My answer: funny t-shirts!
Who wouldn't like a t-shirt with a funny saying on it? A local t-shirt shop can print them up or you can order some online. Here are some great suggestions:
Stupid people shouldn't breed
Winning isn't everything, but losing sucks
Not all men are fools. Some are bachelors
I'm not deaf. I'm ignoring you
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Is there life before coffee?
Have I slept with you somewhere before?
I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once!
If I wanted to hear from an @sshole, I would have farted.