Saying goodbye

Yesterday Spouse & I drove back to VA to handle a few last items related to the sale of our house. Today the house is no longer ours.

We needed to swap the chandelier out with the one from our current dining room, so we could bring the crystal chandelier, dripping with prisms, back to our current house. We also needed to pick up the lawn mower and various other yard work tools the tenants requested we leave for their use. We also needed to close Spouse's old checking account. Fortunately these things all took place without a hiccup.

But another important task on our to-do list was to say goodbye to our treasured neighbors, Suzanne & George. For years we traded pet sitting duties with them when either of us was away. Many an evening Suzanne would catch us as we arrived home from work, and we'd talk in the driveway about whatever. They were friendly, down-to-earth, smart folks we really liked a lot.

I called Suzanne earlier in the week to tell her we were coming, and we agreed the 4 of us would have lunch together on Thurs. George picked up subs from the Italian Store while Suzanne, Spouse & I sat on her porch and caught up on the goings-on of the neighborhood and each other. We had a lovely lunch outside and talked until we could no longer delay the inevitable. We said our goodbyes and thanked them for a lovely lunch, and for their friendship.

As we were loading the last of our loot into the CRV, I saw Suzanne crossing the yard toward us.

"I know we've already said goodbye, but there's one more thing I wanted to say to you," she began. I really couldn't imagine what it might be.

"I want you to know how happy we are that YOU were our neighbors. You were role models for our two sons. You know, sometimes people say derogatory things about gays, but I know that if my boys hear those kinds of things, they'll know they aren't true. They know that their old neighbors Mark & Joe were gay and that they were fine fellows. So before you left, I just wanted to tell you how grateful we are that you two were such great neighbors and such great role models."

We were truly touched. I thanked Suzanne sincerely for having said such a nice thing, and gave her a final hug.

I've never thought of myself as a role model, and doubt that Spouse has either. But as I thought more about what she said, it struck me that each of us can be a role model to others without knowing it, and without desiring it.

Its tempting to think that if we'd known we were role models, we might have done some things differently or better. But on 2nd thought, why?

Being the only gays on the block (and perhaps in the neighborhood) we just tried to live an authentic life. We never felt we deserved special treatment, nor did we ever feel that we should apologize for being different from our hetero neighbors. We hosted our family for Thanksgiving just like our neighbors, mowed our yard just like our neighbors, and went to work each day just like our neighbors.

But without knowing it, we were role models.

Crush du Jour: David Shillington