Friday fragments

Several of you have asked about photos and progress reports on our addition. I decided that instead of peppering each post with tidbits and photos, I would write one weekly post, on Saturdays, with photos and commentary of what was done during the week. Look for the 1st one tomorrow.

My friend Marty, who is also a vintage car fan like me, sent me this link to an article featuring the 2-door version of Big Ella. Same year, same color. The only difference is that Big Ella has 4 doors, and wider white-wall tires.

Like many of you, I'm disappointed with Obama's recent actions and inaction regarding keeping his campaign promises to the GLBT community. His new benefits for same-sex partners of federal employees do not apply to non-federal works nor military personnel, and they don't include health insurance or pension benefits, which is what everyone wants/needs. There's also the recent brief that stated Obama's support of DOMA, which he said he'd work to repeal. This article really resonated with me, as it pretty much sums up my feelings. Please give it a quick read. If you feel so inclined, why not sign the petition requesting the President and Congress to 'Dump DOMA'?

A friend sent me this funny photo with the caption "Why men should not pick out the wedding cake".

Too funny, right?

I found it hilarious that so many of you liked and commented on my post about Spouse and the 'XP-90'! I guess it should serve as a lesson to me, that you all don't come here for political or GLBT updates, you come here for silly (true) stories of two (sorta) married gay guys. Okay, I hear ya. Remember this one?

There are many posts about our dear friends Michael & Jamie whom I refer to as 'The Newlyweds' on this blog. Last Aug they moved to the left coast to fulfill a dream of theirs to live in Portland, OR. We've kept in touch via email and phone, and they read this blog too, but we've missed them terribly. This week I got the following email from them which truly warmed my heart:

"Subject: It takes 6 people or 3 couples
Mark and Joe,
Jamie and I were driving to the coast this weekend to go camping (I know right) and started thinking about all of our trips to visit you guys. We were remembering all the good times and then Jamie made an interesting observation about how we are finding aspects of our friendship with you guys in other people/couples, but no one or no couple has come close to the friendship we share with you two.

Our friend Mark S. is like Mark R. and is super fun and great at telling funny stories and making people laugh. Our new friends Jim and Rob are a nice, solid couple just like Mark and Joe. Our friend Bob is a good, smart man and often acts as a voice of reason, similar to Joe. We talk to our friends Adam and Amanda about real estate a lot and they own a few properties....just like Mark and Joe. I could go on.....

Can you believe it takes so many people to equal just one MARK AND JOE!!!???

We miss you guys and really hope you can come visit sometime. We had a great weekend along the coast and want to share our new home state with you.

Take care,
Michael and Jamie"

I'm not sharing this to brag about what great guys we are. My point in sharing this is to remind everyone that we all have opportunities to 'make someone's day'. It can be as easy as sending a heartfelt email, remembering someone's birthday, or doing something unexpected and nice for someone else. Often it doesn't take much, but it means a lot.

Have a great weekend!

Crush du Jour: Andre Coelho

Party hearty

I found this article to be quite interesting.

The owner of the Chicago gay bar Cocktail prohibits bacherlorette parties in this club. He says that although this causes him to lose money, he feels its important enough not to have these soon-to-be-brides flaunting their upcoming nuptials in the faces of his patrons who can not marry.

I give him credit for risking a financial loss for the sake of his principles, something most businesses can't afford to do these days.

Down the block from Cocktail is Circuit, a gay bar that not only welcomes bachelorettes, it goes out of the way to actually advertise its Sat night go-go boy show to bachelorette parties. Circuit's owner says banning bachelorette parties doesn't accomplish Cocktail's purpose of educating heteros about gay's inability to marry, so he welcomes the brides-to-be. Personally, I don't like this because it seems like a 'sell out' to the heteros, and also because I find it annoying when bachelorette parties invade my space.

Then, perhaps somewhere in the middle of these, is Washington DC's Town Danceboutique. When bachelorette partiers enter Town they are asked to sign a petition in support of gay marriage, which Owner Ed Bailey sends to the customer's representative in Congress. Bailey claims he's never had anyone refuse to sign.

Now, that's pretty clever!

But as a gay man, I get really annoyed by drunken hetero females hanging out in gay clubs. Yeah, gay clubs may have the best music, the best drag shows, and provide females with a place to 'let loose' without fear of being groped by hetero men, but that is NOT their purpose. Their purpose is to provide a safe and fun place for gays to hang out and be entertained, without fear of being bashed by heteros.

I have nothing against heteros (hell, my parents are heteros!) but sometimes its just nice to hang out with folks 'like me'.

Which of the three approaches above makes the most sense to you?

Crush du Jour: Szabi

Separate is NOT equal

Reports indicate that today President Obama, whose GLBT supporters have grown frustrated with his slow movement on their priorities, is extending benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. Read the full story here.

So, basically the federal government is saying 'We will now recognize that GLBT employees have spouses/partners, and we will extend some benefits to them'.

"How nice!!" you might be thinking. But is it?

On the surface this sounds like a 'victory for the GLBT community'. But in reality it is little more than a benefits increase for federal employees, who already have better benefits than most, and a 'consolation prize' for the GLBT community by the Obama for not keeping his campaign promise to repeal DADT and DOMA.

Let's break this down a little bit.

By extending some benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees the administration has created yet another class within the benefits hierarchy.

Separate is NOT equal.
At the top of the food chain are married hetero federal employees. They get all benefits for themselves and their spouses. They get everything.

Following closely behind, but still not equal, are partnered GLBT federal employees. They'll be able to get some, but not all, benefits for their spouses.

Last and apparently least are partnered GLBT folks NOT employed by the government. Their spouses aren't even recognized by most of their employers. Those whose companies can still afford to provide employees with benefits do so, but employees are lucky to get even 1/2 the benefits of government employees, and still can not get them for their spouses.

And don't misunderstand the administration's granting of some benefits to mean all benefits. GLBT federal employees will still not be equal to their hetero counterparts. GLBT federal employees' pensions may not be transferable to their unmarried partners, while their hetero counterparts' pensions automatically transfer to their spouses. Surviving GLBT partners may still have to pay inheritance taxes on the property they co-own with their deceased partner, while hetero surviving spouses pay nothing because they're married.

Separate is NOT equal.
Its frustrating to think that all of this inequality could be eliminated if Obama's efforts were put toward marriage equality for all citizens, instead of added benefits for a portion of citizens.

And think about all the time and money that will be spent defining the benefits. Marriage automatically imparts over a thousand legal rights and responsibilities. They're already defined. Granting marriage equality would automatically make hetero and GLBT citizens equal under the law.

Civil unions create a separate and not equal class, and would allow the potential for only some (not all) benefits to be obtained.

Granting expanded benefits creates yet another separate and not equal class within the GLBT community itself, and suffers the same potential for only some benefits to be obtained.

The granting of benefits to same-sex partners of GLBT federal employees follows suspiciously close on the heels of Obama's recent support of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), itself a contrary act from his campaign promise. I wonder if he felt he needed a 'consolation prize' to appease the gays.

America did not grant Blacks 'separate' rights, nor did we call them anything other than 'married' when Blacks were granted the right to do so. So why should GLBT Americans settle for 'separate' rights and be called something other than 'married'?

Separate is NOT equal. Never has been; never will be.

Crush du Jour: Kellan Lutz

New toy

I've mentioned before that Spouse loves him some kitchen gadgets!

Over the years we have had a bread maker, an ice cream maker, an iced tea maker, an immersion blender, a food processor, a KitchenAid stand mixer, a Nesco roaster oven, a countertop convection oven, a belgian waffle maker, an electric skillet, an electric griddle, a George Foreman electric grill, an electric knife, a stand blender, a toaster oven, a Turbo Cooker, a pizelle maker, a hand-held electric mixer, and an electric pressure cooker. To his credit, he has used every one of these gadgets, at least once. When we moved I convinced him to pair down his collection since our new house does not have a pantry, and he acquiesced.

But for quite some time now I could tell he's been jonesin' for the GT Xpress 101. He's made me watch the infomercial with Kathy Mitchell (I didn't even have to look up her name) 101 times at least, and hinted that he'd really like to have one. I, of course, gave him my famous look that, without words, says to him "Really? You really want another one-use gadget?"

But after the purchase of Big Ella I have a much harder time giving him that 'look'. I mean, why should I deny him a $30. occasional use kitchen gadget after I spent thousands on an occasional use vehicle? Mmmyeah.

So, this past weekend when he brought up his desire for the GT Xpress 101 (which he calls the XP-90), I kept my 'look' to myself and simply said "If you want it, dear..."

That was all he needed to hear. Suddenly the housecleaning, dogwalking, and everything else could wait; we were going to the kitchen gadget store, presumably before I changed my mind!
As soon as we got it home, he excitedly tried out the 'XP-90' by making us lunch. It worked fine, but only makes enough for one person to eat at a time. So we both ate a 1/2 while the 2nd batch was cooking.

Spouse was so happy with the purchase, and I believe, even happier that I didn't give him my 'look'. In an uncharacteristic moment he said "Thank you for letting me buy this", to which I replied "Letting you? You sound like I'm the evil step parent". But I knew what he meant, which was 'Thank you for not making an issue out of this, even if I only use it 3 times'.

Later that night he made part of our dinner in the 'XP-90', as well as our breakfast on Sun, and part of our dinner last night. He's already broken his typical usage pattern, so that's good.

In a way I feel like I 'let go' of something I didn't need to hold onto. My nature is to purchase and use things that have more than one purpose and that I am certain I will use regularly. But that is not Spouse's nature. He enjoys the unique purpose of individual gadgets, and that's fine. So although it is me who will need to find a place to store all the rarely used gadgets, is that really so important that I have to give him the 'look'?

No, not anymore.

So I 'let go' and let Spouse get his 'XP-90'. He's happy, and so am I.

Crush du Jour: Victor Luca

Dine Out for Life

Last night we participated in Dine Out for Life. We've done this for several years, both here and back in the DC area. We always invite friends to accompany us and we always have a good time.

Here and here are links to posts about past years' participation.

This year we did something a little different. Rather than inviting friends who already knew each other, we invited 2 other couples and 2 singles who had not met before.

This might be thought of as 'risky', since there is the possibility that our friends may have nothing in common other than us. But everyone got along well, conversation never lagged, and we had a great time.

We had dinner at Mariachi, serving "fine, authentic Spanish and Mexican cuisine". I'd made a reservation and got a large round table in the corner of the upper level porch dining room, which is what I was hoping for. We all enjoyed our dinners, but agreed that the cocktails seemed a little 'watered down'.

It was a really evening and we felt great knowing that 33% of our food bill was being donated to local organizations that provide AIDS services. Most cities have Dine Out for Life programs, so check this website to locate one near you.

In unrelated news, 'careful demolition' of part of our porch began this morning to make way for the new addition. Stay tuned for photos and progress reports.

Crush du Jour: Leo Franco

When "Whoops - sorry!" won't do

There are times when "Whoops - sorry!" just won't do.

Man's House Mistakenly Destroyed

(June 10) -- Imagine driving up to a house you own only to find it's not there anymore. That's what happened to Al Byrd of Atlanta on Monday afternoon.

Byrd received a call from a neighbor on June 8 telling him that his childhood home in Carrollton, Ga., had been demolished. When Byrd arrived on the scene with a Carroll County Sheriff's deputy, he found the home, which he still owns, in ruins, the Times-Georgian reported.

“My dad built this house with his own hands in 1950,” Byrd said.

The company hired to inspect the house was apparently given only GPS coordinates for the home, not a street address. Byrd said he heard that a house across the road was the intended target for the demolition.

Though no one was living in the house when it was taken down, Byrd told the Georgian that it was full of family heirlooms, including his mother's china and the family Bible.

"This was more than just a house," Byrd told the Georgian. "This was a whole history."

Read the full story from the Times-Georgian.

Crush du Jour: Lance Lamar

Friday fragments

This week the street crew came back to add top soil onto the transition areas from our yard to the street, sprinkled grass seed, and laid a mesh of hay over top. It appeared the street reconstruction project was done! But, no. During the inspector's walk-thru (walk-on?), some of my neighbors complained about the uneven road surface that causes a huge puddle to form in the middle of the street. The inspector agreed the street was not graded correctly to force water to run to the drain, and said it would be fixed. So they will come back and remove the top layer of asphalt, regrade, and repave the affected area. It feels like the street reconstruction project that just won't end.

Former Miss CA, Carrie Prejean, lost her crown and title this week. Reports indicate that she was dethroned for breach of contract, since she failed to keep some appearances. Ha ha; serves her right.

A new report by the Williams Institute suggests New England might attract a new, young, “creative class” - thanks to marriage equality in every state but Rhode Island. This article says that Gay couples who are part of the “creative class” (highly educated professionals, artists, and entrepreneurs) were 2.5 times more likely to move to Massachusetts in the three years following MA's approval of same-sex marriage. So New England may become the Berkeley of the East coast.

Some people think that those of us who talk about stopping 'hate' only do so because we are members of a hated group. But every kind of 'hate' is bad for ALL of us, as is made clear by this tragedy on Wed. An 88-year-old gunman with a violent and anti-Semitic past opened fire with a rifle inside the crowded Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington DC, killing a security guard before being shot himself by other officers.

This hilarious video gives proponents of 'traditional marriage' something to think about!

Spouse's 1st week on Weight Watchers gave his confidence a big boost: he lost 10 lbs in 1 week. Now, this is not the 1st time he's had a dramatic, 1st week weight loss. For Spouse its not about starting a diet, its about sticking to it. He's done very well this 2nd week though, which is quite encouraging to both of us. While not exactly 'counting the points' like Spouse, I am also eating less quantity and lower fat/calorie foods.

Today I learned from the builder that the delay in getting the permits was because the regular permit guy was out on vacation and the back-up permit guy was out with pneumonia! However, permits were secured today, and work begins Mon morning!

Crush du Jour: Charlie Schlatter

Republican Party Bankrupt; Reorganizes As A Church

My friend Jared sent me this, which he found on the Huffington Post. It IS a joke, right?!?!


Republican Party Bankrupt; Reorganizes As A Church

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Troubled by dwindling membership and numerous setbacks, the 155 year-old Republican Party filed for financial, intellectual and moral bankruptcy and announced its reorganization as a tax-exempt church. The new GOP will be officially called "The First Church Of Jesus Loves America And Latter Day Lower Taxes Anti Foreigner Old Time Heterosexual Do As I say Not As I Do Affluence Ministry Hoop N' Hollerin' Revival Gun Lovin' Banker's Club Outreach Hootenanny, Inc", but will still use the name "Republican Party" for most functions.

Experts think that few consumers will notice any difference.

The last ditch move is widely seen as 'the only hope' for the embattled political organization, according to many observers. In recent days, the Republican Party had been the the object of a takeover bid from Rupert Murdoch's ironically named News Corp., until it was discovered that Murdoch already had a significant ownership in the GOP. Other attempts to save the sagging brand had failed, including the attempt by Michael Steele to raise capital by licensing the GOP's trademarked elephant symbol for an athletic clothing line.

Democratic Party leaders could not immediately be reached for comment as they were solving problems and doing things.

Republican officials wasted no time in taking advantage of their new found status as a religion and began punishing infidels, giving each other impressive titles and handing out funny hats. Meghan McCain was spotted in Phoenix being fitted for a custom tailored iron maiden while Colin Powell was locked in a tower high above Dallas, where his cries of agony could be heard from as far away as a BBQ place that former President George W. Bush frequents.

His Most High Holiness Newt Gingrich read a prepared statement that said in part, "Thus begins a new era in American Politics and so we declare the beginning of a new calendar. We look forward to crushing our enemies during coming Year One Federal Crusade and are assured by Holy Priestess Of Eternal Cable New Appearances Liz Cheney that the mighty hand of her Father shall smite our foes with your tax deductible contribution."

In a move that left many puzzled, conservative icon Rush Limbaugh did not seek an exalted title and opted instead for 'Rush LaVey'.

Reaction from the religious community was generally negative. Some holy insiders said the GOP appeared to 'miss the entire point of spirituality' while others were primarily concerned about competition. In heaven, Jesus Christ - a strong supporter of Barack Obama in the 2008 election - wept.


Crush du Jour: Jamie Dominic

Pride 2009

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

June is generally considered 'Pride month' because the Stonewall riots occurred in June and June is the most popular month for city and state Pride celebrations. (Here in DE our Pride celebration takes place in Sept, after the tourist season ends.)

This year marks the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, which sparked the birth of the gay rights movement, so this year's Pride is extra important!

My fellow blogger Kelly at Rambling Along in Life is doing his annual Pride month photo challenge: post the photo above on your blog and let Kelly know. He will link to you on his month-long Pride post. He is hoping to exceed last year's number of participants in this photo challenge, so why not play along? Its fun!

Check out Kelly's blog! You never quite know what you'll find.

Crush du Jour: Reynaldo Gianecchini

Proclamations of GLBT support

Last week Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and President Barack Obama both acknowledged the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots and delivered proclamations of support of the GLBT community. (Click on their names to read their statements.)

Now, don't get me wrong; I like Clinton and Obama a lot and feel that they are our best hope for civil rights equality... but not for marriage equality.

Remember that when both were campaigning last year and were asked directly whether they supported same-sex marriage, both said no. VERY disappointing. Yet in June of this year, the 40th anniversary of Stonewall, both of them suddenly gush with appreciation over the accomplishments and struggles of the GLBT community, and pledge their support.

Their support of what? Civil rights that do not include marriage, which allow us to remain second-class citizens?

Although I want to, I'm just not sure I'm buying it.

"I continue to support measures to bring the full spectrum of equal rights to LGBT Americans. These measures include enhancing hate crimes laws, supporting civil unions and Federal rights for LGBT couples, outlawing discrimination in the workplace, ensuring adoption rights, and ending the existing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in a way that strengthens our Armed Forces and our national security." - Barack Obama

"As long as the promise of equality for all remains unfulfilled, all Americans are affected." - Barack Obama

"I extend our appreciation to the global LGBT community for its courage and determination during the past 40 years, and I offer our support for the significant work that still lies ahead." - Hillary Clinton

"We are grateful for our lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender employees in Washington and around the world. Their contributions are vital to our efforts to establish stability, prosperity and peace worldwide." - Hillary Clinton

"Though the road to full equality for LGBT Americans is long, the example set by those fighting for equal rights in the United States gives hope to men and women around the world" - Hillary Clinton

In the quotation above, notice that it is NOT the example set by the United States, but rather, the example set by those fighting for equal rights in the US that gives hope. In other words, the gays are doing the work while government officials stand by and applaud their fight.

I'm not cynical by nature, but it almost seems like Clinton and Obama simply decided to capitalize on the 40th anniversary of Stonewall for a "feel good moment" by paying lip service to the gays without really committing to do anything.

I realize Obama has only been in office 5 months and his plate has been full with our country's economic crisis, so I'm cutting him some slack for now. But last years' campaign speeches and this week's Stonewall speech have created some large and necessary expectations of him.

Imagine how devasting it was for Lt. Dan Choi and Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach. Choi was recently discharged from the military and Fehrenbach most likely will be too, due to Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT). Both had long, distinguished careers of medaled service to our country that were ripped away from them due to nothing more than the fact that they are gay. Obama could have stopped this, but didn't.

If you were Secretary of State or President and you did nothing to stop these DADT dismissals, wouldn't you be just a tad bit embarrassed to use the 40th anniversary of Stonewall as an opportunity to pledge your support of the GLBT struggle for equal rights?

Its time for action, people.

Crush du Jour: Reece Karena

Summer Bash

We had a great time at the Summer Bash, to benefit the Food Bank of DE, and featuring a concert by Pam Tillis!! The weather cooperated nicely, the food was exceptional, and the entertainment was much more enjoyable than I had anticipated.

I'm NOT a country music fan, but I must give mad props to Pam Tillis. Being a singer myself, I know it is not easy to sing live in an outdoor venue, without the assistance of studio equipment, but she did a great job. Whether or not you like country music, you must respect a singer who is technically accurate, and Pam Tillis was pitch perfect.

One of her hit songs is "Queen of Denial", so to kick off the concert Pam was carried in by two local guys dressed in Egyptian costumes. Yeah it was kitchy, but it was also kinda cute in a country-music-singer-kind-of-way, and a big hit with the gays. (All photos may be clicked to enlarge.) Later in the show she called the guys back in so "the ladies" could be photographed with the guys.

Unfortunately the audience was about 3/4 male. But eventually the gays came up to be photographed too, and Pam was a great sport about it.

Spouse told me that Pam sang several of her hits, which he recognized from his CDs. She also performed a few new songs from her new album "Rhinestoned". She had copies of it for sale afterward.

I loved how cute, funny, and down-to-earth Pam was. She had many comical one-liners that didn't sound rehearsed at all. Once or twice she started a song in the wrong key, stopped and then restarted it in the correct key. She said "If James Gandolfini can do it, so can I." referring to this. Everyone laughed.

I think her new, shorter hair cut is really cute, and a bit more modern than her former style.

Pam's husband, Bob DiPiero, plays in her band.

As I said, despite not being a country music fan, I thoroughly enjoyed Pam's concert! She's quite talented, and was also very appreciative of the audience at this 'smaller venue' than she usually plays. Honestly, I'm not sure how they were able to book her for this, but I'm glad they did.

After Pam's concert, our newly elected Governor, Jack Markell, addressed the audience for 5 minutes or so.

He asked everyone to observe a moment of silence for those lost on D Day, and also encouraged everyone to think about additional ways they might volunteer and contribute to the community. It was a nice speech; not too long, and not a re-election speech.

Afterward Pam signed autographs for anyone who would make an additional donation to the Food Bank. Below Pam signs my friend Bill's cassette tape. (Yes, that's right: cassette tape!)

Bob and Bill pose with Pam for a photo.

Ted and Bill pose with Pam for a photo. Isn't her hair cute???

Our friend Don poses with the 'de Nile' boys.

In addition to paying $25. per person to get into the event, all were encouraged to bring some non-perishable food donations for the food bank, which we did gladly.

The chef and volunteers from the food bank made most of the food which was delicious! Some menu items were donated by local businesses, too.

The weather was good, we saw many friends, enjoyed a great meal, and were treated to a wonderful concert. That's hard to beat in my book.

Here's my post about last year's Summer Bash.

Crush du Jour: Milo Ventimiglia

Friday fragments

Its been a busy week for me and for the world, so I've got lots of fragments to share this Friday. I'll try to be brief so this post doesn't approach novel proportions. I know I can be wordy sometimes.

Street reconstruction
When we returned from our 4-day trip to NYC, the top coat of asphalt had still not been laid on our street. Fortunately on Tues this happened so the paving is now complete. Wed & Thurs they worked on the transitions from the affected yards and driveways to the new street, filling in the gaps and smoothing out the excess earth. Our dyed, stamped concrete driveway and sidewalk were cracked by the pipe crew, and the engineering company is having a difficult time trying to locate the same pattern of stamp so they can replace the damaged sections. I have a not-so-good feeling about this.

Marriage equality in NH
NH has become the 6th state to adopt marriage equality! Savor the details here. Now, I wonder which state will become lucky #7... NY maybe?

The Dallas Principles
Last month in Dallas, TX 24 thinkers, activists, and donors gathered to discuss the immediate need for full equality for GLBT people in the US. They collectively prepared The Dallas Principles. Check out their website to learn what the principles are and how you may want to become involved.

Fun, busy Saturday
We've got a fun, busy Sat planned tomorrow. In the morning I'll prepare a dish to take to a potluck. At 10am we're dropping by a local car show. Big Ella will not be in it since she is in the shop getting some TLC. At noon we're off to the Summer Bash, a benefit for the Food Bank of DE. We'll have gourmet food, drinks, a speech from our Governor, and a concert by Pam Tillis. Yes, that's right - the Pam Tillis. Then at 6pm we're going to a potluck at Deb & Greer's. I believe we'll be tuckered out by Sat night.

GM's commitment to the Chevy Volt
Although GM filed for bankruptcy this week, I was happy to read that the plan to roll out the new Chevy Volt will not be affected. Indeed, the Volt which goes 40 miles without using a drop of gasoline is a significant part of what Obama and others call the "new GM".

Stop the Madness
Speaking of commitments, in the past when Spouse & I have decided to actively pursue loosing weight, we would begin the new resolve by saying "we've got to stop the madness". We liken uncontrolled eating to 'madness'. So this week we are once again determined to 'stop the madness' by utilizing the Weight Watchers point system. It worked very well for us several years ago, but of course, after returning to our old, 'mad' eating patterns we gained the weight back. This time will be different, or so we say. He's done very well so far, 5 days into it. Let's hope the 'madness' doesn't return at tomorrow's Summer Bash and potluck. Send us positive, encouraging energy, won't you?

Big Ella, the Covergirl
Spouse & I belong to Lambda Car Club International, the national GLBT car collectors club and to Straight Eights, a regional GLBT car collectors club. Last month I submitted photos and a filled-out questionnaire about Big Ella to the regional club, and Big Ella was selected 'car of the month'! Unfortunately the newsletter is online and password protected so I can't link to it, but I'm proud that our Covergirl is getting some press.

Have a terrific weekend, Everyone.

Crush du Jour: Dror Okavi

Selective memory

Most people have a negative perception of selective memory, as if its always used for evil. Likely many have witnessed the biased skewing of a larger story by those who chose to remember only selective pieces that will support the version of the story they wish to remember.

But today I'm choosing selective memory to remember someone I loved who is no longer here. Let me explain.

Wolfgang was my first real boyfriend; the first man with whom I had an actual relationship and sex, not just messing around. Meeting him was the catalyst for my coming out. We met in 1993 and were together for 3 years. We separated on friendly terms, but did not stay in touch very much over the years because our lives were moving along different paths.

Yesterday afternoon I learned that Wolfgang had passed away, at the age of 53. I'm not fully informed of the details, but what I do know is that he died of severe pneumonia, while in CA on a business trip, after 2 weeks in the hospital on a respirator. Apparently he was specific when placed on the respirator that he not be left on it for more than 2 weeks. His condition worsened, so when the respirator was turned off, he passed quickly.

I'm not 'all broken up' over this, as it has been 13 years since we separated, and about 10 years since I saw him last. We spoke on the phone a few times over the years, but did not stay in touch the way some ex's do. Its almost the way I would feel if one of you (whom I've never met in person) told me your parent had died. I'd be sad for you and your parent, but really only on a surface level. Its that way for me too, now that Wolf has passed, and I can't help but feel a little guilty for not feeling something more. Maybe its too soon and grief just hasn't caught up to me yet. Maybe not.

But I believe that guilt feelings are a waste of time and energy so I'm not going to dwell on that.

I'm also not going to deify Wolf now that he's passed, as some have the tendency to do. There were specific, valid reasons for our decision to 'move on' from each other, and I have never regretted this, but I am not going to remind myself today of why we split up.

What I am going to do is employ selective memory. I'm going to share with you a few of the good, funny, and warm memories I have of Wolf.

• He introduced me to the love and affection of pets. I did not grow up with pets but learned to love having cats around the home we shared.
• He loved to make Chinese food at home. He had a wok, steamer baskets, and lots of Chinese spices, seasonings and sauces. For Christmas one year I bought him a really serious Chinese cleaver from Williams-Sonoma. He used it every time he made Chinese food.
• He made me laugh each time he sang his original "King Song", complete with operatic inflections. Here are the lyrics: "I am the King! Everyone will swoon, when I enter the room. I am the King!" You had to be there.
• He sparked my love affair with the BMW convertible. He had a 325i hardtop when we met, but I soon learned to appreciate the beautiful, if slightly austere, and graceful lines of the 325i convertible. I've had one for 8 years now.
• He had funny nicknames for sex activities. He would say "foie gras" for sucking, and "foie plow" for fucking. Foie gras has nothing to do with sex, and I have no idea where or why he came up with that. Anytime I watch a cooking show on TV and hear "foie gras", I immediately think of him.
• He taught me that when you finish a meal at a restaurant, you signal to the server that you are ready for them to remove your plate by placing your flat wear on your plate as if your plate is a clock and its 20 minutes passed 4.
  

Yes, today I choose selective memory to pay tribute to a person who had a profound impact on my life. If there is a heaven, I hope that once in a while Wolf looks down at me, and smiles.

Peace.

Crush du Jour: Fernando Verdasco

NYC trip recap: Sat & Sun

On Sat morning when Lisa asked us what we had planned for the day, Spouse said "I want to explore Christopher St and go to all those gay stores." My first thought was 'I didn't know stores had sex', but decided not to share that. Lisa suggested we walk to the end of Christopher St to the river where we'd find a nice park, so we did.

We got off the train at the Christopher St station and looked in some of the "gay stores". It was a beautiful day and we were content to stroll down the street peeking into many of the stores. In one of them I bought the bracelet and peace sign pendant I'm wearing in this photo:
Then we arrived at the park Lisa had mentioned at the end of Christopher St called Hudson River Park. It was beautiful! To the right of Spouse is a fountain, but I accidentally cut if off when I zoomed in.

There lots of shirtless joggers to provide us with hours of eye candy, plus there was a basketball game going on in the sport court. Shirts versus skins - my favorite match up!

As its name suggests, Hudson River Park borders the Hudson River, and you can see Hoboken NJ on the other side.

With the optical zoom at full strength we could see the Statue of Liberty!

The park contains several lovely gardens, kind of what I was expecting in Central Park. Here's a close up from a large bed of purple iris.

Here's Spouse in front of a bunch of beautiful shrub roses.

I'm standing in front of a bunch of burgundy iris. I didn't even know iris came in burgundy!

A closer look.

Some folks enjoying the beautiful weather and lovely park.

Then we walked up the other side of Christopher St and went into a few more "gay stores". As we finished up our Christopher St expedition, we also went into a non-gay store called Starbucks because I had a taste for an iced coffee with milk. Spouse got a mocha chocolate chip frappacino.

Then we walked up 6th Ave (heading north) and stopped at a few of the street vendors' booths. Spouse & I both got belts for $5. each!! We eventually found ourselves at 6th Ave and 23rd St where the Malibu Diner is located. Our friends Rick & Nick suggested we go there, so since we were ready to eat anyway, we had an early dinner there.

The food was okay, but very reasonably priced for NYC, which is why it was so notable to Rick & Nick. Afterward we hopped on the train back to Lisa's where Spouse took a nap and I chatted with Lisa. I'm telling you, if it were up to us, I think Lisa and I could solve most (if not all) of this country's problems.

After showers, Spouse & I headed back to Christopher St to meet up with the other bloggers for a 'West Village Gay Bar Tour', or 'Drunken Dust Bunny Pub Crawl', if you will. We met up with David Dust, Miss Ginger Grant, Howard, Mistress Maddie and her Boy-Toy, Marker and his husband, TrannyBeth, ZombieMom, and Kailyn at Pieces. Here's David Dust in one of the rare moments when he wasn't laughing, as TrannyBeth pays careful attention.

Mistress Maddie, Miss Ginger Grant, Howard, and Maddie's Boy-Toy.

Miss Ginger Grant, Maddie's Boy-Toy, Howard, Kailyn, and Marker who must have been getting ready to sneeze!

Me and TrannyBeth - I love this picture!

Then we moved onto Julius' bar. Howard, some random guy who followed us around part of the night, and David Dust.

Spouse, Maddie, Ginger, TrannyBeth, Howard, David, and Boy-Toy at Julius'.

Then it was onto the historic Stonewall Inn, the site of the June 1969 riots that started the gay rights movement. Howard and TrannyBeth.

The edge of Spouse, Boy-Toy, and Howard.

We could really feel a sense of history there! Although it was once a popular drag queen hangout, we saw no drag queens while we were there. Darn!!

Then we moved onto Marie's Crisis but I have no pictures there because I left the camera in our bag which we had to check at the door. Then it was onto Garage, which is famous for its jazz groups. The trio performing while we were there absolutely fantastic!

ZombieMom and Spouse at Garage.

If you love jazz and ever find yourself in NYC, go to Garage!

Then we moved onto Duplex, but it was so crowded we didn't stay long enough for me to snap any pictures. Since David Dust is such a Papi fan, the group headed to the subway that would take them to a Papi stripper bar. TrannyBeth, ZombieMom, and Spouse & I decided that food was a higher priority for us at the moment, so we headed to a nearby Mexican restaurant, the name of which escapes me. We talked, ate, laughed, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

These 2 lovely ladies were just delightful!

Then the 4 of us rode the 1 train together to 42nd St where TrannyBeth and ZombieMom got off and walked to their hotel, and Spouse & I switched to the 7 train heading back to Lisa's. We collapsed into bed at 3:30 am, which is really late for old farts like us! But it was worth it, since we had a BALL hanging out with all the Dust Bunnies who came to NYC. We made some GREAT friends whom we can hardly wait to see again. And, Darling David took such great care of everyone.

9:30 Sun morning seemed to come in the blink of an eye, but I drug myself out of bed and into the shower. I recounted to Lisa the past night's antics while Spouse showered. Then Lisa made us homemade biscuits and coffee for breakfast. Wasn't that sweet of her? Homemade crackers on Thurs and homemade biscuits on Sun. She really spoiled us with her Martha Stewart ways.

We packed our bags, tidied up our room, and at 11:30 we said our goodbyes to Lisa and took our last train ride of the weekend to 34th St where we got onto the BoltBus. I wanted nothing more than to sleep on the bus ride back to Cherry Hill NJ where our car was parked, but despite my near dilirium, I just couldn't fall asleep. I can never sleep in cars or on plains.

On the drive home we stopped at Meding & Sons seafood restaurant for dinner, which is exactly what we did on our way home from NYC last Oct. We both had the delicious Captain's Feast, a combo platter with a bit of all things seafood. Yum! A fitting end to a perfect trip.

Crush du Jour: Radoslav Vanko