Friends

Spouse is an 'old school' internet user. He doesn't read blogs, have a MySpace or Facebook page, or belong to any listservs. He occasionally likes to chat (platonically) with gay bodybuilders in AOL chat rooms.

Yes, I wrote 'AOL chat rooms'. I told you he's old school.

I'm pretty much the opposite. I read lots of blogs, have a MySpace page, and get hundreds of email updates, jokes and stories a week from friends and family. (I only forward the ones I've never seen before.)

When we see each using the computer, we occasionally like to tease each other by saying with a straight face "I'm starting to get concerned about your addiction to online porn" when we see the other using the computer. Its not an accusation at all, its just a little joke we like to say, which usually results in a chuckle or two.

The other day he saw me in front of the computer reading David Dust's blog, which always has photos of lots of hot guys, in addition to David's hilarious reality show recaps. Spouse saw David's selection of hotties and said "I'm starting to get concerned about your addiction to online porn".

I replied "Its not porn, its David's blog." Spouse & I met David in NYC last Oct, so he knows David. "Oh, is that what you kids are calling it these days? David's blog?" he joked further, and I got a little chuckle out of it.

A few minutes later he walked by and saw me reading another blog. His curiosity piqued, he asked "Who's blog is that?" I told him it was cb's blog, and then excitedly added that cb had just gotten a new cat!

Trying a variation on our 'addiction to online porn' joke, Spouse declared "I'm starting to get concerned about your growing list of cyber pals". I replied "These people are NOT cyber pals, they're my friends. And while it may be true that I've never met most of them, I probably know more about their lives, and they about ours, than most of our real-life friends."

Spouse didn't say anything back, and just left me to my blog reading. As soon as I said those words, I wondered if they were really true. Do I know more intimate details of my blogger friends' lives than I do my real-life friends' lives? If so, is that a bad thing?

Everyone would surely agree that bloggers are more apt to share personal and intimate details on their blogs because most of their readers have never met them, and likely never will. Its easier to be honest and candid when typing to strangers than when speaking face-to-face with friends. This makes sense.

But I began to wonder why most of our real-life relationships weren't deep enough for us to feel comfortable sharing personal or intimate details with them. Are we 'shallow' because we don't discuss intimate things with our real-life friends? Do we not try hard enough to have intimate real-life friendships? Do people actually want to share that much with their friends, face-to-face?

Now I believe I have figured out a key to this. We do have some real-life friends with whom we share personal details about our life, but they are people we spend a lot of time with. We spend time with them 2-3 times a week, or 3-4 days in a row. Now it makes more sense to me. We're not shallow because we don't have intimate friendships with all our friends. We simply don't spend enough time with most of them for that kind of comfort level to develop. And there's nothing wrong with having 'close' friends and 'casual' friends.

So, to all of you blogger friends out there, I ask that you keep on sharing! And I will, too.

Crush du Jour: Jason Powell