This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that has been explained using the Q and A format.
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Here is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely.
- If you spend your stimulus check at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
- If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
- If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
- If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
- If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
- If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.
None of that will help stimulate the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. You can do that by:
- spending it at yard sales
- going to a baseball game
- spending it on prostitutes
- spending it on beer and wine (domestic only)
- getting a tattoo
Those are the only businesses still in the US.Crush du Jour: Peter Miller