Let me start by saying I love Mother-in-law. Really, I love her dearly. Although 79 years old, she is far from being a typical 'old lady'. She doesn't crochet doilies or knit afghans. She's very active with lots of senior social groups and rarely misses an opportunity to go somewhere. She has a great sense of humor and we have a good time together.
For nearly 13 years now she has loved and accepted me, which is more than I can say for my actual mother (and father and siblings) who disowned me when I came out and informed them I was leaving their conservative religion.
But despite how much I truly do love Mother-in-law, sometimes the woman can get on my nerves.
Every time we see her she offers us something to eat and/or drink, which is very thoughtful and hospitable. Since I am trying to lose weight I try not to eat between meals, so I usually tell her 'No, thank you'. She always responds by asking me if I'm sure, and then proceeds to list for me all the food and drinks she has to offer. I politely respond by telling her 'I am sure' and that 'I don't care for anything'. She'll leave it alone for a few minutes, but will invariably ask me several more times if I'm sure I don't want anything to eat or drink. Sometimes she will go through the list again. I want to say "Read my lips: I do not care for anything to eat or drink. Thank you" but of course, I'd never do that.
Every time we see her she tells us how much money she has recently given to her 2 deadbeat sons, both of whom are in their 50s. Spouse has spoken for both of us numerous times, letting her know we do not care to hear about that anymore. We came to the conclusion long ago that she will continue to give them money as often as she wants to. What she does with her money is her own business. Nobody has a gun pointed to her head. We've reminded her that if she doesn't want to give them the money they request, she can say no. But she doesn't say no, which is her prerogative. But then she insists on telling us how much she 'had' to give them. Sometimes I'm tempted to scream "You didn't 'have' to give them the money!!! You are the one in control!!!", but of course I'd never do that either. She always ends with "Listen, I have enough money for myself, but I don't have enough money to carry those two." If I weren't afraid she'd see me, I swear I could lip-sync that exact phrase as she says it. And I could. I've heard it enough times.
Every time we see her she gives us a recap of what is going on with her friends, whom Spouse & I privately refer to as 'the hag brigade'. "Maryann's daughter is moving to North Carolina...", "Gloria went to the doctor this week for her knee", and "Loretta is thinking about a reverse mortgage..." etc, etc, etc. We've never met these people, so getting an update on what's going on in their lives means very little (if anything) to us. But the worse part about it? She tells us the same things over and over again! At first I thought she couldn't remember whether or not she'd told us, so once I said "Oh yeah, you mentioned this to me last time we were here". But without missing a beat she responded "Well I'm gonna tell you again", and proceeded to ramble on and on about the happenings of these people we don't know or care about.
Two weeks ago her neighbor had a ceramic tile floor installed in her kitchen. Upon hearing this from Mother-in-law, one of the hag brigade snarled "Ceramic tile floors are cold and slippery!" So Mother-in-law asked me what our kitchen floor was made of, and I answered that it was ceramic tile. She asked if it was cold and slippery, to which I replied "Ours is cold because its on a concrete slab, but your neighbor's kitchen has a crawl space under it so it may not be as cold. Its only slippery if its wet." Since her neighbor got a new kitchen floor she decided she needed (read: wanted) a new kitchen floor too, so we took her to the flooring store to order the same laminate floor she loved in our previous house. Just 2 weeks later (this past weekend) she asked me the same question again about ceramic tile floors being cold and slippery. First, I already answered the question 2 weeks ago. Second, what difference does it make now? She'd already ordered the laminate floor! She called last night to tell us the new floor had been installed, and how much she loved it. I bit my lip and said nothing when she told me "I'm glad I didn't get a ceramic tile floor because people say they're cold and slippery".
She likes to keep abreast of what's happening, so she watches political TV shows and reads tabloids. Those are her information sources. She'll read or hear something sensational and then repeat it to us as if she's reporting the news. "They say Barack Bahama is a Muslim" she announced. And yes, she really did call him Barack Bahama. Spouse replied "No he's not! Where did you hear that?" The tabloid. Last weekend she reported "That guy can't be in the president's cabinet 'cuz he didn't pay his taxes. Why didn't he pay his taxes? He couldn't afford it?" Spouse recommended that if she is going to read tabloids, she should consider them to be for entertainment purposes only, but she responded "But sometimes they get it right! They said Edwards had an affair on his wife - the one with cancer - and he did!" Spouse also suggested she watch CNN for politics instead of Fox News, but she said she likes to watch Bill O'Reilly because "he's so good-looking". Hard to argue with that kind of logic.
I know I should sound more grateful to have such a loving and accepting Mother-in-law, and I really am grateful for her. And as I said, I love this woman dearly, really I do! But sometimes she can get on my nerves.
Crush du Jour: Matthew "Jett" Schaefer
