Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Since Spouse & I are not going to our personal trainer anymore we have been trying to do more walking. We walk around the nearby pond, around our charming little historic town, and over the canal to the bay. We really enjoy walking the full length of the boardwalk because its beautiful to be able to look at the ocean as we walk, and because the boardwalk is exactly 1 mile long.
Last evening as we were walking the boardwalk Spouse wanted to tell me his thoughts about my plans after I stop working this Friday and after we return from our cruise. It wasn't so much what he said (although some of it was borderline insulting), but more so the way he said it that got me upset. I felt like he wasn't being optimistic or hopeful about me getting re-employed, which I interpreted to be a lack of confidence in me and my abilities. It seemed that nearly everything he said was presented in a worse-case scenario. It seemed like he was saying that something we had agreed upon 2 weeks ago was suddenly not an option anymore.

Perhaps the stress of knowing I will soon be unemployed has made me more sensitive. If you've never been laid off before you might not know how it feels. It takes a real toll on your self esteem and confidence. To have Spouse appear to question my worth and ability to get re-employed really hurt. In hindsight I know he didn't mean it that way.

But we worked through it.

He and I have different ways of processing information and planning. He tends to think through 87 back-up plans, which I find exhausting. I mean, after back-up plan 4 or 5 doesn't work, you'd probably better go back to square 1, right? I am overwhelmed by too many back-up plans. Plus there's just no way to predict all the possible ways things can work out, so all 87 of your back-up plans could be completely useless if something you hadn't anticipated happens. Of course I appreciate his concern and forethought, and I definitely see the need to be as prepared as is reasonably possible for the unknown, but I can't deal with extended decision trees that stem off of 87 different back-up plans.

We're both trying to respect each others' processes and not get carried away. My being unemployed will not be easy or pleasant. It will likely create stress in our relationship again, so we acknowledged the need to stay calm and take care of each other.

Although leaving on a 10-day vacation (cruise) the week after being laid off may not be ideal, I think we will both benefit from the change of scenery and the time to relax together.

Crush du Jour: Robert Miller


behrmark said...

I'm not sure why I didn't think of this before, but I'm currently working on training session for a department in my company on change management. From what I've learned in my research and fact gathering is that taking that cruise is going to do you both a world of good. Ideally you should take some time for yourself but in this case I think Spouse being along is best since he's your anchor. Oh come on, don't deny it. Anyway, from what you've told us it sounds as if you're already working through resolving the issue before it happens. While this may prolong or delay your transition period, I can't see the harm.
If nothing else helps, stare at crush du jour. He's gorgeous.

anne marie in philly said... in that moment...and besides, it's already PAID for, you might as well go!

have a good time, and hoist a cosmo or two for me!