Fri Kerry & Hugh invited us to join them at the movie cafe to see "Benchwarmers". I'd seen a quick preview and thought this appeared to be one of those mind-numbing films that I'd wished I'd only paid $3.79 to rent, rather than $18.-19. for me and Joe to see. Fortunately, I was wrong. One of the lead roles was played by John Heder of 'Napoleon Dynamite' fame, playing and equally geeky teenager role. He doesn't play Napoleon, but dorky and awkward teen who is bullied.
The movie cafe is like a conference room with a movie screen in it. Instead of typical rows of stationary seats, it has tables and office chairs. A waiter takes your order and then brings you food once the movie starts.
At Kerry & Hughs' recommendation, Joe & I got the "I Can't Make Up My Mind" combo, which consisted of a bucket of popcorn, a pitcher of soda, a personal-size pizza, an order of nachos, and a basket of french fries, 2 chicken fingers, 2 mozzarella sticks, and 2 jalapeno poppers. Perfect!
The movie was much funnier than I expected, causing eruptions of laughter from everyone, and the food was tasty and exactly what I was expecting it to be. Probably not so great for dieters or people with cholesterol problems, but great for the occasional splurge. We had a great time.
Afterward we went back to Kerry & Hugh's house to visit, see their photos and DVD, and hear their stories of their recent visit to the Gulf Coast. They spent a week helping in the rebuilding effort after hurricane Katrina.
Then Sat we picked up Joe's mom and my aunt Mary and drove out to Browntown for the Redbud Festival. Browntown is a tiny little itty bitty hamlet about 9 miles outside of Front Royal. The narrow and winding road leading from Front Royal to Browntown has lots and lots of redbud trees, which were doing their best to show off their exquisite beauty despite the intermittent rain and gloomy skies. The "redbud festival" should probably be renamed something less formal and more appropriate like "redbud day", because the term "festival" just implies too much. Afterward we went to lunch in Front Royal and then stopped at Big Lots for a few essentials. After dropping the ladies at their respective homes, Joe & I stayed in the rest of the evening.
Sun we slept in late. It was raining and we didn't have anything planned for the day. We finally got ourselves out of the house around 11:30 and went to breakfast at the Charlie Horse Grill. We ran into a couple we knew from church, Tom & Travis. We chatted with them for a few minutes, until our food arrived. Then we decided to go to SteinMart. We'd heard commercials about it and since we really had nothing better to do on a rainy Sun, we drove out to Leesburg to check it out. (You'd never guess that gas is $3. a gallon by all the driving we did this weekend.) Just as we were arriving, the skies began to clear, the clouds broke up and the sun came out. So after giving Stein Mart a cursory walk-thru, we drove back home and dawned tennis shoes and shorts and began cleaning up our front yard. Our beds got no attention at all last summer so we are trying to do a better job this year. We pulled weeds and bagged leaves for a while until our neighbor Suzanne came over. Then we sat on the front porch chatting with her for a while.
We both showered and went to dinner at the Taco House. Despite the dismal start to the day, the afternoon/evening was lovely. We sat outside and enjoyed a lovely spring evening as we ate our fajitas. I also enjoyed a tasty frozen marquerita that went down so smooth, I could have easily had another! Then we picked up a Bavarian cream cake and headed over to the Newlyweds. We had dessert on their top floor balcony, catching up on each others' careers and basking in the breeze. Then we came home and watched 'Sopranos' and 'Big Love'.
So, despite the wet weather, the weekend wasn't a wash-out.
Monday, April 24, 2006
The Audition
A few weeks ago I really got in the mood to sing again. I’ve been in different choirs, choruses, quartets, and other assorted singing groups on and off for years. Not that my interest keeps waning, but rather, I’ve just not been able to find a group that felt like the right fit.
So I looked on Craigslist and saw an ad for a cappella singers. Well, now that’s getting close I thought. So I responded to the ad and began an email exchange with the musical director of a local group looking for singers. The group is all male and sings all styles of music, mostly arranged by group members. Not exactly what I was hoping for. My ideal group would be male/female and would sing nothing but a cappella jazz. But since I didn’t see anything like that, I decided to investigate this group further.
The musical director of the group, Hugh, said the group was open to doing jazz, but didn’t currently have anything in their repertoire that was arranged in a jazz style. Well I could fix that, I thought to myself. I was upfront with him about my ‘dream’ group, but also thought this might be a fun something to do in the meantime; a way to satisfy my desire to sing and perform again. It might also give me exposure to people who want to do jazz.
Hugh suggested I come to one of their rehearsals, to meet the guys, hear their sound, sing with them a little, and see how the personalities matched and such. It sounded very easy, breezy, and laid back, so I said yes. We arranged for me to join them the following Tues.
That’s when I got that terrible sinus infection. So I emailed Hugh and told him I’d gotten sick and could not make it. He was very gracious and told me to rest and get well; that they’d be there when I got better. So two weeks later when I’d finally gotten most of my congestion relieved, I emailed him and told him I was ready to meet everyone. Great – it was set.
When I showed up I met Hugh first, and was briefly introduced to the other 3 guys. Hugh asked me to fill out a little questionnaire, and then when I finished he asked me “So, are you ready for your audition?” Of course I said ‘yes’ even though the truthful answer would have been ‘no’. I mean, I’d warmed up before arriving and had picked two songs to sing, just in case they wanted to hear me solo, but I really didn’t think I’d be “auditioning” that night. I tried not to let on.
The audition started by Hugh asking me to sing something. I’d chosen my favorite audition piece “It Might As Well Be Spring”, a rendition I’d copied from an old Ella Fitzgerald album. Hugh shook his head and simply said “Nice. Very nice.” Then he asked me to sing another piece so I sang “Misty”, my own rendition of the Johnny Mathis classic. Hugh liked that as well. Then he had me sing scales, to get an idea of my range. He seemed quite pleased, which didn’t surprise me. I do have a pretty wide range, especially in the upper register. Then he had me take a deep breathe and sing a sustained note for as long as I could, to test my ability to hold notes for extended periods. He reported to me that among the singers in the room, I was #3 out of 5 for holding the note the longest. That seemed about right. Then we all stood to sing some pieces together. I was handed a notebook with music in it, and I followed along while they sang the first verse of each song. Then I sang along with them the 2nd time through, and then I was asked to sing the solo parts the 3rd time through. Fortunately I was familiar with 3 out the 4 songs, so I really just needed to get the pitches right, since I knew the rhythm and note values. It went pretty well, although I got really lost on one of the pieces and stopped singing completely. But that’s sight-reading. Most people don’t like doing it, and once you’re in the group, you really don’t have to do it often. Once you get your music, you learn it at home. We ended the audition by just talking a bit about ourselves: what we’ve done musically, what we like, etc. Hugh came outside the apartment door with me as I was leaving, thanked me for coming, and said that after they finished talking about me, he’d give me a call in a few days.
As I walked to my car I felt a sense of accomplishment. I’d done it. I’d gone to an audition that I didn’t even realize was going to be an audition, I’d managed not to let my nerves get the better of me, and I’d done a good job. I felt proud of my performance. But oddly, I almost didn’t care. I thought that if they liked my singing, liked my personality, and wanted me in the group, that would be great. But if they didn’t select me – because I was too ‘jazzy’ or too old or too anything – I wouldn’t take it personally, and I probably wouldn’t even be disappointed. (In fact, I thought it might be a relief NOT to be selected, because I found Hugh to be very attractive, and almost a distraction while I sang my solos.) It was an unusual feeling for me to almost not care, because most of the time I’m very one way or the other. I wasn’t familiar with this feeling of ambivalence. I figured it must have been because it really wasn’t my ideal group. I wasn’t nearly as vested in the outcome of this, as I’d have been if the group were a male/female jazz group.
So, of course because I didn’t really care, I got the position. Well, sorta. Actually, when Hugh called me on Thurs he offered me the position as a substitute. See, they want the group to have a duplicate or substitute singer for every voice part so that the group never has to turn down a gig due to somebody’s schedule. The voice part that I sing is already ‘cast’, so they offered me the substitute position.
At first I felt a little funny about it. I mean, its not like I was dying to be in the group to begin with, but then to be offered a substitute position – made me feel a little ‘less than’. When I sang and competed in high school, I was used to being 1st chair, not 2nd chair. Once when I competed for a place in the All-state choir, I scored 299 out of a possible 300 points, tying a statewide record. However, my good friend Kerry’s response to this story put it all in perspective for me. She said it was perfect: I’d be able to satisfy my desire to sing by going to rehearsal once a week and occasionally performing at gigs, but wouldn’t be obliged to go to rehearsal twice a week or to be available for all of the gigs. She was right! Now I’m happier about my ‘substitute’ status.
So tomorrow night I go for my first official rehearsal.
So I looked on Craigslist and saw an ad for a cappella singers. Well, now that’s getting close I thought. So I responded to the ad and began an email exchange with the musical director of a local group looking for singers. The group is all male and sings all styles of music, mostly arranged by group members. Not exactly what I was hoping for. My ideal group would be male/female and would sing nothing but a cappella jazz. But since I didn’t see anything like that, I decided to investigate this group further.
The musical director of the group, Hugh, said the group was open to doing jazz, but didn’t currently have anything in their repertoire that was arranged in a jazz style. Well I could fix that, I thought to myself. I was upfront with him about my ‘dream’ group, but also thought this might be a fun something to do in the meantime; a way to satisfy my desire to sing and perform again. It might also give me exposure to people who want to do jazz.
Hugh suggested I come to one of their rehearsals, to meet the guys, hear their sound, sing with them a little, and see how the personalities matched and such. It sounded very easy, breezy, and laid back, so I said yes. We arranged for me to join them the following Tues.
That’s when I got that terrible sinus infection. So I emailed Hugh and told him I’d gotten sick and could not make it. He was very gracious and told me to rest and get well; that they’d be there when I got better. So two weeks later when I’d finally gotten most of my congestion relieved, I emailed him and told him I was ready to meet everyone. Great – it was set.
When I showed up I met Hugh first, and was briefly introduced to the other 3 guys. Hugh asked me to fill out a little questionnaire, and then when I finished he asked me “So, are you ready for your audition?” Of course I said ‘yes’ even though the truthful answer would have been ‘no’. I mean, I’d warmed up before arriving and had picked two songs to sing, just in case they wanted to hear me solo, but I really didn’t think I’d be “auditioning” that night. I tried not to let on.
The audition started by Hugh asking me to sing something. I’d chosen my favorite audition piece “It Might As Well Be Spring”, a rendition I’d copied from an old Ella Fitzgerald album. Hugh shook his head and simply said “Nice. Very nice.” Then he asked me to sing another piece so I sang “Misty”, my own rendition of the Johnny Mathis classic. Hugh liked that as well. Then he had me sing scales, to get an idea of my range. He seemed quite pleased, which didn’t surprise me. I do have a pretty wide range, especially in the upper register. Then he had me take a deep breathe and sing a sustained note for as long as I could, to test my ability to hold notes for extended periods. He reported to me that among the singers in the room, I was #3 out of 5 for holding the note the longest. That seemed about right. Then we all stood to sing some pieces together. I was handed a notebook with music in it, and I followed along while they sang the first verse of each song. Then I sang along with them the 2nd time through, and then I was asked to sing the solo parts the 3rd time through. Fortunately I was familiar with 3 out the 4 songs, so I really just needed to get the pitches right, since I knew the rhythm and note values. It went pretty well, although I got really lost on one of the pieces and stopped singing completely. But that’s sight-reading. Most people don’t like doing it, and once you’re in the group, you really don’t have to do it often. Once you get your music, you learn it at home. We ended the audition by just talking a bit about ourselves: what we’ve done musically, what we like, etc. Hugh came outside the apartment door with me as I was leaving, thanked me for coming, and said that after they finished talking about me, he’d give me a call in a few days.
As I walked to my car I felt a sense of accomplishment. I’d done it. I’d gone to an audition that I didn’t even realize was going to be an audition, I’d managed not to let my nerves get the better of me, and I’d done a good job. I felt proud of my performance. But oddly, I almost didn’t care. I thought that if they liked my singing, liked my personality, and wanted me in the group, that would be great. But if they didn’t select me – because I was too ‘jazzy’ or too old or too anything – I wouldn’t take it personally, and I probably wouldn’t even be disappointed. (In fact, I thought it might be a relief NOT to be selected, because I found Hugh to be very attractive, and almost a distraction while I sang my solos.) It was an unusual feeling for me to almost not care, because most of the time I’m very one way or the other. I wasn’t familiar with this feeling of ambivalence. I figured it must have been because it really wasn’t my ideal group. I wasn’t nearly as vested in the outcome of this, as I’d have been if the group were a male/female jazz group.
So, of course because I didn’t really care, I got the position. Well, sorta. Actually, when Hugh called me on Thurs he offered me the position as a substitute. See, they want the group to have a duplicate or substitute singer for every voice part so that the group never has to turn down a gig due to somebody’s schedule. The voice part that I sing is already ‘cast’, so they offered me the substitute position.
At first I felt a little funny about it. I mean, its not like I was dying to be in the group to begin with, but then to be offered a substitute position – made me feel a little ‘less than’. When I sang and competed in high school, I was used to being 1st chair, not 2nd chair. Once when I competed for a place in the All-state choir, I scored 299 out of a possible 300 points, tying a statewide record. However, my good friend Kerry’s response to this story put it all in perspective for me. She said it was perfect: I’d be able to satisfy my desire to sing by going to rehearsal once a week and occasionally performing at gigs, but wouldn’t be obliged to go to rehearsal twice a week or to be available for all of the gigs. She was right! Now I’m happier about my ‘substitute’ status.
So tomorrow night I go for my first official rehearsal.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Catching up
Whew! It has been a very busy couple of weeks. I can't believe how time can slip by when you're really involved. Here's what we've been up to:
Fri 3/24: We met Bugsy and Roger for dinner at the Taco House. They are such nice guys, and we really had a good time eating and visiting with them. We also made tentative plans for them to come with us to the beach some weekend soon. Then, we met up with the Newlyweds and went to Ziegfelds. It was the next-to-the-last weekend Ziegfelds was to be open, so I invited some local friends to join us for a 'night of illusion'! The Newlyweds said yes, and my friend Michael also met us there. We had a really fun night! The drag show was fun, as always, and so was dancing. Ziegfelds is one of 5 clubs forced to close due to the DC Government's taking of the land they sit on by imminent domain in order to build yet another sports stadium. Some of the clubs are supposed to re-open in another location, but its unknown where or when. I've always had fond memories of Ziegfelds because that is where Joe & I met. More on that another time.
Sat 3/25: After sleeping in late, Joe, Jordan and I packed a bag and headed down to Kerry & Hugh's cabin in the Northen Neck of VA. A few years back they built a house in the woods from a log cabin kit! It is beautiful and cozy. It was still kind of chilly so they had a fire going in the wood stove. It was wonderful to just sit around and talk and laugh and goof off. Very relaxing! We came home on Sun afternoon.
Tues 3/28: We met Liz & Rob for dinner at the Taco House. They are both working full time and going to school, so their evenings and weekends are packed with reading, studying, homework, and papers. However, they were off that week for spring break and were able to have dinner with us and catch up. Rob was my roommate in the late 80s and Liz has been a friend of mine since the mid-80s. They're crazy about Napoleon Dynamite like me.
Fri 3/31: We went with the Newlyweds to a tiny local theatre to see a play called "Whole Against the Sky". Its the story of a gay man whose mother tries a little too late to be the mother she never was for him when he was young. It was neat to be in such a small theatre and to be so close to the actors. The play was alright, if not a tad over-acted. But we all agreed it was fun to do something different like that and to support local cultural arts.
Sat 4/1: Sat was painting day at Kathryn's. For several months I have been talking and emailing with my friend Kathryn about painting her living and dining areas. We finally got all the supplies and a few extra hands together and did it. Fortunately Kathryn and Karen had done all of the prep work like taping off the trim and repairing dings in the drywall. It went quickly, so we decided to go ahead and paint the stairway too. It was a really fun day, and her place looked beautiful when we were done. After a shower and little rest, Joe & I headed to Leesburg to have dinner at my colleague and friend Steve's house. He and his wife Amy invited us for a small dinner party. On the way there I started feeling a little congested, but dismissed it to 'seasonal allergies'. We had a great time and stayed until almost midnight.
Sun 4/2: Sun I woke up very congested and had a sore throat. I took some OTC sinus/allergy medication and just took it easy that day, watching TV, doing some laundry, tidying up the kitchen. In the late afternoon Joe & I took a drive on the parkway with the top down because it was unusually warm and sunny. That night I had a terrible time trying to sleep. I was so congested that I had to try to sleep propped up against the headboard to allow my sinuses to drain. I had to keep clearing my throat so I wouldn't choke on my own mucus. It seemed like everytime I dozed off, I woke up coughing or choking. I barely got any sleep.
Mon 4/3: Mon morning I felt so bad that I decided to stay home from work. It was the first time since I've worked here (3 1/2 years) that I called in sick. The pressure in my sinuses and face was incredible. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck... several times! I called my doctor's office and got an appointment. I had a sinus infection, so my doctor prescribed an antibiotic, nasal spray, and told me to continue taking the OTC sinus/allergy medication (antihistimine) and aspirin. I stayed home Tues and Wed too. I did manage to help Joe by creating a simple website for his new practice, along with a listing in the therapist directory on the Psychology Today website.
Fri 4/7: We went to the beach after work.
Sat 4/8: The cable company offered us a free upgrade to digital cable for a year, so on Sat we swapped out the cable box and I programmed the remote with my favorites. It was cold and rainy. We went to the Art House theatre to see "Cache", which is the French word for Hidden. It was an Indy film, in French with English subtitles. I enjoyed it, but Joe didn't like it very much. Here's a synopsis:
Georges (Daniel Auteil), a television talk show host, and his wife Anne (Juliette Binoche), are living the perfect life of modern comfort and security. One day, their idyll is disrupted in the form of a mysterious videotape that appears on their doorstep. The tape reveals they are being filmed by a hidden camera from across the street with no clues as to who shot it, or why. As more tapes arrive containing images that are disturbingly intimate and increasingly personal, Georges launches into an investigation of his own as to who is behind this. As he does so, secrets from his past are revealed, and the walls of security he and Anne have built around themselves begin to crumble.
Wed 4/12: I saw the Mullet Man again! This makes the 3rd or 4th time I've seen him while out at lunch, but at different places. We must like to eat at the same places. This day I was sitting in Quiznos, eating my turkey/bacon/guacamole sub when I saw this glossy black Pontiac Firebird/Trans Am pull up, and out jumped the Mullet Man. Once again, he was wearing a suit and had a friend with him. It just struck me as odd that I have seem him so many times!
Thurs 4/13: I left work at 2:00, threw some things in a bag, and Joe & I headed up to the beach. It was warm and sunny, but the forecast for the next day was cooler and overcast so we didn't go in the convertible. We went for a walk on the beach, went to the grocery store and video store, then had dinner. We watched "Memoirs of a Geisha", which we both enjoyed a lot.
Fri 4/14: My company gave us 'Good Friday' off of work, which is why we were able to go to the beach on Thurs. It was warm but overcast so we ran a few errands (Dollar Store, K-Mart, etc) and then had lunch at Grotto Pizza in downtown Rehoboth. We went for a walk on the boardwalk, which was cool and breezy. We went to see "scary Movie 4", which was fun - very much like the others in the "scary Movie" trilogy. Then we went to dinner at Adriattico, an Italian restaurant. During the night we were awakened by a terrific storm! Very loud claps of thunder, torrential rain, and so much lightening you'd have thought you were in a disco with strobe lighting! Jordan wasn't scared, but the lightening was so bright she put her head under the bedskirt.
Sat 4/15: It was very warm and sunny! We both put on shorts and went for a long walk on the boardwalk in Rehoboth. There were lots and lots of people at the beach. There was some sort of Easter egg activity happening, with a man barking instructions over a very loud speaker. There were tons of people in bathing suits, getting started on their tans. It was a spectacular day. On the way back to the house we saw a thermometer that read 84 degrees - on the day before Easter! We got home from the beach shortly after 6:00 and made plans to meet the Newlyweds for dinner. We picked them up in the convertible and went to Shirlington to eat outside at one of the many restaurants there with outdoor seating. But all of them had waits for tables, so we went to the Taco House. We got a table outside and only had to wait for them to clear it from the last patrons. We had a spectacular evening, dining under the stars on the patio. Michael was telling us about his new job, and the used convertible he and Jamie had just test-driven. After dinner we went for a lovely drive down the parkway to Mount Vernon and back. We dropped them off shortly before 11:00.
Sun 4/16: Easter Sunday! I got up first and took a shower and shaved while Joe enjoyed some additional slumber time. Then I went to the Safeway to pick up some ingredients. I made two pear upside down cakes (my own doctored-up box cake recipe) to take to Louis & Karen's for Easter. We picked up my aunt Mary and arrived at Louis & Karen's at 2:00. We had a really fun time eating, talking, laughing, etc. It was another pretty day; not quite as warm or sunny as Sat, but still very pleasant. The kids and a few adults walked over to the field for a game of softball, a family Easter tradition. Then, as folks began to leave, we just continued talking on the back deck until 7:30. It was a really nice day. We took some left over honey baked ham, macaroni salad, baked beans, and Mary's famous jello sherbet home for later. We ended our Easter Sun by eating left overs and watching 'The Sopranos' and 'Big Love'.
Fri 3/24: We met Bugsy and Roger for dinner at the Taco House. They are such nice guys, and we really had a good time eating and visiting with them. We also made tentative plans for them to come with us to the beach some weekend soon. Then, we met up with the Newlyweds and went to Ziegfelds. It was the next-to-the-last weekend Ziegfelds was to be open, so I invited some local friends to join us for a 'night of illusion'! The Newlyweds said yes, and my friend Michael also met us there. We had a really fun night! The drag show was fun, as always, and so was dancing. Ziegfelds is one of 5 clubs forced to close due to the DC Government's taking of the land they sit on by imminent domain in order to build yet another sports stadium. Some of the clubs are supposed to re-open in another location, but its unknown where or when. I've always had fond memories of Ziegfelds because that is where Joe & I met. More on that another time.
Sat 3/25: After sleeping in late, Joe, Jordan and I packed a bag and headed down to Kerry & Hugh's cabin in the Northen Neck of VA. A few years back they built a house in the woods from a log cabin kit! It is beautiful and cozy. It was still kind of chilly so they had a fire going in the wood stove. It was wonderful to just sit around and talk and laugh and goof off. Very relaxing! We came home on Sun afternoon.
Tues 3/28: We met Liz & Rob for dinner at the Taco House. They are both working full time and going to school, so their evenings and weekends are packed with reading, studying, homework, and papers. However, they were off that week for spring break and were able to have dinner with us and catch up. Rob was my roommate in the late 80s and Liz has been a friend of mine since the mid-80s. They're crazy about Napoleon Dynamite like me.
Fri 3/31: We went with the Newlyweds to a tiny local theatre to see a play called "Whole Against the Sky". Its the story of a gay man whose mother tries a little too late to be the mother she never was for him when he was young. It was neat to be in such a small theatre and to be so close to the actors. The play was alright, if not a tad over-acted. But we all agreed it was fun to do something different like that and to support local cultural arts.
Sat 4/1: Sat was painting day at Kathryn's. For several months I have been talking and emailing with my friend Kathryn about painting her living and dining areas. We finally got all the supplies and a few extra hands together and did it. Fortunately Kathryn and Karen had done all of the prep work like taping off the trim and repairing dings in the drywall. It went quickly, so we decided to go ahead and paint the stairway too. It was a really fun day, and her place looked beautiful when we were done. After a shower and little rest, Joe & I headed to Leesburg to have dinner at my colleague and friend Steve's house. He and his wife Amy invited us for a small dinner party. On the way there I started feeling a little congested, but dismissed it to 'seasonal allergies'. We had a great time and stayed until almost midnight.
Sun 4/2: Sun I woke up very congested and had a sore throat. I took some OTC sinus/allergy medication and just took it easy that day, watching TV, doing some laundry, tidying up the kitchen. In the late afternoon Joe & I took a drive on the parkway with the top down because it was unusually warm and sunny. That night I had a terrible time trying to sleep. I was so congested that I had to try to sleep propped up against the headboard to allow my sinuses to drain. I had to keep clearing my throat so I wouldn't choke on my own mucus. It seemed like everytime I dozed off, I woke up coughing or choking. I barely got any sleep.
Mon 4/3: Mon morning I felt so bad that I decided to stay home from work. It was the first time since I've worked here (3 1/2 years) that I called in sick. The pressure in my sinuses and face was incredible. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck... several times! I called my doctor's office and got an appointment. I had a sinus infection, so my doctor prescribed an antibiotic, nasal spray, and told me to continue taking the OTC sinus/allergy medication (antihistimine) and aspirin. I stayed home Tues and Wed too. I did manage to help Joe by creating a simple website for his new practice, along with a listing in the therapist directory on the Psychology Today website.
Fri 4/7: We went to the beach after work.
Sat 4/8: The cable company offered us a free upgrade to digital cable for a year, so on Sat we swapped out the cable box and I programmed the remote with my favorites. It was cold and rainy. We went to the Art House theatre to see "Cache", which is the French word for Hidden. It was an Indy film, in French with English subtitles. I enjoyed it, but Joe didn't like it very much. Here's a synopsis:
Georges (Daniel Auteil), a television talk show host, and his wife Anne (Juliette Binoche), are living the perfect life of modern comfort and security. One day, their idyll is disrupted in the form of a mysterious videotape that appears on their doorstep. The tape reveals they are being filmed by a hidden camera from across the street with no clues as to who shot it, or why. As more tapes arrive containing images that are disturbingly intimate and increasingly personal, Georges launches into an investigation of his own as to who is behind this. As he does so, secrets from his past are revealed, and the walls of security he and Anne have built around themselves begin to crumble.
Wed 4/12: I saw the Mullet Man again! This makes the 3rd or 4th time I've seen him while out at lunch, but at different places. We must like to eat at the same places. This day I was sitting in Quiznos, eating my turkey/bacon/guacamole sub when I saw this glossy black Pontiac Firebird/Trans Am pull up, and out jumped the Mullet Man. Once again, he was wearing a suit and had a friend with him. It just struck me as odd that I have seem him so many times!
Thurs 4/13: I left work at 2:00, threw some things in a bag, and Joe & I headed up to the beach. It was warm and sunny, but the forecast for the next day was cooler and overcast so we didn't go in the convertible. We went for a walk on the beach, went to the grocery store and video store, then had dinner. We watched "Memoirs of a Geisha", which we both enjoyed a lot.
Fri 4/14: My company gave us 'Good Friday' off of work, which is why we were able to go to the beach on Thurs. It was warm but overcast so we ran a few errands (Dollar Store, K-Mart, etc) and then had lunch at Grotto Pizza in downtown Rehoboth. We went for a walk on the boardwalk, which was cool and breezy. We went to see "scary Movie 4", which was fun - very much like the others in the "scary Movie" trilogy. Then we went to dinner at Adriattico, an Italian restaurant. During the night we were awakened by a terrific storm! Very loud claps of thunder, torrential rain, and so much lightening you'd have thought you were in a disco with strobe lighting! Jordan wasn't scared, but the lightening was so bright she put her head under the bedskirt.
Sat 4/15: It was very warm and sunny! We both put on shorts and went for a long walk on the boardwalk in Rehoboth. There were lots and lots of people at the beach. There was some sort of Easter egg activity happening, with a man barking instructions over a very loud speaker. There were tons of people in bathing suits, getting started on their tans. It was a spectacular day. On the way back to the house we saw a thermometer that read 84 degrees - on the day before Easter! We got home from the beach shortly after 6:00 and made plans to meet the Newlyweds for dinner. We picked them up in the convertible and went to Shirlington to eat outside at one of the many restaurants there with outdoor seating. But all of them had waits for tables, so we went to the Taco House. We got a table outside and only had to wait for them to clear it from the last patrons. We had a spectacular evening, dining under the stars on the patio. Michael was telling us about his new job, and the used convertible he and Jamie had just test-driven. After dinner we went for a lovely drive down the parkway to Mount Vernon and back. We dropped them off shortly before 11:00.
Sun 4/16: Easter Sunday! I got up first and took a shower and shaved while Joe enjoyed some additional slumber time. Then I went to the Safeway to pick up some ingredients. I made two pear upside down cakes (my own doctored-up box cake recipe) to take to Louis & Karen's for Easter. We picked up my aunt Mary and arrived at Louis & Karen's at 2:00. We had a really fun time eating, talking, laughing, etc. It was another pretty day; not quite as warm or sunny as Sat, but still very pleasant. The kids and a few adults walked over to the field for a game of softball, a family Easter tradition. Then, as folks began to leave, we just continued talking on the back deck until 7:30. It was a really nice day. We took some left over honey baked ham, macaroni salad, baked beans, and Mary's famous jello sherbet home for later. We ended our Easter Sun by eating left overs and watching 'The Sopranos' and 'Big Love'.
Friday, April 07, 2006
I'm not dead
I know, I know - its been two weeks since my last post. I'm not dead. I've just been super-busy and sick. I'll catch you up on the details on Sun. For now, its off to the beach.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Self-employed, not Unemployed
Okay, its time to break my silence. There’s been something on my mind for the last few months that I have not blogged about, out of respect for Joe’s feelings. But now that it is no longer a secret, I can share it: Joe quit his job.
He was originally hired at his former job to build the mental health program and assist the Director. Shortly after he was hired, the Director left and he was asked to be the acting Director while a permanent one was sought. He applied and eventually got the position of Director. As time went on and as the Director he got to see in glaring detail how dysfunctional the agency was. He found himself in a position that was nothing like what he’d originally expected to be doing there. Rather than building a mental health program, he found himself as an Administrator whose hands were tied when it came to breaking out of the dysfunctional cycle of work that plagued the agency since before he arrived. He longed to be more ‘hands on’, providing psychotherapy.
Last Nov was the first time he verbalized to me his desire to quit. At that time, I was trying to sort out some changes happening with my job and company, and we were coming into the holiday season, so we decided he’d stick it out at least until the 1st of the year. This would also give him the needed time to be sure his desire to quit would last longer than the frustrations that led him to want to leave. He stayed on and didn’t mention anything to anyone about his thinking of leaving. We continued talking about the viability of his resigning, and what he would do with his time. He said he wanted to expand his current part-time psychotherapy practice into a full-time practice. After all, doing therapy is what provides him with the most satisfaction and personal reward. And set up correctly, it can be pretty lucrative, too.
I was a little concerned that he wanted to resign and go full-time with his private practice just because things weren’t going well at the agency. I thought that wasn’t good, because as quickly as things can change, it seemed to me that his reasons for wanting to resign could possibly be resolved one day. Then he may wish he’d just stuck it out a little longer. At some point in every one of our conversations I would repeat to him “How do you want to spend your time? As the Director/Administrator of an agency, going to meetings and reporting on budgets? Or as a full-time practitioner, seeing clients for therapy?” It seemed to me that there was a much bigger question that he’d not yet answered to himself, or to my satisfaction. “What if you go to work tomorrow and all of the crap has been cleared up, by some major miracle. Would you want to stay? Or would you still long to be doing therapy instead?” Initially he’d answered that he’d stay, because of the regular paycheck, lots of paid leave, and company-paid benefits. But then he finally admitted that even if things did miraculously improve at the agency, he thought he would at some point still want to leave and go into full-time private practice. “There’s your answer then.” I replied. It would still take a little more time for him to be comfortable with his decision and the idea of being self-employed.
About 2 weeks into the New Year he decided he was ready to talk to his boss about it. Since they do not work in the same building, he called her to let her know he planned to resign. They talked briefly and she asked him not to tell anyone yet; she wanted to meet with him in person and talk more about it. Her busy schedule meant waiting a full week. When she met him at his office he was able to go into more detail about his reasons for leaving. She asked him again not to tell anyone, and to give her another week to think about what he’d said and to see if she was able to do anything to alleviate his concerns. They planned to meet again the following week. She was unable to meet him in person the following week, so they spoke over the phone. She really wasn’t able to offer him anything that would lead him to believe that things would be any different in the future, so she agreed to accept his resignation. Once again, she asked him not to tell anyone until she had a chance to line up the person/people who would handle his responsibilities once he’d left.
So, by the first week of Feb he had officially tendered his resignation to his boss and HR, with an effective date of Feb 24, but was not allowed to tell his staff. Finally, about 2 weeks later his boss called an all-hands meeting and announced Joe’s decision to resign and the plans to cover his duties. It was official!
I kind of expected that we should begin immediately preparing for Joe’s new full-time practice. After all, there would be a website to design and get up on the web, additional office hours to secure, more business cards to order, private health insurance to research and obtain, networking meetings to set up, announcements to send to professional acquaintances… the list just seemed to go on and on. Joe immediately secured the additional office hours at his 2 existing locations, but I found him much less anxious to begin all the other tasks I thought we should get started on right away. He said it was difficult for him to keep going back and forth between a “closing down/wrapping things up” mentality at his day job, and the “fresh, new, positive” mentality required for his self-employment. Being a therapist himself, it seemed he should know, so I backed off. His colleagues at the agency gave him a nice send-off luncheon and his final day arrived.
The weeks since then he’s spent looking into additional cost-effective ways to advertise, deciding on the content for his website, and prioritizing his additional tasks. He decided he wanted to start 2 psychotherapy groups, one for gay men in relationships that are having trouble, and one for male-to-female (MTF) transgender folks. So far, the gay men’s group has met once and is scheduled to meet for a total of 8 sessions. He hopes to start the transgender group in April.
We recently met some new people at a dinner party and when asked what he did for a living, Joe replied with a smile: “I’m unemployed.” I quickly corrected him: “You’re self-employed, not unemployed!” The new friends looked a bit confused until Joe explained his recent resignation and the start up of his full-time practice.
Since both of us have always been employed by companies, the idea of Joe now being self-employed is a bit scary for both of us. There is, of course, the natural financial concern of being able to stay up to date with our bills and maintain the lifestyle we currently enjoy. But there’s also the unfamiliarity for him of not having a boss or a daily schedule. He can create for himself a daily schedule, of course, but unlike a regular job, there is no one to whom he must report if he doesn’t keep up. I’m sure that none of this is unusual or new; but rather the same issues that all self-employed people have dealt with. With some time I expect we’ll continue to feel more and more comfortable with this fairly big change in our lives.
There. I’ve said it. Now, it’s real.
He was originally hired at his former job to build the mental health program and assist the Director. Shortly after he was hired, the Director left and he was asked to be the acting Director while a permanent one was sought. He applied and eventually got the position of Director. As time went on and as the Director he got to see in glaring detail how dysfunctional the agency was. He found himself in a position that was nothing like what he’d originally expected to be doing there. Rather than building a mental health program, he found himself as an Administrator whose hands were tied when it came to breaking out of the dysfunctional cycle of work that plagued the agency since before he arrived. He longed to be more ‘hands on’, providing psychotherapy.
Last Nov was the first time he verbalized to me his desire to quit. At that time, I was trying to sort out some changes happening with my job and company, and we were coming into the holiday season, so we decided he’d stick it out at least until the 1st of the year. This would also give him the needed time to be sure his desire to quit would last longer than the frustrations that led him to want to leave. He stayed on and didn’t mention anything to anyone about his thinking of leaving. We continued talking about the viability of his resigning, and what he would do with his time. He said he wanted to expand his current part-time psychotherapy practice into a full-time practice. After all, doing therapy is what provides him with the most satisfaction and personal reward. And set up correctly, it can be pretty lucrative, too.
I was a little concerned that he wanted to resign and go full-time with his private practice just because things weren’t going well at the agency. I thought that wasn’t good, because as quickly as things can change, it seemed to me that his reasons for wanting to resign could possibly be resolved one day. Then he may wish he’d just stuck it out a little longer. At some point in every one of our conversations I would repeat to him “How do you want to spend your time? As the Director/Administrator of an agency, going to meetings and reporting on budgets? Or as a full-time practitioner, seeing clients for therapy?” It seemed to me that there was a much bigger question that he’d not yet answered to himself, or to my satisfaction. “What if you go to work tomorrow and all of the crap has been cleared up, by some major miracle. Would you want to stay? Or would you still long to be doing therapy instead?” Initially he’d answered that he’d stay, because of the regular paycheck, lots of paid leave, and company-paid benefits. But then he finally admitted that even if things did miraculously improve at the agency, he thought he would at some point still want to leave and go into full-time private practice. “There’s your answer then.” I replied. It would still take a little more time for him to be comfortable with his decision and the idea of being self-employed.
About 2 weeks into the New Year he decided he was ready to talk to his boss about it. Since they do not work in the same building, he called her to let her know he planned to resign. They talked briefly and she asked him not to tell anyone yet; she wanted to meet with him in person and talk more about it. Her busy schedule meant waiting a full week. When she met him at his office he was able to go into more detail about his reasons for leaving. She asked him again not to tell anyone, and to give her another week to think about what he’d said and to see if she was able to do anything to alleviate his concerns. They planned to meet again the following week. She was unable to meet him in person the following week, so they spoke over the phone. She really wasn’t able to offer him anything that would lead him to believe that things would be any different in the future, so she agreed to accept his resignation. Once again, she asked him not to tell anyone until she had a chance to line up the person/people who would handle his responsibilities once he’d left.
So, by the first week of Feb he had officially tendered his resignation to his boss and HR, with an effective date of Feb 24, but was not allowed to tell his staff. Finally, about 2 weeks later his boss called an all-hands meeting and announced Joe’s decision to resign and the plans to cover his duties. It was official!
I kind of expected that we should begin immediately preparing for Joe’s new full-time practice. After all, there would be a website to design and get up on the web, additional office hours to secure, more business cards to order, private health insurance to research and obtain, networking meetings to set up, announcements to send to professional acquaintances… the list just seemed to go on and on. Joe immediately secured the additional office hours at his 2 existing locations, but I found him much less anxious to begin all the other tasks I thought we should get started on right away. He said it was difficult for him to keep going back and forth between a “closing down/wrapping things up” mentality at his day job, and the “fresh, new, positive” mentality required for his self-employment. Being a therapist himself, it seemed he should know, so I backed off. His colleagues at the agency gave him a nice send-off luncheon and his final day arrived.
The weeks since then he’s spent looking into additional cost-effective ways to advertise, deciding on the content for his website, and prioritizing his additional tasks. He decided he wanted to start 2 psychotherapy groups, one for gay men in relationships that are having trouble, and one for male-to-female (MTF) transgender folks. So far, the gay men’s group has met once and is scheduled to meet for a total of 8 sessions. He hopes to start the transgender group in April.
We recently met some new people at a dinner party and when asked what he did for a living, Joe replied with a smile: “I’m unemployed.” I quickly corrected him: “You’re self-employed, not unemployed!” The new friends looked a bit confused until Joe explained his recent resignation and the start up of his full-time practice.
Since both of us have always been employed by companies, the idea of Joe now being self-employed is a bit scary for both of us. There is, of course, the natural financial concern of being able to stay up to date with our bills and maintain the lifestyle we currently enjoy. But there’s also the unfamiliarity for him of not having a boss or a daily schedule. He can create for himself a daily schedule, of course, but unlike a regular job, there is no one to whom he must report if he doesn’t keep up. I’m sure that none of this is unusual or new; but rather the same issues that all self-employed people have dealt with. With some time I expect we’ll continue to feel more and more comfortable with this fairly big change in our lives.
There. I’ve said it. Now, it’s real.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Monday's Miracle
Shortly after Joe & I met, nearly 10 years ago, a friend introduced us to a wonderful little Mexican restaurant called the Taco House. It was a family owned and run place. Luis owned the restaurant and his sister Gloria and her husband Juan and their niece Sandra worked there too. They were very friendly and our frequent visits quickly made us 'regulars'. We met Gloria's mother, and saw Juan & Gloria's kids grow up in front of us. I would practice my very, very limited Spanish with them, and they would help me learn new words and phrases.
The restaurant was located on a block in Crystal City with a bunch of other restaurants. It was a little dark inside, with dark stained wainscoting on the walls and stucco above that. There were sombreros and serapes hanging on the walls, along with a few oil paintings of a conquistador and possibly some Mexican royalty. It certainly wouldn't win any awards for its decor, but the friendliness of the staff, the delicious food, and the very reasonable prices made it an award winner to us. The restaurant also had a covered porch for warm weather dining, something we really enjoyed.
We really got into the habit of eating at the Taco House. By habit I mean, at least once a week; sometimes more than once a week. We'd often bring friends there, when meeting up with friends for dinner and to catch up. Our friends brought their friends there, too, and would tell us how much their friends enjoyed themselves. We brought our family there for Mother's Day a few years. We had my birthday dinner there one year and it was great - me and Joe and about 14 of our friends! Since my birthday is Dec, the Taco House staff had decorated the tables with poinsettas. They brought out a few bottles of wine and a few platters of appetizers when everyone arrived - none of which showed up on our bill. As we were leaving they told us to take the poinsettas home with us! One year at Christmastime they gave us one of those Entertainment books full of coupons for area restaurants. They appreciated our business and our friendship, and we made sure to always overtip so that their kindness never caused them to lose money on us or our parties.
I recall many trips home from the beach on a Sun evening, thinking to myself how great it would be to wind up the weekend with a delicious Taco House dinner, only to have my thought train interrupted by Joe asking "How about we drop the dog off at the house and then have dinner at the Taco House?"
Then, one chilly March evening in 2004, our bliss came to a screeching halt. We had arranged to meet Liz & Robert at the Taco House, and when we arrived we saw a sign on the door that read "Closed for Repairs". We were a bit concerned about what kind of "repairs" were required that would shut down the restaurant. Restaurants hate to shut down because they lose money when they're not open. At least once a week for the next several months we drove by to see if the Taco House had re-opened yet. It hadn't. So I decided to call and see if their answering machine's outgoing message might have their anticipated re-opening date. The message simply indicated they were closed for remodeling and hoped to re-open very soon.
March turned into Spring, Spring became Summer, Summer became Fall, Fall became Winter. The Taco House was stilled closed. With a little less frequency we would still drive by to check on the status. We saw the covered porch had been totally enclosed with new windows and a new roof. That seemed to be a good sign, but we worried how a restaurant could be closed for 9 months. What happened to Gloria, Juan, and Sandra? How were they getting along without an income?
Winter became Spring, and when we drove by again one day we were devastated. The new porch enclosure had been completely torn off the front of the restaurant, and the door and window were boarded up with plywood. Then we noticed the absolute worst thing; the thing that caused our hearts to sink: the Taco House sign had been removed from the roof.
All kinds of stories swirled around in our heads. Maybe Luis had gotten in over his head with the renovations and had run out of money before completing the job. Maybe Gloria, Juan and Sandra had gotten frustrated and went to work elsewhere. Maybe some chain restaurant had given Luis an offer he couldn't refuse and had purchased the location. It seemed we'd never know for sure what happened to our friends at the Taco House, but the removal of the sign seemed like the equivalent of the Taco House's obituary.
While the renovations were still going on, we'd tried to satisfy our love for good Mexican food by visiting other places. The metro DC area has no shortage of ethnic restaurants, and we tried nearly all of the Mexican ones but couldn't find anything quite like the Taco House. Finding nothing that could compare to 'our place' made the loss even harder. Lots of our friends would suggest getting together there for dinner, and we'd have to solemnly tell them that the Taco House was no more. Joe & I truly grieved the loss.
Spring became Summer, Summer became Fall, Fall became Winter. Then about 2 weeks ago our friends Liz & Robert called us on a Fri evening. They were standing in front of the old Taco House location and said that a new restaurant had opened where the Taco House had once been. They were going to give it a try and wanted to know if we wanted to join them. We thanked them for the invitation but told them we were about to leave for the beach in a few minutes. I made a mental note that Joe & I should check out the new Mexican place when we got a chance, but deep inside knew it wouldn't be as good as the Taco House.
The following week we didn't hear from Liz & Robert about the restaurant and I sort of forgot about it. Then the Mon after that, which was this past Mon, it was unseasonably warm, about 85 degrees. I drove to and from work with the top down on my car - in March! When I got home from work Joe said "Let's take a ride over to see that new restaurant that opened where the Taco House used to be." I agreed and we headed over there. On the way I fantasized that maybe we'd see our friends Gloria, Juan, and Sandra again, but then quickly realized how ridiculous that was. Why on earth would they all be working in a new restaurant in the same spot?
When we pulled up we saw a beautiful brick patio (uncovered) where some folks were enjoying dining al fresco, and we saw the sign for the new restaurant: Cantina Mexicana. We also noticed that the front of the restaurant had been opened up. Rather than the original door and window we'd last seen boarded up, there was a wall of glass with a glass door, letting in lots of light.
When we went inside I couldn't believe my eyes! There was Juan, waiting tables! He finished writing down someone's order, looked up at us and his face lit up with a smile. "Amigo!" I said as we approached each other and hugged. "I can't believe you're here. We've missed you. Is Gloria here? And Sandy?" After we were seated Gloria came out from the kitchen and the two of them explained what had happened.
The landlord had told them they needed to update the restaurant. He wanted them to paint, get new seating, and enclose the front porch. They told him they couldn't afford to pay for all of that, so the landlord finally said they would have to improve the interior and he would take care of the exterior. They began the painting and ordered new booths and chairs, and the landlord hired someone to enclose the front porch. Unfortunately the landlord had not bothered to get a permit from the County for the construction, so when the County inspectors came by for a surprise inspection, the landlord was told to stop the construction immediately and apply for a permit. The permit was denied and the landlord was told to have the enclosed porch removed. Juan got a job painting houses during the day, and working with Gloria at another restaurant in the evenings. Their brother Luis decided to change the name of the Taco House to go with the new look, and perhaps to justify the raising of the prices. Finally in Nov of 2005 the Taco House re-opened as Cantina Mexicana - only we didn't know it. It was just before Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years so we just hadn't bothered to drive over there. Besides, we thought the Taco House was gone for good when the sign was gone.
Now the dark stained wainscoting is gone and the place has a new, lighter color scheme. The removal of the front wall which was replaced by a glass wall also contributes to the lighter feel. The new booths and chairs look much like the old ones, only the colors are lighter, and you don't 'sink' down into the booths so much anymore. The sombreros, serapes, and oil paintings are back (we were especially happy about the oil paintings, which were always our favorite decorations) but they all have a new, fresher feel to them. It felt like the same old place we'd known and loved, only lighter and brighter.
Juan brought us ENORMOUS marguaritas, and we ordered our favorite appetizer, the chicken quesadilla, followed by our favorite entrees, chipotle shrimp fajitas for me and chicken breast chipotle for Joe. We also managed to eat 2 baskets of chips while we were there. We were so happy that our favorite Mexican restaurant AND our friends were now back in our lives! I'm not sure if it was the unusually warm weather, the reunion with our Taco House friends, or that gigantic marguarita, but I felt like I'd experienced a miracle.
Although I like the new name, Cantina Mexicana, I can't quite get used to saying it. I keep catching myself still referring to it as the Taco House. I told Joe "They can name it anything they want to, but it will ALWAYS be the Taco House to me." But I think that's okay. In a way, its sort of like paying homage to its roots. (I still call Reagan National airport 'National airport'.)
We're meeting Greg & Gerry at the Taco House for dinner tonight, and we're meeting Michael & Jamie (the Newlyweds) at the Taco House for dinner tomorrow night.
The restaurant was located on a block in Crystal City with a bunch of other restaurants. It was a little dark inside, with dark stained wainscoting on the walls and stucco above that. There were sombreros and serapes hanging on the walls, along with a few oil paintings of a conquistador and possibly some Mexican royalty. It certainly wouldn't win any awards for its decor, but the friendliness of the staff, the delicious food, and the very reasonable prices made it an award winner to us. The restaurant also had a covered porch for warm weather dining, something we really enjoyed.
We really got into the habit of eating at the Taco House. By habit I mean, at least once a week; sometimes more than once a week. We'd often bring friends there, when meeting up with friends for dinner and to catch up. Our friends brought their friends there, too, and would tell us how much their friends enjoyed themselves. We brought our family there for Mother's Day a few years. We had my birthday dinner there one year and it was great - me and Joe and about 14 of our friends! Since my birthday is Dec, the Taco House staff had decorated the tables with poinsettas. They brought out a few bottles of wine and a few platters of appetizers when everyone arrived - none of which showed up on our bill. As we were leaving they told us to take the poinsettas home with us! One year at Christmastime they gave us one of those Entertainment books full of coupons for area restaurants. They appreciated our business and our friendship, and we made sure to always overtip so that their kindness never caused them to lose money on us or our parties.
I recall many trips home from the beach on a Sun evening, thinking to myself how great it would be to wind up the weekend with a delicious Taco House dinner, only to have my thought train interrupted by Joe asking "How about we drop the dog off at the house and then have dinner at the Taco House?"
Then, one chilly March evening in 2004, our bliss came to a screeching halt. We had arranged to meet Liz & Robert at the Taco House, and when we arrived we saw a sign on the door that read "Closed for Repairs". We were a bit concerned about what kind of "repairs" were required that would shut down the restaurant. Restaurants hate to shut down because they lose money when they're not open. At least once a week for the next several months we drove by to see if the Taco House had re-opened yet. It hadn't. So I decided to call and see if their answering machine's outgoing message might have their anticipated re-opening date. The message simply indicated they were closed for remodeling and hoped to re-open very soon.
March turned into Spring, Spring became Summer, Summer became Fall, Fall became Winter. The Taco House was stilled closed. With a little less frequency we would still drive by to check on the status. We saw the covered porch had been totally enclosed with new windows and a new roof. That seemed to be a good sign, but we worried how a restaurant could be closed for 9 months. What happened to Gloria, Juan, and Sandra? How were they getting along without an income?
Winter became Spring, and when we drove by again one day we were devastated. The new porch enclosure had been completely torn off the front of the restaurant, and the door and window were boarded up with plywood. Then we noticed the absolute worst thing; the thing that caused our hearts to sink: the Taco House sign had been removed from the roof.
All kinds of stories swirled around in our heads. Maybe Luis had gotten in over his head with the renovations and had run out of money before completing the job. Maybe Gloria, Juan and Sandra had gotten frustrated and went to work elsewhere. Maybe some chain restaurant had given Luis an offer he couldn't refuse and had purchased the location. It seemed we'd never know for sure what happened to our friends at the Taco House, but the removal of the sign seemed like the equivalent of the Taco House's obituary.
While the renovations were still going on, we'd tried to satisfy our love for good Mexican food by visiting other places. The metro DC area has no shortage of ethnic restaurants, and we tried nearly all of the Mexican ones but couldn't find anything quite like the Taco House. Finding nothing that could compare to 'our place' made the loss even harder. Lots of our friends would suggest getting together there for dinner, and we'd have to solemnly tell them that the Taco House was no more. Joe & I truly grieved the loss.
Spring became Summer, Summer became Fall, Fall became Winter. Then about 2 weeks ago our friends Liz & Robert called us on a Fri evening. They were standing in front of the old Taco House location and said that a new restaurant had opened where the Taco House had once been. They were going to give it a try and wanted to know if we wanted to join them. We thanked them for the invitation but told them we were about to leave for the beach in a few minutes. I made a mental note that Joe & I should check out the new Mexican place when we got a chance, but deep inside knew it wouldn't be as good as the Taco House.
The following week we didn't hear from Liz & Robert about the restaurant and I sort of forgot about it. Then the Mon after that, which was this past Mon, it was unseasonably warm, about 85 degrees. I drove to and from work with the top down on my car - in March! When I got home from work Joe said "Let's take a ride over to see that new restaurant that opened where the Taco House used to be." I agreed and we headed over there. On the way I fantasized that maybe we'd see our friends Gloria, Juan, and Sandra again, but then quickly realized how ridiculous that was. Why on earth would they all be working in a new restaurant in the same spot?
When we pulled up we saw a beautiful brick patio (uncovered) where some folks were enjoying dining al fresco, and we saw the sign for the new restaurant: Cantina Mexicana. We also noticed that the front of the restaurant had been opened up. Rather than the original door and window we'd last seen boarded up, there was a wall of glass with a glass door, letting in lots of light.
When we went inside I couldn't believe my eyes! There was Juan, waiting tables! He finished writing down someone's order, looked up at us and his face lit up with a smile. "Amigo!" I said as we approached each other and hugged. "I can't believe you're here. We've missed you. Is Gloria here? And Sandy?" After we were seated Gloria came out from the kitchen and the two of them explained what had happened.
The landlord had told them they needed to update the restaurant. He wanted them to paint, get new seating, and enclose the front porch. They told him they couldn't afford to pay for all of that, so the landlord finally said they would have to improve the interior and he would take care of the exterior. They began the painting and ordered new booths and chairs, and the landlord hired someone to enclose the front porch. Unfortunately the landlord had not bothered to get a permit from the County for the construction, so when the County inspectors came by for a surprise inspection, the landlord was told to stop the construction immediately and apply for a permit. The permit was denied and the landlord was told to have the enclosed porch removed. Juan got a job painting houses during the day, and working with Gloria at another restaurant in the evenings. Their brother Luis decided to change the name of the Taco House to go with the new look, and perhaps to justify the raising of the prices. Finally in Nov of 2005 the Taco House re-opened as Cantina Mexicana - only we didn't know it. It was just before Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years so we just hadn't bothered to drive over there. Besides, we thought the Taco House was gone for good when the sign was gone.
Now the dark stained wainscoting is gone and the place has a new, lighter color scheme. The removal of the front wall which was replaced by a glass wall also contributes to the lighter feel. The new booths and chairs look much like the old ones, only the colors are lighter, and you don't 'sink' down into the booths so much anymore. The sombreros, serapes, and oil paintings are back (we were especially happy about the oil paintings, which were always our favorite decorations) but they all have a new, fresher feel to them. It felt like the same old place we'd known and loved, only lighter and brighter.
Juan brought us ENORMOUS marguaritas, and we ordered our favorite appetizer, the chicken quesadilla, followed by our favorite entrees, chipotle shrimp fajitas for me and chicken breast chipotle for Joe. We also managed to eat 2 baskets of chips while we were there. We were so happy that our favorite Mexican restaurant AND our friends were now back in our lives! I'm not sure if it was the unusually warm weather, the reunion with our Taco House friends, or that gigantic marguarita, but I felt like I'd experienced a miracle.
Although I like the new name, Cantina Mexicana, I can't quite get used to saying it. I keep catching myself still referring to it as the Taco House. I told Joe "They can name it anything they want to, but it will ALWAYS be the Taco House to me." But I think that's okay. In a way, its sort of like paying homage to its roots. (I still call Reagan National airport 'National airport'.)
We're meeting Greg & Gerry at the Taco House for dinner tonight, and we're meeting Michael & Jamie (the Newlyweds) at the Taco House for dinner tomorrow night.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Philadelphia Freedom
On Sat Joe & I picked up my aunt Mary and Joe’s mom Evelyn and headed up the highway to Philadelphia for the day.
Evelyn was born, grew up, got married, and had 3 children while living in South Philadelphia. Her husband was also born and raised in South Philly, so both of them had lots of family around. After moving to VA they returned to South Philly on many weekends to visit with their relatives.
Mary is a native Washingtonian, but dated a guy originally from South Philly for several years. During the time they dated they went to South Philly many times, so she and Evelyn were both excited about our day trip. Joe & I were most excited about the food!
Road construction and toll plaza delays made it take a little longer than expected to get there, but we arrived close to noon. Lunch time! We decided to get a Philly cheese steak at the famous Pat’s. There’s no real consensus on where to get the best Philly cheese steak. Some say Pat’s, others say Geno’s, and yet others say Tony Luke’s. We decided on Pat’s this time, mostly because we found a parking place directly in front Pat’s. (It’s nice that there seemed to be no metered parking in South Philly.) Unfortunately South Philly is kind of dirty in places.
After lunch we walked over to the ‘Italian Market’ on 9th St. There were lots of little shops and eateries along several blocks of 9th St. Evelyn & Mary both bought cheese, salami, and hard rolls, and Joe, Mary and I got Gelato (Italian ice cream). There were lots of sidewalk vendors selling fresh produce, fish and seafood, and even live chickens and quail.
After feeling confident that we’d walked off our lunch, we got back in the car with our map and began looking for landmarks and familiar places. We drove by the hospital where Evelyn was born in 1930 and the church where she was married in 1951. We drove by the house where Evelyn’s in-laws lived, and stopped at the last house where Evelyn lived before moving to VA. She and I knocked on the door and a Philipino woman looked at us through the window, but would not come to the door. So Evelyn spoke to her through the window, telling her “I used to live here.” I think the woman may have been uncomfortable with her English and still would not come to the door. Next we went to the house two doors down where Evelyn remembered her neighbor Mary had lived. She knocked on the door and spoke to Mary’s son Ross. After explaining who she was, Ross remembered her and invited us in. Mary was in a wheelchair in the living room. At 94 years old she wasn’t quite sure who Evelyn was, but she seemed happy to have a visitor. We stayed just a few minutes, but Evelyn was happy to have connected with a happy time from her past.
Next we stopped at Termini Brothers bakery. I’m not sure if I can adequately describe this experience with words. Termini Brothers looks like it has been stuck in a time warp since 1935. When you enter, you see wood and glass pastry display cases, not the metal and glass you might expect. The floor has the original tile work and the ceiling has the original pressed tin. The smell of all the goods baked on the premises was euphoric. They even had two guys in the front corner playing music! Women dressed all in white came out from behind the pastry display cases carrying stainless steel trays, lightly dusted with flour and asked us “Can I help you?” Joe & I walked through the place, eying every delectable item, asking “Oooo, what’s that?” When she identified the items, we’d say “Okay, we’ll take one of those.” Then a man came out of the back carrying a platter of samples. He offered us a very large sample of a St. Joseph’s cake. “We only make St. Joseph’s cakes one time each year, during the month of March, in honor of St. Joseph’s Day on March 19th. It’s a light pastry top and bottom with a lightly sweetened ricotta filling.” We accepted the samples and as we tasted the heavenliness I believe our eyes rolled back in our heads. We turned to our lady with the tray of goodies we’d selected and told her “We need one of those.” And of course, we had to get some authentic Italian canolis and anis pizzelles. When we felt we’d done enough damage in the place we allowed the lady with the tray to carefully place our bounty into a pastry box which she then tied with string. It was so wonderfully old-fashioned it was actually comforting to watch this. When all was said and done, we spent $46. in the bakery. We managed not to eat it all in the car on the way home, so we’re still enjoying these delicacies now.
Then we drove passed the church where Mary had gone to a wedding with her old boyfriend, and then we drove by the now vacant lot where her old boyfriend’s uncle’s house was. We don’t know if the house was destroyed by a fire or was simply torn down, but there’s just a vacant lot there now. Mary said that "Uncle Frankie" was a mobster who occasionally dressed in drag for Halloween!
Then we drove by the famous Melrose diner, but decided not to eat dinner there. We went to Tony Luke’s restaurant called Vito’s. Evelyn, Joe & I got gnocchi with meatballs, and Mary got eggplant parmesan. They were delicious but the servings were too generous, so we all took our leftovers home with us and relished in the thought of getting to eat them the next day.
After dropping off the ladies, Joe & I got home just after 11pm. It was a long day, but an enjoyable one. We got to see and experience a lot.
Evelyn was born, grew up, got married, and had 3 children while living in South Philadelphia. Her husband was also born and raised in South Philly, so both of them had lots of family around. After moving to VA they returned to South Philly on many weekends to visit with their relatives.
Mary is a native Washingtonian, but dated a guy originally from South Philly for several years. During the time they dated they went to South Philly many times, so she and Evelyn were both excited about our day trip. Joe & I were most excited about the food!
Road construction and toll plaza delays made it take a little longer than expected to get there, but we arrived close to noon. Lunch time! We decided to get a Philly cheese steak at the famous Pat’s. There’s no real consensus on where to get the best Philly cheese steak. Some say Pat’s, others say Geno’s, and yet others say Tony Luke’s. We decided on Pat’s this time, mostly because we found a parking place directly in front Pat’s. (It’s nice that there seemed to be no metered parking in South Philly.) Unfortunately South Philly is kind of dirty in places.
After lunch we walked over to the ‘Italian Market’ on 9th St. There were lots of little shops and eateries along several blocks of 9th St. Evelyn & Mary both bought cheese, salami, and hard rolls, and Joe, Mary and I got Gelato (Italian ice cream). There were lots of sidewalk vendors selling fresh produce, fish and seafood, and even live chickens and quail.
After feeling confident that we’d walked off our lunch, we got back in the car with our map and began looking for landmarks and familiar places. We drove by the hospital where Evelyn was born in 1930 and the church where she was married in 1951. We drove by the house where Evelyn’s in-laws lived, and stopped at the last house where Evelyn lived before moving to VA. She and I knocked on the door and a Philipino woman looked at us through the window, but would not come to the door. So Evelyn spoke to her through the window, telling her “I used to live here.” I think the woman may have been uncomfortable with her English and still would not come to the door. Next we went to the house two doors down where Evelyn remembered her neighbor Mary had lived. She knocked on the door and spoke to Mary’s son Ross. After explaining who she was, Ross remembered her and invited us in. Mary was in a wheelchair in the living room. At 94 years old she wasn’t quite sure who Evelyn was, but she seemed happy to have a visitor. We stayed just a few minutes, but Evelyn was happy to have connected with a happy time from her past.
Next we stopped at Termini Brothers bakery. I’m not sure if I can adequately describe this experience with words. Termini Brothers looks like it has been stuck in a time warp since 1935. When you enter, you see wood and glass pastry display cases, not the metal and glass you might expect. The floor has the original tile work and the ceiling has the original pressed tin. The smell of all the goods baked on the premises was euphoric. They even had two guys in the front corner playing music! Women dressed all in white came out from behind the pastry display cases carrying stainless steel trays, lightly dusted with flour and asked us “Can I help you?” Joe & I walked through the place, eying every delectable item, asking “Oooo, what’s that?” When she identified the items, we’d say “Okay, we’ll take one of those.” Then a man came out of the back carrying a platter of samples. He offered us a very large sample of a St. Joseph’s cake. “We only make St. Joseph’s cakes one time each year, during the month of March, in honor of St. Joseph’s Day on March 19th. It’s a light pastry top and bottom with a lightly sweetened ricotta filling.” We accepted the samples and as we tasted the heavenliness I believe our eyes rolled back in our heads. We turned to our lady with the tray of goodies we’d selected and told her “We need one of those.” And of course, we had to get some authentic Italian canolis and anis pizzelles. When we felt we’d done enough damage in the place we allowed the lady with the tray to carefully place our bounty into a pastry box which she then tied with string. It was so wonderfully old-fashioned it was actually comforting to watch this. When all was said and done, we spent $46. in the bakery. We managed not to eat it all in the car on the way home, so we’re still enjoying these delicacies now.
Then we drove passed the church where Mary had gone to a wedding with her old boyfriend, and then we drove by the now vacant lot where her old boyfriend’s uncle’s house was. We don’t know if the house was destroyed by a fire or was simply torn down, but there’s just a vacant lot there now. Mary said that "Uncle Frankie" was a mobster who occasionally dressed in drag for Halloween!
Then we drove by the famous Melrose diner, but decided not to eat dinner there. We went to Tony Luke’s restaurant called Vito’s. Evelyn, Joe & I got gnocchi with meatballs, and Mary got eggplant parmesan. They were delicious but the servings were too generous, so we all took our leftovers home with us and relished in the thought of getting to eat them the next day.
After dropping off the ladies, Joe & I got home just after 11pm. It was a long day, but an enjoyable one. We got to see and experience a lot.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Dine Out for Life
‘Dine Out for Life’ is a fund raiser for Food & Friends, an organization that delivers meals to homebound people with AIDS. I used to volunteer in the kitchen at Food & Friends on Mon evenings for a few years. ‘Dine Out for Life’ is a program where restaurants in the metro DC area agree to contribute a percentage of their receipts for that night to Food & Friends. Diners have an enjoyable dinner at a restaurant, and the restaurant contributes to this worthy charity. It’s all good.
Joe & I have participated by inviting friends to join us for dinner on ‘Dine Out for Life’ night for several years. We enjoy having dinner with friends, and this is just another good excuse to do so. A few times we’ve trekked into the city and met friends at the DuPont Italian Kitchen. Last year we ate with Mike & Clark and Bugsy & Roger at Aroma, an Indian restaurant in Shirlington. We’d originally planned to eat at the Carlyle, but upon arrival found there was an approximately 90 minute wait, and the waiting area was so crowded there really wasn’t room to even stand and wait. Aroma is just down the street, there was no wait at all, and we had a lovely time. (See my blog entry from Mar 10, 2005 called ‘My Life as Carrie Bradshaw, Part II’ for details of that evening.)
Last night for ‘Dine Out for Life’ we went to Pasha Café in Cherrydale. Mike & Clark couldn’t make it, but Bugsy & Roger came and so did our friends Ron and Michael (without their respective busy partners). Pasha Café is a small restaurant with a Mediterranean/Italian/Greek menu. The food was pretty good, but not as good as the Lebanese Taverna, which has a similar menu. We had a lovely evening, catching up on each other’s lives and happenings.
Bugsy & Roger are considering a new car so we talked about Roger’s recent visit to the auto show. We all shared our horror stories of trying to buy a new car from a dealership without spending too much money and without taking 18 hours to complete the transaction. Michael is also considering another car. He really wants a convertible so the previous night he’d gone to see a ’99 Saab convertible being sold by a private seller. Michael felt the car was overpriced, likely because its owner was so emotionally attached to it. A few at our table warned Michael of reliability issues friends had reported with Saabs so I think Michael was probably more undecided after dinner than before. (Personally I still think he should consider a well-maintained, used BMW convertible.)
Joe & I hadn’t seen Bugsy & Roger in close to a year, so we were surprised to see much less of them. They’ve been on Weight Watchers and have each lost close to 40 lbs. After congratulating them and telling them how great they both looked, I confessed that Joe & I had success on Weight Watchers about 4 years ago, but gained all the weight back when we fell off the ‘Weight Watchers wagon’. They then confessed that this was their second time on WW, which made me feel better, knowing we weren’t the only ones. It also made me feel oddly hopeful that we, too, could choose to follow WW again and have success again, like they did.
Yesterday’s weather was unseasonably warm. I drove around at lunch time and drove home from work with my roof down. As we were leaving the restaurant last night we paused on the front sidewalk and commented about what a lovely evening it was. Still probably close to 60 degrees, it was an unusual but welcome March evening. We finished our conversations and said our goodbyes. Although not spoken, I silently pledged not to let much time go by before getting together again with these treasured friends.
Joe & I have participated by inviting friends to join us for dinner on ‘Dine Out for Life’ night for several years. We enjoy having dinner with friends, and this is just another good excuse to do so. A few times we’ve trekked into the city and met friends at the DuPont Italian Kitchen. Last year we ate with Mike & Clark and Bugsy & Roger at Aroma, an Indian restaurant in Shirlington. We’d originally planned to eat at the Carlyle, but upon arrival found there was an approximately 90 minute wait, and the waiting area was so crowded there really wasn’t room to even stand and wait. Aroma is just down the street, there was no wait at all, and we had a lovely time. (See my blog entry from Mar 10, 2005 called ‘My Life as Carrie Bradshaw, Part II’ for details of that evening.)
Last night for ‘Dine Out for Life’ we went to Pasha Café in Cherrydale. Mike & Clark couldn’t make it, but Bugsy & Roger came and so did our friends Ron and Michael (without their respective busy partners). Pasha Café is a small restaurant with a Mediterranean/Italian/Greek menu. The food was pretty good, but not as good as the Lebanese Taverna, which has a similar menu. We had a lovely evening, catching up on each other’s lives and happenings.
Bugsy & Roger are considering a new car so we talked about Roger’s recent visit to the auto show. We all shared our horror stories of trying to buy a new car from a dealership without spending too much money and without taking 18 hours to complete the transaction. Michael is also considering another car. He really wants a convertible so the previous night he’d gone to see a ’99 Saab convertible being sold by a private seller. Michael felt the car was overpriced, likely because its owner was so emotionally attached to it. A few at our table warned Michael of reliability issues friends had reported with Saabs so I think Michael was probably more undecided after dinner than before. (Personally I still think he should consider a well-maintained, used BMW convertible.)
Joe & I hadn’t seen Bugsy & Roger in close to a year, so we were surprised to see much less of them. They’ve been on Weight Watchers and have each lost close to 40 lbs. After congratulating them and telling them how great they both looked, I confessed that Joe & I had success on Weight Watchers about 4 years ago, but gained all the weight back when we fell off the ‘Weight Watchers wagon’. They then confessed that this was their second time on WW, which made me feel better, knowing we weren’t the only ones. It also made me feel oddly hopeful that we, too, could choose to follow WW again and have success again, like they did.
Yesterday’s weather was unseasonably warm. I drove around at lunch time and drove home from work with my roof down. As we were leaving the restaurant last night we paused on the front sidewalk and commented about what a lovely evening it was. Still probably close to 60 degrees, it was an unusual but welcome March evening. We finished our conversations and said our goodbyes. Although not spoken, I silently pledged not to let much time go by before getting together again with these treasured friends.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
The Closet
Over the weekend I read this article written by Murray Archibald, published in 'Letters from Camp Rehoboth'. I thought the point about the results of being closeted was worth passing on.
The Lesson of Brokeback
by Murray Archibald
To say that I am a little obsessed with the film Brokeback Mountain would be exaggeration—but only a slight one. Like many Letters’ readers, I’m sure, this brilliant film directed by Ang Lee touched me deeply, and its stark and tragic story continued to replay in my mind for a far longer time than I usually expect, even for a film of this caliber. (As an aside, I suppose I should also confess that I’d watch almost anything with Jake Gyllenhaal in the cast, and though Steve usually agrees with me on that, even he vetoed a recent suggestion that we watch The Day After Tomorrow for the third—or maybe the fourth—time last week.)
I bring up Brokeback Mountain here because its story tells us something important about ourselves, not just as gay people but as human beings. Brokeback Mountain is the story of two men—Ennis del Mar and Jack Twist—who hide their love from the world around them and even from themselves. Ultimately it is a story about the destructive nature of life in the closet and the sickness of a society that demands it. Brokeback Mountain graphically illustrates how the closet can become to the soul like a splinter buried deep in the flesh—its pain and inflamation affecting the entire body.
Sometimes the excuse of the closet is a sense that it protects the loved ones in our lives; all too often, it simply alienates friends and family and destroys the relationships it sought to save in the first place. In truth, there is no relationship—there is no contact—when there is a closed door between human beings. The love that Jack and Ennis had for one another could not survive in the vacuum of the closet, and its eventual implosion touched and damaged all the other people close to them.
One of the great tools of a society bent on preserving the closet is silence. Silence is the closet. In a recent interview in Newsweek magazine, Ang Lee was asked, "...are you surprised that Brokeback Mountain hasn’t raised more protest from the religious right?" He responded: "I didn’t know they would take a position of deliberate quietness, so that they wouldn’t [inadvertently] promote the movie."
Change never comes about because of silence, which is one reason that conservative churches (or other institutions for that matter) don’t want open dialogue about GLBT issues. As long as they can simply point a finger and scream "sinner," they don’t have to open the closet door. To engage in a true dialogue about the differences in our beliefs—to have a true conversation with one another, person to person, human to human—necessitates the opening of the closet door. Change happens when we open doors. When we come out to our family, our family is changed. When we come out in our church, our church is changed. When we come out in our school, our school is changed. When we come out in our community, our community is changed.
I believe with all my heart that we are living the change. At times our opponents seem more vocal and organized than ever, but that is in direct proportion to our success and visibility in the world around us, and we must not be intimidated by them. The Advocate recently reported that among high school seniors in the class of 2006, 74% supported legalized same-sex marriage or civil unions—think about what those figures would have been just a few short years ago.
When we started CAMP Rehoboth 16 years ago, it was about coming out, not just as individuals, but as a community. We were responding to the need to be visible, to be heard, to become a part of the community around us. I clearly remember the first year that this magazine appeared on the streets of our town. There was both support and opposition from both straight and gay people in our community. Change can be frightful to all of us, but once we get through it, it is rarely as frightening as we imagined it would be. The same can be said for coming out of the closet—it affects us all, the individual, the family, the church, the community, the society as a whole.
The CAMP Rehoboth Community Center is about the health of our community, both gay and straight. It is about keeping the doors of the closet standing wide open—no, on second thought, it’s about removing them altogether—so that we can reach out and touch one another, neighbor to neighbor, person to person, human to human.
2006 will be an important year for the CAMP Rehoboth Community Center and we will be pushing hard all the way through the year to not only meet our goals, but to exceed them. Perhaps if Jack and Ennis even had the smallest inkling that a place like this could exist, their story would have had a very different ending.
The Lesson of Brokeback
by Murray Archibald
To say that I am a little obsessed with the film Brokeback Mountain would be exaggeration—but only a slight one. Like many Letters’ readers, I’m sure, this brilliant film directed by Ang Lee touched me deeply, and its stark and tragic story continued to replay in my mind for a far longer time than I usually expect, even for a film of this caliber. (As an aside, I suppose I should also confess that I’d watch almost anything with Jake Gyllenhaal in the cast, and though Steve usually agrees with me on that, even he vetoed a recent suggestion that we watch The Day After Tomorrow for the third—or maybe the fourth—time last week.)
I bring up Brokeback Mountain here because its story tells us something important about ourselves, not just as gay people but as human beings. Brokeback Mountain is the story of two men—Ennis del Mar and Jack Twist—who hide their love from the world around them and even from themselves. Ultimately it is a story about the destructive nature of life in the closet and the sickness of a society that demands it. Brokeback Mountain graphically illustrates how the closet can become to the soul like a splinter buried deep in the flesh—its pain and inflamation affecting the entire body.
Sometimes the excuse of the closet is a sense that it protects the loved ones in our lives; all too often, it simply alienates friends and family and destroys the relationships it sought to save in the first place. In truth, there is no relationship—there is no contact—when there is a closed door between human beings. The love that Jack and Ennis had for one another could not survive in the vacuum of the closet, and its eventual implosion touched and damaged all the other people close to them.
One of the great tools of a society bent on preserving the closet is silence. Silence is the closet. In a recent interview in Newsweek magazine, Ang Lee was asked, "...are you surprised that Brokeback Mountain hasn’t raised more protest from the religious right?" He responded: "I didn’t know they would take a position of deliberate quietness, so that they wouldn’t [inadvertently] promote the movie."
Change never comes about because of silence, which is one reason that conservative churches (or other institutions for that matter) don’t want open dialogue about GLBT issues. As long as they can simply point a finger and scream "sinner," they don’t have to open the closet door. To engage in a true dialogue about the differences in our beliefs—to have a true conversation with one another, person to person, human to human—necessitates the opening of the closet door. Change happens when we open doors. When we come out to our family, our family is changed. When we come out in our church, our church is changed. When we come out in our school, our school is changed. When we come out in our community, our community is changed.
I believe with all my heart that we are living the change. At times our opponents seem more vocal and organized than ever, but that is in direct proportion to our success and visibility in the world around us, and we must not be intimidated by them. The Advocate recently reported that among high school seniors in the class of 2006, 74% supported legalized same-sex marriage or civil unions—think about what those figures would have been just a few short years ago.
When we started CAMP Rehoboth 16 years ago, it was about coming out, not just as individuals, but as a community. We were responding to the need to be visible, to be heard, to become a part of the community around us. I clearly remember the first year that this magazine appeared on the streets of our town. There was both support and opposition from both straight and gay people in our community. Change can be frightful to all of us, but once we get through it, it is rarely as frightening as we imagined it would be. The same can be said for coming out of the closet—it affects us all, the individual, the family, the church, the community, the society as a whole.
The CAMP Rehoboth Community Center is about the health of our community, both gay and straight. It is about keeping the doors of the closet standing wide open—no, on second thought, it’s about removing them altogether—so that we can reach out and touch one another, neighbor to neighbor, person to person, human to human.
2006 will be an important year for the CAMP Rehoboth Community Center and we will be pushing hard all the way through the year to not only meet our goals, but to exceed them. Perhaps if Jack and Ennis even had the smallest inkling that a place like this could exist, their story would have had a very different ending.
Friday, March 03, 2006
TGIF
I’m SO glad its Friday! It’s been busy at work this week and I am feeling ‘done’. Let the wild, reckless partying begin!
I’ve been eagerly watching American Idol, making my predictions for who will get voted off, and smugly watching the results shows to see my predictions come true. A few months back I was reviewing my blog and saw all of the Idol entries. Jeez, talk about overkill. So, although I am watching this season with the same eagerness as before, I will not be blogging every other minute about the show. ‘Kay, nuff said.
I saw the Mullet Man again. It was shocking. (If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, see my blog entry on June 8, 2005 entitled ‘Do you know the Mullet Man…’) There I was, just minding my own business, eating my burger and fries at Five Guys, when in the door he walked, presumably with some co-workers. Mind you, this is not an accidental mullet. His hairdresser didn’t mistakenly cut the sides a little too short and leave the back a little too long. Oh no – this in an intentional mullet. I think what makes it look even stranger and out of place is the fact that this Mullet Man is not wearing jeans, a John Deere t-shirt, or a plaid flannel shirt. No… he’s wearing a suit and tie!!! I started to wonder about the co-workers who go to lunch with him. Do they realize their own professional image could be marred by this man’s coiffure? If I worked with the Mullet Man I don’t think I’d want to be seen in public with him. Maybe that makes me shallow, I’m not sure, but I’d prefer to think it makes me selective.
We’re going to the beach this evening after work. Our friends Doug & Jim are considering buying a mobile home near the beach, and invited us to go with them to see some that are ‘open’ this weekend. “What are you doing this weekend?” is probably a question we’ve all been asked before. But I bet “Trailer shopping” is NOT a response most people have given. We’ll probably go to dinner with them Sat night too. We always have a good time with those guys!
I’ve been eagerly watching American Idol, making my predictions for who will get voted off, and smugly watching the results shows to see my predictions come true. A few months back I was reviewing my blog and saw all of the Idol entries. Jeez, talk about overkill. So, although I am watching this season with the same eagerness as before, I will not be blogging every other minute about the show. ‘Kay, nuff said.
I saw the Mullet Man again. It was shocking. (If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, see my blog entry on June 8, 2005 entitled ‘Do you know the Mullet Man…’) There I was, just minding my own business, eating my burger and fries at Five Guys, when in the door he walked, presumably with some co-workers. Mind you, this is not an accidental mullet. His hairdresser didn’t mistakenly cut the sides a little too short and leave the back a little too long. Oh no – this in an intentional mullet. I think what makes it look even stranger and out of place is the fact that this Mullet Man is not wearing jeans, a John Deere t-shirt, or a plaid flannel shirt. No… he’s wearing a suit and tie!!! I started to wonder about the co-workers who go to lunch with him. Do they realize their own professional image could be marred by this man’s coiffure? If I worked with the Mullet Man I don’t think I’d want to be seen in public with him. Maybe that makes me shallow, I’m not sure, but I’d prefer to think it makes me selective.
We’re going to the beach this evening after work. Our friends Doug & Jim are considering buying a mobile home near the beach, and invited us to go with them to see some that are ‘open’ this weekend. “What are you doing this weekend?” is probably a question we’ve all been asked before. But I bet “Trailer shopping” is NOT a response most people have given. We’ll probably go to dinner with them Sat night too. We always have a good time with those guys!
Monday, February 27, 2006
I'm back!
Okay, okay - I know its been an unusually long time between postings, and that my adoring audience (both of you) have been waiting with baited breath. Here's what happened:
The weekend before last Joe & I worked a 1/2 day on Fri and then went to the beach. We didn't have a lot planned, mostly the usual visits to Wal-Mart, K-Mart, the most fabulous Dollar Tree on the east coast - our routine rounds. K-Mart was running a winter clearance sale and I picked up not one but two 100% cotton button-up shirts marked $2. And if that wasn't terrific enough, when I went to pay for them, the cashier took an addition 30% off of the $2., making the shirts $1.40 each! I'm not going to describe what they look like so that readers who see me won't be able to say "Oh, I see you're wearing your $1.40 shirt today..." It will be my little secret when I wear them.
Joe & I went to see "Capote" at the Midway Theatre. We thought it was pretty good. Unlike what I thought, it was not a biography of Truman Capote. It really focused on a few years in the late 1950s-early 1960s when he wrote the book 'In Cold Blood'. The actor who played Capote, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, did a good job emulating Capote's voice and body language. Guess that's why he won the Golden Globe for best actor in a drama.
We also rented three films while we were up at the beach. "The grizzly Man" was sort of a documentary about Timothy Treadwell, the man who went to Alaska to live in the wild and be with the grizzly bears for 13 summers in a row... until he and his girlfriend were eaten by one of the bears. Treadwell had illusions of grandeur, saying he had to "protect" the grizzly bears, who were living in a protected state sanctuary. He admitted in the film that he had difficulty making it in human society and really preferred living in the wild with the bears. Yeah, a few screws loose. Don't bother renting this film if you get A&E on your cable, because its been on A&E a few times.
We rented "Waiting...", which I found to be rather funny. Its about this group of waiters and waitresses that work for a fictitious restaurant called Shennanigans, a knock-off of Bennigans, TGIFridays, Ruby Tuesdays, and Applebees. There are all kinds of antics involving men's genitalia (who wouldn't love that?) as well as server retaliation to difficult patrons. Definitely not appropriate for children or adults who didn't appreciate the TV show 'Jackass'.
Finally, we rented "Must Love Dogs", which I also liked. Its pretty much a 'chick flick' but I thought it had some good moments. John Cusak plays a rather 'intense' character, and the ever-so-handsome Dermot Mulrooney also plays one of Diane Lane's love interests. It was cute.
Although it was a 3-day weekend for us, we headed home Sun evening so we would have Mon to get some things done around the house. We cleaned, put things away, did laundry, and I pulled up the carpet, padding, tack strips and staples from the floor of the vestibule, in front of the bathroom door, TV room door, linen closet door, and guest bedroom door. It felt good to get stuff done.
Then... is when it happened. I was online, checking out some blogs, reading email, and surfing the net when I started getting messages about "critical error" and "your PC has been infected with spyware" and "your personal information such as credit card numbers are extremely vulnerable". Yep, I'd been infected with spyware. It brought my PC, which is on a highspeed cable connection, to a snail's pace. I began by running my McAfee anti-virus program, which removed some stuff, but none of the spyware. I also found some spyware that masquerades as online security features loaded on my PC. For the next several days I ran several free scans, but none of them could remove the spyware. Finally, a week later, I purchased and ran spyware Doctor, which successfully removed all of the spyware from my machine. Fortunately I didn't loose any information, and I also decided to take the time to uninstall some programs I don't use that were taking up space on my machine. So that's why the long time between posts. I believe I am now virus and spyware free.
This passed weekend we got together with the Newlyweds for dinner and to go bowling! I can't tell you the last time I went bowling, but I think it might have been in 1999, as a team building activity with my (then) work mates. Jamie had a coupon and had called ahead to see if there were any leagues. We were told to come anytime after 9. On the way to the bowling alley we called for more specific directions and found that the location printed on the coupon was closed! He'd been talking to someone from another alley in a totally different town. So we scrapped the coupon idea and headed over to the bowling alley we knew. Once inside we were amazed that every single bowler was Asian. It was like someone had declared it 'National Asian Bowling Day' or something. We asked the young woman at the counter about getting a lane and she told us there were none open, and she didn't think there'd be any coming open until 11:30 at the earliest. So we decided to try bowling another time. Somewhat dejected, we thought a consolation dessert was in order, so we went to the Silver Diner. We had our desserts and decafs and discussed careers, success, and how we feel about ourselves. I couldn't believe how quickly the night passed. By the time we got home it was after 1am.
I was inspired by the carpet removal in the vestibule, and decided to take on the last of the wall-to-wall carpet removal: the foyer and hallway. Its not hard or strenuous work, its just uncomfortable. You're sitting on the floor, prying up tack strips and staples, trying not to scratch the floors. Its an uncomfortable position and really made my lower back and legs ache. But alas! There is no more wall-to-wall carpet in our house. After sweeping and vacuuming up the dust and debris for Joe, I talked him into mopping the newly exposed floors. Its really changed the look of the area. The carpet was an dingy off white, which although dingy, gave a light look to the foyer and hallway. Now that the natural colored wood is exposed, its not quite as bright as before. But the wood is real, and gives the house a more authentic look and feel, in my opinion. Our house was built in 1954, so we're fortunate: the entire house has tongue and groove hardwood floors.
Joe & I got together with my aunt for dinner, then went back to her place and looked through a box of old family photos. It was great! Although most of the photos were from the 50s and later, there were some photos taken in the 1800s, of my great, great grandparents. We had a really good time looking through the photos and learning about my long-gone relatives. When we were finished with the box, my aunt said we'd only seen the tip of the iceberg. She said she had at least 5 more boxes, all larger than the one we'd looked through. We decided to save those for another time.
The weekend before last Joe & I worked a 1/2 day on Fri and then went to the beach. We didn't have a lot planned, mostly the usual visits to Wal-Mart, K-Mart, the most fabulous Dollar Tree on the east coast - our routine rounds. K-Mart was running a winter clearance sale and I picked up not one but two 100% cotton button-up shirts marked $2. And if that wasn't terrific enough, when I went to pay for them, the cashier took an addition 30% off of the $2., making the shirts $1.40 each! I'm not going to describe what they look like so that readers who see me won't be able to say "Oh, I see you're wearing your $1.40 shirt today..." It will be my little secret when I wear them.
Joe & I went to see "Capote" at the Midway Theatre. We thought it was pretty good. Unlike what I thought, it was not a biography of Truman Capote. It really focused on a few years in the late 1950s-early 1960s when he wrote the book 'In Cold Blood'. The actor who played Capote, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, did a good job emulating Capote's voice and body language. Guess that's why he won the Golden Globe for best actor in a drama.
We also rented three films while we were up at the beach. "The grizzly Man" was sort of a documentary about Timothy Treadwell, the man who went to Alaska to live in the wild and be with the grizzly bears for 13 summers in a row... until he and his girlfriend were eaten by one of the bears. Treadwell had illusions of grandeur, saying he had to "protect" the grizzly bears, who were living in a protected state sanctuary. He admitted in the film that he had difficulty making it in human society and really preferred living in the wild with the bears. Yeah, a few screws loose. Don't bother renting this film if you get A&E on your cable, because its been on A&E a few times.
We rented "Waiting...", which I found to be rather funny. Its about this group of waiters and waitresses that work for a fictitious restaurant called Shennanigans, a knock-off of Bennigans, TGIFridays, Ruby Tuesdays, and Applebees. There are all kinds of antics involving men's genitalia (who wouldn't love that?) as well as server retaliation to difficult patrons. Definitely not appropriate for children or adults who didn't appreciate the TV show 'Jackass'.
Finally, we rented "Must Love Dogs", which I also liked. Its pretty much a 'chick flick' but I thought it had some good moments. John Cusak plays a rather 'intense' character, and the ever-so-handsome Dermot Mulrooney also plays one of Diane Lane's love interests. It was cute.
Although it was a 3-day weekend for us, we headed home Sun evening so we would have Mon to get some things done around the house. We cleaned, put things away, did laundry, and I pulled up the carpet, padding, tack strips and staples from the floor of the vestibule, in front of the bathroom door, TV room door, linen closet door, and guest bedroom door. It felt good to get stuff done.
Then... is when it happened. I was online, checking out some blogs, reading email, and surfing the net when I started getting messages about "critical error" and "your PC has been infected with spyware" and "your personal information such as credit card numbers are extremely vulnerable". Yep, I'd been infected with spyware. It brought my PC, which is on a highspeed cable connection, to a snail's pace. I began by running my McAfee anti-virus program, which removed some stuff, but none of the spyware. I also found some spyware that masquerades as online security features loaded on my PC. For the next several days I ran several free scans, but none of them could remove the spyware. Finally, a week later, I purchased and ran spyware Doctor, which successfully removed all of the spyware from my machine. Fortunately I didn't loose any information, and I also decided to take the time to uninstall some programs I don't use that were taking up space on my machine. So that's why the long time between posts. I believe I am now virus and spyware free.
This passed weekend we got together with the Newlyweds for dinner and to go bowling! I can't tell you the last time I went bowling, but I think it might have been in 1999, as a team building activity with my (then) work mates. Jamie had a coupon and had called ahead to see if there were any leagues. We were told to come anytime after 9. On the way to the bowling alley we called for more specific directions and found that the location printed on the coupon was closed! He'd been talking to someone from another alley in a totally different town. So we scrapped the coupon idea and headed over to the bowling alley we knew. Once inside we were amazed that every single bowler was Asian. It was like someone had declared it 'National Asian Bowling Day' or something. We asked the young woman at the counter about getting a lane and she told us there were none open, and she didn't think there'd be any coming open until 11:30 at the earliest. So we decided to try bowling another time. Somewhat dejected, we thought a consolation dessert was in order, so we went to the Silver Diner. We had our desserts and decafs and discussed careers, success, and how we feel about ourselves. I couldn't believe how quickly the night passed. By the time we got home it was after 1am.
I was inspired by the carpet removal in the vestibule, and decided to take on the last of the wall-to-wall carpet removal: the foyer and hallway. Its not hard or strenuous work, its just uncomfortable. You're sitting on the floor, prying up tack strips and staples, trying not to scratch the floors. Its an uncomfortable position and really made my lower back and legs ache. But alas! There is no more wall-to-wall carpet in our house. After sweeping and vacuuming up the dust and debris for Joe, I talked him into mopping the newly exposed floors. Its really changed the look of the area. The carpet was an dingy off white, which although dingy, gave a light look to the foyer and hallway. Now that the natural colored wood is exposed, its not quite as bright as before. But the wood is real, and gives the house a more authentic look and feel, in my opinion. Our house was built in 1954, so we're fortunate: the entire house has tongue and groove hardwood floors.
Joe & I got together with my aunt for dinner, then went back to her place and looked through a box of old family photos. It was great! Although most of the photos were from the 50s and later, there were some photos taken in the 1800s, of my great, great grandparents. We had a really good time looking through the photos and learning about my long-gone relatives. When we were finished with the box, my aunt said we'd only seen the tip of the iceberg. She said she had at least 5 more boxes, all larger than the one we'd looked through. We decided to save those for another time.
Monday, February 13, 2006
New do
Got my hair cut this evening.
I was about 2 weeks overdue, and feeling a little shaggy, but I'd purposely let my hair grow out while I considered a new do. Finally I decided... on a 'fauxhawk'.
'Fauxhawk' rhymes with 'mohawk', and the cut is kinda similar, but a fauxhawk is far more stylish and far less rebellious. Its not shaved on the sides. Fauxhawks are very "in" right now. I like it.
This photo is not actually of me, but it looks just like my new do.
Comments?
Snow
All day and all night Fri, the only thing you heard on the news and weather forecasts was snow, snow, SNOW!
Typically in the metro DC area we get several predictions of snow in the winter. Most of the time the hype is worse than the storm. The news channels start reporting about "Blizzard '06" and "Storm Watch 9" before the first flakes have fallen. This was no exception.
Originally they said the snow would start in the early morning on Sat, then by Fri evening it was revised to starting around noon. I believe I started seeing flurries around noon, but it was still 37 degrees outside so it wasn't sticking. We went out and ran some errands.
Finally around 4:30 the snow changed from flurries to real snow, just as the temperature went down enough that the snow started to stick. Within a few hours it was gorgeous outside. But when I went to bed Sat night it appeared to be only 2-3 inches on the ground.
Sun morning it was a different story. It must have continued snowing all night long, and with the temperature being near or below freezing, it really began to pile up. I estimate we got about a foot of snow by 10:30 Sun morning when I went outside to join my neighbors who were already shoveling their sidewalks.
It was a dry, light snow that hung in the trees. It was just beautiful outside. I spent about an hour and a half shoveling the sidewalk that leads from our front porch to the main sidewalk, the main sidewalk in front of our house and our next door neighbor with the bad hip's house, and our driveway. It was great to hear the distant laughs and screams of kids sledding and sliding down the hill in the street on the next block up.
But today my back muscles were contesting! They weren't used to that kind of workout. But I'm not sorry. It is the kind of soreness that reminds you its good to be alive and well enough to be able to shovel... and enjoy that blanket of white.
Typically in the metro DC area we get several predictions of snow in the winter. Most of the time the hype is worse than the storm. The news channels start reporting about "Blizzard '06" and "Storm Watch 9" before the first flakes have fallen. This was no exception.
Originally they said the snow would start in the early morning on Sat, then by Fri evening it was revised to starting around noon. I believe I started seeing flurries around noon, but it was still 37 degrees outside so it wasn't sticking. We went out and ran some errands.
Finally around 4:30 the snow changed from flurries to real snow, just as the temperature went down enough that the snow started to stick. Within a few hours it was gorgeous outside. But when I went to bed Sat night it appeared to be only 2-3 inches on the ground.
Sun morning it was a different story. It must have continued snowing all night long, and with the temperature being near or below freezing, it really began to pile up. I estimate we got about a foot of snow by 10:30 Sun morning when I went outside to join my neighbors who were already shoveling their sidewalks.
It was a dry, light snow that hung in the trees. It was just beautiful outside. I spent about an hour and a half shoveling the sidewalk that leads from our front porch to the main sidewalk, the main sidewalk in front of our house and our next door neighbor with the bad hip's house, and our driveway. It was great to hear the distant laughs and screams of kids sledding and sliding down the hill in the street on the next block up.
But today my back muscles were contesting! They weren't used to that kind of workout. But I'm not sorry. It is the kind of soreness that reminds you its good to be alive and well enough to be able to shovel... and enjoy that blanket of white.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Super Bowl
In honor of the super bowl this past Sun, Mad TV ran this hilarious skit on Sat night. Enjoy!!
http://www.youtube.com/w/Its-a-football-thing?v=rNiUkN4GssI&search=MadTV
http://www.youtube.com/w/Its-a-football-thing?v=rNiUkN4GssI&search=MadTV
Polar Bear Plunge
Fri night we went to the beach. After picking up a few breakfast items at the grocery store, I made myself a mango martini. I saw this great selection of Rose's cocktail mixes at the grocery store, and was drawn in by the ease and simplicity: just mix equal parts of cocktail mix and vodka! So I bought mango martini mix and watermelon martini mix. What a lovely and civilized way to end the work week.
On Sat we ran a few errands and then had lunch at the Dirty Finger. Its not really named the Dirty Finger, but that's what we like to call it. After having a very enjoyable and reasonably priced lunch and dinner there over the summer, we mentioned the place to our friends Doug & Jim. Jim's parents lived in Rehoboth until recently, and Jim told us they'd been there with his folks. Turns out the waitress who served them had dirt under her fingernails, which grossed them out. Jim couldn't finish his meal. So from that point on, we began calling it the Dirty Finger. Just before finishing our lunch, Kerry & Hugh called to tell us they had arrived.
Kerry, Hugh, George, Kelly, Anna, Aaron, Emely, and Javier came up Sat afternoon. Several of them had registered to participate in the Polar Bear Plunge, the annual fundraising event where people run out in the ocean and back. Each participant must pay a $50. registration fee (hence the fundraiser) and many also collect donations from friends, family, and co-workers. Proceeds go to Special Olympics. They tried to convince me and Joe to participate, but we told them we'd love to but someone had to take pictures and film it with their videocamera. (Clever, aren't we?) After several hours of enjoyable chatting and laughing, we ordered pizzas from Grotto's and settled in Sat night to watch "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" It was a hoot!
Sun morning we had a late breakfast, sat around and chewed the fat some more, then headed over to the beach for the Plunge. It was only about 48 degrees outside and it was kind of windy - exactly what you DON'T want when you're wet. But they had a good time. After the Plungers had showers, we had a very late lunch at the Blue Plate Diner, then everyone packed up and made their way home. It was a fun weekend!
On Sat we ran a few errands and then had lunch at the Dirty Finger. Its not really named the Dirty Finger, but that's what we like to call it. After having a very enjoyable and reasonably priced lunch and dinner there over the summer, we mentioned the place to our friends Doug & Jim. Jim's parents lived in Rehoboth until recently, and Jim told us they'd been there with his folks. Turns out the waitress who served them had dirt under her fingernails, which grossed them out. Jim couldn't finish his meal. So from that point on, we began calling it the Dirty Finger. Just before finishing our lunch, Kerry & Hugh called to tell us they had arrived.
Kerry, Hugh, George, Kelly, Anna, Aaron, Emely, and Javier came up Sat afternoon. Several of them had registered to participate in the Polar Bear Plunge, the annual fundraising event where people run out in the ocean and back. Each participant must pay a $50. registration fee (hence the fundraiser) and many also collect donations from friends, family, and co-workers. Proceeds go to Special Olympics. They tried to convince me and Joe to participate, but we told them we'd love to but someone had to take pictures and film it with their videocamera. (Clever, aren't we?) After several hours of enjoyable chatting and laughing, we ordered pizzas from Grotto's and settled in Sat night to watch "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" It was a hoot!
Sun morning we had a late breakfast, sat around and chewed the fat some more, then headed over to the beach for the Plunge. It was only about 48 degrees outside and it was kind of windy - exactly what you DON'T want when you're wet. But they had a good time. After the Plungers had showers, we had a very late lunch at the Blue Plate Diner, then everyone packed up and made their way home. It was a fun weekend!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Brokeback Mountain revisited
I found the following quotes to be quite curious:
"I don't think Ennis could be labeled as gay. Without Jack Twist, I don't know that he ever would have come out. I think the whole point was that it was two souls that fell in love with each other." --Heath Ledger.
"I approached the story believing that these were two straight guys who fall in love. These are two straight guys who develop this love, this bond." --Jake Gyllenhaal.
Okay, I saw the movie, and liked it. And I know a thing or two about what gay men are and what gay men do, and these two definitely acted like gay men. Let's break this down a bit.
Although Ledger may feel his character Ennis could not be labeled as gay, apparently Hollywood does, because everyone keeps talking about "Brokeback Mountain, the movie about two gay cowboys". Ledger tries to prove his point about not labeling Ennis as gay by saying that without Jack Twist entering the picture, Ennis would never have come out. Well, even WITH Jack Twist in the picture, Ennis never "came out". Their entire relationship was hidden as best they could. Besides, sheep herders in Wyoming in the 1960s-70s probably didn't "come out" even if they had a steady co-habitation with their male partner. I don't think I've ever heard of two souls of straight men falling in love with each other. Straight men have best friends, but they don't have sex with them. A man who's soul falls in love with another man is called gay.
I'm very surprised that Gyllenhaal sees the story as two straight guys who fall in love. If two men fall in love with each other, doesn't that pretty much make them not straight? Once again, straight men have best friends with whom they connect and in whom they confide, but they don't lie to their wives so they can sneak off and have sex with their friend. The idea that they had this great love and great bond is a wonderful idea. I know because I, too, have a great love and a great bond with my partner. And we're both gay.
Remember too, when Ennis & Jack's "fishing trip" is cancelled because Ennis has his daughters that weekend? Jack gets mad, drives across the boarder into Mexico and has sex with a male prostitute. If he weren't gay, wouldn't he have just found a female prostitute with whom to have sex? That's what a straight man would have done.
Then toward the end of the movie when Ennis is visiting Jack's parents he learns that Jack had told his father than he and another man might buy a neighboring ranch and help his dad out. This was the same offer he had made to Ennis many years before. If Jack were straight, why would he fall in love with another man, have sex with a male prostitute, and dream of setting up housekeeping with another man?
Now wait a minute, you might be thinking. Both characters got married to women and had children. That's what straight men do. That's also what some gay men do before they accept themselves and start living authentically. I know plenty of gay men who got married in the hopes of 'curing' themselves, or to please their parents, or to fit into society better. Let's face it, if you CAN be straight, you've got a much easier life ahead of you. But many finally learn to accept that they are gay and stop living a false life with their wife and children. But that is more common for men in the last 15-20 years, much later than the characters in Brokeback Mountain.
I don't find fault with the movie at all. To me it is clear that these are two gay men who did what they could in order to see each other, while living in a largely straight society. The movie is what it is: a story about two gay cowboys. So, why do these two actors (Ledger and Gyllenhaal) think their characters weren't gay, when everyone else knows they were? Could it be because they think Americans are so sophisticated that they can actually understand the difference between gay men and two straight men who fall in love? Is it because they don't want to be stigmatized by having played "gay"? Do they think that two straight men who fall in love with each other is just more palatable a concept?
We'll probably never know the answers to those questions. But here's what I do know: Jack and Ennis were gay. And I should know.
"I don't think Ennis could be labeled as gay. Without Jack Twist, I don't know that he ever would have come out. I think the whole point was that it was two souls that fell in love with each other." --Heath Ledger.
"I approached the story believing that these were two straight guys who fall in love. These are two straight guys who develop this love, this bond." --Jake Gyllenhaal.
Okay, I saw the movie, and liked it. And I know a thing or two about what gay men are and what gay men do, and these two definitely acted like gay men. Let's break this down a bit.
Although Ledger may feel his character Ennis could not be labeled as gay, apparently Hollywood does, because everyone keeps talking about "Brokeback Mountain, the movie about two gay cowboys". Ledger tries to prove his point about not labeling Ennis as gay by saying that without Jack Twist entering the picture, Ennis would never have come out. Well, even WITH Jack Twist in the picture, Ennis never "came out". Their entire relationship was hidden as best they could. Besides, sheep herders in Wyoming in the 1960s-70s probably didn't "come out" even if they had a steady co-habitation with their male partner. I don't think I've ever heard of two souls of straight men falling in love with each other. Straight men have best friends, but they don't have sex with them. A man who's soul falls in love with another man is called gay.
I'm very surprised that Gyllenhaal sees the story as two straight guys who fall in love. If two men fall in love with each other, doesn't that pretty much make them not straight? Once again, straight men have best friends with whom they connect and in whom they confide, but they don't lie to their wives so they can sneak off and have sex with their friend. The idea that they had this great love and great bond is a wonderful idea. I know because I, too, have a great love and a great bond with my partner. And we're both gay.
Remember too, when Ennis & Jack's "fishing trip" is cancelled because Ennis has his daughters that weekend? Jack gets mad, drives across the boarder into Mexico and has sex with a male prostitute. If he weren't gay, wouldn't he have just found a female prostitute with whom to have sex? That's what a straight man would have done.
Then toward the end of the movie when Ennis is visiting Jack's parents he learns that Jack had told his father than he and another man might buy a neighboring ranch and help his dad out. This was the same offer he had made to Ennis many years before. If Jack were straight, why would he fall in love with another man, have sex with a male prostitute, and dream of setting up housekeeping with another man?
Now wait a minute, you might be thinking. Both characters got married to women and had children. That's what straight men do. That's also what some gay men do before they accept themselves and start living authentically. I know plenty of gay men who got married in the hopes of 'curing' themselves, or to please their parents, or to fit into society better. Let's face it, if you CAN be straight, you've got a much easier life ahead of you. But many finally learn to accept that they are gay and stop living a false life with their wife and children. But that is more common for men in the last 15-20 years, much later than the characters in Brokeback Mountain.
I don't find fault with the movie at all. To me it is clear that these are two gay men who did what they could in order to see each other, while living in a largely straight society. The movie is what it is: a story about two gay cowboys. So, why do these two actors (Ledger and Gyllenhaal) think their characters weren't gay, when everyone else knows they were? Could it be because they think Americans are so sophisticated that they can actually understand the difference between gay men and two straight men who fall in love? Is it because they don't want to be stigmatized by having played "gay"? Do they think that two straight men who fall in love with each other is just more palatable a concept?
We'll probably never know the answers to those questions. But here's what I do know: Jack and Ennis were gay. And I should know.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I'll Tumble 4 Ya
My colleague Steve and his wife Amy had a "Back to the 80s" party on Sat night. Everyone was encouraged to dress in 80s attire. My response to the eVite was "Sounds gnarly, dude!"
For several days I thought about the fashion trends of the 80s. For women there were the huge shoulder pads, leg warmers, big thick belts that barely hung on their waists, the "Flashdance" off-the-shoulder sweatshirts, the acid washed jeans, and the early Madonna/grunge look. For men it was Izod shirts with the collar flipped up, sometimes worn underneath a 2nd Izod shirt with the collar flipped up, cotton sweaters tied around the shoulders, khaki pants with Docksider shoes and no socks, and skinny ties. Then there was the eyeliner! Popular celebrities in the 80s were Madonna, Paula Abdul, Culture Club, The Petshop Boys, The Blues Brothers, The Cure, The Go-Gos, The Bangles. There was so much to emulate!
Steve told me he was dressing up as Robert Smith of The Cure. (I had to watch an online music video to remember who he was, since I wasn't a big rock fan.) Then it hit me: I would dress as Boy George.
I had an idea of some pieces I could put together to give the idea of Boy George, and I'd seen a wig at a party store that I thought I could modify. Just by coincidence, we'd made plans to spend the afternoon with my niece Lauren. We met for lunch, came back to the house and talked for a while, and then she joined me as we scanned two Goodwill stores before buying the wig at the party store.
She volunteered to do my Boy George make-up, but I told her she didn't have to hang around that long. It was only about 4pm and we weren't leaving for the party until 7 or so. She said "That's okay, I can stay. I can't wait to do your make-up!" So we went to CVS and got some inexpensive eyeliner, mascara, super-glittery eye shadow, blush and lipstick. By the time I started putting together the pieces of my outfit it was time to have her 'put my face on'.
I used an old black trench coat of Joes, to which I applied sticky address numbers (from the hardware store) in a random pattern. It came out better than I thought! I wore a wild paisley print shirt, jeans tucked into thick socks, and an old pair of suede boots. I used a left-over piece of colorful fabric from a drapery project and tied it around my waist. I took a tye died bandana and cut it into strips, and tied a strip of it around each ankle. Then came the wig. It was black dreadlocks with pink, purple, orange and yellow dreadlocks scattered throughout. I decided it was too much color, so I had Lauren cut some of the colored dreads out. Then I took the remaining strips of the tye died bandana and wrapped and tied them around the colored dreads. I took a purple and grey striped scarf ($1. from Goodwill) and slipped it around the back of my neck and tied it where the wig met my forehead, and then crowed the colorful creation with a borrowed black bowler hat. The transformation was complete! Although not a perfect match, the "essence" of Boy George was obvious.
When I walked into the party, everyone looked, laughed, clapped, and took my picture. I felt like a rock star! It was a lot of fun. I couldn't believe that I put that entire outfit together and only spent $25. for the adhesive address numbers, wig, and tye died bandana.
Steve's friends were all nice. We met several fun people, including a couple named Jim and Miriam. Jim grew up in the same neighborhood as Joe, and Miriam lived in South Philadelphia where Joe's family is from. We had a really good time, and enjoyed seeing everyone else's 80s impressions.
Anna's Spanish Project
Joe's sister Mary called to tell us that her 13-year old daughter Anna had to do a family tree project for her Spanish class. On the 'limb' she listed her aunts and uncles, with 'branches' shooting off of the 'limbs' with her cousins on them.
Mary said that on one 'limb' Anna had listed "Uncle Joe and Uncle Mark", together on the same 'limb', just like "Uncle Louis and Aunt Karen" and the other married couples in the family.
In addition to the 'tree', Anna had to write a sentence or two in Spanish about each of the people on the tree. "Uncle Louis is bald and likes dogs." "Aunt Karen likes music and shopping." "Uncle Joe is funny and makes me laugh." "Uncle Mark likes to sing."
It made me feel good to hear that I'd been included on Anna's family tree. After all, I've been around her ever since she was 3 years old. It also made me feel grateful that Anna's parents were so wonderfully open-minded and accepting, and never ashamed of Joe or me at all. What a gift!
Then on Sun when I saw Anna she told me that she'd done her family tree for her Spanish class and that she had included me in it. My response, without even thinking was to say "Oh good, because I sure do feel like a part of the family."
Then I got to thinking about the farther reaching affects of Anna's family tree project. In theory her teacher will review the project in order to grade it, and will see that her student has a positive opinion of her gay uncles. Maybe that will in a small way help that teacher to be more accepting of gay people in her own family, the gay parents of some other student, or other gay people she encounters. Just maybe, this Spanish project will help someone realize that being gay is not just about people having sex, but is about people who love each other and who are a part of a family.
Mary said that on one 'limb' Anna had listed "Uncle Joe and Uncle Mark", together on the same 'limb', just like "Uncle Louis and Aunt Karen" and the other married couples in the family.
In addition to the 'tree', Anna had to write a sentence or two in Spanish about each of the people on the tree. "Uncle Louis is bald and likes dogs." "Aunt Karen likes music and shopping." "Uncle Joe is funny and makes me laugh." "Uncle Mark likes to sing."
It made me feel good to hear that I'd been included on Anna's family tree. After all, I've been around her ever since she was 3 years old. It also made me feel grateful that Anna's parents were so wonderfully open-minded and accepting, and never ashamed of Joe or me at all. What a gift!
Then on Sun when I saw Anna she told me that she'd done her family tree for her Spanish class and that she had included me in it. My response, without even thinking was to say "Oh good, because I sure do feel like a part of the family."
Then I got to thinking about the farther reaching affects of Anna's family tree project. In theory her teacher will review the project in order to grade it, and will see that her student has a positive opinion of her gay uncles. Maybe that will in a small way help that teacher to be more accepting of gay people in her own family, the gay parents of some other student, or other gay people she encounters. Just maybe, this Spanish project will help someone realize that being gay is not just about people having sex, but is about people who love each other and who are a part of a family.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
TransAmerica
On Sun afternoon I went to see TransAmerica. Its about a male-to-female pre-operative transexual who is about to have the 'final surgery' when she learns she has a 17-year old son. I thought the topic sounded interesting, and then when Felicity Huffman won the Golden Globe award for best actress in a dramatic movie for her portrayal of Sabrina (Bree) Osborn, I knew I had to see it.
First off, I have to say that Felicity Huffman definitely deserved that award. I found her acting to be honest, believable, and not overdone.
I also found the treatment of this subject matter to be incredibly sensitive. It didn't show the character to be a victim or a martyr or any other cliche, but rather, a real person trying very hard to finally become on the outside the person she was on the inside.
Bree Osborn is advised by her therapist to see her troubled 17-year old son, and although quite reluctant to do so, she considers the task her last step before her big surgery. She also makes a stop at her parents' house and receives various degrees of welcome from her mother, father, and younger sister.
The film doesn't have a 'Hollywood ending' where everything works out perfectly, but it does leave you feeling hopeful.
I think this is one of the best films I've seen in a long time (better than Brokeback Mountain), and I would definitely recommend that everyone see it.
First off, I have to say that Felicity Huffman definitely deserved that award. I found her acting to be honest, believable, and not overdone.
I also found the treatment of this subject matter to be incredibly sensitive. It didn't show the character to be a victim or a martyr or any other cliche, but rather, a real person trying very hard to finally become on the outside the person she was on the inside.
Bree Osborn is advised by her therapist to see her troubled 17-year old son, and although quite reluctant to do so, she considers the task her last step before her big surgery. She also makes a stop at her parents' house and receives various degrees of welcome from her mother, father, and younger sister.
The film doesn't have a 'Hollywood ending' where everything works out perfectly, but it does leave you feeling hopeful.
I think this is one of the best films I've seen in a long time (better than Brokeback Mountain), and I would definitely recommend that everyone see it.
Dinner at the Newlyweds
Sat night we had dinner at the Newlyweds' (ie: Michael & Jamie). I was excited because it had been a month since we'd last seen them, and because Joe had not yet seen their kitchen remodel.
Most of the months of Nov and Dec the Newlyweds didn't have a kitchen. The old one was demolished and a new one rebuilt in its place, but that doesn't happen overnight. I had stopped over to pick something up a few weeks back and saw the work in progress, but Joe hadn't seen anything since the project began.
Just before Christmas the Newlyweds headed out of town for 3 weeks. They spent the first several days visiting Jamie's parents in Las Vegas. Then they went on a belated honeymoon to Korea and Thailand. They were gone until Jan 15.
So, they invited us over for dinner and to see the finished kitchen. It is SO beautiful. The mosaic tile in shades of cream, tan, and mocha on their walls and the stone countertops with their flecks of green would look absolutely smashing in OUR kitchen! We warned them that we might have to copy their choices when we finally update our kitchen. Their contractor did a great job, the Newlyweds are happy with it, and it looks beautiful.
They invited a neighbor and his boyfriend over for dinner too. We chatted over wine, cheese, crackers and that kind of stuff and all got acquainted. Michael & Jamie told us some of the highlights of their trip, and then we had dinner. They made Afghan food: curried vegetables, lentils, and a potato and beef mixture, along with the traditional Afghan bread used to pick up the food and eat it. I decided to make a joke by whispering in a voice everyone could hear "You forgot the silverware." Fortunately no one thought I was actually that dumb and we all laughed. The dinner was delicious and the conversation enjoyable.
For dessert we had peach melba. I don't recall ever having peach melba before, but I enjoyed it. I don't know what prompted Jamie to decide that's what to make for dessert; its sort of a retro dessert, but it was tasty - especially that raspberry sauce drizzled on top.
After dessert we had more wine and more conversation until someone finally said "Oh my gosh - I can't believe its almost midnight!" We were having such a nice time that the night seemed to fly by. We said our goodbyes and went home. What a lovely time!
Most of the months of Nov and Dec the Newlyweds didn't have a kitchen. The old one was demolished and a new one rebuilt in its place, but that doesn't happen overnight. I had stopped over to pick something up a few weeks back and saw the work in progress, but Joe hadn't seen anything since the project began.
Just before Christmas the Newlyweds headed out of town for 3 weeks. They spent the first several days visiting Jamie's parents in Las Vegas. Then they went on a belated honeymoon to Korea and Thailand. They were gone until Jan 15.
So, they invited us over for dinner and to see the finished kitchen. It is SO beautiful. The mosaic tile in shades of cream, tan, and mocha on their walls and the stone countertops with their flecks of green would look absolutely smashing in OUR kitchen! We warned them that we might have to copy their choices when we finally update our kitchen. Their contractor did a great job, the Newlyweds are happy with it, and it looks beautiful.
They invited a neighbor and his boyfriend over for dinner too. We chatted over wine, cheese, crackers and that kind of stuff and all got acquainted. Michael & Jamie told us some of the highlights of their trip, and then we had dinner. They made Afghan food: curried vegetables, lentils, and a potato and beef mixture, along with the traditional Afghan bread used to pick up the food and eat it. I decided to make a joke by whispering in a voice everyone could hear "You forgot the silverware." Fortunately no one thought I was actually that dumb and we all laughed. The dinner was delicious and the conversation enjoyable.
For dessert we had peach melba. I don't recall ever having peach melba before, but I enjoyed it. I don't know what prompted Jamie to decide that's what to make for dessert; its sort of a retro dessert, but it was tasty - especially that raspberry sauce drizzled on top.
After dessert we had more wine and more conversation until someone finally said "Oh my gosh - I can't believe its almost midnight!" We were having such a nice time that the night seemed to fly by. We said our goodbyes and went home. What a lovely time!
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