How Lifetime movies can save your life

I highly recommend that Doug Manchester start watching Lifetime movies, right away. Here's why.

In July 2008, hotel owner and developer Doug Manchester donated $125,000 to help gather signatures for a proposition (Prop 8) that would ban same-sex marriage in CA. He told The New York Times that he made the donation because of his “Catholic faith and longtime affiliation with the Catholic Church,” which desires that marriage remain between a man and a woman.

Three months later in Oct. 2008, Manchester ended his 43 year marriage to Elizabeth Manchester by moving out of their La Jolla home.

Isn't it ironic how someone so concerned with marriage due to his "Catholic faith and longtime affiliation with the Catholic Church” in July can suddenly walk out on his wife and seek divorce in Oct?

Indeed, its widely known that the Catholic Church is vehemently opposed to gay marriage, but it is also vehemently opposed to divorce. Manchester apparently picks and chooses when he allows his religion to affect his behavior. Read the whole sordid story here.

The couple spent the next several months trying to reach a quiet settlement on how best to distribute millions of dollars in cash and other assets. Those talks eventually broke down, and Doug started playing financial hardball with Elizabeth, allegedly draining the couple’s shared accounts.

Now, isn't that a fine example of Christianity? Is that really the way someone with a "longtime affiliation with the Catholic Church” behaves? When you have the upper hand but can't get everything you want, you put a financial stranglehold on your wife of 43 years.

Is that would Jesus would do?

I think not, but I know what Betty Broderick would do, and DID do: she'd shoot and kill the bastard! Recall the true story of Betty Broderick whose husband Dan did a very similar thing to her. It didn't turn out well for him, what with him being dead and all. Betty's still in jail, but has the satisfaction of knowing she did NOT get screwed by her no good ex-husband.

Another haunting similarity between the Broderick and Manchester stories is their location: both couples lived in the same general area of San Diego!

So I strongly suggest Doug Manchester start watching Lifetime movies PRONTO in the hopes of catching a rerun of "A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story".

It could save his life!

Crush du Jour: Greg Plitt

How Lifetime movies save time

Spouse is a therapist and social worker. He was licensed in VA where we used to live, and in order to accept his new job in DE (almost 3 years ago), he had to get licensed in DE.

Some states allow you to simply show your out-of-state license in order to get licensed in the new state, with the understanding that if you passed the test in the other state, you're fine. But DE required him to show his out-of-state license AND take a little test.

Part of the test required him to read a real-life scenario and then be able to provide the correct personality diagnosis. The real-life scenario was about Betty Broderick who shot and killed her sleeping ex-husband Dan and his much younger 2nd wife in 1989.

Most people would have had to read through the lengthy description of the people, situation, and circumstances in order to provide the correct diagnosis, but not Spouse. He provided the correct diagnosis without taking the time to read the lengthy scenario at all. How could he do this?

Because of watching Lifetime, TV for Women (and gay men).

You see, years ago Spouse & I had watched the dramatic TV movie "A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story" on Lifetime.

We were particularly amused when Betty (played by Meredith Baxter) ran her Chevy Suburban right into the living room of her ex-husband's house. Really, how can you ask for more entertainment than that? And it was a true story!

In fact, the film was so inspirational to Spouse that occasionally he will threaten me by warning: "Don't make me run the Suburban into the living room!" and then we both laugh. We even owed a Suburban for 4 years.

But back to my story.

So Spouse was able to save the time it would have taken him to read the lengthy scenario about Betty Broderick due to having watched the thrilling and dramatic movie about her on Lifetime. So, Lifetime movies save time.

Have you ever noticed that nearly every Lifetime movie stars Meredith Baxter, Jacklyn Smith, Valerie Bertinelli, or Melissa Sue Gilbert?

Crush du Jour: Jason Cook

My Lifetime movie

Very often for lunch I have a meat and cheese sandwich (usually turkey or ham), followed by a handful of nuts and a handful or two of dried fruit. I love nuts and dried fruit, and think of them as more healthy choices to accompany my sandwich. Typically I follow the sandwich, nuts, and dried fruit with a tall glass of water.

And that's when it hit me: an idea for a terrific Lifetime Movie Network movie! (Or 'Lifeline' Movie Network as Spouse's mother calls it.)

Here's the plot:
A mentally disturbed man kidnaps a pretty woman from the parking lot of a grocery store. He chloroforms her then slides her in the back seat of his car and drives off. He brings her to his house located in the rural outskirts of town. There are no nearby neighbors, so screaming for help when she awakens is pointless. He locks her in a 'cell' he's created in his basement whenever he leaves the house for work, but allows her to move about the house while he's at home. All the doors have locks that must be opened with a key from both the outside and inside so she can't escape while his back is turned.

The sick man doesn't mistreat the young woman, he just wants her to love him, cook and clean for him, and be his wife. Since he's mentally ill he does not understand that kidnapped women generally don't fall in love with their captors and marry them.

The young woman is grateful that he is not mistreating her, so she agrees to cook meals, clean the house, and even eat dinner with her captor. This goes on for two weeks. She is pleasant to him, and even suggests she could give him a grocery list so he could get the necessary ingredients for her to make him some of her favorite recipes. The mentally ill man begins to think his plan of winning over the young woman is working. He takes the list to the grocery store the next day.

The woman makes her captor her "world famous chili", only she loads it up with lots of salt and spices which will make the man thirsty. For dessert she gives him a fruity pound cake that contains lots of dried fruit. Raisins, cranberries, blueberries, apricots, apples, pears, pineapple - every dried fruit she could think of.

The man eats the chili, then the cake, and washes it all down with a large glass of water. She eats very little of the chili and none of the cake, explaining that she wants to keep her figure. The man assumes she wants to keep her figure for him, and is pleased with how well his plan is working.

Shortly after the dinner though, he feels thirsty again, due to all the salt and spices in the chili, so he has another large glass of water. Later, despite feeling very full, he has another large glass of water. Unbeknownst to him, all the water he's drinking rehydrates the dried fruit, causing it to expand in his stomach!

In minutes he feels bloated and uncomfortable. Eventually he is so uncomfortable he thinks he must use the bathroom to get relief, but it doesn't help. The rehydrating fruit continues to expand in his stomach, leaving him moaning in pain.

As he exits the bathroom, the young woman is standing outside the door, ready. She cracks him over the head with a frying pan and he drops to the floor. She reaches inside his pocket and pulls out his the keys, unlocks the door, and escapes in the crazy man's own car.

Thanks to all the quality films shown on Lifetime, there is no shortage of washed-up actresses to star in my movie: Valerie Bertinelli, Melissa Gilbert, Meredith Baxter-Burney. I can't decide!

So, how do you spend your lunch break?

Crush du Jour: Sean Harley