Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Breakin' up is hard to do
One of my favorite songs to sing at karaoke is "Breakin' Up is Hard to Do", the ballad version from the 70s, not the doo-wop version from 1962. Not because I particularly identify with the lyrics which are rather sad, but because the melody fits perfectly in my voice range. The piano accompaniment is beautiful too.
I don't particularly identify with the lyrics because they are a plea to a lover not to leave, which has never been an experience of mine. But I try to imagine when I sing this song what it would feel like to utter these words and really mean them, because that makes the song sound better and more authentic.
It seems rare that the decision to split up is mutual. Most often 1 makes the decision to leave in their heart long before the conversation is had between the couple. While breakin' up may be hard to do, it happens. Its hard on the 2 who are breaking up, and its hard on those who are friends with the couple. Its sad and it hurts. But life goes on.
Several years ago a couple with whom Spouse & I were friends decided to split up. For us this was no big deal because we liked 1 of the guys much more than the other, who could be accurately characterized as a 'loose cannon'. When they split up and it became known that they were not going to remain friends afterward, we knew we'd maintain our friendship with the 1 we had always liked best.
But just recently we learned that another couple with whom Spouse & I are friends have split up. It was not a mutual decision, but they claim they will remains friends. This means that we should be able to maintain our friendship with both of them, since we didn't have a clear favorite.
But what happens if/when 1 of them starts dating? Do you invite both halves of the former couple AND the 1 guy's new boyfriend to your party? Is that disrespectful to the single guy? Might he feel uncomfortable seeing his ex with a new man, especially since the single guy did not initiate the break-up? I want to include them both but don't want to upset either.
Of course a friend wants to be supportive of the 1 who did not initiate the break-up, lending them a figurative shoulder to cry on. But how do you react if they want to speak negatively of the 1 who left them that is still your friend?
Indeed, breaking up is hard on those who are friends with the former couple.
Like the former couple, I guess I will have to get used to the fact that they aren't together anymore and learn how to deal with it. Is there a song about that?