Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Melancholy

I've been feeling somewhat melancholy. Maybe melancholy isn't the right word, but I just haven't felt like myself in a while.

My job has been stressful and hectic. Also, there are lots of changes happening there. My role has changed again, and we are transitioning to a new platform which I am trying to learn. I used to know all the answers and felt very confident about the old platform. Now I feel like its my 1st week at a new job. I find it hard to be motivated or creative. I'm more reactive at work now. I even wake up earlier than I need to and have trouble getting back to sleep because I begin to think about what I have to do at work. But its not just about work.

For weeks there was the waiting for the condo deal to happen. We settled 2 weeks ago and since then I have been going back and forth with 2 different contractors trying to get a reasonable price for the remodeling. I hate negotiating, but I can't afford to pay too much so I have to do it, which adds more stress to my life.

Then there's the porch expansion. We'd been trying to get our builder to give us a price and commit to a start date since last fall. Then in early June - just as the condo deal solidified - he gives us the price and says he's ready to start. We really didn't want to have to pay for the condo, the remodeling, and the porch expansion all at the same time. That's stressful too. But our only recourse was to postpone the porch, which would mean its completion would be at the end of the summer, when we'd have little use of it until the next year. So the porch expansion is going on too.

Then there's the yard. Before the condo and porch deals happened, I had worked with a landscape company to fix up our yard. The garage construction wrecked our grass, which wasn't that great to begin with. I got an estimate to regrade the yard, put better soil in the beds, move some plants, add some plants, put down some sod and some river rocks. But the yard project got put on hold when the condo deal happened and the porch project happened. Spouse simply won't spend any money on the yard right now, so the weeds are getting out of control. We've had no rain so the grass that was left is dead, yet somehow the weeds manage to survive. I hate seeing the yard this way, but I agree with him that we shouldn't spend anymore money right now. Although I know its the right thing to do, it still bothers me to see the brown, dead patches and weeds.

Then there's the blogs. I used to do a pretty good job of keeping up with the blogs to which I subscribe. But over the last few months I have just not been able keep up with them. Reading blogs during the day is just out of the question now. I feel like I'm busy all the time, so in the evening after dinner I often prefer to relax and veg in front of the TV. So, I feel like I've lost touch with many of the smart, funny, entertaining people I used to feel like I knew. I've also noticed a drop in comments here, which could be because I've not been reading/commenting on other's blogs, or it could be because my posts aren't as interesting as they used to be. I don't know.

And then there's the invasion. Tomorrow Spouse's mother, sister, brother-in-law, and their 3 teenagers are arriving for a visit. For a week. Several unplanned large expenses have caused them to feel they couldn't rent a beach house in Myrtle Beach this summer like they usually do, so they asked if they could spend a week's vacation here. Now, I love these folks and genuinely appreciate the way they have whole-heartedly accepted me into the family, especially in light of my biological family's behavior. But you know the old saying: Fish and house guests both get old and smelly after 3 days. I can't believe we're going to have 6 extra people here for an entire week. I'm sure they won't be here in the house all day while I'm trying to work. Spouse is taking off the entire time they'll be here so I'm sure he'll go with them to the beach, the waterpark, etc during the day, so my ability to concentrate at work will likely not be affected that much, if at all. But its all the rest of the time! I won't be able to watch TV at night in a loose pair of boxers, or fart out loud for a week! I don't know how I'm going to make it.

So that's what's going on with me, in case you're interested.

Crush du Jour: Eliad Cohen

9 comments:

behrmark said...

I don't think your posts have become uninteresting at all. I know that I often cannot think of anything witty to say and I spend a lot of time just drooling over your crushes since we both like a lot of the same guys.I have noticed a distinct absence in comments from you on my blog; but mine's not nearly as interesting as yours so I don't expect a comment.

Hang in there with the work, condo, houseguests, etc. You'll pull out of it soon enough. Behr Hugs!

PS: I SO want today's crush!! YOWZAH!

Sean said...

I think the word you're looking for is overwhelmed. You've had.have a lot going on but all of it is good although a lot of it is also a pain in the ass.

When I read your weekend highlights I am amazed by two things: First is how interesting you make your weekends sound and second is how much you do and with so many people. No wonder you're overwhelmed.

Maybe you just need to go to a hotel for a night or two, order room service and chill out.

Jabacue said...

You are certainly dealing with a lot of 'layers' in your life right now. Look at them, acknowledge them (as you just did) and don't panic or shut down. Deal with ONE layer at a time.....not all of them!
Hey, don't create another 'layer' by not farting for a week! Yikes!

anne marie in philly said...

I want the crush after behrmark! I want to walk my fingers thru the chest forest...

I don't envy your situation right now. PLEASE take some time off for yourself...just you and you alone. I do this on occasion and it helps my mental state tremendously.

smooches!

Java said...

I'm such an introvert. Having that many people, even people I love, come stay with me for a week would send me over the edge. Good luck, Mark!

My posting has declined. Blog reading has declined as well. And I'm not in school this summer, so I have a bunch of time to devote to the blogs. I just don't have anything to say, much.

Big hugs, Mark. Hang in there.

Victor said...

So much going on at the same, so it's no wonder a change at work on top of all that has you feeling down.

These things go in cycles. You can look forward to some wonderful times ahead!

John Gray jgsheffield@hotmail.com said...

mark

pour yourself a gin...
run a hot bath
and chill......
you write very well......

take some time to relax away from work........

john

truthspew said...

I've been seriously remiss in both blog posts and comments because now that I'm full time again I just don't have the time to do so.

That is, until I setup the proxy on my work machine so they can't see where I go.

But another thing I noted. I deem it the Facebook Effect. Little quips and comments there and I'm satisfied.

cb said...

Deep breaths sweetie! Deep breaths! It helps. That and some exercise... get those good endorphins going.

BTW... I'm in LOVE with Ghazar. Why can't I ever meet a guy like that?