Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Pact with the Devil

By now everyone's heard about Pat Robertson's vile claim that Haiti's devastating earthquake is the result of it's pact with the Devil. Honestly, I can't understand how he could have ANY followers left after such a terribly insensitive (not to mention utterly ridiculous) comment.

Apparently the Devil is a reader of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and decided to use that newspaper to send a letter to Robertson. The letter read:

"Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan"

Crush du Jour: Alessandro Nivola


J@v@JuNKo said...

lol typical crazy christians , this made me smile, Satan don't roll like that, i'm sure Pat has a nice pitchfork waiting for him in the "basement" if there were such a place.

Java said...

The last line says it all. Pat has his own contract with the devil. What a douche.

behrmark said...

That was totally wicked! (Wicked as in awesome.) And Alessandro Nivola is a favorite from Mansfield Park.

Anonymous said...

I lay claim as El Diablo. Haiti never talked to me!

anne marie in philly said...

oh yeah, gimme that crush!

pat robertson sux donkey dicks! but that letter was awesome!

Stephen said...

Alessandro Nivola
needs more notice. he was very good in one of my favorite secret gem of a movie- Laurel Canyon.

The Dark One wrote a brilliant letter, but why did he choose a Minniapolis newspaper?

John Gray jgsheffield@hotmail.com said...

amazing video.....
do we have religious nuts over here?
not many!

Mechadude2001 said...

That was a great post. Pat is such a douche.

CJ/Rick said...

He is an embarrassment to himself and people of faith. I think he does that crap to see if anyone is actually listening to him. Douche indeed.

Jeff said...

Robertson is such a dimwit. Great letter!