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Enjoy these. I did!

It was mealtime during an airline flight. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked a man seated in front. "What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no" the flight attendant replied.

A gate attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one large enough for her family. She asked a stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy politely replied "No ma'am, they're dead."

A police officer got out of his car as the kid whom he'd stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day" the officer said. The kid replied "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver driving on the freeway noticed a sign that read 'Low Bridge Ahead'. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him. He's unable to stop in time and his truck gets wedged under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police officer arrives and says "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver replies "No, I was delivering this bridge when I ran out of gas."

A college professor reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it; no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked "What would you say if tomorrow I called to say I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored the teacher smiled knowingly at the student and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

A middle-aged woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

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