What would YOU do?

A few months ago when Spouse & I were back in VA, I went to Freddie's to sing karaoke, have a few cocktails, and hang out with a few friends. It was fun!

Spouse had asked me not to stay out too late, so I decided I'd leave the bar at 11:30 which would put me back at his mom's house before midnight.

At about 11:15 I sang my last song, and then began saying my goodbyes to my buddies so I could get out of there by 11:30. As I was heading toward the door, a woman reached out and touched my arm and complimented me on the song I'd just sung. I smiled and thanked her sincerely for the compliment. She introduced herself, but I don't recall her name now. Then I looked at the man sitting next to her and I immediately got a sick, uncomfortable feeling.

I knew that man. It had been almost 20 years since I'd seen him last, and the years showed on his weary face, but I recognized him. It was 'Larry' (not his real name), one of the Elders to whom I had confessed my homosexuality almost 20 years ago.

My mind was racing. What is Larry doing at Freddie's, a primarily gay bar? What time is it?Who is this woman (not the woman he was married to 20 years ago) sitting next to him? Am I going to be late? I wonder if he recognizes me? Should I say something to him? Did I wear a jacket in here?

Larry looked at me and said "I bet you don't remember me."

"Yes, I believe I do." I replied. "You're Larry Miller." He closed his eyes as he smiled, and said "Wow, you've got a good memory!"

I decided against reminding him of the humiliation I'd undergone in front of him and the other 2 elders so many years before, as I poured my heart out and then waited for the consolation that never came. In fact, my memory was quite clear when it came to him and that terrible time in my life. It was traumatic and emotionally draining. But I wasn't mad at him at all. Not now.

"Its been a long time" I said.

"It has" he agreed. "You look good... happy."

"Thank you, yes I am. Happier than ever." I immediately regretted saying that, for fear that I might sound like I was overcompensating for something, the way people do when they are lying.

"Well that's good" he replied.

The tension was so thick, and I really wasn't sure I wanted the conversation to go any further, so I decided to end it. Quickly.

"Listen, I hope I don't sound abrupt, but I'm running late so I really have to go now." I turned back to the woman and said "It was nice meeting you." Then I looked back at Larry and said "And it was a surprise seeing you again."

I slipped out the door and up the street in the cold night air to my car. That's when hindsight kicked in.

Why hadn't I asked Larry how he was doing, and what he was doing? What did I have to lose?

But then I began to answer that question in my head. There were lots of possible answers. The woman could have been his sister, cousin, or some other female relative. They might not have known Freddie's was a primarily gay bar. Larry might still be an active member of the JW religion, in which case he is not permitted to socialize with me. He obviously knew my status.

But it was Larry who initiated the conversation with me. It was also he who commented that I seemed happy; something an active JW shouldn't do if speaking to someone who is no longer a JW, which he also shouldn't be doing.

Fast forward a few months to today. For some unknown reason the situation above came back to my memory. I hadn't thought about it since it happened, but today I recalled it again.

I decided to do a Zabasearch on Larry's name to see if it would return any address or phone information, and voila! There it was: Larry's name, address, and phone number. His real name is uncommon, and there was only 1 response, in the same general area where he lived 20 years ago. Also, the date of birth on the record would make him about the right age. I knew it was him.

So, if I want to call him, I can. But do I want to? Is there something I want to say? Something I want to ask him? Is there something I want to know? Might I unknowingly be opening Pandora's box by calling him? Might this call upset my peaceful, comfortable life? Might I be better off letting sleeping dogs lie?

I'm not sure I've ever been this indecisive before in my life.

What would YOU do, and why?

Crush du Jour: Justin Baldoni

Weekend highlights

Karaoke - Freddie's was not a full as it normally is on a Fri night, so there were fewer karaoke singers. I got to sing 5 times during my 2 1/2 hours there! I had a good time visiting with my buddies Chris and Sean.

Parade - It was really cold for the Manassas Christmas Parade, but at least it wasn't windy. We had a lot of fun and I ate too many sweets.

Dinner - Spouse wasn't feeling well so he didn't go with me when I met up with Susan, her boyfriend Gerry, Clara, her husband Sivan and their son Kai. We had a really nice visit, chatting about politics, work, quality of life, and holidays. We ordered Greek food from a nearby restaurant and ate at Clara & Sivan's. Afterward they surprised me with a birthday cake and sung "Happy Birthday" to me. It was sweet.

Brunch - Spouse, his mom and I picked up my aunt Mary and we had brunch at Ireland's Four Provinces. I had selected brunch as my meal of choice for this year's birthday, and Mary recommended the venue, which we all enjoyed a lot.

Lights - On Fri I strung the wrap around porch with white lights. When I plugged them all in, I saw an 8' section of lights that were out! I replaced the bulbs at the beginning and end of the un-lit section, but it didn't help. So, I unhooked that string, unwound them from the railing, and re- strung another string in its place. That string also had an 8' section that didn't light! What was particularly distressing was that I'd just bought these lights last year. After spending 2 1/2 hours wrapping and wiring the whole thing up, I decided to just leave the lights as-is, with the hope that the non-working lights would magically start working just as mysteriously as they had stopped working. I began to feel jinxed after remembering last year's outdoor holiday decorating debacle.

Then on Sun when we returned from VA, I decided to string the Christmas tree with lights. I got the 1st 3 strings tested and put on. When I tested the 4th and final string, I found a big section of lights that didn't work, so I threw them in the trash. I'll buy another string of lights this week to finish lighting the Christmas tree. Its just kind of weird that we decorated our house and tree for years in our old home and never had any issues, but our 1st 2 Christmases in our new house have been accompanied by lighting issues.

DVDs - Last night Spouse & I watched the 2nd disc in the 3-disc DVD set of HBO's miniseries "John Adams". It was nominated for a bunch of awards, and we've been enjoying watching it. I'd recommend it to anyone interested in history, like Spouse. I'm enjoying it to, and I'm not particularly interested in history. Add it to your Netflix queue and be surprised how much you enjoy it.

***Update***

Video - I can't believe I forgot to mention the wonderful video that fellow blogger Gallus made for my birthday! He included all my favorite stuff, and really made my birthday special. Check it out here.

Crush du Jour: Steve Zahn

Friday fragments

Last evening Spouse & I walked over to Second St (the main commercial street in town) for the merchant's holiday open house. Typically the non-restaurant merchants on Second St close at 5pm, but on this night they all stay open until 9pm and provide snacks for shoppers. Second St is closed off to car traffic, and the local high school jazz band plays Christmas carols. We only stayed for about 1/2 hour, but did run into a few neighbors. The historic street looked charming all decked out with lights, garlands, ribbons and bows for Christmas. Unfortunately we will miss the Christmas parade on Sat.

I have the day off work today. Since my company doesn't allow us to carry over unused leave I realized I needed to use 4 days before the end of Dec. So I'm taking Fri off each week before Christmas, and then taking Wed, Christmas Eve off, too. I worked a 2 days the week of Thanksgiving, 4 days this week, 4 days next week, 4 days the following week, 2 days the week of Christmas (we get Thurs & Fri off), and 3 days the week of New Years (we get Thurs & Fri off). Pretty sweet, eh?

Last week when I took off Wed, the day before Thanksgiving, I made a long 'to-do' list for myself that included stuff like housecleaning and making up the guest room beds. But today is just going to be a fun day. I'm going to make a deposit at the bank, maybe have lunch out, get my hair cut, put up white lights on the wrap around porch, and get caught up on blog reading. No vacuuming, no scrubbing - just fun! Work has been so busy all week I haven't been able to read my favorite blogs, so I feel like a junkie jonesin' for a fix!

This evening we're going back to VA for the weekend, and have we ever got a full weekend planned! After dropping the dog and Spouse off at his mom's, I'm going to meet a few friends and sing karaoke at Freddie's.

Sat morning we'll take Spouse's mom and my aunt Mary to the Olde Towne Manassas Christmas Parade. We do this every year because our friends live on the parade route and host a big parade-watching party. Sat evening we're meeting up with our friends Susan and Clara & Sivan for dinner, whom we haven't seen in quite a while. Susan and Clara and I worked for the same company about 10 years ago, and have remained friends since.

Sun morning we're going to brunch with my aunt Mary for my birthday. Then we'll pack up our drag and head back home. So it will be a full, but fun weekend.

Crush du Jour: Jeff Wilson