans.

True to his words, last Wed Gov Markell announced that he would introduce marriage equality legislation (HB75) to the Delaware General Assembly that day.  This is step #2 of the process.

Today, 1 week later, HB75 passed by a vote of 4-1 and is out of committee and goes to the House floor!  My friend and fellow blogger Ron gave testimony to the committee about his 49-year relationship which deserves to be legally recognized as a marriage.  That was step #3.

Ron of "Retired in Delaware" talks to the committee

The House is scheduled to vote on HB75 next Tues, 4/23 and the Senate shortly thereafeter, I think.   This is step #4.  If the bill passes, the only remaining step would be Gov Markell's signature, which will make it law.  This would make Delaware the 11th state to grant marriage equality to its citizens. 

Although Spouse & I have a civil union, I believe it will automatically 'convert' to a marriage in Delaware, as has been the case in many other states that started with civil unions before marriage.  I wonder if we will get a new marriage certificate in place of our civil union license?  

My sincere thanks go out to Equality Delaware for all their hard work and communication on this issue.  Stay tuned for more!

Gratitude

I have to say that I was genuinely impressed with the President's inauguration speech.  He 'stood up' for the GLBT community, not in a room full for HRC employees, but in front of millions of American people (and countless non-Americans watching from overseas) in his inauguration speech!

Back in 2004 when the first same-sex weddings took place in MA I thought real marriage equality on the federal level would come, but not in my lifetime.  I'm now rethinking that.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Marriage

Having grown up in a very religious environment I recall my curiosity when reading about the many characters in the Bible and their wives.

Indeed, our society's view of marriage has changed dramatically over the years.  It wasn't that long ago that love had very little to do with the arranged marriages of wealthy and powerful families.

Yet somehow, the marriage of two people of the same sex remains "immoral" to many in the US.