Taken for a ride

A regional builder invited me and lots of other realtors to their annual Realtor Appreciation Event.  It was open to all realtors, but was mostly attended by realtors like me who had sold homes in one of their communities.  At 1st I wasn't going to go since it was 2 hours away, but after talking with a realtor friend of mine who had gone before, I decided to go.

Since the event was being held in the DC area, the builder hired a limo bus to drive us from the local community here in DE to the event.  It was exactly what you would expect: LED lighting in the ceiling, a stripper pole in the middle, satellite radio, 2 bars stocked with beer, wine, champagne, soda, water, and snacks.  

There were about 15 of us on the limo bus, including 3 folks from the builder's local community.

One of the sales reps from the builder's local community (we'll call him Josh) began drinking beer before the limo bus pulled away from the curb.  It didn't take long before he was drunk and slurring his words, but at least he was a happy/nice drunk.

One of the realtors named Sue is about 60 years old and as she was walking from her seat to the bar, the driver had to break rather sharply and Sue lost her balance, plopping down on my knee.  I looked at her with surprise and said "Oh!  Well, hello..." and we all laughed.  I decided to pop open the bottle of champagne and pour myself a glass.

You know what happens when someone drinks a lot?  They have to go to the bathroom.  Despite the limo bus having already stopped once for a bathroom break, poor Josh was in bad need of relief.  We tried to help him by assuring him we were only 15 minutes from our destination, but his cell phone GPS told him we were lying.  When he could hold it no longer, he took an empty water bottle to the front of the limo bus, stepped down into the stairwell, and nearly filled the water bottle with pee!

Once at our destination we exited the bus, checked in at the registration desk, and found our tables. Josh headed straight for the bar.  The dinner was really good, which kind of surprised me since it was a buffet.  Josh declined to eat dinner, as he explained that eating food after drinking would just make him sick. 

During dinner there were 2 different door prize winners announced.  As I turned to face the woman calling the numbers, I noticed an African American woman with blonde hair who looked like Nene Leakes sitting at the table behind me. 

After dinner was over they asked for everyone's attention for the big drawing:  a 2-year lease on a brand new Mercedes Benz.  Unfortunately I did not win it, but then again, I really wasn't expecting to win it either.  I went to get a 2nd cocktail and ran into Josh at the bar.

When it was time to go I rounded Josh up and explained to him very clearly that we were leaving momentarily and that he needed to go to the bathroom before we got on the bus.  He relunctantly agreed.  

The ride home was hilarious.  Everyone was either relaxed or tired, and most of us had been drinking, so everything just seemed funny.  We started posing and taking pictures of each others.  Here's my "pimp" look:

Each joke, each story, each burp made us laugh longer and harder.  Then we suddenly remembered there was a stripper pole in the limo bus and I egged several of the others into 'demonstrating' its use.  Josh continued drinking, of course, and was completely hammered to the point that he was giving lap dances to some of the other realtors, including me.  

Later he was standing up in the limo bus when he lost his balance and fell onto the floor!  It was completely out of control!!

I must admit that I had a MUCH better time that I expected, and am actually looking forward to next year's event, where I will again be in the drawing to win the 2014 Mercedes lease.