Historic day

Well, needless to say I was very pleased with last Friday's Supreme Court ruling that State same sex marriage bans are unconstitutional, effectively creating marriage equality in all 50 states.  Immediately following the announcement couples began streaming to local court houses requesting marriage licenses.  June 26, 2015 became a historical date:  the date love won.

I was at work when the announcement was made but my aunt (who is straight) called me to share the good news.  A couple of my straight colleagues in the office and 2 of my neighbors also shared their concurrence with the Court's decision, which was a nice surprise to me.  I decided to take those congratulatory conversations just a step forward by saying the following (paraphrased):

"I hope the general public really understands how important this is.  You know, its not just about the right to walk down the isle and have a fabulous wedding.  There are so many legal rights and benefits that come along with the right to be married... visiting a spouse in the hospital, making medical decisions for a spouse, inheritance of jointly owned property, receipt of pensions, the ability to be covered by a spouse's medical insurance.  These and many more are things that were not legally available to same sex couples in states where same sex marriage bans were in place.  This ruling eliminates different treatment based on the gender of your spouse and creates real marriage equality, something all Americans deserve."

Some understood this already and simply agreed, while others' eyes widened and they said "Oh wow, I never thought of it that way."

It was a happy day for nearly everyone except the conservatives and right-wingers.  They of course began predicting the end of civilization as we know it due to these new unions which have absolutely no real affect on them.  

The White House celebrated the decision by projecting lights in the rainbow colors across its facade.  Facebook responded by providing a rainbow filter under which users' profile picture could be displayed.

I also liked that the timing of this decision occurred in June, the unofficial GLBT Pride month, and just 2 days prior to the 46th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, the unofficial beginning of the gay rights movement.

On my facebook page I posted this photo and caption:

Married in all 50 states now.  Thanks SCOTUS!

Breakin' up is hard to do

One of my favorite songs to sing at karaoke is "Breakin' Up is Hard to Do", the ballad version from the 70s, not the doo-wop version from 1962. Not because I particularly identify with the lyrics which are rather sad, but because the melody fits perfectly in my voice range. The piano accompaniment is beautiful too.

I don't particularly identify with the lyrics because they are a plea to a lover not to leave, which has never been an experience of mine. But I try to imagine when I sing this song what it would feel like to utter these words and really mean them, because that makes the song sound better and more authentic.

It seems rare that the decision to split up is mutual. Most often 1 makes the decision to leave in their heart long before the conversation is had between the couple. While breakin' up may be hard to do, it happens. Its hard on the 2 who are breaking up, and its hard on those who are friends with the couple. Its sad and it hurts. But life goes on.

Several years ago a couple with whom Spouse & I were friends decided to split up. For us this was no big deal because we liked 1 of the guys much more than the other, who could be accurately characterized as a 'loose cannon'. When they split up and it became known that they were not going to remain friends afterward, we knew we'd maintain our friendship with the 1 we had always liked best.

But just recently we learned that another couple with whom Spouse & I are friends have split up. It was not a mutual decision, but they claim they will remains friends. This means that we should be able to maintain our friendship with both of them, since we didn't have a clear favorite.

But what happens if/when 1 of them starts dating? Do you invite both halves of the former couple AND the 1 guy's new boyfriend to your party? Is that disrespectful to the single guy? Might he feel uncomfortable seeing his ex with a new man, especially since the single guy did not initiate the break-up? I want to include them both but don't want to upset either.

Of course a friend wants to be supportive of the 1 who did not initiate the break-up, lending them a figurative shoulder to cry on. But how do you react if they want to speak negatively of the 1 who left them that is still your friend?

Indeed, breaking up is hard on those who are friends with the former couple.

Like the former couple, I guess I will have to get used to the fact that they aren't together anymore and learn how to deal with it. Is there a song about that?

Crush du Jour: David Burtka