Thursday, July 03, 2008

Marriage meme

I usually don't 'do' memes, mostly because the ones I've seen have had some really inane questions. But here's a meme I will 'do', because I really like the topic and the questions aren't stupid.

1. Do you believe in marriage?

Yes. In addition to the many legal benefits, I believe marriage offers a comforting and protective environment on which a couple can depend. Its kind of like that thin, clear plastic covering the dry cleaner puts over your clothes. Its not indestructible, but it does help.
2. What is marriage to you?

Plain and simple: marriage is a legal status that grants couples legal rights and protections under the law. But since I'm also a romantic, I feel that marriage is the powerful and moving act of standing in front of friends, family, and the State verbally committing one's self to another. Its a wildly romantic promise of unending love and devotion.
3. If you are married, why did you do it? If you are not, why have you not married?

I am not legally married because same-sex marriage is not yet permitted in DE and most other states in the US. However, for all practical intents and purposes, I have been married for 12 years.

Spouse & I wear gold bands on our wedding ring fingers, jointly own property and vehicles, pay all our bills from our joint checking account, speak in the plural "we" most of the time instead of the singular "I", and are monogamous. We decided to live as married people because we love each other, and in our culture it is commonplace for couples in love to commit themselves to each other in marriage. We also believe it is important for straight couples to see how similar gay couples are to them. 4. Do you believe in divorce?

Absolutely. Life is all about making many choices everyday, some of them more important than others. Sometimes we make the wrong choices. I don't believe someone should have to suffer the rest of their life for making an incorrect choice. I believe in learning from one's mistakes and 'choosing again'. People who are no longer in love should be allowed to divorce, for no other reason than they are unhappy and don't want to be together anymore. Hopefully they will find happiness from 'choosing again'.

Obviously divorce is very hard on children, but I still believe it is better for the children if their unhappy parents separate than if they stay together "for the sake of the children". Children can recover more easily from divorce than from years of emotional abuse, witnessing their parents screaming and fighting all the time. 5. If you are divorced, why did you do it? If you have not, are there certain circumstances under which you would agree to a divorce?

I am divorced in a sense, though not legally. Before meeting Spouse I was in a relationship with a different man for nearly 3 years. When it became clear that we were not well-suited for a long-term relationship with each other we split up, or divorced. It was emotional, but not dramatic. As I stated above I believe that divorce gives unhappy couples the opportunity 'choose again'. Hopefully their 2nd choice will be a better, more informed one.
Bonus/optional: Do you believe that same-sex marriages are a threat to traditional marriages?

Absolutely not. The mere suggestion that same sex marriages could somehow threaten traditional marriages leads one to validly question the stability of traditional marriages. This ridiculous assertion also reveals the old-fashioned fear that 'what is different must bad', so we must attack and stigmatize the 'different' so it doesn't threaten the good. That is fear, not logic.

Why would expanding the institution of marriage weaken it? When voting rights were expanded to include women and later Blacks, did it pose a threat to traditional voters? No. To the contrary, it strengthened the process by making the votes more representative of the actual population.

Feel free to comment and/or answer these questions on your blog.

Crush du Jour: Leighton Stultz

1 comment:

Bugsy said...

I totally agree with what you've said. Nicely done!

I have been busy with quilting! More pics soon!

Happy 4th!