I'll Tumble 4 Ya

My colleague Steve and his wife Amy had a "Back to the 80s" party on Sat night. Everyone was encouraged to dress in 80s attire. My response to the eVite was "Sounds gnarly, dude!"

For several days I thought about the fashion trends of the 80s. For women there were the huge shoulder pads, leg warmers, big thick belts that barely hung on their waists, the "Flashdance" off-the-shoulder sweatshirts, the acid washed jeans, and the early Madonna/grunge look. For men it was Izod shirts with the collar flipped up, sometimes worn underneath a 2nd Izod shirt with the collar flipped up, cotton sweaters tied around the shoulders, khaki pants with Docksider shoes and no socks, and skinny ties. Then there was the eyeliner! Popular celebrities in the 80s were Madonna, Paula Abdul, Culture Club, The Petshop Boys, The Blues Brothers, The Cure, The Go-Gos, The Bangles. There was so much to emulate!

Steve told me he was dressing up as Robert Smith of The Cure. (I had to watch an online music video to remember who he was, since I wasn't a big rock fan.) Then it hit me: I would dress as Boy George.

I had an idea of some pieces I could put together to give the idea of Boy George, and I'd seen a wig at a party store that I thought I could modify. Just by coincidence, we'd made plans to spend the afternoon with my niece Lauren. We met for lunch, came back to the house and talked for a while, and then she joined me as we scanned two Goodwill stores before buying the wig at the party store.

She volunteered to do my Boy George make-up, but I told her she didn't have to hang around that long. It was only about 4pm and we weren't leaving for the party until 7 or so. She said "That's okay, I can stay. I can't wait to do your make-up!" So we went to CVS and got some inexpensive eyeliner, mascara, super-glittery eye shadow, blush and lipstick. By the time I started putting together the pieces of my outfit it was time to have her 'put my face on'.

I used an old black trench coat of Joes, to which I applied sticky address numbers (from the hardware store) in a random pattern. It came out better than I thought! I wore a wild paisley print shirt, jeans tucked into thick socks, and an old pair of suede boots. I used a left-over piece of colorful fabric from a drapery project and tied it around my waist. I took a tye died bandana and cut it into strips, and tied a strip of it around each ankle. Then came the wig. It was black dreadlocks with pink, purple, orange and yellow dreadlocks scattered throughout. I decided it was too much color, so I had Lauren cut some of the colored dreads out. Then I took the remaining strips of the tye died bandana and wrapped and tied them around the colored dreads. I took a purple and grey striped scarf ($1. from Goodwill) and slipped it around the back of my neck and tied it where the wig met my forehead, and then crowed the colorful creation with a borrowed black bowler hat. The transformation was complete! Although not a perfect match, the "essence" of Boy George was obvious.

When I walked into the party, everyone looked, laughed, clapped, and took my picture. I felt like a rock star! It was a lot of fun. I couldn't believe that I put that entire outfit together and only spent $25. for the adhesive address numbers, wig, and tye died bandana.

Steve's friends were all nice. We met several fun people, including a couple named Jim and Miriam. Jim grew up in the same neighborhood as Joe, and Miriam lived in South Philadelphia where Joe's family is from. We had a really good time, and enjoyed seeing everyone else's 80s impressions.

Anna's Spanish Project

Joe's sister Mary called to tell us that her 13-year old daughter Anna had to do a family tree project for her Spanish class. On the 'limb' she listed her aunts and uncles, with 'branches' shooting off of the 'limbs' with her cousins on them.

Mary said that on one 'limb' Anna had listed "Uncle Joe and Uncle Mark", together on the same 'limb', just like "Uncle Louis and Aunt Karen" and the other married couples in the family.

In addition to the 'tree', Anna had to write a sentence or two in Spanish about each of the people on the tree. "Uncle Louis is bald and likes dogs." "Aunt Karen likes music and shopping." "Uncle Joe is funny and makes me laugh." "Uncle Mark likes to sing."

It made me feel good to hear that I'd been included on Anna's family tree. After all, I've been around her ever since she was 3 years old. It also made me feel grateful that Anna's parents were so wonderfully open-minded and accepting, and never ashamed of Joe or me at all. What a gift!

Then on Sun when I saw Anna she told me that she'd done her family tree for her Spanish class and that she had included me in it. My response, without even thinking was to say "Oh good, because I sure do feel like a part of the family."

Then I got to thinking about the farther reaching affects of Anna's family tree project. In theory her teacher will review the project in order to grade it, and will see that her student has a positive opinion of her gay uncles. Maybe that will in a small way help that teacher to be more accepting of gay people in her own family, the gay parents of some other student, or other gay people she encounters. Just maybe, this Spanish project will help someone realize that being gay is not just about people having sex, but is about people who love each other and who are a part of a family.

TransAmerica

On Sun afternoon I went to see TransAmerica. Its about a male-to-female pre-operative transexual who is about to have the 'final surgery' when she learns she has a 17-year old son. I thought the topic sounded interesting, and then when Felicity Huffman won the Golden Globe award for best actress in a dramatic movie for her portrayal of Sabrina (Bree) Osborn, I knew I had to see it.

First off, I have to say that Felicity Huffman definitely deserved that award. I found her acting to be honest, believable, and not overdone.

I also found the treatment of this subject matter to be incredibly sensitive. It didn't show the character to be a victim or a martyr or any other cliche, but rather, a real person trying very hard to finally become on the outside the person she was on the inside.

Bree Osborn is advised by her therapist to see her troubled 17-year old son, and although quite reluctant to do so, she considers the task her last step before her big surgery. She also makes a stop at her parents' house and receives various degrees of welcome from her mother, father, and younger sister.

The film doesn't have a 'Hollywood ending' where everything works out perfectly, but it does leave you feeling hopeful.

I think this is one of the best films I've seen in a long time (better than Brokeback Mountain), and I would definitely recommend that everyone see it.

Dinner at the Newlyweds

Sat night we had dinner at the Newlyweds' (ie: Michael & Jamie). I was excited because it had been a month since we'd last seen them, and because Joe had not yet seen their kitchen remodel.

Most of the months of Nov and Dec the Newlyweds didn't have a kitchen. The old one was demolished and a new one rebuilt in its place, but that doesn't happen overnight. I had stopped over to pick something up a few weeks back and saw the work in progress, but Joe hadn't seen anything since the project began.

Just before Christmas the Newlyweds headed out of town for 3 weeks. They spent the first several days visiting Jamie's parents in Las Vegas. Then they went on a belated honeymoon to Korea and Thailand. They were gone until Jan 15.

So, they invited us over for dinner and to see the finished kitchen. It is SO beautiful. The mosaic tile in shades of cream, tan, and mocha on their walls and the stone countertops with their flecks of green would look absolutely smashing in OUR kitchen! We warned them that we might have to copy their choices when we finally update our kitchen. Their contractor did a great job, the Newlyweds are happy with it, and it looks beautiful.

They invited a neighbor and his boyfriend over for dinner too. We chatted over wine, cheese, crackers and that kind of stuff and all got acquainted. Michael & Jamie told us some of the highlights of their trip, and then we had dinner. They made Afghan food: curried vegetables, lentils, and a potato and beef mixture, along with the traditional Afghan bread used to pick up the food and eat it. I decided to make a joke by whispering in a voice everyone could hear "You forgot the silverware." Fortunately no one thought I was actually that dumb and we all laughed. The dinner was delicious and the conversation enjoyable.

For dessert we had peach melba. I don't recall ever having peach melba before, but I enjoyed it. I don't know what prompted Jamie to decide that's what to make for dessert; its sort of a retro dessert, but it was tasty - especially that raspberry sauce drizzled on top.

After dessert we had more wine and more conversation until someone finally said "Oh my gosh - I can't believe its almost midnight!" We were having such a nice time that the night seemed to fly by. We said our goodbyes and went home. What a lovely time!

Goodbye to Christmas

Yes, its true. On Sat, Jan 21 we decided to undecorate our Christmas tree and take down all of the holiday decorations from the house.

I made a comment about how late it was to be doing this, and my aunt asked me "Where you still enjoying them?" to which I replied "Yes, in fact we had the tree plugged in just the night before when Wendy was over," to which she replied "Then there's nothing wrong with having your tree and decorations up on Jan 21." Thanks, Mary!

Nearly all of our tree ornaments have glitter on them, so as we were removing them from the tree and trying to figure out which original box they belonged in, traces of glitter deposited themselves on the sofa and on us. After finishing the undecorating of the tree we decided to go to lunch. I made sure to wash my hands and brush off my shirt before going out, but apparently Joe did not - or at least he didn't do it thoroughly. As we sat eating our lunch I looked over and saw the light playing off of a speck or two of glitter on his face and a few on his shirt. I truly loving and self-less partner would have discreetly assisted him to remove the glitter before anyone else noticed. Not me. I enjoyed the irony of this big, dark manly-looking man with glitter on his face. In my mind and later in an email to a close friend I began calling him "Glittery Joe".

It was a bit sad to say goodbye to all of the beautiful Christmas decorations. It really is my favorite season/holiday. But it did feel good to pack all that stuff back into the basement and give the house a good cleaning.

Golden Globes

Mon night we watched the Golden Globe Awards. This may not seem unusual, since many gay men love awards shows. Some get together for awards show parties. Joe & I tend not to watch awards shows for two reasons:
1. The audience at some of the awards shows are constantly screaming things to the presenters and winners. "We love you!!!" Blah blah blah.
2. The winners almost always feel obligated to thank a long list of people we don't know and don't care about. "I want to thank my agent, Bruce Lightfoot, my publicist, Susie Shoemaker..." Yadda yadda yadda. We don't know these people and don't care about them. I don't mind it when they thank someone I do know. "I want to thank Steven Spielberg for believing in this script enough to agree to direct it." We all know who Steven Spielberg is, so that seems completely appropriate to me. I also don't mind those cute, somewhat touching thank yous to "my college roommate Sandy who told me to never stop believing in myself and never stop following my dream." Although a tad sappy, it still seems appropriate to me to thank Sandy as you clutch your shiny award on national television.

So anyway, we decided to watch the Golden Globes this year because, for a change, we'd actually seen some of the movies that were nominated. Typically we don't go to the cinema that much - we rent movies when they come to the video store 2 or 3 months after they've been in the cinema, and we watch them in the comfort of our TV room. But this year, we'd seen at least 3 of the movies nominated, and watch some of the TV shows nominated. And since #1 above was not the case, we actually enjoyed the Globes. Here's a rundown of the winners, in case you've not already heard. The ones with the * indicate the ones we've seen.

Best Picture - Drama: Brokeback Mountain*
Best Picture - Musical or Comedy: Walk the Line*

Best Actress - Drama: Felicity Huffman for TransAmerica
Best Actor - Drama: Philip Seymore Hoffman for Capote

Best Actress - Musical or Comedy: Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line*
Best Actor - Musical or Comedy: Joaquin Phoenix for Walk the Line*

Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener
Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney for Syrianna

Best Director: Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain*
Best Screenplay: Brokeback Mountain*
Best Movie Song: Brokeback Mountain*

Best TV Series - Drama: Lost
Best Actress - TV Drama: Gena Davis for Commander and Chief
Best Actor - TV Drama: Hugh Laurie for House

Best TV Series - Comedy: Desperate Housewives*
Best Actress - Comedy: Mary Louise Parker for Weeds
Best Actor - Comedy: Steve Carrell for The Office*

Other movies we saw that were nominated by didn't win were King Kong and Crash.

It never ceases to amaze me that movies that have not yet been released sometimes get nominated. Breakfast on Pluto has not yet been released but one of the actors was nominated in the Best Actor - Drama category. Not sure how that happens. I'm looking forward to seeing Breakfast on Pluto, which appears to be something similar to The Crying Game. I also want to see TransAmerica, perhaps this weekend.

American Idol 2006 started last night, with some of the auditions. And most importantly, starting tonight on Logo is Tales of the City - this blog's namesake! Tune in!!!

King Yawn

For the 3-day MLK Jr weekend we went to the beach. Sat started out an unseasonably warm and beautiful day. It must have been at least 60 degrees as we walked along the Rehoboth boardwalk without jackets. Later that evening when we went out again we could feel a marked drop in the temperature. It must have dropped 20 degrees in just a few hours. When we got out of the movies at 8:30, it was really cold and windy. Gusty winds blew down the Hooters billboard!

We went to see King Kong, which I retitled King Yawn. Actually, it wasn't that bad, but it was definitely too long. It seemed like every scene just went on longer than it needed to. If they shaved off 1 or 2 minutes from every scene, the plot would stay in tact and the movie would have been about 30 minutes shorter. But as it was, the movie went on for slightly over 3 hours.

Now, I realize this is a 'fantasy' movie, and since we all know that a real King Kong could never exist, there's no point in trying to make it realistic, right? I guess that's what the film maker thought anyway. There were a few big empty holes in the film, like what was it that King Kong snarled and growled at everyone except this one woman? Why did the indigenous people of Skull Island routinely offer human sacrifices to King Kong, when he seemed to have no interest in killing or eating this one woman? And then when the guys drugged King Kong, how in the world did they get him to New York? There's no way they could have dragged him aboard that boat they came in. And even if they could have hoisted him aboard somehow, his weight would have sank the ship. Although scenes with less relation to the plot dragged on and on, this important logistic was completely overlooked.

It was 'okay'. I didn't hate it, I just thought it could have been better. Most of the time I'd say "Don't waste your money. Wait a few months for this film to show up in your video store." But considering the king size of this film, I'm sure its much better viewed on the big screen. In fact, I don't think I'd even bother to rent it because the whole effect would be lost.

We rented 'Wedding Crashers', which we enjoyed. There were a couple of really funny parts, and some of Vince Vaughn's dialog was hilarious. This one won't be nominated for the Golden Globes, but it was a fun diversion.

Being Memorable

I absolutely LOVE IT when friends present me with a gift and say something like "I saw this and thought of you", or "When I saw this it seemed to scream your name", or "The moment I saw this I thought it was SO you". I love being memorable.

So it was with particular glee that I received two special gifts this Christmas.

One was a set of cocktail/dessert plates with martinis on them. Perfect! I love martinis, I love cocktails, I love dessert, I love to entertain. The gift was a perfect match, and the giver of the gift knew it. Oh no - I'm not predictable. I'm memorable.

The second was a package of cocktail napkins with an old black and white photo of two women from 1961 sitting on a sofa with cocktails in hand and a little girl next to them with a sour look on her face. Under the photo in old 'typewriter' font is "Monica dear, that was a precious little story. Now be a sweetheart and go make Mommy another martini." Upon opening this package, I threw my head back, clutched the napkins to my chest and let out and hearty laugh. They were perfect! I'd seen them before, about 2 years ago, but didn't buy them for some reason. Then when I thought better of it and tried to find them again, I wasn't able to find them anywhere. My friend knew.

Knowing my (our) love of vintage stuff, a few years ago a friend gave me a gigantic wooded fork and spoon set, likely from the early 70s. Not to eat with (nobody likes a smart-ass), but to hang on the wall. They were for decoration. My friend confided that he had helped his mother clear out some "stuff" (he almost said junk) in preparation for moving, and he thought we might like them. Well, they're hanging on the wall in our vintage rumpus room. Does that answer your question?

A similar situation occurred with another friend whose parent was getting ready to move. This friend unveiled a set of pink porcelain poodles, probably from the 50s. I loved them! Coincidence? Au contraire, mon ami. Its because of being memorable.

Brokeback Mountain

Well, we finally went to see "Brokeback Mountain" yesterday. I'd been wanting to see it since it premiered here in mid-Dec, but with all of the holiday and family stuff going on, we just got to see it yesterday.

There were lots of things about the film I liked. First off, a film with two good-looking gay leading characters! (wink) Second, the exquisite acting of Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall. I thought both of them were extremely true to their characters, not overdoing it as many straight actors playing gay characters often do. Third, the scenery and cinematography were beautiful and outstanding. We both thought the film was good, but I didn't expect it to be so sad. It sort of put a big fat damper on the entire weekend for me.

I see a lot of films, many that don't have happy 'Hollywood' endings, but for some reason I was expecting this film to be a little more hopeful - but it wasn't. The idea that these two guys fall in love in 1963 in the mountains of Wyoming, and then spend the next 20 years living 'double lives' married to women, to whom they lie about going fishing or hunting with their buddy 2-3 times a year... I came away from the film feeling sad.

Sad that one of them felt they could never live together.

Sad that one of them never got what he dreampt about.

Sad that they never said the words "I love you" to each other.

Sad that their culture/society made them feel they had to marry women.

Sad that they had to lie to their wives in order to be with each other.

Sad that their choices spoiled their wives' lives too.

Sad that there was such homophobia back then, and that there still is now in many places.

I thought it was significant that this film's two main characters were gay, since it was made for the 'mainstream' (straight) audience. There's certainly no shortage of gay characters in mainstream films these days - they usually just don't have leading roles. In mainstream films the gay characters are usually the leading lady's brother, hairstylist, or office mate. Then there's the gay films made for the non-mainstream (gay) audience, which frequently have gay leading characters. We've all seen and loved those. So I applaud Ang Lee for directing this mainstream film with gay leading characters.

Something Joe noticed though was that in mainstream films with gay characters, the gay characters always seem to die, whereas in non-mainstream films with gay characters, the gay characters often live on and maintain a sense of hope. When I started thinking about the mainstream and non-mainstream films I've seen with gay characters I realized he's absolutely right. Here are some examples:

Mainstream (made for straights)
In "The Children's Hour" two female teachers at an all-girls school are accused of an affair. One of the teachers who really is gay becomes so distraught she hangs herself. The other, straight teacher lives happily ever after.

Remember "Philadelphia" in the mid-90s? Tom Hanks is the openly gay attorney who gets fired from his law office because he's starting to show physical signs of AIDS. He dies.

Then there was "Our Sons" in the late-90s. Julie Andrews and Ann Margaret play the mothers of two gay sons, one of whom dies of AIDS.

"In The Gloaming" was another film where a gay son with AIDS returns to his family's home and mother's care to die.

And now we can add "Brokeback Mountain" to the list, since one of the gay lead characters is beaten to death with a tire iron, although his wife makes up a more palatable story of his death.

Non-mainstream (made for gays)
In "A Touch of Pink" you find a gay couple who goes through a rough time when one of them has reservations about coming out to his mother. Both gay leads live!

In "Beautiful Thing" two young gay men struggle to overcome the stereotypes and prying eyes of their small community. Although one gets beat up by his alcoholic dad and drug using brother, neither of them die.

"Saving Face" showed us that a lesbian surgeon having difficulties juggling her professional life, her family life, and her love life can eventually make the right decisions. Oh, and both the lesbians live.

Like "Brokeback Mountain", "Cote D'Azur" showed a gay man who was married to a woman and had two kids. But he finally confesses the truth to her after seeing his old boyfriend again after many years. None of the 3 gay characters dies.

So, although I am very happy that "Brokeback Mountain" was made and is getting such good reviews from straight audiences and gay audiences, I long for the day when we won't be able to tell if films with gay leading characters are made for mainstream or non-mainstream audiences; we'll just enjoy seeing films about interesting gay people.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to everyone. If 2005 wasn't such a great year for you, then I hope 2006 is a better one. If 2005 was a pretty darn good year for you, then I hope 2006 is even better!

Joe & I decided to spend the 3-day New Years weekend at the beach. We both worked a 1/2 day on Fri, then after throwing some drag in a bag, we hit the road, reaching the beach shortly after 4. We made our usual rounds (WalMart, K-Mart, grocery store, and video store) then went back to the house. We had dinner at Adriattico, an Italian restaurant in the Midway plaza, where Cathy Gorman was singing 'The Oldies'. She wasn't bad, but it was a little comical to see her standing there in front of her karoke machine-looking sound system, singing Patsy Cline and Leslie Gore songs, with her platinum highlighted hair and her silver lamay blouse. Then we went home and watched 'The 40 Year Old Virgin'. It was pretty funny. I love the lead guy, Steve Carrell, who is also the lead guy on the TV show 'The Office'. Before going home we stopped in the Dollar Tree, the last on our list of usual stops.

Sat it was overcast all morning, and when we decided to leave the house around noon it began to rain lightly. We drove to Milton, since we'd never been there before, to see what it was all about. Milton is an old historic town with beautiful Victorian homes that sit very close to the narrow streets. There's really not much 'business' there, other than a dry cleaner, a CPA, and the usual small town support structure (police, fire department, etc.) One definitely wouldn't move there for a job. I'm sure everyone who lives there does so because they love the Victorian architecture, and commutes elsewhere to work.

After our little Milton excursion we drove into Rehoboth and had lunch at Tijuana Taxi, a Mexican place. We'd had dinner there before and thought it was okay, but neither of us was impressed with our lunch. Then went home and watched 'Saving Face'. (See my post on Nov 14 for a synopsis.) This is a film I saw at the Rehoboth Beach Independent Film Festival back in Nov. We rented it because I knew Joe would enjoy it. Joe took a nap and I read a little, we got Chinese take-out and ate dinner at the house, and then watched 2 more films. 'March of the Penguins' was a documentary-style film that was in the theatres several months ago. Joe had been trying to get me to see it, but I thought "What could they possibly put in a film about penguins that could fill up 90 minutes? Its not like there's going to be clever dialog..." Turns out it was worth the rental. Its all about the mating habits of the arctic penguins and the amazing marches they must make. After that we watched 'Almost Normal'. This film is about the laments of a 40 year old single gay man who just wishes he were "normal". One day he wakes up and the whole world is gay and straight people are the exception. The premise was kind of cute and intriguing, but it just fell apart. For some reason, when the gay man realizes that the whole world is gay and that straights are the exception, he becomes straight! Joe described this film as "barely watchable".

The movie ended at 11:40 and we watched 20 minutes of the New Years Eve countdown TV shows on several of the networks. That was it - 2005 was over, and 2006 had officially begun. Then we went to bed. Really exciting New Years Eve, huh? I tried to get Joe to agree to going to one of the NYE parties at the gay restaurants/clubs in Rehoboth, but he had no interest. He hates going to clubs. I, on the other hand, enjoy getting out there with "my people" now and then. Its a bone of contention for us.

Sun the weather was much more pleasant so we went for a long walk on the Rehoboth Beach boardwalk. It felt good to get out and move around, after having such a lazy day on the sofa on Sat. After our walk we had lunch at my favorite lunch spot: Cafe Sole. We chatted briefly with the waitresses who've been working there as long as we've been coming there: Penny and Amy. Joe had his usual, the Turkey Stuffer. Its basically Thanksgiving dinner on a roll. I broke out of my shell and ordered something different, a cup of their home made tomato artichoke bisque and a piece of coconut custard pie! Since I've been fighting with my sinuses since Christmas, my appetite just wasn't up for my usual fried oyster BLT with melted brie on focaccia. That is heaven on a plate, but too much for me to eat that day. After lunch we went to the theatre, believe it or not, and saw 'Walk the Line', the Johnny Cash story. We both enjoyed it a lot, even though I am not a country music fan. We thought the performances by Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon were actually better than the plot. Only, Reese is 1,000 times prettier than June Carter. After the movie we had dinner at Crabby Dicks.

Mon we cleaned the house and came home. It was raining again. Our dog Jordan was in the yard for a while, and when we called her to come in, she came bounding up to the back porch and slipped on the wet cement and fell and hurt her leg. The rest of the day yesterday she would not walk on it. Poor thing... Joe carried her outside about 3 times last night, trying to get her to pee before we went to bed, but she wouldn't do it. She didn't want to stand on that hurt leg. She tried to hold it all night, but finally at about 5am she got up and limped across the room. Joe got up and took her outside and she unloaded. Today she didn't eat her breakfast, which is very unlike her, but I'm guessing she did it to prevent herself from needing to go to the bathroom. Joe gave her a glucosamine tablet and an ibuprofin this morning, and this evening she is doing some better. She will limp around a little, and decided she'd eat her dinner, and pee in the yard - both encouraging signs. We're going to limit her mobility (although she's been doing that herself) so she can heal.

Lately Joe & I have been talking more and more about him resigning from his job and going into private practice full time. Today he had a particularly frustrating and demotivating day, so we talked over dinner about this topic again. We're both scared about him not having a regular paycheck, but at the same time we're both confident that he could have a great full time practice. Of course, it will take time to build up his current part time practice to full time, including getting a website set up and selecting some additional places to market and advertise. We've got some money in savings to carry us through a few months, plus access to other money if worse comes to worse. Tonight we talked about an aspect we'd never discussed before: the date he will turn in his resignation and the effective date of it. I think he is really ready to do it now, and I am tired of seeing him unhappy, so I am being supportive of his decision, eventhough it makes us both nervous. More on that as it develops.