Gay agenda

Here's photographic proof that it really DOES exist.  

Have a great weekend!

Sleep over

Gay

The day Randy realized

"Shit... I'm gay!"

Binge-worthy

While flipping around looking for something to watch recently, I stumbled upon an episode of 'Shameless'.  Two guys were passionately hugging and kissing each other, so I was like "Whoa... what's THIS show about?"  

I kept watching for a few minutes and in the next scene I recognized actor William H Macy.  I seemed to remember him being nominated (and possibly winning) some award for his role in 'Shameless'.  Since there's very little to watch these days I decided I'd watch the show starting from the beginning.  I figured I'd binge-watch a handful of episodes, little did I know the show has 8 seasons, starting back in 2011.  We didn't have Showtime until a little over a year ago so I had no knowledge of it back when it started.

In a nutshell William H Macy plays a raging alcoholic and drug user whose life consists of drinking himself unconcious and scheming to get money.  He has 6 children ranging in age from 21 years to 21 months old, who basically take care of paying the bills, feeding each other, and keeping the home together with lots of odd jobs, some legal, some not-so-much.  Their mother ran away shortly after the 21 month old was born.  Having little-to-no parental direction or discipline, the 6 kids are no strangers to drinking beer and smoking cigarettes and joints.  But despite their unconventional childhood, their family bond is strong.

While my synopsis may sound depressing, the show is full of twists and turns and unexpected intersections.  Not the least of which is a neighbor named Sheila, played by the genius actress Joan Cusack, who has agoraphobia and hasn't left the house in 5 years.  Also, in the 1st episode 17 year old Lip (short for Philip) discovers his 15 year old brother Ian is gay and has been having sex with his married boss who owns/runs the convenience store where Ian works.

The 1st night I binge-watched 4 episodes.  The 2nd night I binge-watched 6 episodes.  The 3rd night I gave Spouse a quick review of the characters and he watched the last 2 episodes of season 1 with me. We're currently nearing the end of season 2.

Its a really interesting show, and I enjoy how the writers make the characters good enough that you route for them and want them to succeed, but keep them 'human' by also showing their faults and mistakes.  And as a bonus, there's a fair amount of shirtless, good-looking men in the series, including a couple full-frontal nudity scenes.

If you're looking for a long, enduring series to watch, I recommend 'Shameless'.  If you don't have Showtime, at least some (maybe all) of it is available on Netflix too.

MY Independence day

Last Wed was July 4th or Independence Day.  I didn't have time to write what I really wanted to write then, so I'm writing it now.

July 4th is commonly known as Independence Day, where Americans celebrate their independence from Great Britain.  But the week following July 4th is special to me as I think back to MY independence from a religion that controlled my life.

I was raised in the Jehovah's Witness religion, a separatist religion that believes they are the only ones with the TRUE religion.  One of their many unusual teachings is that being gay is a choice and a 'learned behavior'.  Sometime in my 20s I realized that this belief wasn't true.  I'd known I was gay since I was a kid but didn't know any other gay people, so from whom could I have 'learned' this?  

Once I understood the Jehovah's Witness religion was wrong about that teaching I became suspicious of many other teachings with which I was never comfortable, such as shunning.  JWs are taught to shun those who leave the religion, even family members.  They claim they do this to protect the congregation from the sin of the one being shunned, but I always thought it seemed like emotional blackmail to require relatives to shun their family.

On Sat, July 3, 1993, 25 years ago, I met a man at a gay bar who would become my boyfriend. We spent the long, holiday weekend together and I decided then that I would not return to the JW church.

Even though I knew this decision would eventually result in being shunned by my family and friends.

The week following July 4th 25 years ago was glorious as I felt a new sense of freedom I'd never experienced before, and as I spent time with my new boyfriend.

And then came the gut-wrenching meeting with my family where I told them I was gay, I was leaving the JW religion, and that I understood I would be shunned and likely not see or hear from them again. They tried to talk me out of it but my mind was made up.  Everyone cried.

But as hard as it was to do that, I knew it was the right thing for me, and I felt a sense of relief after it was over.  I simply HAD to start becoming my authentic self.

So, 25 years ago, just after Independence Day, was MY independence day.

If interested, you can read my full coming out story here: part I, part II, part III, part IV, part V.

TV shows

There's been some interesting TV shows on recently.  Not on the networks, since they're all in repeats for the summer.

On PBS we watched "Man in an Orange Shirt".  This was written by author Patrick Gale and was essentially 2 stories, 1 set in the 1940s and the other set in modern time. The stories deal with love, "gay shame", and families' ways of dealing with gay family members.  The 1st story focuses on Michael Berryman (played by the uber adorable Oliver Jackson-Cohen) and boyfriend Thomas March, both soldiers until the war ended in the mid 1940s.  The 2nd story focuses on veterinarian Adam Berryman (the grandson of Michael) and Steve, the owner of a pet treated by Adam.  Flora Berryman (played by Vanessa Redgrave) is the wife of Michael and grandmother of Adam, and is the connecting thread of the 2 stories.  The stories were sensitive, the acting was brilliant, and the cinematography was lovely.  All in all a very well-done program that left me wanting more.  "Man in an Orange Shirt" can be viewed on-demand from your cable provider or on the PBS website.

On FX we're watching the series "Pose".  Set in the late 80s, this series explores the NYC ball culture, AIDS fear, and the lives and struggles of several transgender characters. The series showcases many transgender actors as well as Tony Award winner (Kinky Boots) Billy Porter who is phenomenal in this role as the legendary ball announcer.  The series is created and produced by Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, known for their work on "Glee", "American Horror Story" and "American Crime Story". Unlike "Glee", this show takes a deeper look into the complex lives of the characters and is both poignant and fun.  If you're not already watching, you can catch up by watching on-demand.  Current episodes air on Sun nights.


Have you watched either show?  If so, what did you think?

Glimpses of Gay, part 6

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 6:

I think it was 1992, only about a year before I left the JWs to be an out gay man, and I was working in the customer service department for the local phone company.  I received a call from a man (we'll call him John because I don't remember his actual name) who requested we change the name on the phone bill.  John said the service/bill was in the name of Roger (not his real name either) but that Roger had passed away.  He said he lived with Roger and wanted to keep the same phone number and service as is, but change the name on the account.

Not because I'm nosey but because it was a requirement of the job, I asked John if he and Roger were roommates or related in some way.  There was an elongated pause and then John said something like "Well, we weren't related legally."  There was another long pause and then he said "We were a couple."

Keep in mind that in 1992 people were just starting to hear the term "partner" used to describe a gay person's spouse, and recognized domestic partnerships and marriage equality were still a distant fantasy.  Same sex couples had little-to-no legal connection or rights.

"I'm very sorry for your loss" I said sincerely.  Then I explained the phone company's policy and what I would do for him.  I bent the rules a bit to allow him to assume the account despite John an Roger not being related, since it wasn't his fault they were unable to be legally married.  He was very appreciative and thanked me for my kindness and sensitivity.

Coincidentally I saw that the address was very close to where I lived, so I wrote down the address on a Post-it note and slid it into my pocket.  After work I stopped and purchased a sympathy card, wrote a short note inside, and delivered it to John's house.  I didn't ring the doorbell or attempt to meet him in person, but wanted to show my support for his relationship and my sympathy over his loss.

Glimpses of Gay, part 5

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part5:

In the spring of either 1990 or 1991 I planned a week's vacation in CA where I'd drive the scenic Pacific Coast Hwy.  I had several family friends and relatives who lived in different places so I'd contacted them and set up a schedule to meet up with them during my visit.  I flew into San Francisco and rented a red convertible to take advantage of the beautiful weather as I drove south along the scenic Pacific Coast Hwy, stopping for my family and friends visits along the way.

At one point stopped in some southern CA town to eat and saw a 1950s diner with cool, vintage cars parked in front.  This seemed like a fun place, so I parked the red LeBaron convertible, looked at the beautiful vintage cars, then went inside to eat.

Not long after being seated I became aware of a large, crescent-shaped banquet where 8 men were eating.  They weren't making a scene or anything but I noticed they were laughing and talking and seemed to know each other well.  Then it dawned on me:  they were 4 gay couples.  I watched them as I waited for and then ate my dinner.  Aside from this glimpse into their shared meal, I wondered what their lives were like.  

I imagined that they lived in cute CA ranch-style homes with red Spanish tile roofs, and that they hosted dinner parties where they served cocktails and played Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday music.  I pictured them going grocery shopping together, one of them searching for a coupon and the other rolling his eyes. I pictured them cuddled up on their sofa at night watching TV together. 

Those thoughts comforted me and made me feel sad at the same time.  I imagined a life for them that I wanted for myself.  Little did I know then that I would create such a life for myself, minus the CA ranch-style homes with red Spanish tile roof.

Glimpses of Gay, part 4

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 4:

Between 1986 - 1989 (I was 22-25 years old) I lived in a terrific 2-bedroom apartment.  It had big rooms, lots of closet space, a shaded terrace, and a convenient location.  I had 3 different roommates during those 3 years but I can easily say that my favorite was David.  I met David through a mutual acquaintance and immediately thought he was very handsome.  He had broad shoulders, nicely muscular arms, and later I would find he had a hairy chest.  

But what made David even more irresistible was that he was so incredibly nice!  He had a brother about 2 years younger, and a 1/2 sister from his mom's 2nd marriage who was considerably younger.  He was kind and respectful to his brother and sweet and helpful to his little sister.  David's mother had a chronic health condition and he was always mindful to try to ease her daily chores if possible.  Understandably, I fell in love with him. While I wondered if David might possibly be gay, I knew it was ridiculous to speculate about it.  He and I were both Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs), and as such you are not allowed to be gay.  

We got along well and shared many interests.  I assisted him when he'd agreed to help a friend move to a different home, and he'd come with me for dinner at my folks' house.  I tried to think of as many things as possible I could do to spend time with him.  

I eventually invited him to move into my apartment.  The only problem was that it was a 2-bedroom place and I already had a roommate, at least on paper.  My current roommate was rarely there.  Sometimes weeks would go by without me seeing him.  He was behind on his rent so sometimes he would come and get clothes etc when he knew I was at work so he wouldn't have to face me.  I knew it was just a matter of time before he would have to give up his room, so I convinced David to move into my room until that happened.  My room was huge so there was plenty of room for both our beds and I cleared some space for his stuff in my walk-in closet.  

I remember a night that seemed magical.  He liked to read in bed before going to sleep, and one night he asked if I'd like him to read out loud.  I said sure, so he quickly told me the jist of the story so far, then read aloud to me.  I'll never forget that.

Another memory that is clear in my mind after all these years is when we had a crazy heat wave.  In the DC metro area where we lived our hot summers were often accompanied by extreme humidity.  At that time I worked in a non-air conditioned warehouse and David did construction work.  One day we both came home from work hot and exhausted and joked that we should hang our clothes up to dry before tossing them into the clothes hamper.  As we both stripped down to our underwear David suggested we have a cold beer.  He left the bedroom in his underwear so I followed suit.  We sat on the dining room chairs (not fabric) in our underwear, drank our beers, and talked.

In hindsight, I'm surprised no one ever questioned our friendship.  I was so in love with David I'm surprised it wasn't noticeable to others.  Or, maybe it was noticeable but since JWs can't be gay they simply didn't understand.  I eventually moved out when I bought my 1-bedroom condo and David kept the apartment for awhile.  Years later I heard he was married, and just recently I heard he was divorced; his wife left him for another guy.

Glimpses of Gay, part 3

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 3:

It was the fall of 1980 (I think).  I was almost 17, a junior in high school, and had gotten a part in the community theatre's production of Li'l Abner.  (My part had just a couple lines but I sang in all the chorus scenes).  Because I didn't have a driver's license yet, my mother or sister would drop me off for evening rehearsals and then I'd bum a ride home with some other cast member.  

One night I'd secured a ride home with 2 guys, one of whom had the lead and the other a supporting role, whom I knew lived near me.  I assume they were at least 5 years older than me based on their facial hair and maturity.  It was probably close to 10pm and it was dark out.  As we left the rehearsal location the 1st guy asked me if I had a girlfriend, to which I replied no.  He said that they didn't have girlfriends either, and the 2nd guy snickered.  The 2nd guy asked if I had a boyfriend, to which I also replied no.  The 1st guy asked if I'd ever smoked pot, to which I replied no again.  Then he said that with no girlfriend, no boyfriend, and no pot, what did I do for fun?  I told them that I played the piano and tried out for community theatre parts like this.  The 2nd guy asked if this was my 1st production and I replied yes.  He said congratulations and said I must be excited.

As we neared my neighborhood the 1st guy said that they were going to smoke some pot and that I could join them instead of going directly home.  I told them no, and that my parents would be expecting me.  They asked if I was sure, that it would be fun, and that they'd make sure I was OK since I'd never had pot before.  I said I was sure, so they dropped me off at my house.

Oddly enough, I do not remember being scared or feeling unsafe by this questioning or the offer to smoke pot with them.  I kind of figured out they were gay, but that didn't make me uncomfortable either.

Glimpses of Gay, part 2

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my blog.  My coming out story is easily accessible here on my blog using the 'coming out' tag.  But I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 2:

It was July 3rd (I'm sure) of 1988 (I think).  I was 24 and lived in a 2-bedroom apartment with a roommate.  I was grocery shopping and noticed an attractive young man (probably a little older than me) reaching for something off the shelf.  He looked at me as I was looking at him.  I smiled innocently and wondered if he was gay.  I pushed my cart down the isle, around the corner, and up the next isle.  I stopped and picked an item off the shelf, pretending to examine its ingredients while I waited to see if the guy would follow me.  Sure enough he stopped near me and also pretended to look at products.  From my peripheral vision I saw that he looked over at me, but I didn't look back at him.  Instead I placed the item back on the shelf and pushed my cart away.

A few isles over I stopped to look for laundry detergent which I actually needed.  I was not brand loyal so I looked to see what was least expensive and/or on sale.  I momentarily forgot about the guy as I narrowed down my detergent choices.  As I reached for my final selection, out of my peripheral vision again I saw the guy approaching me.  This time I couldn't help but to look at him and he smiled and said hi.  I said hi back and left the isle with my heart beating at least in double-time.

Later as I got into the check-out line I quickly scanned the other registers to see if the guy was in line.  I didn't see him, so my heart rate returned to normal as I loaded my groceries into my car and drove home to my apartment.  I took the 1st armload inside and as I returned to the car for the remaining bags, the guy from the grocery store walked over to my car!

He said he didn't mean to scare me, but that I'd left the store before he'd had a chance to introduce himself, so he followed me home.  Looking back on this now a big red "STALKER" flag goes up, but at the time his explanation sounded reasonable.  Or maybe I was just flattered.  

He offerred to help me carry the remaining bags inside and I allowed him to do so.  We talked for a couple minutes (where do you work, where do you live, etc) and then he invited me to go see the July 4th fireworks with him the next day.  I thanked him for the invitation but told him I'd be out of town.  (I really was going to spend the entire July 4th at my relatives' home in MD.)  He asked if we could exchange numbers and perhaps get together another time.  I said OK even though I knew full well it would never happen.  As he was leaving my roommate was coming in the door.  My roommate was a Jehovah's Witness too so we knew each others' friends.  He asked me who that guy was.  I casually brushed it off by saying it was an old acquaintance from high school I'd run into at the grocery store.

The guy did call me a couple times and left messages on my answering machine (remember those?), but I never returned his calls.  I wasn't ready yet.

Glimpses of Gay, part 1

Since June is widely considered Pride month, I was thinking about how I might celebrate on my
blog.  In years past I have posted links to my coming out story.  I really don't want to do that again, as the story is easily accessible using the 'coming out' tag.  I also thought about posting Pride photos found on the web, but this seemed a little lame.  Then I came up with the concept I'm calling Glimpses of Gay.  This is where I will share occasions that occurred before I came out where I had a glimpse of gay life or an interaction with someone I understood to be gay.  Here's part 1:

It was late afternoon in the spring of 1983.  I was 19 years old and working part-time in a men's clothing store.  I was offered a temporary full-time position shuttling specific merchandise between store locations while the usual driver was out with back surgery.

One day as I was driving on a multi-lane highway I looked over to my left and noticed an attractive man driving the car next to me.  He looked over and caught me looking at him.  Embarrassed, I pressed a little harder on the gas pedal to move away from his car.  He excellerated too and caught up with me.  I quickly glanced over at him again and saw him looking at me.  I may have smiled or just waved in that friendly kind of 'I acknowledge you' kind of way; I'm not sure.  But as I could feel my heart beating faster I decided to lift my foot off the gas pedal a little so the guy in the other car would pass me.  Sure enough, he slowed down too and once again we were window to window.

It was now obvious to me that my initial looking at him had started some sort of flirtation.  He was intentionally reacting to my changes in speed and trying to respond.  I started to freak out a little because I didn't know what I was doing!  But since we were both rolling down the highway at 55mpg or so, I was more excited than scared.

Until he began gesturing to me to pull over.

Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygood - what am I going to do?!?!?!  Nothing like this had ever happened to me before.  I literally didn't know what to expect.  Should I stop?  Should I just keep driving?  I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.

I decided to pull over onto the shoulder and so did he.  We both got out of our vehicles and introduced ourselves.  He then asked if I would join him for a drink somewhere closeby.  Rather than tell him the truth (that I was a Jehovah's Witness who could NOT be gay) I told him I was working and still had several stops to make.  He seemed a little disappointed, and asked when I'd be in the area again.  I didn't really know how to respond since telling him the truth (that I'd be back there in 2 days) would likely lead to some kind of planned meeting, so I just said I didn't know when my deliveries would bring me back to this area.  

Perhaps he understood this was all very new to me, and maybe he decided it would be too much 'work' to try and be with someone like me.  Fortunately he was very gracious and smiled as he shook my hand and we said goodbye.  More than 30 years later I still remember the excitement mixed with fear I felt that day.

Patrick

Yesterday my old friend Patrick arrived!

We met when I was a junior and he was a senior in high school, and both of us were in the concert choir and Dominants! vocal jazz and show choir.  We became close friends during that year and one night he 'came out' to me.  At first I thought he was joking because he didn't fit any of the gay stereotypes with which I was familiar.  Later on I nervously came out to him, to which he responded "I know.  I knew you were gay before you did."  Patrick was instrumental in my physical and mental transformation which prepared me to to come out to my family and leave them and my former religion behind.  I could never repay him for this gift!

The weather was pleasant so Spouse, Patrick and I sat outside on the porch (with Marvin & Walter) and began getting caught up.  

Patrick and me - friends for over 35 years!

When it got to be dinner time, Steven & Thad texted and invited us to dinner so we joined them and I introduced them to Patrick.  Before Patrick arrived I'd told Steven & Thad about him coming and described him as my "gay mentor" since he explained so much to me about being gay back in the day.  As a joke Thad said to Patrick "As I understand it, you are responsible for his gayness", pointing at me.  Not missing a beat Patrick replied "Yep, and I think I did a pretty good job too!"  We all laughed, of course.

Today I took Patrick to Crystal for breakfast, where he got to meet our friend and waitress Pau Pau.  Afterward we went for a 2-mile walk on the boardwalk, and then drove around the area a bit before heading home.  This evening while Spouse is at his personal trainer appointment, Patrick and I will go for Thai food and then go listen to my friend John play the keyboard and sing at a restaurant.  I think Patrick will enjoy that.

He'll be here through Wed morning.

Spirit day

Today is Spirit Day where everyone is encouraged to wear purple to show we are against teen bullying.

Not that familiar with Spirit Day??  Find out more about it on GLAAD's website HERE.

Because I'm always down for a good cause, I snapped this selfie at my office for use both here and on my facebook page.

I need to go on a diet.

Progress

Marriage equality made great progress this week!

On Mon the Supreme Court (yes, I typed it out... I have the acronym SCOTUS) decided not to take up any of the pending cases in 5 states, which meant the lower court rulings declaring anti-gay marriage laws to be unconstitutional were upheld.  This meant marriage equality became a reality in Wisconsin, Indiana, Oklahoma, Utah, and Virginia.

Yes, Virginia!

I am the most surprised about Virginia because when Spouse & I lived there a terribly-written law went into effect that not only blocked same-sex marriage, but basically also said 2 people of the same sex couldn't do anything that might try to imply the same rights and benefits as marriage!  In other words, a guy couldn't leave his cabin in the woods to his male childhood friend in his will because this might be seen as trying to imply a right or benefit of marriage.  Both the content and the wording of the law were so reprehensible and offensive it was actually 1 of the main reasons Spouse & I decided to move out of Virginia.  Thankfully that is all behind us now and we look forward to receiving wedding invitations from many of our friends still living there.

With days, more states like Colorado, Nevada, Idaho, Kansas, and West Virginia joined the bandwagon, and its not over.  Keep your ears open for announcements in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Wyoming.

My blogger buddy Bob & his fiance Carlos are getting married soon in Washington (near Bob's dad) and hope that their marriage will be recognized in their home state of South Carolina by the time they return home!  How great would that be?!?!  For continuing, up-to-date info on Bob & Carlos' wedding AND states joining the equality march, be sure to visit Bob's blog HERE. 

Alike

Gay, straight... we're more alike than we are different!

Funeral

Spouse & I arrived at the hotel in PA at 5:30 and greeted his mom, sister, and 2 brothers who had arrived a little earlier.  After a brief visit with them, we changed clothes and went to funeral home.  Only this one isn't called a funeral home, its called a Life Celebration Center.  Isn't that sweet?  Its almost cheery enough to make you forget that someone died, only that's the reason you're there.

The viewing was from 6-9pm, and we arrived about 6:15.  There was already a line to view the body (which is always creepy in my opinion) and greet Aunt Antoinette and Uncle Domenic's 2 sons, Anthony and Fiorenzo.  Spouse & I were happy that so many of his cousins came from both near and far.  Several of us visited in the anteroom while those in line paid their respects.  There were several photo collages assembled to showcase Uncle Domenic and those he loved.  A TV in the anteroom ran a slide show of even more photos.

We were impressed with the number of people who came, but I guess we shouldn't have been surprised since Uncle Domenic & Aunt Antoinette went to the same church for many years, had the same neighbors for many years, belonged to the same social groups (including the Sons of Italy) for many years, and were active in their community.  Spouse whispered that some of those who came to the viewing looked as if they could be extras from "The Sopranos".  I whispered back that we were on the set of "My Big Fat Catholic Italian Funeral".  When the line finally subsided at nearly 8:30, we paid our respects and and offered kind words to Aunt Antoinette, Anthony, and Fiory.

Since none of us had eaten dinner, Spouse's mom, sister, and 2 brothers went with us to a Mexican restaurant near our hotel.

The next morning we arrived at the church at 9:45 for the funeral which was supposed to start at 10am.  Spouse's sister sat with us in the back rather than in the front pews reserved for family because Spouse did not want to be 'obvious' about not going up to partake in communion.  We whispered to each other as we saw cousins and their spouses and children arrive, but there was no sign of Aunt Antoinette or Uncle Domenic's coffin.  Spouse asked "What time is it?"  I looked at my silenced phone and responded "10:04."  Without missing a beat Spouse said "Uncle Domenic is going to be late for his own funeral."

This struck me as absolutely hilariously funny and I struggled like Mary Tyler Moore at Chuckles the Clown's funeral to restrain my laughter.  

I usually don't have much in common with Catholic theology but I must say that the Priest's funeral sermon was probably one of the most practical, uplifting, yet sensitive I've ever heard.  He spoke of having talked with Domenic days prior to his death and shared that Domenic was not sad or scared of his imminent death.  According to the Priest Domenic said he'd lived a long and good life, had a wonderful family, and knew that what was waiting for him on the other side was even better.  He was ready to go.  I thought this was likely comforting to those who share his belief in Heaven, and was certainly more personal than just reading archaic Bible verses.  There were likely 150 people there.

After the funeral mass the family and some others went to the cemetery (next to a freeway) for a short reading.  Everyone was handed flowers to place on the coffin.  Fortunately they did not lower the coffin into the grave until everyone had left.  (I remember that horrible detail when my grandmother died many years ago, which I find to be unnecessarily brutal.)  Then we all went to a local restaurant for a luncheon.

A woman named Nancy and her husband were seated at the table with Spouse's mom, sister, cousin, brother, and the 2 of us.  Nancy had met Spouse's mom before, but asked how each of us was related to her.  When it came to me, I said I was her son-in-law.  However, later in the conversation Spouse's sister mentioned that her husband was not here.  Nancy looked back at me and asked "How are you related again?"  My blue eyes and pale complexion made it obvious that I wasn't a blood relative.  I repeated "I'm Evelyn's son-in-law."  Nancy said pointing at Spouse's sister "But her husband isn't here and she's the only daughter, right?"  There was a brief pause and then I said calmly "That's right.  I'm married to him" and pointed to Spouse.  Nancy looked confused.  "You're married?" she asked, to which I responded "Yes..." and smiled.  "Where did you get married?" she asked.  "In our living room" I answered.  "Did you have a Justice of the Peace?" she inquired.  "No, our very good friend was a pastor so he married us." I answered.  Additional questions followed and I began to wonder if the others at the table were getting uncomfortable with this extended inquisition, but I decided to capitalize on the opportunity to share with this 70-something year old Catholic woman how 2 gay men live, love, and marry.

While I'd prefer to never attend another funeral, I can see why many cultures still perpetuate the practice.  To some it provides closure.  It offers family, friends, and neighbors an opportunity to provide comfort.  In our case, it created a non-negotiable date for far-flung family member to return home and share remembrances, commune, laugh, cry.  As I age, I suppose I will have to attend funerals with greater frequency than I have in the past.  Hopefully I'll be seated with more Nancys.

House beautiful

I'm not a 'magazine person', but occasionally Spouse brings home magazine's from his personal trainer.  Recently he brought home an issue of "House Beautiful", which brought back old memories.

I remember my parents getting me a subscription to "Boys Life" magazine when I was an early teenager.  I think it was sponsored by the Boy Scouts because the magazine's contents had a lot to do with camping and being an honorable citizen.  I had little interest in camping or the magazine.

A few years later I asked my parents for a subscription to "House Beautiful" magazine.  

What teenage boy asks for a subscription to a home decorating magazine??  A gay one.  But my parents' highly-religious minds would never allow them to consider that possibility.  No, I imagine they thought their teenage son was interested in architecture, or possibly building, and that's why he asked for a subscription to "House Beautiful".  They probably hoped for that.  

But in reality it just another of many early signs my parents chose to ignore that their son was gay.

Bear lingo

When I first 'came out', I was only aware of 4 groups within the gay male culture:  twinks, circuit bois, gym bunnies, and bears.  I didn't feel I belonged in any of them.  But over the years I've come to the conclusion one doesn't need to belong to an existing group.  

Additionally I'm now aware that there are many more subgroups within those 4 original groups.  Take bears for example.  In general, a bear is an overweight gay man with body and facial hair.  But within the bear group there are the following subgroups:

• Cub – a younger or younger-looking bear, typically with a smaller frame
• Otter – A slimmer or less hairy bear, regardless of age 
• Muscle bear – A bear who is large size due to muscle rather than body fat 
• Panda – A bear of Asian heritage 
• Polar bear – An older bear whose facial and body hair is predominantly or entirely white or grey.

Thanks to BosGuy who provided the definitions above.

IDAHO

No, not the state, but rather the effort.  IDAHO stands for Internation Day Against HOmophobia, and includes Transphobia.

Spouse's brother-in-law sent me the following article.  It was pasted into an email so I don't know the source, but thought I'd share it anyway.  I was a bit surprised I'd not seen anything about this on the blogs I read, but then again, my blog reading has been very light recently.  Enjoy!


On May 17, human rights activists and concerned individuals from around the world will once again mark the International Day against Homophobia and Transphobia. However, as awareness of and support for the human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex (LGBTI) people expands globally, advocacy groups and individuals have faced pushback in the form of increased violence and stigmatization in many areas—often with dire consequences. Last Friday in the Russian city of Volgograd, 23-year-old Vladislav Tornovoi was tortured and killed, with initial reports indicating that he was attacked after coming out as gay to several companions.

Discrimination and violence against LGBTI people is a worldwide phenomenon. The Trans Murder Monitoring Project’s 2012 global figures show that 265 transgender people were victims of violent killings in the previous 12 months, an increase of almost 20 percent from the preceding year. The intensity and brutality of the violence inflicted on gay men in Iraq is arguably the worst in the world, and the Kuwaiti authorities recently trumpeted the arrest of 215 gay men and lesbians, following a similar operation last year that affected 149 people identified by police as gay or transgender. But these problems are not limited to authoritarian states in Eurasia and the Middle East. Democratic Brazil, home to very public annual gay pride parades, has the highest rate of LGBTI murders in the world. And in the United States, federal government statistics show that the share of hate crimes targeting LGBTI people ranks second only to those motivated by race.

In many countries these sorts of crimes regularly go unpunished or unrecorded, and are rarely classified as hate crimes. Some governments, like Russia’s, not only callously disregard such abuses, but actively encourage prejudice, stigmatization, and adverse stereotyping of LGBTI people.

The old “deviance” arguments still cited by many states to justify the criminalization and persecution of LGBTI individuals or their behavior have been thoroughly discredited in light of scientific information about the nature of sexual orientation and gender identity. Many in the international community have responded accordingly, invoking universal principles of human rights to check ongoing discrimination and violence against LGBTI people around the world. In June 2011, the UN Human Rights Council passed a resolution sponsored by South Africa, along with 38 other countries, that condemned human rights violations based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Nevertheless, criminalization and attempts at criminalization have continued, and new homophobic and transphobic tactics have emerged. Some government leaders join intolerant nonstate actors—including certain religious figures—in advancing absurd claims that their young people are being “recruited” into homosexual or transgender “lifestyles.” In Russia, at least 10 regional legislatures have already imposed fines for promoting homosexuality among minors, and a federal bill that would ban “homosexual propaganda” has easily passed its first reading in the lower house of parliament. Uganda’s notorious Bahati Bill, which has teetered on the verge of passage in Uganda’s parliament since 2009, has now been reframed to outlaw the “promotion” of homosexuality and the “inducement of children.” Such efforts should be seen for what they are—brazen attempts to stigmatize and fuel fear and hatred against LGBTI people, often for political reasons.

LGBTI individuals do not seek special rights or privileges. They are simply entitled to the same freedoms and protections that everyone should enjoy under international human rights norms and laws. The most prevalent demands are the rights to free association, free expression, privacy, and authenticity (in other words, the right to be oneself).

A robust concept of human rights extends beyond legal systems to encompass the social practices by which these rights are realized on a daily basis. There is an important distinction between possession of a right, the legal enforceability of that right, and the respect a right receives in practice. Many governments have accepted their obligation to uphold human rights for LGBTI people in law and policy, only to struggle with implementation due to a lack of political will or capacity, or in the face of ongoing societal discrimination. Far worse are the states that have not only denied LGBTI people their basic human rights, but also legitimized and encouraged societal hostility through their laws, policies, and actions.

Freedom House works closely with human rights defenders in a range of political environments around the world to raise awareness, improve recognition of and respect for the human rights of LGBTI people, and address any lack of political will when it comes to enforcement. On May 17 we stand in solidarity with all human rights defenders, including those who identify as LGBTI, as we commit ourselves to the pursuit of a world in which human diversity is honored and valued, and human rights are enjoyed equally by everyone.
gainst Homophobia and Transphobia. However, as awareness of and support for the human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex (LGBTI) people expands globally, advocacy groups and individuals have faced pushback in the form of increased violence and stigmatization in many areas—often with dire consequences. Last Friday in the Russian city of Volgograd, 23-year-old Vladislav Tornovoi was tortured and killed, with initial reports indicating that he was attacked after coming out as gay to several companions.